Facing my Pains

WORDS WORDS WORDS


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Roamin12
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Roamin12 »

It's is somewhat interesting but the lack of double spacing is starting to make my eyes sore.
Mirage_GSM wrote:I know. You explained that before, but I'm lazy, so instead of repeateing all that, I shortened it to "chronic backpain".
Still, when you're running, every step is like a small slap on the back... See why it might not be a good idea for him to join the track team?

Oh, and that's not double spacing. You inserted a line after every scene. If you hadn't done that, it would have been completely unreadable.
And why does everyone suddenly worry about breaking the forums? It has withstood worse punishment before.
I have a small spinal problem due to an accident years ago, not bad enough to be considered a disability, but when I run, I notice that my back hurts much earlier than the feet and legs do, and that started after I had the accident. So someone who has their back broken in three places definitely will feel pain before long once they start running. Mirage is right, and he is also correct on his second point as well, that really isn't double spacing.
First Play through: Lilly>Hanako>Emi>Rin>Shizune
Second Play Through: Hanako>Rin>Lilly>Shizune>Emi
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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

I based the pain levels on the amount of force that hits or goes through his back which is why he didn't use the regular starting stance when he runs against Emi (to stop any possible force from the launch doing some mischief to his back), and why he isn't pushing that hard when he is running.
You'll have to trust me on this one does play a part in the story (and should become clear in the next chapter or two).
and as for the forum problem. I've seen at least two threads break the forums an they did have several large posts on one page, and since I'm putting up a new chapter each day where I've seen some post new chapters every few days or after a week and there would be several large posts with few smaller posts (since I know that there might be few comments between chapters) I didn't want to risk making the posts too large.

And here's the latest (and last to be posted for the next few days) chapter, but I have a feeling that I'm gonna get on the wrong side of a few people with what I've written in some parts of this chapter (also I might write a new chapter tomorrow depending on the time I have left and post it either on Saturday evening or Sunday evening).

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unusual Meetings

“Is something wrong”, the person asked.
I think I uttered something along the lines of being fine as I'd started to go through the pocket that the last container should be in.
After about a minute, my fingers brushed against something tucked into one corner and after a bit of fiddling, I managed to get the container out of the pocket.
The sound of rattling told me that it was the one I was looking for, so I brought out my notebook to check what was in there.
As expected, what is in the container was what I called my last chance medication as it was a stronger pain killer and should last longer then the others, even though the first two I took should have held the pain back for the whole school day between them, but then that was for a lower level of pain then what I was experiencing in the morning.
Without hesitating, I tipped the single tablet into my mouth and let it go down my throat with the assistance of some water.
Once that had been done I put the now empty container, notebook and bottle of water back into my bag, and using the wall as support I slowly stood back up to find the person who had spoken to me was still here.
“Are you all right”, she asked.
As I was now standing up, I had a better look at the girl who is standing in front of me.
Her height, blonde hair and facial features made me think that she was foreign, but her lack of any accent told me that she was only part-foreign and the cane that she held in her hands along with her clouded blue eyes also told me that she's blind.
“I'll be fine in a bit”, I said “I just have to wait for the medication I just took to kick in”.
“That's good”, the girl said “I thought that it was a lot worse from what I heard before”.
It was then that I remembered why I was on this floor to begin with.
“Would you know where the library is”, I asked “I'm kinda lost”.
“What a coincidence. I'm on my way there myself”, the girl said “I have something that I need to talk to the librarian about, so I can at least show you the way”.
I picked my bag up off the floor and followed the girl as she headed off down the corridor.
“You must be new here”, the girl said “I'm Lilly Satou. Pleased to meet you”.
“I'm Karou Nomura”, I said “pleased to meet you too, Lilly”.
My introduction seemed to make Lilly chuckle a little.
“I'm sorry”, Lilly said “I expected you to act more formally then how you did”.
“I'd already had that lecture from Suzu on Monday”, I said “so I didn't need to go through that again”.
The conversation ended as we approached a door which is situated in the centre of the floor, rather than either wing.
“Ladies first”, I said.
She smiles in appreciation at the gesture, and takes the lead as we walk in.

