Your near infliction of physical joviality pleases meHelbereth wrote:I very nearly fell off my chair laughing after this and it would have made 'rofl' true, but I didn't, so here we are.I find myself watching the sky more and more as I continue down my route, fearful that he may drop an anvil down on my head. I wouldn’t put it past him.
Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Decided to add a little something to this story. Take nothing here seriously. Read forward at your own risk.
Also, please comment
Volcanology
Something....is not right.
I’m snuggled up tight under my covers, the temperature is at a comfortable level, I have Mr. Wub-Wub’s with...ahem, well, yes, everything seems alright. So why is it that I feel this strong sense of...foreboding? It feels like indigestion.
“HIDECCHAN~!”
Ah. It’s even worse.
I’m helpless against the onslaught of pink that collapses onto my bed, nearly snapping my abdomen neatly in two.
“Can I help you this fine morning, Misha?”
My voice is akin to a dog whose testicles are trapped in a mouse trap. Misha doesn’t pick up on this little tidbit.
“Oh, nothing much. Well, actually, there is something!”
“Does it involve me going back to sleep? Because I’d be all over that plan.”
She chuckles uproariously, caving my eardrums in.
“Of course not silly! Just wanted to ask a question, is all!
I sit up. “I’m listening.”
“You and your dad hang out alot, right?”
“In the loosest possible sense of the term, yes.”
“Well then, you should know what he likes to do, right?”
“As in...going out and doing things in a public space?”
“Uhm, yes?”
“Yeah, my dad doesn’t do that.”
“Aww, he’s got to like something!” she frowns.
With a shrug I crawl back under the sheets, hoping by some stroke of grace she’ll take the hint.
“Oh, how about the movie theatre! I mean, who doesn’t like the movies?”
“My dad.”
“Wait, really?”
“Dad says theatres are propaganda machines orchestrated by the Liberal Party to make Japan fall behind in our math scores. It’s why he hasn’t paid for cable in the last three years.”
“O....kay. How about the zoo?”
“He’s banned from the zoo. I’d...rather not go into detail."
“The aquarium?”
“He was attacked by a school of salmon when he was younger. He doesn’t like looking at fish he can’t physically assault.”
She makes a strange gurgling sound that I guess is her disappointed sound. She plops herself down next to me with such force that I’m propelled a few inches into the air. Someone should really tell Misha that she’s not as light as she thinks. That person won’t be me, of course, considering I value my life.
“All Shicchan and I wanted to do was have a fun day to show your dad how much we appreciate him. Is that so much to ask?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
She perks up once again, jumping from my bedside with enough force to propel me even farther upward.
“I got it! There’s a carnival going on in town! I mean, I know your dad doesn’t like the zoo, or the theatre, or, uh, the aquarium apparently, but he has to like the carnival! It’s the ultimate symbol of joy!”
“If you want to try, I suppose...” I say with resignation.
“Oh, I’m not going to be trying, you are!”
“Wait, what-OOF.”
I’m gripped by the forearm and almost dragged down the hallway before I can even react. Thankfully she has the good sense to let me go down the stairs of my own power. At the bottom of the stairs is my sister, still in her pajamas, her hair disheveled and her eyes foggy. It seems she wasn’t as “in” on this plan as Misha made her out to be.
She begins to sign and talk for both our benefit. “Ok, Hidecchan, do your thing!”
I’m certainly not looking forward to the “thing” I’m apparently expected to do. I’ll be damned either way. This morning sucks.
With padded steps, I make my way over to the breakfast nook where my dad, as he is wont to do, is enjoying a fine cup of mocha as he checks the obituaries to see if anyone he doesn’t like died.
“Hey, dad?’
He grunts in recognition. It’s just like horse racing, you have to keep steady, maintain a balance between the horse and the rider. I guess Shizune would be the horse in this equation.
“How do you feel about carnivals, just out of curiosity?”
He keep his eyes firmly glued to his paper. “I’d rather massage my prostate with a cactus, why do you ask?”
Welp, Shizune just her broke her leg and did a triple roll off the track. She had such a promising career.
“Ah, no reason, just wondering...”
My hasty retreat is foiled by an intervening Misha.“Aaaaactually, Mr. Shicchan’s Dad sir, we were wondering if you’d like to go with us to the carnival in town!”
He shoots us one of his legendary stink eyes. It even shakes my iron wall of a sister up.
