Search found 12 matches

by PrymaL
Mon Apr 20, 2015 7:18 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Mask Off: A Molly Route (Update 3/8)
Replies: 72
Views: 22243

Re: "Can you open your mind?" A Molly Pseudo-Route

I quite liked this, Molly intrigued me the first time I saw the class photo and I'm glad that someone is doing something with her.. Even though there's probably something else already... (I haven't really looked!) Also, while it's sort of permissible with Hisao, our generic protagonist, there's a la...
by PrymaL
Wed Apr 15, 2015 3:58 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 2710

Re: Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue

A few typos still here and there, but I guess you fixed most of what brythain mentioned. Of those that are left, let me just mention this one: Whose there? "Who's there?" Thanks for noticing that, fixed it :) from Hisao's perspective no less! I haven't seen a lot of those. Anyway as was mentioned b...
by PrymaL
Tue Apr 14, 2015 9:51 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 2710

Re: Seperation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue

but the layout and editing are a little dubious, which reduces one's enjoyment. Where do you think I could improve? Punctuation, checking your text for caps/no-caps, spacing your paras, no unnecessary breaks, checking typos, things like that. From the beginning, seeing you spell 'separation' wrongl...
by PrymaL
Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:11 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 2710

Re: Seperation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue

brythain wrote: but the layout and editing are a little dubious, which reduces one's enjoyment.
Where do you think I could improve?
by PrymaL
Tue Apr 14, 2015 6:53 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 2710

Separation, A Hanako Bad Ending Epilogue

I finally finished the first chapter of my first ever FanFic :D I'm not too sure about this chapter, but I still hope that you guys like it. Will try to get the next chapter out within a fortnight. Any Comments/Feedback would be lovely. Without further ado, enjoy the chapter :) --------------------...
by PrymaL
Mon Apr 06, 2015 5:43 pm
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 1925

Re: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue

One thing that felt wrong about this chapter was the running. This is Hanako arc Hisao, and I don't think he'd feel any urge to run to clear his head - not to mention that doing so after havin an almost-heart attack is not well-advised at all. Hanako-arc Hisao would proably rather drown himself in ...
by PrymaL
Mon Apr 06, 2015 9:23 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 1925

Re: Teaser, Reconciliation, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue

As to what you've written - seems alright. Not sure what'll happen here, but I assume that, considering the title, it's a fix-fic? Heh, dang, I thought it would be Hisao x Emi, Kenji x Hanako... Maybe ;) no spoilers. But I'd like to make it long. Not a sisterhood type long but longer then most. Oh ...
by PrymaL
Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:38 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 1925

Re: Teaser, Reconciliation, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue

Um, thought I'd mention this,there's already a Hanako BE epilogue called Reconciliation , by Robonymous. You might want to change the name, there :P . As to what you've written - seems alright. Not sure what'll happen here, but I assume that, considering the title, it's a fix-fic? Either way, you d...
by PrymaL
Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:05 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 1925

Re: Teaser, Reconciliation, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue

Her words hit me like I had run face first into a cement wall at 100 kph, Supper nit-picky I know. But I feel like that sentence would work better if you dropped the "Like I had run" bit, since it's her words hitting him. Yeah, Maybe that's just me. Overall good, some issues with your spacing. At o...
by PrymaL
Mon Apr 06, 2015 6:22 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue
Replies: 9
Views: 1925

Teaser, NameTBA, A Hanako Bad-Ending Epilogue

Decided for the first time to try my hand at writing a Fan Fiction And here is just a little teaser of the first chapter. Any criticism and/or feedback would be greatly appreciated, seeing as 1. I'm a terrible writer, and 2. I'm trying to improve Oh, and also my grammar is terrible ________________...
by PrymaL
Thu Apr 02, 2015 4:11 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Yamaku Book Club (20200629 Queens of the Land)
Replies: 1838
Views: 282189

Re: Yamaku Book Club (Meeting 02/03 Apr 2015 onwards)

Brilliant read. Completely different to what I would normally read, but it had me captivated and was set in this weird 'God like control' over the world.

All in all I enjoyed it

Well done to Fardel and keep up the good work

9/10
by PrymaL
Thu Mar 26, 2015 9:42 am
Forum: Fan Fiction
Topic: Sisterhood: True Edition (Hanako Epilogue) (Completed)
Replies: 319
Views: 381093

Re: Sisterhood: True Edition (Hanako Epilogue) (Completed)

Had to make a account to reply to this, As someone who only recently got into playing Visual Novels, (if my heart had wings and KS) once i played Hanako's route i felt an immediate connection to her and was a little dissappointed when the route ended with Hanako and Hisao only just getting into a re...