"Can you seek the truth?" A Natsume Pseudoroute.

[fermatiauda]

Hi, didn't see you there.

This is the first time i write fanfiction, actually is the first time i write something that isn't homework.
First i started this as a One-shot, but i realized that i didn't wanted a One-Shot, i wanted the Natsume route that KS lacked, so i made it, or at least i'm trying to.
Any feedback is more than welcome and encouraged. There might be some spelling issues since English is not my first language, but if there's feedback to let me know, i'll fix it.

You can see this as a Natsume Pseudoroute or as a Natsume Story, but one thing is clear, it will be a long road and this is only the start.

More about Natsume Ooe.
She's the girl at the bottom left corner of class 3-3, she's member of the Newspaper Club. She has Rheumatoid Arthritis and low vision on her right eye, giving her Heterochromia (eyes from different colors).

With nothing more to add, it's time to start this for once and for all.


Contents.

Prologue (This post)








Prologue

“Come on, Natsume! It's ten o’clock already, and you know we've got class tomorrow!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m about to finish it.”

“No, you’re not; you started twenty seconds ago!”

“Lies! I didn't start twenty seconds ago, you woke up twenty seconds ago. Maybe if you'd stayed awake, you'd have seen how much work I’ve done! And saying that, why aren’t you helping me?”

“I’m tired, I don't work while I’m tired, that’s my policy.” She says, laying her head against her backpack.

“That policy must be new then, ’cause last year when we had to interview those boys from 3-1 you stayed awake all night long.”

“T-That’s because I was younger... I had more energy back then." Her cheeks glow slightly red; she really doesn’t like being reminded about that time.

Now that I notice, Naomi’s always embarrassed when we’re talking about boys.

It's jabbing time.

“Actually, I think one of those boys really lik- uhg.” A sudden punch in my ribs stops me. “Ow! Why did you do that?”

“Like you don’t know why!” She glows ten times redder now. I would say 'mission accomplished' but the pain prevents me from doing it.

I don’t know if I should take revenge or continue working. Not doing either, I start laughing, soon joined by a blazing red Naomi.

“What are you working on?” She quickly changes the topic.

“Remember that trip to the city with the class last week?”

“Yeah, of course I remember; I bought this cute bracelet!” She says twirling her wrist around in the air like some epileptic puppeteer.

“Yeah, anyway, I’m doing a poll about it. Among the students,” I add unnecessarily. I don’t think it’ll be with the people of the city: if I did, most of them would think that the freak show had come to the city.

“So then, can we stop now?” She knows the answer, but still, she asks.

“Five minutes and I’ll be done,” I say while continuing to type at the desktop.

“Please, Natsume, can we go now? It’s been more than five minutes.” Naomi says, three and a half minutes later.

She’s so tired, I can’t let her stay like this.

“Ok, Naomi, we can go,” I say with a small sigh.

“But, did you finish it?” She looks concerned.

“Yeah, I finished it, lets go.” I lie; it's not that big a deal.

“Hmm… ok then.” It looks like she believes it.

My brain aches from looking at the computer screen for so long. While I’m standing up, I find Naomi already waiting for me outside the room. Either I’m too slow or she’s anxious for meeting with her bed: either way I’m standing here alone like a fool.

“Come on, I want to sleep, and the floor doesn't scream comfortable."

It’s funny, I’d expect that from Suzu, but not from Naomi, who's normally energetic and alive all the time.

We reach the girls' dorm and our path splits. Naomi almost runs to her room while I slowly walk to mine. I almost feel like turning around and going back to the Club room. I mean, I could do that, If I wanted to, but it’s too late... and Naomi's taken the keys.

"Goddamn you, Naomi.” I say to myself, hearing a soft laugh from the other side of the hallway.

You've won this time, Naomi.

As I enter my room, I feel the air change, it suddenly feels heavier.

And I know exactly why that is.

As I lay down in my bed, I feel... I feel regret.

I can’t sleep.

And I know exactly why that is.

I’m sorry, daddy, I promised you that I'd never leave work undone.

Not while I can complete it.

Tears start flowing down my face.

But I did it for a friend! She was tired; I couldn't leave her like that.

This may not be the first time I didn't keep my promise, but it’ll be the last.

“I promise you.” I whimper into the night.

After a time of crying in silence I finally find sleep, buried deeply in my sadness.

*****

Beep, beep, beep.

“What time is it!?” I shout, half asleep.

Half past six! Half past six?

I’ve woken up early today.

And I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Enough of that.

I should go get Naomi to have breakfast, but first I’ll take a shower.

While I’m heading to the bathroom, I realize I hadn’t changed my school uniform before going to sleep.

Good job, Natsume! ... always forgetting to do the stupid but crucial things.

