Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 4/1}

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griffon8
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10}

Post by griffon8 »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
griffon8 wrote:Mirage, about your point in Miki's internal monologue invalidating the other two choices, that's actually what Hisao does if you choose "Go for a walk into town." in Sip (Part 2). The next page has him thinking, "Following Hanako to the library seems a bit intrusive. There was a reason she left the classroom, after all." So I think it's normal to discount the results of other decisions once you've made a decision.
It's one thing to rationalize your decision to yourself after you made it. The decision could have easily gone the other way instead.
But in this case, two of the three choices would have been physically impossible anyway, so why include the choice in the first place?
I don't think that matters very much. As presented, Miki had some time anyway. Between the choice and the crash, these lines appear:
Nope. No way I'm gonna get this girl. My arms can't handle a tumbling Emi, I'd literally need a hand. A couple hands. Not enough time to move away, and if I did, well, I'd be a bitch to sidestep.

I roll my eyes. Here we go, I think to myself, as she crashes into me.
Would that provide enough time? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. It's easy to look at that and say either "No, she couldn't have chosen differently" and "Why does she have enough time to think there isn't any time?"

In the end, it's what happened. I'm fine leaving it.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by Mahorfeus »

The only problem with it to me is that it disrupts the narrative, which is fine if it at the end of the chapter, but not so in the middle of an action sequence. It reminds me of a quicktime event from one of the countless action video games you see around these days.

I think it could have just as easily been summed up as an internal monologue of the choices being considered, which seems to happen anyway.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10}

Post by Umber »

griffon8 wrote: I don't think that matters very much. As presented, Miki had some time anyway. Between the choice and the crash, these lines appear:
Nope. No way I'm gonna get this girl. My arms can't handle a tumbling Emi, I'd literally need a hand. A couple hands. Not enough time to move away, and if I did, well, I'd be a bitch to sidestep.

I roll my eyes. Here we go, I think to myself, as she crashes into me.
Would that provide enough time? I don't know. It doesn't really matter. It's easy to look at that and say either "No, she couldn't have chosen differently" and "Why does she have enough time to think there isn't any time?"

In the end, it's what happened. I'm fine leaving it.
Lots of discussion on a small portion of the story.

What happened, happened. Different perspectives will differ, but that's sort of a given. No one here is necessarily wrong, though; everyone just views the same thing in a different light. But the story played out how it did, regardless.

"No, she couldn't have chosen differently": One side, true. Another side, she could have at least tried to catch Emi, and we could have written that as a reflex action. And Miki might fail at that attempt, considering how fast Emi runs.

"Why does she have enough time to think there isn't enough time?": One side, valid point (with humorous wording). Another side, one could claim that, while humans don't necessarily think that much in a short amount of time consciously, the brain processes multiple things at a rapid pace for us, on occasion. Which means all of Miki's lines were running through her head in less than a second, though it seems like an extremely long time to the reader. But the elaboration in the story was for the story's sake.

Insert the tens of hundreds of counterarguments and supporting evidences to what I've just said, from people on both sides. I have no stance on the debate, if there is one.

Arguments are confusing.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10}

Post by Mirage_GSM »

griffon8 wrote:"Why does she have enough time to think there isn't any time?"
Because Thinking is a Free Action :twisted:
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10}

Post by Umber »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
griffon8 wrote:"Why does she have enough time to think there isn't any time?"
Because Thinking is a Free Action :twisted:
Solved. Everything has been solved.

Thanks, Mirage.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by griffon8 »

forgetmenot wrote:
Umber wrote: Solved. Everything has been solved.

Thanks, Mirage.
You're too late, Umber. The TVTropes floodgates have opened. God save us all.
Yes, we're all doomed.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by YZQ »

Tropes are not bad. They are tools, and kudos to those who can use those tools to make us laugh, cry or just think a little.
"Nothing is beneath man. Everything is permitted."

"...since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved. However, it is important above all to avoid being hated."
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by griffon8 »

YZQ wrote:Tropes are not bad. They are tools, and kudos to those who can use those tools to make us laugh, cry or just think a little.
Fixed that for you.

