The Disappointment of Haruhi Suzumiya

[EchoGarrote]

I blinked. It couldn't be possible. This shouldn't be possible. Yet here I was, looking into the face of a male Haruhi. A Haruhi that didn't look happy in the least. Probably not as much as the usual Haruhi did at this moment, but I was trying to desperately figure out what was going on. Although, if what I was looking at was real, then that probably explained a lot about what was going on...or I should probably say what was not going on.

The Other Haruhi let go of my collar and sighed. The anger turning to deep annoyance. A look that I was very familiar with. He took another deep breath and looked at me.

"Kyon, please tell me that she's going to be leaving soon." He held up a hand. "Let's skip some of the boring stuff. Yes, I know who all of you are. Yes, I'm aware of what's going on. Yes, I know I'm a dead ringer for her, save for some excess equipment. Would you like the short explanation that's mostly a lie, or the longer explanation that's hard to understand, but the truth?"

"I think I'll be happier with the short one." I said.

"Okay," he said. "You can have four, pick whichever one that you like the best. Long lost twin brother, clone, alternate timeline, alternate dimension."

"I like the first one." I said.

"Excellent choice. Then you should call me Haruhiko." The boy said. "So, please tell me exactly how you all managed to come out here?"

* * * * * * * *

"Yo! Heads up!" Haruhi shouted at the Computer Society as she barged in. "We need you all to program us the stuff we need to make a dating sim!"

I winced as the rest of the SOS brigade followed her into the room. Haruhi had gotten an idea in her head to make money by creating a dating sim game and 'Selling it to all the loners and losers out there. They don't need that money, we do!' So far it had involved forcing Yuki and I to write a story (Which she didn't read), Mikuru to put on multiple different costumes (As usual, wether she wanted to or not), Itsuki did 'the business side' (Which I'm pretty sure meant making up numbers about how much money we were going to get.) Now we were moving on to 'Stage 2' and that meant calling upon our 'Vassals,' the Computer Society.

However, instead of a group of people typing away at screens filled with code. The boys (and one girl) were in the corner of the room. One of the boys was on the phone, and the others were gathered around him. They looked up at our entry and one of them walked a few steps over to us.

"We'll do whatever you want in a moment." He said. "We're almost done." He then went back to the crowd.

"Uh huh. Yeah, I heard that the place is nice. No, no, no. Of course we'll visit. Look, it wasn't your fault this happened. Alright. We'll stay in touch. Just take it easy. Okay. Goodbye." The boy on the phone hung up and shook his head. "He's not coming back. They're sending him to Yamaku."

There was a pause, and all the members of the Computer Society looked down. Then, almost as one. They sighed and dragged themselves towards Haruhi.

"Okay, Miss Suzumiya." One of them said. "What do you want?"

"Who was that on the phone? What was that all about?" Haruhi said.

There was an uncomfortable shifting between the members. The girl cleared her throat. "Do you want us to create a new game or something for you?"

"I want you to tell me what that was about. I order you to tell me, as my vassals, you must obey!" Haruhi said.

One of the members stepped forward and glared at Haruhi. "It's none of your business, so either tell us what you want us to make for you, or buzz off!" He snapped.

I should have noticed the weirdness starting there. Well, rather the lack of weirdness. Haruhi stood them, glaring at them and obviously annoyed. However, Itsuki's phone didn't ring announcing another crisis forming, Yuki and Mikuru didn't start reacting, the world didn't end, tilt, invert, repeat, or anything.

Haruhi just sneered, spun on her heel, and marched out of the room.

We were back in the SOS HQ, watching Haruhi pace. As annoyed as she was, there was a mystery afoot, and if there was one thing that Haruhi loved, it was secret information.

"Ah, ha!" She pounded her fist into her open palm. "Itsuki! Look up the members of the Computer Society and tell me who hasn't been attending class the past few days. Mikuru! Go and look up this 'Yamaku' place, and tell me what it is. Probably some military training institution." She said nodding. "One of the Computer Society probably hacked into the JSDF and now they're making him work for them instead of arresting him, because he's so good at computers."

I closed my eyes and winced. We were going to be spies or secret agents or whatever Haruhi thought spies and secret agents were like. Ah well, there were far far worse, and odds were good that we'd just be spying on the teachers or something.

Itsuki went off to get the information. (I'm all but certain that kind of 'intel' isn't available to the student body just by asking, but I doubt Itsuki asked.) Mikuru got on the computer. I thought for a moment that Yuki would have to do a little hacking, but the answer came surprisingly fast.

"It's a school." Mikuru said.

"Huh?" Haruhi said.

"It's a school out by Sendai." Mikuru said, clicking around. "It's...oh..." She frowned and pushed away from the computer, looking uncomfortable.

"Oh, I get it!" Haruhi said. "It has to be a special school for kids who are being trained to be su-"

"It's for children who are disabled and require special needs or medical care." Yuki said. She hadn't looked up from her book, so I assumed that she got her information from another source.

The door slid open and Itsuki walked in, he looked a bit sad. "So, I found out who's missing. It turns out that one of the Computer Society members got sick. It got really bad for some reason, and I'm not totally sure on the medical stuff, but it's like he has emphysema, or something." He sighed. "Poor guy."

"Emphysema?" I asked. "Don't you only get that from smoking?"

Itsuki shrugged. "I know. It has to do with genetics, or scar tissue in the lungs, or something. The poor guy has trouble breathing normally. That's the short of it. He's been through surgery, so it isn't that bad, but his parents were worried, so they sent him..."

"To Yamaku." Mikuru said. She frowned. "How sad."

"It's likely that with further medical care and proper treatment he can function in normal society...albeit with less activity and a shorter lifespan." Yuki said, turning a page in her book.

Haruhi laughed. "Oh, wow! You all really fell for that?" She said. "Oh, this is even cooler!"

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Yeah! That website stuff is obviously a cover story!" Haruhi said. Her eyes closed and a smug look on her face. "A school for children with special needs...yeah, I know what that means! They're either all spies or they've got super powers! Yamaku must be a place where kids with special gifts and abilities go to train their power, and learn how to behave in a world that irrationally fears them." Her eyes opened and she had 'that' smile on her face. "We're going to see this place! One of my vassals now has super powers or is becoming a spy, and I want to see it!"

* * * * * * * *

Haruhiko slapped his face. "For the love of..." He shook his head. "Alright, alright. I get it. Little surprised at the Computer Society guys, that must have been that far off twinge I felt a few days back. Well, good for them. I know they're in contact with Naoki over the internet. I hope they do visit." He smiled.

"You know his name?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know nearly everyone's name here. I asked them." Haruhiko smiled. "Oh, and to make your life easier, I have hemophilia and," He took his finger and tapped his left eyeball. It make a *clink clink* sound. "a glass eye. Also, Misha doesn't have one, so please stop guessing. She's here studying sign language with hopes to be a teacher for the hard of hearing, and other special needs. We have a few here who do that. Have a scholarship program and everything." He smiled. "Now, moving on. I'm guessing there was another encounter before you all arrived here?"

I nodded, wincing in pain at the memory. "The train." I groaned.

Now THIS was going to be painful.

[themocaw]

Now I'm intrigued.

[scott1and]

As a Haruhi fan, I'd like to see where this could go from here, so I'll keep my eye on this.

[Otakumon]

So Kenji is finally going to meet the leader of the feminest movement face to face. I predict love at first near sight.