If I keep going on like this, one day I’ll forget to breathe.

Even if that’s biologically impossible, I can bet you that there’s a chance of me forgetting to do it.

Talking about that, I should take that shower before I forget.


I've dried my hair, and now I’m ready to go get Naomi.

While I’m heading to Naomi’s room I see a lot of students in the hallways.

I didn’t know this many people woke up this early.

Well, I knew that Emi’s always doing her morning runs.

One good thing about doing interviews with the students is that you get to know more about them and their daily life.

Well I’m here, I should knock.

“Hey Naomi, wake up!” I knock on her door as hard as I can.

I hear a soft moan from inside. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me.” I don’t think that helps.

“Who is 'me'?” She sounds so paranoid!

“I’m Natsume. Who else could it be?” Does she act like this all the time and I hadn’t noticed? Or is she playing with me?

“Oh, believe me: it could be anybody.” She says softly.

“You’re right; it could be any of your many secret lovers.” Just as I finish that sentence, she opens the door.

“That was quick; you didn’t even double check if I was the real Natsume.” Even dying of hunger I manage to successfully make a jab at her.

“Shut up.” She looks red as a fire truck. “What are we going to do? It’s like, a quarter to seven.”

I don’t actually know. “I thought we could get some breakfast, that’s what most people do at this time of the day.”

“Actually, what most people do at this time of the day is sleep, just like I was doing,” she says, looking dead serious.

“Ooh, did I wake you up when you were dreaming about Takashi?” Hehe, I think I've invented a new kind of red; I shall call it 'Naomi’s Face'.

“Hehe, you’re so funny, Natsume.” I think she couldn’t sound more sarcastic. “Now, do we want to be there for breakfast or dinner?”

“Yeah, let’s go, I’m dying of hunger” I say as we head towards the cafeteria.

“Why's everybody eating those ‘fruit-flavored breads’?” Naomi asks while looking side to side.

“You’re eating a muffin, that’s literally sugar flavored bread,” I say, trying to hide that I’m about to laugh.

“That’s clearly not the same thing!” Naomi almost shouts at me.

“Yes, it is! The only difference is that one tastes like lemons and the other like pure sugar.” I watch her struggle for a comeback.

“Lemon flavored bread?” She starts looking at her muffin. “That’s not even a thing.”

“Of course it is, people use lemons for a lot of things, why wouldn't bread be one of those things?” I think this discussion is over.

“I guess so.”

“So Natsume, what are we going to do this afternoon?” She quickly adds, “Since we've finished our Club chores.”

Yeah, that thing.

I didn’t finish when I could, and not only that, I also broke the promise I made so long ago.

I want to cry right now.

But I can’t.

I won’t.

Not right now at least, not in front of Naomi.

She doesn’t need to know, she doesn’t need to worry.

“Yeah, about that...” Quickly, Natsume, think of something! “I’ve promised Mutou I’ll help him with an errand.” That should be enough.

“What would Mutou want with you?” Shit, she’s onto me. “He clearly should’ve asked me for help, you know, since I’m the smartest.”

Well, it doesn’t look like that.

Maybe if I keep jabbing she won’t notice that it’s all a big lie. “Yep, that’s the reason why he asked for your help. Wait, he didn’t.”

“Maybe we should go with him and see if he didn’t confuse you with me.”

“NO!” Did I just shout?

Everybody’s looking at me.

I did just shout.

“Naomi, it’s almost half past seven, we should let the teachers rest, after all they’re people too.” Hopefully that will be enough.

Please, please, please, believe that, I can’t handle more than one lie at a time.

“Wow, chill, Natsume! I was only playing with you.” She's got a big grin on her face.

I must look like a fool, like a goddamn fool.

Before I can say anything, the bell rings, marking the beginning of the first period. I grab my juice box and throw it on the trash can. My hand control isn’t what it used to be so I miss horribly. How I hate this arthritis; it's ruined the life of my loved ones.

And it will do the same to me.

No, now is not the moment for this.

“Are we going to class, or you’re going to stay here looking at that trash can.” Naomi snaps me out of my own thoughts.

“It’s a nice trash can…” I say with a grin on my face.

“Well, you can come here to talk to him at lunch.” She has the same grin as I have.

I could say something about a boy wanting to talk to her at lunch, but right now I just want to go to class.


As we enter in the class I notice there’s no Mutou present.

He usually arrives late for class, so there’s nothing new in that.

I look to my left and see Naomi doodling on her notebook.

Kill boredom or be killed by it.

I think it would be a great idea to lay my head on the table, maybe nap a little.

Never mind. Here’s Mutou.

As he enters the class he says, “Good morning everyone, sorry I’m late again.”

He's followed by a boy with messy hair.

The boy looks pretty nervous— well, who isn’t at his first day at a new school?