The library is pretty large, but then I didn't have anything to base my judgement on since I never stepped foot into the library at my old school as I bought my own books, and I studied in the quieter surroundings of my bedroom.
Lilly walks over to the counter to talk to the librarian, so I walked off to find some books to read.
My impression of the size of the library wasn't an understatement as I looked through the shelves stacked with books, taking out the odd one that interested me.
If I needed something to read, I wouldn't be stuck for choice here since a majority of my own books are at home.
Eventually, I had a respectable stack of books in my arms, so I turned my attention to finding a spot to go through them.
As I reached the end of the aisle, a sudden burst of pain makes me drop the book that I'm holding and as the books hit the floor I heard something.
As I looked around one of the bookcases I found several beanbags, one of which the source of the noise was sitting on.
It didn't take me long to recognise her as one of the girls in the same class as me, based on her dark hair that covers part of her face, and it looks like she's startled from hearing the books I'd been carrying hit the floor.
“I'm sorry”, I said “I didn't mean to startle you”.
“It... it's okay”, the girl said.
It didn't look like she was okay with it, but she suddenly points to one of the other beanbags that were next to the other bookcase.
After hearing her speak, I didn't expect her to invite me to sit in the same area she is in as I'd noticed her leave the classroom early without the teacher making any form of comment.
It made me think that she was more of a delinquent, but after seeing her here I started to think that she comes here so she can have some space to herself.
I walked back to the spot where the books were, only to turn around and see the girl following me to where I was and started picking up the books and handed them to me.
Again, I didn't expect her to do this, but it could be that she's doing this out of curtsey because she might have heard me just before the books hit the floor and she doesn't want me to have any further pain while picking them up.
Once all the books had been picked up the girl went back to her beanbag, and I followed picking one of the beanbags next to the bookcase opposite her and gently sat down placing the books next to me.
“Thank you, and I'm sorry for startling you”, I said “I'm Karou”.
“I... know”, the girl said “we... are in the same... same class”.
Her speech is really quiet, even in the silence of the library.
“H-H-Hanako”, the girl said “I'm... Hanako”.
I couldn't do anything but smile at her since I didn't want to say too much in case it scared her off, but then that could've scared her off.
However, she'd already returned to her book, so I started looking through the ones that I had.
While I read the first few pages of each book, I wondered how I'd been able to keep Hanako from running away.
She doesn't seem to be that talkative and it looks like she doesn't like being around crowds of people, but she did speak to me even though she stuttered through some of it and she invited me to sit with her along with helping with picking up the books that I'd dropped.
It could be that I wasn't focusing my attention on the scars that covered most of the right side of her face, and that I'm not constantly looking over at her like what I can see her doing from one corner of my eye.
It took me an hour or so to get through the pile I'd brought, and as I put the last book into the check out pile (which all the book I'd brought were in), Hanako closed the book she was reading and stood up.
"T-the library... is closing... soon", Hanako said "s-so w-we... should b-be going".
I looked at my watch which told me that it was now twenty past six, so the library should be closing in the next ten minutes.
I started to get back up, but as I got onto my knees, Hanako grabbed my outstretched right arm and helped me get back up.
Again, it was strange that Hanako would do this after my initial impression of her, but as I looked directly at the left side of her face, the smile she had told me everything.
It must be because I'm not focusing my attention on the scarred side of her face.
After I got to my feet, Hanako picked up the pile of books and handed them to me.
With what seemed like her reasons for doing this becoming clearer for me, her actions didn't confuse me.
When we returned to the counter, Lilly was still standing there talking with another person who probably is the librarian.
The moment Hanako saw Lilly, she ran up to her after calling her name.
It looks like she does have at least one person that she calls a friend.
"So, have you sorted out what you to sort out", I asked.
"I certainly have", Lilly said.
"All I have to do is check out these books and I'm done here", I said.
"Did Hanako and you come here together", Lilly asked.
"H-he had some problems, so I-I helped him out", Hanako said.
Lilly seemed to smile after Hanako had said that, which might mean that what happened between Hanako and I was a rare occurrence.
"I'm sorry, but the library is closing soon", the other person said "so if you have any books to check out, you need to do it now.
"I'm sorry, Yuuko", Lilly said "it was a surprise hearing what Hanako just said".
"Well I do need to check these out", I said.
"Right", Yuuko said "lets get these books checked out".
Yuuko quickly checked out the books I had with me, and we left the library.