“Pink girl, did you not hear my analogy just now? I don’t like to discuss rectal matters more than once a day, but it appears I’ll have to because you can't get it through your thick skull! I hate carnivals, and will never attend one of those sticky, third-world ghoulscapes! If I wanted to recreate the experience of a carnival, I could just drive down to the lake and throw my money into it!”
He flips his paper back in front of his face. Dramatically.
[That didn’t go as planned,] Shizune huffs. Something in the way her face creases tells me she’s just as agitated by this idea as I am.
“Well, why don’t you try it then, Shicchan?” she counters. Shrugging, she clears her throat and skips over to Jigoro’s side, beaming like a giddy schoolgirl.
Her execution is sound, but it’d take a miracle to make dad change his mind. She has no way of pulling this off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[How the hell did you pull it off?]
She puffs her chest out proudly, like a lion who just superplexed his rival off of Pride Rock.
[I played into his sense of masculine competitiveness. I told him Mr. Misawa from next door was planning to take his entire extended family to the carnival next week.]
[So?]
[He hates Mr. Misawa. You were probably too young to remember, but dad once threw a potted plant his cat out of a window after it tore up one of his collectible welcome mats. Good thing he got rid of those things...Anyway, he decided to one-up Misawa by bringing us all here. Smart move, huh?]
[Not really. You’re just lucky our dad’s stupid.]
She lands a teasing punch on my arm. The car ride’s been rather uneventful, but it’s nice to be able to catch up with my sister. Her student council duties have kept her busy even outside of school. It’s hard to find a time where we can be alone to talk.
After a while, we gently pull into the “Tanoshii Land” parking lot as a good start off to our day. Just kidding, we almost ran over a five year-old.
Misha leaps from the car with such fury that I fear she may fly off. Dad slumps out of the car with the gait of a man about to undergo a genital waxing. Shizune and I just get out of the car.
The front entryway gives off the rather off-putting vibe of a gaudily-colored concentration camp. Only, you know, the SS are dressed as green hippopotamuses.
The heat must be getting to my head. I actually decide to start a conversation with my dad.
“Dad, why do you think people actually want to work at an amusement park? It doesn’t seem like a very appealing job?”
“A little thing called outsourcing, son. It’s a blanket term poor people like to use as an excuse when they can’t succeed in life. Successful people like me have no use for dressing up like cartoon characters for the amusement of others!”
I think this conversation’s over.
“Oh, oh, oh! Lets go on that one!”Misha yells, pulling all of us along.
I take a look in the direction of “that one.” I strongly wish I never saw “that one.”
It’s a monstrosity of industrial strength steel, twisting and turning like a hellish leviathan. It towers over the rest of the park. I can feel it’s rattles and screams all the way down here.
Truly I have gazed into the abyss today. It was made of children’s puke and fiberglass.
“You wanna go on with me Shicchan?”
Shizune jumps. [Uh, well...n-not right now. I’m hungry. It’s imperative that one eats before going on roller coasters.]
Misha stares in confusion. [Huh? Isn’t it the opposite?]
[They changed it.]
[Since when?]
[What, do you want me to start keeping a record book of random stuff I find out?!]
[Alright, alright, forget I asked...]
We continue on through the park, thankfully on a much quieter course than before.
I turn to Shizune, deciding to borrow one of her trademark feline grins.
[You’re scared of roller coasters aren’t you?]
Her stink eye is descended directly from our father, not that she’d admit it.
[Shut up.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Unless you think your minimum wage slave drivel justifies a katana to the sternum I suggest you get the hell away from me.”
My dad has a thing about letting people in costumes touch him.
Bumble the Sushi-Loving Octopus wisely backs away from our group to presumably engage in more acts of cannibalism against his brethren.
“Jigocchan, I can’t help but feel like you’re not having fun on your fun day...”
His face goes sour at Misha’s cutesy nickname. “The last time I had fun was when I was working on my father’s veal farm,” he replies bitterly.
He then stands and walks off with an uncharacteristically slouching gait. It’s definitely an unusual sight coming from the man who usually walks like his shit can stimulate the economy. I decide to follow him. The last thing I hear is Misha asking Shizune what a veal farm is.
By the time I find him, he’s sitting on a bench, munching on a triple scoop cone of Cookies N’ Cream. He’s not even taking the time to give snide looks to people like he usually does. Something’s definitely strange.