Okay, I'll stop now.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by Gamera Ramen »

Snoozu
That's just mean :lol:


I'm really liking this! Good characterization and story, and any Miki is good Miki as far as I'm concerned.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 3/10} (erotic content ahe

Post by Steinherz »

Scene 5: Foxtrot, Uniform, Charlie, Kilo: Part One

It’s been a few weeks since I asked Emi out, and I couldn’t be happier. That's a lie, but I'd think it'd be pretty hard to top how I've been feeling since we started dating. Though, there are some things I can think of...

Funny -- I wasn't planning, wasn't expecting to get into a relationship with anyone here at Yamaku, and look where I am now. Stuck with the sweetest, shortest person at the school. Hell, she's not even a guy.

..Not that I'm disappointed in any way.

The bell rings, signaling that the last class for today has ended. Students roam the hallways, backpacks in tow, looking for their friends or a safe spot of refuge. As I leave and head towards my dorm, I feel a familiar set of arms wrapping around my stomach, a head nestling into my back. I hold one of the pale wrists circling around my midriff, circling like a shark on its prey.

“Hey, Emi." I've gotten used to Emi's method of greeting me through various surprises, so it's a safe bet to guess that she's the one hugging me right now.

“Hiya, Miki,” a perky voice cheerfully replies, as Emi nestles her head between my spine and my shoulder blade for a split second more. She turns me around to face her, and I take note of the devious expression on her face, her trademark smirk-and-raised-eyebrow devilishly suggestive.

Uh-oh.

“Do you need something?” I flash her a small smile, though hesitant. The look she's giving me could mean anything right now.

“Aside from you?” She winks slyly. “Yes. I was thinking, maybe you'd like to give me some company on the rooftop today.”

Oh. That old place.

Hopefully she has more than just cloud-gazing planned out for today, though that seems like something Tezuka would spend her free time on.

“Another picnic?” I ask, hoping that's a part of her plan. If she has one. I have no idea what's going on.

She shakes her head. Her hair swings from side to side, the scent of strawberries filling the air.

“Nope, I just want to hang out.” She moves over to my right and grabs my hand. “Please?”

Another trademark facial expression. Those puppy-dog eyes can hit'cha pretty hard.

“Uhm. Yeah, sure, of course -- "

Emi interrupts, cheering into the air, excited by my incomplete response. “Great! Come on!”

She starts tugging me towards the stairs to the rooftop, leaving me surprised at how much force she can exert from that small frame of hers. Going up the steps two at a time, I notice Emi's skirt, a waving green cloth, in front of me. Her thighs push the fabric into the air, flaunting the image of her beautiful --

Hey, Miki. Now's not the time. You know better than that. I think.

I shake the thought out of my head, and go back to focusing on not tripping over my own feet. It's all I have to do right now, since she’s yanking on my hand, blitzing up the stairs. The roughness of how she's almost throwing me around by the arm, the adrenaline rush from our physical activity, it's a...a turn on...

Emi stops all of a sudden, and I end up running into her back. Our momentum brings us to the wall, Emi jammed in the middle, all sandwich-like. A small "Oof!" from my twin-tailed companion, as she presses against the cold, stone wall.

I guess that's what I get for distracting myself. Someone gets hurt, squished, or both.

“Um, Miki? Erm, do you mind taking a step back or something?" She looks over her shoulder, wincing a little. There's a bit of a blush on her cheeks, and considering our position, I wouldn't blame her.

“Oh, sorry about that. Heh." I let loose a nervous laugh, giving Emi some breathing room. She hasn't let go of my hand, though, this entire time. Wonder if she thinks I'm going to book it to my dorm, or something.

"It's fine, don't worry about it," Emi replies, tossing me a sly wink. She steps to the side, dragging me through the entrance of the rooftop, our hands finally parting shortly afterward.

She starts pacing across the gravel, savoring the fresh air, the light breeze of the wind. I take my chance, hugging her from behind and kissing her neck. Pressing my lips against against her skin, a squeak of surprise escapes her throat, maybe some lust, as well. My wrists wrap around her stomach, pulling Emi's body closer to mine.