After I returned to my room, I took some time to contemplate what had happened over the past few hours.
Even though Hanako isn't that talkative and doesn't like being around people, she still has someone that I think she calls a friend and it might be because of Lilly's blindness that she feels more at ease around her.
When I went to bed, I wondered if I'd meet any more interesting people and I also wondered if I'd have any further interaction with Hanako.
It seemed to be unlikely, but then I could be wrong.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Mirage_GSM »

As far as I can tell, the limiting factor for post length is characters, not lines. As each line break is only a single character, this shouldn't affect stability at all, but it would do wonders for readability.
The total length of posts on one page has to my knowledge not managed to break the forums yet. There are threads here with a total word count per page of ten times of what you have here, and they do use double spacing.
So, if you don't want to use double spacing - fine, it is your story, but don't use the forum as an excuse :-)

Regarding the track team... If he has to stay there in spite of his back problems for story reasons, that can't be helped, but you can at least add more realism - and additional conflict - by having the nurse (and maybe Emi) try to talk him out of it.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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griffon8
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by griffon8 »

I don't know how good this story is, because I'm not reading it while it is formatted this way. :(
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

Don't worry if I come across as a bit of a ass. I've had a really bad day.
Mirage_GSM wrote:As far as I can tell, the limiting factor for post length is characters, not lines. As each line break is only a single character, this shouldn't affect stability at all, but it would do wonders for readability.
The total length of posts on one page has to my knowledge not managed to break the forums yet. There are threads here with a total word count per page of ten times of what you have here, and they do use double spacing.
So, if you don't want to use double spacing - fine, it is your story, but don't use the forum as an excuse :-)

Regarding the track team... If he has to stay there in spite of his back problems for story reasons, that can't be helped, but you can at least add more realism - and additional conflict - by having the nurse (and maybe Emi) try to talk him out of it.
I wasn't using as an excuse, I just didn't want to take the risk that putting double spaces in after each sentence (which might make it look ugly since most of the sentences only cover one line from how I see it on the forum page) would break the forums because of the frequency of posting new chapters.

As for the track team bit. I'd already injected a bit of doubt into the character, and I couldn't made the nurse do a U-turn since he suggested it plus Emi was about to go into one of her "don't give up" speeches before the hit happened also I think that you've just broken the no requests rule by suggesting story progression.

And the spacing is staying as it currently is in the next chapter, so you'll have to live with it.

Now to the exciting part that is the next chapter.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Walking Forwards

Another morning in the life of me, but at least this time is wasn't pain that woke me up as that has now subsided into the background.

The start of my forth day at this school is about to start as the third day sleeping in this bed ends.
I thought it'd take longer then this, but even though I haven't added any form of decorations the room is starting to look familiar.
As I get into my uniform, my thoughts go back to the events of the past two days and I wonder how often I'll be heading to class with medications in tow.
I shake the thoughts out of my mind as I walk to the night table, take the first of the pain killers and left my room without taking the rest with me since the pain wasn't that bad and what I'd taken should be enough to get me through the day.

As I walk through the school grounds to get to class, the scenes that greet me on the way have started to look familiar too.
It's almost like I've already adjusted to life here in such a short time, and I'm also wondering if I'm walking forwards or standing still.