“Dad?”
He doesn’t even acknowledge me. I sit next to him anyway.
“Dad?” I ask again.
He at least glances at me this time, but nonetheless remains distant as he licks away at his frozen dessert.
“Is something the matter? You’ve been a little...off, since we got here.”
He finally looks at me. He looks exhausted. I’ve always known my father was fairly old (he never gave me specifics), but he’s never looked it. Now, though...
“Iscarrolacosta....” he mumbles under his breath, taking a healthy bite out of his ice cream.
“You what?”
“I what? I didn’t say anything.”
“You just said something before you took a bite.”
“I coughed.”
“Sounded like a weird cough to me.”
“Ask me again and you're grounded.”
“Dad, come on, I only want to help!”
“I’M SCARED OF ROLLER COASTERS, ALL RIGHT?!...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT, I’M TALKING WITH MY SON! GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE A PLEASANT DAY!”
Once the space has been cleared of prying middle aged moms, he settles back down, now more down in the dumps than ever.
“I can’t believe I just told you that...”
I place a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Well, fathers and sons usually talk about stuff like this, you know.”
“Really? Huh...Well, you heard it. Go ahead and call your friends over your playbox now whatever the hell you call those phones nowadays to make fun of me.”
“Why would I do that?”
He looks at me like I just asked why water is wet. “Because I showed weakness, of course! What kind of man is scared of one hundred tons of steel moving at sixty miles an hour?”
“Lots of people, actually.”
“People, maybe. But not men!”
I exhale my breath. It’s about time to enact physical treatment for his phobia. It’s a drastic measure, but it’s a good step towards establishing a bond.
“Wanna...try it with me?”
His face takes on the expression I would probably have now if I weren’t bluffing. “Like...right now?”
“It’s either go with me, or listen to Misha scream in your ear the entire way.”
Jigoro doesn’t even need a second to consider this. “Alright, alright, you have a point...but then again, I could just...not go on the roller coaster.”
“Dad, if you don’t go on you’ll live with the regret in your heart for the rest of your life. Or, at least whenever you see a roller coaster.”
My once loose hand is now firmly set on his shoulder. He relaxes a bit, takes a few deep breaths, and finally bounds up.
“Let’s go.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there’s one obstacle to overcoming coaster-phobia, it’s lines. The damned lines.
My father attempts to put on a strong facade for anyone watching. It really just looks like he’s constipated. Every time someone from the monstrosity screams, his mouth and I assume another orifice clenches tightly shut.
“Are you nervous?”
“Of course not! Why would I be? It’s a fiberglass cart set along a predetermined path. What’s so scary about that, right?”
I smile at my reverse psychology. Of course he’s scared. He’s terrified, even. But his massive amount of pride will prevent him from admitting that, at least in public. Ergo, he’ll start to believe that he actually isn’t nervous.
Damn I’m a genius.
“GOOD LUCK HIDECCHAN AND JIGOCCHAN~!” Misha booms, standing above us on the walkway. We do our best to pretend like we’re just as perplexed by the loud pink-haire girl as everyone else.
I get a look at the sign at the scenic building’s entryway.
Lower-Spine Removal Machine.
Someone here is fan of mid-eighties goth rock, it seems. Along with bad puns.
Next to me, Jigoro begins to meditate, breathing in and out with serene and rhythmic breaths that soon give way to panicked wheezes as another kid screams to be let off the ride.
“Don’t worry dad, once this whole thing’s over, we’ll be-” The roar and rattle above cuts off my thoughts.
“-fine.”
We’re almost to the end now. Well, it doesn’t really look as tall now that we’re near the end....Oh wait, I was looking at the other coaster. Nope, this one’s still pretty damn tall. And shaky. And loud. Oh God...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“OHGODTHISWASAHORRIBLEIDEAWHATTHEFUUUUCCCCCKKK.”
“SONDONTSAYFUUUUUUUUCK.”
“WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUWANTMETOSAYOHGODWEREGONACRASHIHAVENTEVENHADSEXYET!”
“SON.”
“YEAH.”
“IWANTEDTOTELLYOUSOMETHINGBEFOREWEDIE.”
“WHAT.”
“ILO-”
“SIR!!”
We pause, looking next to us to see the beyond agitated manager eyeing us in our cart.