I can tell she wasn't expecting my assault. Hehe.

She turns around, removing herself from my grasp, a blush quickly rising from her cheeks. The tint of pink is adorable; it shows that I've been doing a decent job, and, in my opinion, the wages are worth it. “D-don’t do that without warning me, first.”

Emi, the whole point of it was to make sure you didn't know I was going to do it. Be thankful you're too adorable a person to be annoyed at.

“If I'd warned you first, you’d probably try to stop me,” I claim, returning the wink she'd given me earlier.

More blushing. D'aw. That's cute, as always. “I probably wouldn’t, Miki, but I wouldn’t be as surprised as I am now.”

Doubt crosses my mind. “You sure about that?” I ask, leaning forward, trying to pull off a playfully innocent expression. Emi holds her hands up in defense, though I'm not sure from what, and ends up cupping my breasts rather firmly. But, oblivious as always, she continues without taking note of what she's holding.

“If I wanted to use the rooftop for a make-out session, I would have told you so from the start. That's a given. You know that,” she explains.

“Aw, okay," I reply, pretending to look disappointed. "But, you seem to love my breasts...Should I point out that you're grabbing both of them?”

She looks down, eyebrows raised for a moment. It takes a second for her brain to register the fact, then she averts her gaze, staring at me, instead, straight in the face. Her eyes have taken on a devious glint, and -- Uh.

Oh, boy. Miki, what've you done.

Emi's wearing her trademark mischievous expression, now. “Well, it’s a good thing you like it when I grab them accidentally,” she says, stretching out the last word for emphasis. I feel her give a gentle squeeze and she shoots me a rather suggestive smirk.

Feisty. “Or intentionally, in this case, but I'm not complaining. I like it either way.” I look down at those hands of hers, her fingers wrapped around my chest. Guess it's my turn to start blushing.

She sticks out her tongue in her ever-so-playful-Emi manner. “Stopped you from constantly kissing me now, didn’t it?”

“I‘m sorry, I can’t help myself. These temptations, your lips call out to me.” I mimic her, sticking my own tongue out as well in mock annoyance.

Almost immediately, Emi leans forward, her mouth pressing against mine, taking advantage of the split-second opening. She doesn't even give me the chance to put my tongue back inside for safe refuge behind my teeth. Sneaky, sneaky. Naughty girl.

I hold her face in my hand, wrapping my other arm around her neck, pushing our lips together even further. I wince slightly, in a good way, as Emi tightens her grip further. Nothing to take umbrage over.

Though, she tastes some sort of sickly sweet. Gah. Strawberry lip gloss? Not that I mind, I'd love to have the honor of licking it off, myself. That beautiful smile, her lips, all mine for the taking, I can hardly wait to work them against --

“Feeling any better?” Emi breaks the kiss, and my train of thought. Her eyes stare into my own, an expression of exhaustion, exhilaration. Serenity. Lust. I think she enjoyed that more than I did.

I give a small chuckle, pressing my forehead against hers. “I'm more than better. Top of the world. You're having way too much fun with me.”

“I know.” She winks suggestively. “I should be allowed to enjoy this as well.”

“Thought you said that we didn’t come up here for a make-out session.”

Emi's eyes perk up. "Eh? Oh..." My words've set the cogs in her head back in motion, or rather, made them start turning in the right direction. Her face turns flustered, as she compares her original intent to the current predicament, but said face quickly buries itself against my chest, in an attempt to either conceal the emotion or distract me with physical contact. She didn't really need to try to achieve both, in any case.

"Yeah...sorry, I got carried away," says Emi's muffled voice, already dampened by the sudden change in mood.

Damn. Looks like this afternoon turned into all sorts of d'awful in about fifteen seconds.

Subconsciously, my right hand moves to her head, ruffling her strawberry-scented hair. Seems like some emotional comforting might be necessary, or at the very least, helpful.

"Hey, that's not your fault. Don't be sad. Doesn't do you any good to make me sad by being sad, m'kay?" Uh, what else can I say? Think of something, Miki. "Erm. Tell me what was up, before we got sidetracked. I'm hanging here, Emi, come on."