Once again, a few of my classmates are already sitting at their desks when I get to class, and as I walk over to my seat the door opens and what sound like several people walk in with one of them walking past me and turning around.
“So where did you go after class ended yesterday”, Miki asked.
“The library”, I said “I wanted to pick up some reading material”.
“Everyone in the club was waiting for you to turn up”, Miki said “even Emi”.
“I think we know what was going to happen”, I said “plus I wasn't in any state to go to the track”.
I walked past Miki and took my seat, putting an end to the conversation.
I knew that if I went down to the track, all I would've gotten is a thanks but you can't join the club.
Miki and Suzu took their seats as everyone else started to walk into class except for one, and I thought that she might not come to class today.
Just after the bell rang, the door opened and instead of the teacher coming in as I'd expected, Hanako walked in and nodded after looking at me before taking her seat.

The morning is filled with lectures, which gives me an opportunity to think about what I can do after classes.
The track and field club was now out of the question after I'd been well and truly beaten on the track along with what happened afterwards.
As Miki had said, the literature club is full and isn't accepting any new members.
I know there's a pool in the auxiliary building, but I'm unsure if there's a swimming club and even if there is, I couldn't swim that well even before the accident and I'm not that keen to be showing the scar that goes down my back.
There's a few other clubs, but they don't interest me that much so it looks like I'll be spending my after school time doing nothing but reading.

Lunch comes around quicker than expected, and I follow Suzu, Miki and company down to the cafeteria.
Once we'd gotten our food and got seated, everyone started doing their own things as I started eating.
I finished as quickly as I could and went back to the classroom, so I could avoid any more discussion from Miki about the track and field club.

However, as I get near the door to the classroom, somebody else is waiting there holding a bag under one arm.
As I got closer, the height of the person, the hairstyle and the prosthetics told me that it was the girl that I'd run against on Tuesday.
“Why didn't you turn up at the track yesterday”, the girl said “I was waiting for you to turn up”.
So this must be the Emi that Miki was talking about.
“I wasn't in any state to come down to the track”, I said “besides, I knew that I hadn't gotten in, so I didn't think I should come down just to be told that”.
“But your time was”, Emi started to say.
“Slower then my personal best”, I said “and what happened afterwards would've placed the last nail in the coffin of my running career”.
"So you're just going to give up", Emi said.
"Do I have a choice", I said "my parents already told me to give up".
"You can't give up. Ever", Emi said "if you give up then you're just as good as dead
"Then maybe that part of me is already dead", I said "since it would've died just after the accident".
"Don't ever say that", Emi said "if the rest of you is alive then you can still run, dammit".
Woah, I didn't expect such a small girl to have such a potty mouth.
"It isn't over", Emi said "you can still run".
"What do you mean by that", I asked
"The nurse spoke with the team captain", Emi said "it looks like you can still do short distances without causing any pain".
He read my notes, so he'd know that my back can tolerate short distance runs, even though my parents didn't want me to go on with this limited form of my past life.
"I just hope he didn't go into too much detail, I said.
"He only said that you could do short distance runs", Emi said "just enough to come to the conclusion that you should be a part of the team".
Emi thrust the bag in my direction.
"You'll need this", Emi said "and you should report to the track on Monday, after classes have ended".
"Why Monday", I asked.
"You need to rest your back after what happened on Tuesday", Emi said "we're not going to push you too hard too soon".
"At least I know that", I said "but my parents won't like it that much".
"Then we'll just make sure that they don't", Emi said "besides, you'll only be running in one track event during this school year".
It's good that all this running I'll be doing won't go to waste.
"So, we'll see you on Monday", Emi said "and if you don't come, then I'll drag you to the track myself".
It looks like I never had a choice in this matter.
Once she said what she had to say, Emi walked back to her class, but after taking a few steps she turns around.
"If you haven't been told already, I'm Emi Ibarazaki", Emi said "I'm the fastest on the track team, so don't expect to be catching up with me".
Emi then turns around, and heads back to her own classroom

As I start to become silently thankful that she confirmed my suspicions, another familiar voice coming from behind me finally speaks up.
"So you've finally come to your senses", Miki said.
"I didn't come to my senses", I said "Emi just shouted my senses back into me".
Okay, that might have sounded stupid, but it was the truth.
"At least we'll be able to see what you're capable of", Miki said "even if it is in a limited form".