“The ride ended five minutes ago! You two have been screaming up a storm and scaring our customers; I’ll have to ask you to leave, now!”
With careful steps, we make our way out of the attraction, drawing irritated stares from parents who just had to shield their children from the horror of the two screaming men in the roller coaster.
[So, barring the...incident, was it fun?] Shizune asks once we meet up again.
“Not that bad. At least there was no bodily fluid.” I answer, translating for dad’s sake.
He shuffles his feet nervously. “Actually...”
“Dad. No.”
“Right, right...well, uh, that was the bomb-diggity, or whatever horrible slang you kids use. Let's never do it again.”
“I think you had fun Jigocchan!~” Misha says, harping over him like a mischievous puppy.
“First of all, stop calling me that god-awful nickname! Second, it was a fair and enjoyable experience, but it was not fun!”
The two girls exchange a knowing smile.
[Well, in that case, we’ll be off at the arcade. Some kid tried to beat my high score at House of the Dead. I think I may break his kneecaps.]
[Shizune...]
[Alright, alright. Just one kneecap.]
With a wink, she leaves father and I alone to stir in awkward silence. Even with all the chaos around us, it seems almost deathly quiet.
“So, dad...”
“Yeah?”
“Were you...about to say what I thought you were gonna say?”
He freezes up, sweat brimming under the collar of his Hawaiian shirt. I can only imagine how challenged his hypermasculinity is at this moment.
“Well, what did you think I was going to say?”
“That you love me?”
His neck does a rather funny twitching motion, as if I just said a curse word out in public. “Not so loud, alright?” he hisses.
His fears only make my grin wider. “You really do care, don’t you?”
“No comment...”
“I think you’re comment is ‘Hideaki, I love you son.’”
“Will you hush?!” he growls with a humorously high pitch. I love seeing him suffer.
“Dad, just admit it. You love and care about me. The sooner you come to accept this fact, the better you’ll be able to sleep at night.”
The edges of his face contort like a surrealist masterpiece. His lips are pale as a ghost from his teeth biting down on them.
Finally, in a moment of catharsis, he exhales.
“Son...you know I’m proud of you right?”
“Well, mostly.”
“If I wanted a joke I’d watch you take a piss. Not listen here and listen good.”
It’s his turn to place a bear claw hand on my shoulder, adding about five pounds to my frame.
“I...care about you son. And I’m...proud of you.”
I smile and take a hold of his forearm. “And?”
He sours. “And...Iloyou...”
“I’m sorry could you repeat that?”
“No.”
We grin at each other. It’s probably the best we’ll get out of each other, at least for now.
“Want to get some more ice cream dad?”
“Sure thing...son.”
Shoulder in shoulder, we head off alongside each other. My father has a long way to go before he’s turned into the ideal father. I dunno, some part of me kind of wants him to stay the way he is. He’s not perfect, but he’s...something.
He’s Jigoro Hakamichi. He’s my father. He hates roller coasters.
“You know if you tell anyone I said that you’re grounded for a month, right?”
“Of course.”
Also, please comment
Volcanology
Something....is not right.
I’m snuggled up tight under my covers, the temperature is at a comfortable level, I have Mr. Wub-Wub’s with...ahem, well, yes, everything seems alright. So why is it that I feel this strong sense of...foreboding? It feels like indigestion.
“HIDECCHAN~!”
Ah. It’s even worse.
I’m helpless against the onslaught of pink that collapses onto my bed, nearly snapping my abdomen neatly in two.
“Can I help you this fine morning, Misha?”
My voice is akin to a dog whose testicles are trapped in a mouse trap. Misha doesn’t pick up on this little tidbit.
“Oh, nothing much. Well, actually, there is something!”
“Does it involve me going back to sleep? Because I’d be all over that plan.”
She chuckles uproariously, caving my eardrums in.
“Of course not silly! Just wanted to ask a question, is all!
I sit up. “I’m listening.”
“You and your dad hang out alot, right?”
“In the loosest possible sense of the term, yes.”
“Well then, you should know what he likes to do, right?”
“As in...going out and doing things in a public space?”
“Uhm, yes?”
“Yeah, my dad doesn’t do that.”
“Aww, he’s got to like something!” she frowns.
With a shrug I crawl back under the sheets, hoping by some stroke of grace she’ll take the hint.
“Oh, how about the movie theatre! I mean, who doesn’t like the movies?”