Emi's bright green eyes turn their gaze toward me once more, a puppy dog in whimpering sadness. An expression in contrast to the spring air, the minuscule waning of a shining sun, but abstractly fits, nevertheless. Fits enough to say her sad stare wouldn't so much blow a hole through my mind, but rather, Chinese water-torture its resolve to bits.

She nestles her head underneath my collarbone, sighing, sending a short-lived wave of motion through my black tie. A spark of worry ripples somewhere inside of me, and I calmly toss my head back in unexplainable exasperation. Oh, man. This could be serious.

"Don't worry, Miki. It's -- it's nothing..."

Yo, you do know downplaying an issue only makes things worse --

"...sucker."

Oh, hold up. Wait a sec.

I take a second glance back at Emi. What once resembled a depressed ten-year old, cuteness and height and all, now sports a grin larger than the Cheshire Cat's. The neck of my shirt collar loosely open, her fingers slipping below the fabric, eyes intently, but nonetheless in sly deviance, watching my own for a reaction. Her fingernails tease the edge of my bra, as if restraining the desire to ease themselves around, underneath my left breast, my slowly accelerating heartbeat.

Pulling slightly on my undergarment, Emi presses her ear against my chest, then looks me in the eye, curious. Frozen to the spot, not so much by the physical advances, but by how and the speed of which they were delivered, I pass back a nervous, hesitant gaze. The girl could do anything right now. Though, as a bead of sweat trickles down the side of my cheek, Emi decides to burst out into laughter, giving me a warm, one-armed hug around my midriff, keeping her grasp on my breasts.

"Got'cha, didn't I?" Emi chimes, pecking me on the cheek, squeezing ever-so-gently on the plush flesh underneath her palm. "You're adorably easy to distract, you know?"

I can’t help but laugh, too. The action helps soften the beating of my chest. "Aw, shut up. The sight of Emi Ibarazaki sad would break the heart of even the most stoic student at Yamaku. Not my fault you decided to take advantage of the fact."

She sticks her tongue out at me. Something she likes to do, I've noticed. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you like that," Emi replies, while tugging me along to a nearby bench.

I shrug, sitting myself down next to her. "Eh. No need to say sorry, it's not like it was...unpleasant," I say, trying to make an obvious show of glancing back and forth at my exposed cleavage and her hands. She fakes a guilty expression, before breaking out into laughter once more.

After her giggling dies out, we relax for a while, resting, energy drained in our earlier tryst. She lays her head down on my neck, the warmth of her breath on my skin, and I wrap my arms around her and play with her hair. Emi nuzzles her nose underneath my jaw, to the side of my shoulder, which tickles a bit. Hm, wouldn't think I'd be ticklish there. Must be something in those pigtails.

She brings her hands down to my waist and looks at me, awaiting approval. Unnecessary, as I'd let her go much farther without saying so, but I nod, as she places her hands on my hips. Mischievously, I decide to one-up her by placing my good hand on her rear without warning. She blushes at my touch, but gets over it quickly, cuddling my body closer to her. Nothing much happens afterward, as we spend the rest of the day on the roof in a silent embrace, until we remember that we need to go to the dorms to sleep. Buttoning my shirt with a pink hue on her cheeks, me sporting a smirk the entire time, Emi takes me down the stairs a couple stories, back to the girls' dorms.

Our elbows are locked all the way back, through every hallway, until we get to her room. She separates the physical chain of our limbs and turns to me, yawning.

“I had fun today, even though we didn’t do much.”

Groaning, I wearily raise my arms above my head, to stretch out the stiffness in my muscles. “Mm, I wouldn't say 'didn't do much.' 'Your girlfriend's body' is hardly just much, in my dictionary."

"You have a dictionary? I would've never known, with all that language you throw around every day, sailor Miura."

"Hey, my mouth does much more than swear. I don't think I need to prove myself on that one."

A tired giggle escapes her lips, as she pulls out a key, inserting it into the door's lock. "No, you don't, but you'd love to. Don't need to prove myself on that one, either," she remarks, flashing a short-lived, rather snide smile. "Now, we should go to bed, I'm gonna crash. Morning run as usual, m'kay?"