It might be limited, but at least I'm going to be doing what I liked to do.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Mirage_GSM »

The thing about line breaks...
You're only supposed to use them when the speaking/acting person changes. For example, if Hisao is having an inner monologue of four sentences you don't have to use any line breaks at all - except if he changes the subject completely.
But I'll shut up about this now, since you're obviously not interested.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

You have to remember that I'm still a novice fan fiction writer (I only started work on my first project 3 months ago) with very little knowledge in what I should be doing.

Without these little bytes of information you've been handing out I'd still be making a shedload of mistakes (especially where punctuation is involved), and I got a bit hacked off with the double spacing issue since my other story doesn't have anything that could remotely be called double spacing, plus this is the first story that I've directly posted to the forum (a few other threads that did break the forums (and what silentcook said if I did try to post the whole of the first chapter of my first story in separate 2 or so page posts) did get me a bit worried and was why I was against the double posting to begin with) so I'm still feeling my way around on this matter and I've most likely gotten a bit better with sorting the double spacing out in the chapter I'm working on (but I still might be making mistakes).

Unfortunately, the chapter I'm working on is still being worked on since I had to stop writing because of the heat and time constraints (I didn't have that must time during the day or at night to get it done).
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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

I've finally gotten the next chapter done (naming the chapter and writing certain parts held the release back a bit, plus I think I made a bit of a mess of things in certain places).


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting Closer

I look at the bag that is now on my desk.

It's been two days since Emi told me that I had been accepted into the track and field club, and the solitude of my room on a Sunday gives me time to think things over.

Lunchtime on Friday was filled with nothing but questions from Suzu's club and eating companions.

I managed to get some time to myself on Saturday after lessons ended, but it wasn't to think about what had happened, rather to spend some time reading and Hanako just happened to be in the library at the same time, so we spent a few hours reading together.
We seemed to have developed a connection through our similar interests, but I wouldn't think that it would go any further then that.

Now that it's Sunday, and there's no classes, I can think through everything clearly.
I'm now a part of the track and field club, but I'm still not sure if I can actually go through with it even if there's a limit in my running and training.
Not that I'd have much choice in the matter, since Emi said that she'd drag me to the track if I didn't go there myself.
It does mean that I'll have something to do after school, and if I'm not on the track every day then I'll still have time to do other things.

My train of thought is disrupted by someone knocking on the door.
I know that it wouldn't be Lezard or Taro since I'm certain I heard them leave earlier on, but then I could be mistaken as I think I'd just woken up at the time and the noise I heard could've been from the last of the dream I was having before I woke up.
I got off the bed and walked to the door, to find Miki standing on the other side.

"What are you doing", Miki asked.
"Nothing much", I said "just thinking about a few things".
"Screw thinking. It's boring as hell", Miki said "you should be outside, enjoying yourself".
"It would be as boring as hell if I were enjoying the outside by myself", I said "that's why I'm in here thinking about things".
"Then we can kill two birds with one stone", Miki said "Me and Suzu are planning on going out and we could do with some company".
"Then why is it only you standing here", I asked.
"I need you for leverage", Miki said "if I asked her without anyone coming with us, then she might not come at all".
"So what you're telling me is that you haven't asked Suzu yet", I said "and that you're using me to get her out of her room".
"Don't sweat the small stuff, or you'll go bald early", Miki said.

So it looks like I'm being used, but it isn't that bad considering the company I'll be with.

I decided to go and went to close the door, so I could change as I was still in my pyjamas.
"Why are you closing the door", Miki asked.
"Because I have to get changed", I said "unless you want me to go out in my pyjamas".
Miki looked a little surprised that I hadn't changed out of my pyjamas yet, so she let me close the door and get changed.