“My dad.”
“Wait, really?”
“Dad says theatres are propaganda machines orchestrated by the Liberal Party to make Japan fall behind in our math scores. It’s why he hasn’t paid for cable in the last three years.”
“O....kay. How about the zoo?”
“He’s banned from the zoo. I’d...rather not go into detail."
“The aquarium?”
“He was attacked by a school of salmon when he was younger. He doesn’t like looking at fish he can’t physically assault.”
She makes a strange gurgling sound that I guess is her disappointed sound. She plops herself down next to me with such force that I’m propelled a few inches into the air. Someone should really tell Misha that she’s not as light as she thinks. That person won’t be me, of course, considering I value my life.
“All Shicchan and I wanted to do was have a fun day to show your dad how much we appreciate him. Is that so much to ask?”
“Kinda, yeah.”
She perks up once again, jumping from my bedside with enough force to propel me even farther upward.
“I got it! There’s a carnival going on in town! I mean, I know your dad doesn’t like the zoo, or the theatre, or, uh, the aquarium apparently, but he has to like the carnival! It’s the ultimate symbol of joy!”
“If you want to try, I suppose...” I say with resignation.
“Oh, I’m not going to be trying, you are!”
“Wait, what-OOF.”
I’m gripped by the forearm and almost dragged down the hallway before I can even react. Thankfully she has the good sense to let me go down the stairs of my own power. At the bottom of the stairs is my sister, still in her pajamas, her hair disheveled and her eyes foggy. It seems she wasn’t as “in” on this plan as Misha made her out to be.
She begins to sign and talk for both our benefit. “Ok, Hidecchan, do your thing!”
I’m certainly not looking forward to the “thing” I’m apparently expected to do. I’ll be damned either way. This morning sucks.
With padded steps, I make my way over to the breakfast nook where my dad, as he is wont to do, is enjoying a fine cup of mocha as he checks the obituaries to see if anyone he doesn’t like died.
“Hey, dad?’
He grunts in recognition. It’s just like horse racing, you have to keep steady, maintain a balance between the horse and the rider. I guess Shizune would be the horse in this equation.
“How do you feel about carnivals, just out of curiosity?”
He keep his eyes firmly glued to his paper. “I’d rather massage my prostate with a cactus, why do you ask?”
Welp, Shizune just her broke her leg and did a triple roll off the track. She had such a promising career.
“Ah, no reason, just wondering...”
My hasty retreat is foiled by an intervening Misha.“Aaaaactually, Mr. Shicchan’s Dad sir, we were wondering if you’d like to go with us to the carnival in town!”
He shoots us one of his legendary stink eyes. It even shakes my iron wall of a sister up.
“Pink girl, did you not hear my analogy just now? I don’t like to discuss rectal matters more than once a day, but it appears I’ll have to because you can't get it through your thick skull! I hate carnivals, and will never attend one of those sticky, third-world ghoulscapes! If I wanted to recreate the experience of a carnival, I could just drive down to the lake and throw my money into it!”
He flips his paper back in front of his face. Dramatically.
[That didn’t go as planned,] Shizune huffs. Something in the way her face creases tells me she’s just as agitated by this idea as I am.
“Well, why don’t you try it then, Shicchan?” she counters. Shrugging, she clears her throat and skips over to Jigoro’s side, beaming like a giddy schoolgirl.
Her execution is sound, but it’d take a miracle to make dad change his mind. She has no way of pulling this off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[How the hell did you pull it off?]
She puffs her chest out proudly, like a lion who just superplexed his rival off of Pride Rock.
[I played into his sense of masculine competitiveness. I told him Mr. Misawa from next door was planning to take his entire extended family to the carnival next week.]
[So?]
[He hates Mr. Misawa. You were probably too young to remember, but dad once threw a potted plant his cat out of a window after it tore up one of his collectible welcome mats. Good thing he got rid of those things...Anyway, he decided to one-up Misawa by bringing us all here. Smart move, huh?]
[Not really. You’re just lucky our dad’s stupid.]
She lands a teasing punch on my arm. The car ride’s been rather uneventful, but it’s nice to be able to catch up with my sister. Her student council duties have kept her busy even outside of school. It’s hard to find a time where we can be alone to talk.
After a while, we gently pull into the “Tanoshii Land” parking lot as a good start off to our day. Just kidding, we almost ran over a five year-old.