“Please welcome our newest classmate.” He starts clapping.

Now everybody is clapping, I should probably join in.

After all the clapping ends he begins with, “Hello, I’m Hisao Nakai…”

Hisao Nakai, the cute boy with messy hair.

[Blank Mage]

Well it... it doesn't have any spelling errors.... so that's a start...

[Gajzla]

I’m sorry, daddy, I promised you that I'd never leave work undone.

Not while I can complete it.

Tears start flowing down my face.

This is such an extreme reaction for not finishing newspaper club stuff. If it’s because she’s reminded of her dead(?) father, then show us that, because it feels very melodramatic at the moment.

Otherwise it's not to bad, not as gritty as other stories involving these charters, yet. I think you could do with a little bit of work on your formating, this might help.

You did well for your first time and having English as a second language, looking forward to seeing more.

[Feurox]

I’m sorry, daddy, I promised you that I'd never leave work undone.

Not while I can complete it.

Tears start flowing down my face.

This is such an extreme reaction for not finishing newspaper club stuff. If it’s because she’s reminded of her dead(?) father, then show us that, because it feels very melodramatic at the moment.

Whilst I agree that perhaps the lack of context makes it seem quite melodramatic, I wouldn't neccesarily say that's all in all a bad thing. Obviously we don't know what's caused that reaction, something so extreme to something so petty, but if it's a quirk of a character, then to me at least, it's intriguing to see why. We don't need all that information shoved down our throat right away essentially, it begs for development which I like.

Anyway, good prologue, good start, good job.

[fermatiauda]

I’m sorry, daddy, I promised you that I'd never leave work undone.

Not while I can complete it.

Tears start flowing down my face.

This is such an extreme reaction for not finishing newspaper club stuff. If it’s because she’s reminded of her dead(?) father, then show us that, because it feels very melodramatic at the moment.

Feedback, yay!

As i mentioned this started as a one shot, meaning that i didn't have to explain to many things but it had to be there so yeah, that was one of those thing, but it does have an explanation, and is not just "filling".

[fermatiauda]

Obviously we don't know what's caused that reaction, something so extreme to something so petty, but if it's a quirk of a character, then to me at least, it's intriguing to see why

That's exactly what i thought when i was doing it, that's why i didn't change that part.

[Mirage_GSM]

Usually, when someone decrlares from the start that they are going to write a whole route for their first piece of fanfiction ever, I get ready for the worst.
In this case I don't think I need to worry too much.

One minor thing: Most new authors tend to use too few line breaks, making their texts hardly legible.
You tend to go too far in the other direction - especially in the second half of the chapter almost every sentence has its own line. Might be a good idea to work on that a bit.

Otherwise, please carry on

[fermatiauda]

Usually, when someone decrlares from the start that they are going to write a whole route for their first piece of fanfiction ever, I get ready for the worst.
In this case I don't think I need to worry too much.

Oow, that's such a nice thing to say. <3

Most new authors tend to use too few line breaks, making their texts hardly legible.
You tend to go too far in the other direction - especially in the second half of the chapter almost every sentence has its own line. Might be a good idea to work on that a bit.

Yeah, i knew about that, and i tried to avoid it, but as you said i went too far. - but yeah, i'll take note of what you said.

[AntonSlavik020]

This isn't bad. The only real comment I have is you could do a better job with time skips, particularly when they went to the cafeteria. Besides that, decent job so far.

[fermatiauda]

This isn't bad. The only real comment I have is you could do a better job with time skips, particularly when they went to the cafeteria. Besides that, decent job so far.

Thanks mate, i really appreciate it.

BTW i'm loving all the feedback right now, keep it going. <3

[Gajzla]

Whilst I agree that perhaps the lack of context makes it seem quite melodramatic, I wouldn't neccesarily say that's all in all a bad thing. Obviously we don't know what's caused that reaction, something so extreme to something so petty, but if it's a quirk of a character, then to me at least, it's intriguing to see why. We don't need all that information shoved down our throat right away essentially, it begs for development which I like.

I think my main problem was just how sudden the mood changed back and forth, I know in your first chapter you want to intrigue the reader, but the characters were doing a good enough job of that themselves.

I still hold it’s a massive reaction given the information we’re presented, I think less might have been more in this case. Never the less, you’re doing a good job and I hope to see more.

[fermatiauda]

I think my main problem was just how sudden the mood changed back and forth, I know in your first chapter you want to intrigue the reader, but the characters were doing a good enough job of that themselves.

I still hold it’s a massive reaction given the information we’re presented, I think less might have been more in this case. Never the less, you’re doing a good job and I hope to see more.

That's exactly what i wanted, i guess i exceed a little.

Thanks for your words and feedback, i really appreciate it, both of them. <3