After I'd changed, Miki didn't hesitate in dragging me unceremoniously to the girls' dorm, only to tell me to stay outside while she gets Suzu.
I didn't feel that comfortable standing where I currently am, but then why did Miki tell me to stay here instead of having me come up to Suzu's room.
It could be that she didn't want me to see Suzu's room, or that she didn't want me to know which room is Suzu's even though I could just walk in there myself and find out with a bit of walking around and it might just be that she has some other motive for this.
Thankfully, my theorising is disrupted by Miki walking back out with a large grin on her face, with Suzu following behind.

“See”, Miki said “I told you he was waiting here”.

Well that would explain why she wanted me to wait out here, but it could be that....
Just forget it, since thinking this much is making my brain hurt, and that hasn't even been injured.

With all that over with, we set out for our destination for the day. A park that was not that fer from the school.

This is the first time that I've been outside the school grounds since I started here, and the first time that I've walked to the local town or anywhere near it.
The locals didn't seem to be paying that much attention to us, which would mean that seeing students from Yamaku is a common occurrence.

We finally stopped walking when we got to what looked like a seating area in the park, and after Suzu and I were sitting down, Miki said she was going to get some drinks and left.
At least half an hour has now passed and Miki is yet to return, but after noticing a vending machine just within my field of view the reason for her not returning became clear.
“I think we've been set up”, I said.
“Why would you say that”, Suzu asked.
“Because Miki said she was going for drinks around half an hour ago”, I said “and there's a vending machine just over there, so she has no excuse for taking this long”.
“I actually wanted to talk to you about something”, Suzu said “but I didn't expect Miki to go this far to get the two of us together like this”.
“What did you want to talk to me about”, I asked.
“Why I'm here”, Suzu said “since I know why you're here”.
“You don't need to tell me that”, I said “since it would be pretty easy to guess as you're not going to any effort to hide it”.
“It's hard to cover up narcolepsy”, Suzu said “no matter how hard I try”.

I decided to put a halt to proceedings since Suzu seemed to be fading fast, and went to the vending machine I'd seen to get some drinks.
I returned rather quickly with one drink for me, and three cans of coffee for Suzu.

“How did you know”, Suzu asked.
“You were always drinking coffee during lunch”, I said “so it was simple to figure out what you'd want without asking”.
Suzu pulled the tab on the first can, and after taking a drink that looked long enough to empty the entire can she started to tell me about her.

After hearing about when she was diagnosed, all the other problems that accompanied her condition and all the injuries that she'd had (which she really didn't have to tell me about) it made my problems seem insignificant.
Silence went over us, and after a few minutes I turned towards Suzu to find what looked like three empty cans and the girl that was talking a few minutes ago now fast asleep, with every attempt to wake her failing.
I looked at my watch, which told me that it was getting late in the day, so I decided to carry the now sleeping Suzu back to school.
With carrying her on my back out of the question, I decided to carry her in my arms while making sure not to jostle her braced leg.

The trip back to school took longer then it did to get to the park because I was carrying Suzu this time, but as I reached the dorms I suddenly realized that I didn't know which room was Suzu's.
I didn't want to walk through the girls' dorm carrying Suzu, so I ended up taking her to my room until she woke up.
With a little subterfuge, I managed to get to the third floor and my room without anyone noticing what I was carrying.
After getting into my room (which was easier then I thought since I didn't have time to lock the door before Miki dragged me away), I placed the still sleeping Suzu onto my bed and sat down at my desk to do my homework.
Once I'd gotten all the papers organised on the desk, I turned around to check on Suzu.
She was still sleeping, but she looked incredibly cute at that time.
I turned back around to start my homework, and after an hour or so as I started on my maths homework I heard some movement coming from my bed.

"Wh-where am I", Suzu asked as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"My room", I said "you fell asleep while we were out, so I carried you here since I didn't know where your room is".
"You didn't do anything", Suzu started to say.
"I didn't do anything you might be thinking of to you", I said "I put you on the bed and started on my homework".
Suzu got off the bed and checked herself over, but I ended up saying something I didn't think I would say.