Misha leaps from the car with such fury that I fear she may fly off. Dad slumps out of the car with the gait of a man about to undergo a genital waxing. Shizune and I just get out of the car.
The front entryway gives off the rather off-putting vibe of a gaudily-colored concentration camp. Only, you know, the SS are dressed as green hippopotamuses.
The heat must be getting to my head. I actually decide to start a conversation with my dad.
“Dad, why do you think people actually want to work at an amusement park? It doesn’t seem like a very appealing job?”
“A little thing called outsourcing, son. It’s a blanket term poor people like to use as an excuse when they can’t succeed in life. Successful people like me have no use for dressing up like cartoon characters for the amusement of others!”
I think this conversation’s over.
“Oh, oh, oh! Lets go on that one!”Misha yells, pulling all of us along.
I take a look in the direction of “that one.” I strongly wish I never saw “that one.”
It’s a monstrosity of industrial strength steel, twisting and turning like a hellish leviathan. It towers over the rest of the park. I can feel it’s rattles and screams all the way down here.
Truly I have gazed into the abyss today. It was made of children’s puke and fiberglass.
“You wanna go on with me Shicchan?”
Shizune jumps. [Uh, well...n-not right now. I’m hungry. It’s imperative that one eats before going on roller coasters.]
Misha stares in confusion. [Huh? Isn’t it the opposite?]
[They changed it.]
[Since when?]
[What, do you want me to start keeping a record book of random stuff I find out?!]
[Alright, alright, forget I asked...]
We continue on through the park, thankfully on a much quieter course than before.
I turn to Shizune, deciding to borrow one of her trademark feline grins.
[You’re scared of roller coasters aren’t you?]
Her stink eye is descended directly from our father, not that she’d admit it.
[Shut up.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Unless you think your minimum wage slave drivel justifies a katana to the sternum I suggest you get the hell away from me.”
My dad has a thing about letting people in costumes touch him.
Bumble the Sushi-Loving Octopus wisely backs away from our group to presumably engage in more acts of cannibalism against his brethren.
“Jigocchan, I can’t help but feel like you’re not having fun on your fun day...”
His face goes sour at Misha’s cutesy nickname. “The last time I had fun was when I was working on my father’s veal farm,” he replies bitterly.
He then stands and walks off with an uncharacteristically slouching gait. It’s definitely an unusual sight coming from the man who usually walks like his shit can stimulate the economy. I decide to follow him. The last thing I hear is Misha asking Shizune what a veal farm is.
By the time I find him, he’s sitting on a bench, munching on a triple scoop cone of Cookies N’ Cream. He’s not even taking the time to give snide looks to people like he usually does. Something’s definitely strange.
“Dad?”
He doesn’t even acknowledge me. I sit next to him anyway.
“Dad?” I ask again.
He at least glances at me this time, but nonetheless remains distant as he licks away at his frozen dessert.
“Is something the matter? You’ve been a little...off, since we got here.”
He finally looks at me. He looks exhausted. I’ve always known my father was fairly old (he never gave me specifics), but he’s never looked it. Now, though...
“Iscarrolacosta....” he mumbles under his breath, taking a healthy bite out of his ice cream.
“You what?”
“I what? I didn’t say anything.”
“You just said something before you took a bite.”
“I coughed.”
“Sounded like a weird cough to me.”
“Ask me again and you're grounded.”
“Dad, come on, I only want to help!”
“I’M SCARED OF ROLLER COASTERS, ALL RIGHT?!...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT, I’M TALKING WITH MY SON! GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE AND GO HAVE A PLEASANT DAY!”
Once the space has been cleared of prying middle aged moms, he settles back down, now more down in the dumps than ever.
“I can’t believe I just told you that...”
I place a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Well, fathers and sons usually talk about stuff like this, you know.”
“Really? Huh...Well, you heard it. Go ahead and call your friends over your playbox now whatever the hell you call those phones nowadays to make fun of me.”
“Why would I do that?”
He looks at me like I just asked why water is wet. “Because I showed weakness, of course! What kind of man is scared of one hundred tons of steel moving at sixty miles an hour?”
“Lots of people, actually.”
“People, maybe. But not men!”
I exhale my breath. It’s about time to enact physical treatment for his phobia. It’s a drastic measure, but it’s a good step towards establishing a bond.