She takes a step inside, waving me good-bye, but I manage to catch her wrist and stop her in her tracks, rather quickly in spite of my growing fatigue.

"No goodnight kiss, huh. That's a little cold," I claim, putting on my best Ibarazaki puppy-dog face. Though, while a five-year old could replicate the Mona Lisa much better than I could Emi's expressions, it's the attempt that counts.

She turns around, taking a step towards me, and our mouths connect. What I expected to last a mere half a second lasts three, then five, and I decide to lengthen it further by wrapping my arms underneath her's, pulling her close, as she wraps her's around my neck.

Fifteen, twenty. The breaths through our noses increase their pace, their intensity. From inhale, to exhale; from a summer's breeze to passionate gusts of wind. As our tongues find their way past each others' lips, dragging themselves across each others' teeth, I moan excitedly into her throat, pushing Emi into the wall, pushing my chest against her's. Our pulsating hearts vibrate through our clothes, each viciously out of tempo with its opposite, though mutually allegretto.

With unsteady fingers, Emi grabs my shirt and pulls apart my top button, before my lips slip away, my lungs unable to take in the necessary air to stay conscious, a strand of saliva hanging between us. Gasping, eyes fastened on our companion's, we stand there for what feels like hours, foreheads touching, the dark hallway leaving only us in each others' sights. I close my eyes and swallow, before removing my arms from her body, forcing myself a small distance backwards. It takes a while for us to regain our composure, before Emi manages to her mouth, her voice barely audible.

“See...S-see you around, Miki,” she murmurs, a little shaken.

“Yeah, t-tomorrow. Later, Em -- Emi,” I reply, stuttering, at an equally silent volume.

A small smile as a note of separation, I weakly shuffle back to my dorm, Emi's door closing softly behind me about halfway up the stairs. Ignoring the need to change into sleep-wear once inside my room, it doesn't take much to expend the little energy I have left, leaning forward towards my bed, letting gravity take me, a free-fall of ecstasy.

A sigh escapes my lips, as my body embraces the soft sheets, blackness pleasantly obscuring my vision, the memory of five minutes ago ushering me to sleep.



{this is why you haven't seen me posting for a while. My 1,000th post is a gift to you all. And a tease :P }
{also thank you Umber for being patient with my nagging about how the editing is coming along :lol: XD.}
Last edited by Steinherz on Tue Apr 02, 2013 3:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 4/1} (erotic content ahea

Post by YZQ »

Well, I see that they have not utilised tools yet. That will be fixed, hopefully.
"Nothing is beneath man. Everything is permitted."

"...since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved. However, it is important above all to avoid being hated."
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 4/1} (erotic content ahea

Post by Gamera Ramen »

I see nothing wrong with this fic and where it's going.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 4/1} (erotic content ahea

Post by Umber »

YZQ wrote:Well, I see that they have not utilised tools yet. That will be fixed, hopefully.
By tools, you mean sexual objects?

What would a slashfic do without them? Ha, ha.

--

edit: Either way, I believe this is Stein and I's first time with writing anything erotic. We've not got the experience some others may have, so critique and constructive criticism would be widely appreciated, as always.

And everything aside, happy reading, everyone. I see Stein didn't include me when posting Part One, aw.

--

edit #2: Stein said we'd've finished Scene Five 'sometime this month,' in March. Oddly enough, it was posted April first.

Responsibility and time-management are our middle names...
Last edited by Umber on Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Exceeder (Miki X Emi) {Updated 4/1} (erotic content ahea

Post by YZQ »

Umber wrote:
YZQ wrote:Well, I see that they have not utilised tools yet. That will be fixed, hopefully.
By tools, you mean sexual objects?

What would a slashfic do without them? Ha, ha.
Yeap. Sex toys and whatever you and Stein have in mind.

You got co-opted in after Stein felt that all the credit was going to him. I'm no critic of sex scenes, so I'm ok any way.
"Nothing is beneath man. Everything is permitted."

"...since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved. However, it is important above all to avoid being hated."
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