“Wanna...try it with me?”
His face takes on the expression I would probably have now if I weren’t bluffing. “Like...right now?”
“It’s either go with me, or listen to Misha scream in your ear the entire way.”
Jigoro doesn’t even need a second to consider this. “Alright, alright, you have a point...but then again, I could just...not go on the roller coaster.”
“Dad, if you don’t go on you’ll live with the regret in your heart for the rest of your life. Or, at least whenever you see a roller coaster.”
My once loose hand is now firmly set on his shoulder. He relaxes a bit, takes a few deep breaths, and finally bounds up.
“Let’s go.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If there’s one obstacle to overcoming coaster-phobia, it’s lines. The damned lines.
My father attempts to put on a strong facade for anyone watching. It really just looks like he’s constipated. Every time someone from the monstrosity screams, his mouth and I assume another orifice clenches tightly shut.
“Are you nervous?”
“Of course not! Why would I be? It’s a fiberglass cart set along a predetermined path. What’s so scary about that, right?”
I smile at my reverse psychology. Of course he’s scared. He’s terrified, even. But his massive amount of pride will prevent him from admitting that, at least in public. Ergo, he’ll start to believe that he actually isn’t nervous.
Damn I’m a genius.
“GOOD LUCK HIDECCHAN AND JIGOCCHAN~!” Misha booms, standing above us on the walkway. We do our best to pretend like we’re just as perplexed by the loud pink-haire girl as everyone else.
I get a look at the sign at the scenic building’s entryway.
Lower-Spine Removal Machine.
Someone here is fan of mid-eighties goth rock, it seems. Along with bad puns.
Next to me, Jigoro begins to meditate, breathing in and out with serene and rhythmic breaths that soon give way to panicked wheezes as another kid screams to be let off the ride.
“Don’t worry dad, once this whole thing’s over, we’ll be-” The roar and rattle above cuts off my thoughts.
“-fine.”
We’re almost to the end now. Well, it doesn’t really look as tall now that we’re near the end....Oh wait, I was looking at the other coaster. Nope, this one’s still pretty damn tall. And shaky. And loud. Oh God...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“OHGODTHISWASAHORRIBLEIDEAWHATTHEFUUUUCCCCCKKK.”
“SONDONTSAYFUUUUUUUUCK.”
“WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUWANTMETOSAYOHGODWEREGONACRASHIHAVENTEVENHADSEXYET!”
“SON.”
“YEAH.”
“IWANTEDTOTELLYOUSOMETHINGBEFOREWEDIE.”
“WHAT.”
“ILO-”
“SIR!!”
We pause, looking next to us to see the beyond agitated manager eyeing us in our cart.
“The ride ended five minutes ago! You two have been screaming up a storm and scaring our customers; I’ll have to ask you to leave, now!”
With careful steps, we make our way out of the attraction, drawing irritated stares from parents who just had to shield their children from the horror of the two screaming men in the roller coaster.
[So, barring the...incident, was it fun?] Shizune asks once we meet up again.
“Not that bad. At least there was no bodily fluid.” I answer, translating for dad’s sake.
He shuffles his feet nervously. “Actually...”
“Dad. No.”
“Right, right...well, uh, that was the bomb-diggity, or whatever horrible slang you kids use. Let's never do it again.”
“I think you had fun Jigocchan!~” Misha says, harping over him like a mischievous puppy.
“First of all, stop calling me that god-awful nickname! Second, it was a fair and enjoyable experience, but it was not fun!”
The two girls exchange a knowing smile.
[Well, in that case, we’ll be off at the arcade. Some kid tried to beat my high score at House of the Dead. I think I may break his kneecaps.]
[Shizune...]
[Alright, alright. Just one kneecap.]
With a wink, she leaves father and I alone to stir in awkward silence. Even with all the chaos around us, it seems almost deathly quiet.
“So, dad...”
“Yeah?”
“Were you...about to say what I thought you were gonna say?”
He freezes up, sweat brimming under the collar of his Hawaiian shirt. I can only imagine how challenged his hypermasculinity is at this moment.
“Well, what did you think I was going to say?”
“That you love me?”
His neck does a rather funny twitching motion, as if I just said a curse word out in public. “Not so loud, alright?” he hisses.
His fears only make my grin wider. “You really do care, don’t you?”
“No comment...”
“I think you’re comment is ‘Hideaki, I love you son.’”
“Will you hush?!” he growls with a humorously high pitch. I love seeing him suffer.
“Dad, just admit it. You love and care about me. The sooner you come to accept this fact, the better you’ll be able to sleep at night.”
The edges of his face contort like a surrealist masterpiece. His lips are pale as a ghost from his teeth biting down on them.
Finally, in a moment of catharsis, he exhales.
“Son...you know I’m proud of you right?”
“Well, mostly.”
“If I wanted a joke I’d watch you take a piss. Not listen here and listen good.”
It’s his turn to place a bear claw hand on my shoulder, adding about five pounds to my frame.
“I...care about you son. And I’m...proud of you.”
I smile and take a hold of his forearm. “And?”
He sours. “And...Iloyou...”
“I’m sorry could you repeat that?”
“No.”
We grin at each other. It’s probably the best we’ll get out of each other, at least for now.
“Want to get some more ice cream dad?”
“Sure thing...son.”
Shoulder in shoulder, we head off alongside each other. My father has a long way to go before he’s turned into the ideal father. I dunno, some part of me kind of wants him to stay the way he is. He’s not perfect, but he’s...something.
He’s Jigoro Hakamichi. He’s my father. He hates roller coasters.
“You know if you tell anyone I said that you’re grounded for a month, right?”
“Of course.”
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Absolutely perfect.
I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my Cheez-Its. Bear in mind, I didn't.
I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my Cheez-Its. Bear in mind, I didn't.
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
One day I'll cause a cheez-it asphyxiation death.Helbereth wrote:Absolutely perfect.
I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my Cheez-Its. Bear in mind, I didn't.
One day.
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
-
Mirage_GSM
- Posts: 6216
- Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
- Location: Germany
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
That was... Fun. A lot of fun in fact
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
Sore wa himitsu desu.griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Gettin' Jiggy with it!
It's truly inspiring how the side characters can make Hisao look like such a little bitch.
It's truly inspiring how the side characters can make Hisao look like such a little bitch.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Y'know what I just realized? I've had a voice in my head for Jigoro this whole time, but I hadn't realized who it was. Now I know.
J Jonah Jameson
J Jonah Jameson
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
YES!Helbereth wrote:Y'know what I just realized? I've had a voice in my head for Jigoro this whole time, but I hadn't realized who it was. Now I know.
J Jonah Jameson
"One word, Parker: Disgraceful!"
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
An actual little bitch makes Hisao look like a little bitch.nemz wrote:Gettin' Jiggy with it!
It's truly inspiring how the side characters can make Hisao look like such a little bitch.
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
GODDAMMIT PARKER QUIT USING MY FISHING RODSHoitash wrote:YES!Helbereth wrote:Y'know what I just realized? I've had a voice in my head for Jigoro this whole time, but I hadn't realized who it was. Now I know.
J Jonah Jameson
"One word, Parker: Disgraceful!"
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
-
Total Destruction
- Posts: 326
- Joined: Thu May 10, 2012 5:45 am
- Location: Hit Deborah Cliff with your head to make a hole.
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Funny, I'd pictured Jigoro to have a Zap Brannigan-status voice, but Triple J's works just as well.
... Danger.
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Then Hideaki is Kip? I mean, they're both pretty girly.Total Destruction wrote:Funny, I'd pictured Jigoro to have a Zap Brannigan-status voice, but Triple J's works just as well.
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
Given that J Jonah Jameson was played by JK Simmons in the Sam Raimi movies, and looking up his other roles. . .
"Guess what? Ground up Moon Rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Disgraceful."
"Guess what? Ground up Moon Rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Disgraceful."
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
So Jigoro is a master airbender? Explains alot.themocaw wrote:Given that J Jonah Jameson was played by JK Simmons in the Sam Raimi movies, and looking up his other roles. . .
"Guess what? Ground up Moon Rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Disgraceful."
My fine literary endeavors: Real, M&M, Rat Race, and Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness. Feel free to stroke my ego and read them.
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey-Sanic
Re: Hideaki: A Tale of Manliness
He was the voice of Cave Johnson? I knew I recognized it... I dunno why i never Googled it before.themocaw wrote:Given that J Jonah Jameson was played by JK Simmons in the Sam Raimi movies, and looking up his other roles. . .
"Guess what? Ground up Moon Rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Disgraceful."