"Do you have anyone you're interested in", I asked.
To be honest, I didn't even know why I'd said this since I didn't even know Suzu for that long and I shouldn't ask her any relationship type questions.
"There is someone", Suzu said "but I'm not sure if there's anything there yet".
I was pretty surprised that she actually answered the question since I wasn't even sure why I asked it in the first place.
"He's a nice guy, and he doesn't even treat me any differently", Suzu said "even though I haven't known him for long".
I think I need to have my ears checked, since I couldn't believe what I'd just heard Suzu say.
"I should get going", Suzu said "I need to get my homework done as well".
As Suzu turned around to head towards the door, I noticed that she was blushing ever so slightly.
"I'll see you in class tomorrow", Suzu said just before she left my room.

Now that I was alone, I started to wonder again why I asked her that last question.
I'm certain that I don't have those kinds of feeling for her, or do I.
I place my left hand on my chest to see what my heart is saying, but I don't hear anything.
With more questions running about my head then answers, I sit back down at my desk.
These equations aren't going to solve themselves.
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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

And here's the next one.

I've also added a link to every chapter including this one in the first post (I'll add a google drive link as soon as I've sorted out to folder and the sharing settings).

There won't be any further updated to that file as I'll be starting a new file for chapters 11 to 20 and that will be posted once I've gotten to chapter 20.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the Run

Monday, the start of the week and the start of my second week at Yamaku.

The day starts like every other school day.
Get up, get dressed, have something to eat, get everything sorted out and head to class.
There is something that's missing from my room.
After everything that happened in the aftermath of my accident, my parents took the decision to get rid of my old mobile phone to keep those that caused this from contacting me.
They did say that I'd have a new phone when I started here, but there wasn't anything else here last week when I first entered this room.
Maybe they thought that I wouldn't make any friends during my time here.
There isn't anything I can do about this, so I finally left the room and headed to class.

As I walked through the school grounds, I suddenly heard someone running towards me and I turned around to find Miki being the source of the running and Suzu walking slowly behind her.
“So”, Miki said “did the two of you have a good talk yesterday”.
“It would've been better if it wasn't for all the subterfuge”, I said.
“You must've still enjoyed it”, Miki said “since Suzu came back rather late”.
“I fell asleep”, Suzu said “that's why I came back late, or don't you believe me”.
Suzu suddenly looked at me in a way that told me that she didn't want Miki to know that I took her to my room.
“We should get to class”, I said “or we'll be late. If it matters since the teacher does have a habit of turning up late”.
That shut Miki up, and the three of us headed to class.

When we arrived, we were greeted with a loud laugh coming from the bright pink drilling station that was sitting at the other end of the classroom.
I ignored the wailing banshee, and took my seat with Miki and Suzu doing the same.
It looks like this a more common occurrence and is something that I'd get used to as well as ignore.

As I'd expected Mutou turned up late, wrote some page numbers on the board and sat down at his desk.
With everyone working on their own, I had another opportunity to think about what happened yesterday.
I could never figure out why I'd asked Suzu that question just before she left my room.
Even after I'd finished my homework, I couldn't figure out what my heart was telling me.
It wasn't telling me anything, even now as I was working on what had been written on the board I couldn't fathom why I asked that or even what my own body is telling me.
By the time lunch came around I decided to put it to the back of my mind and focus on what was going to be happening after classes had ended.
Lunch was the same as it has been for the most of last week, but this time I ended up being quizzed on something I didn't expect anyone to ask.

"So how did you manage to get in", Lezard asked "tuition fees here aren't cheap unless you're going to do something that helps those with disabilities".
"The people who caused this had to pay up to allow me to have something of a normal life", I said "and the tuition fees for Yamaku were a part of that, even though the school where I had my accident paid a part of them when they didn't have to".
"You're starting with the track and field club today", Taro said "are you sure you can handle it".
"I'm certain of it", I said "the only downer from last week was when that idiot decided to run into me".
"You should have more faith, Taro", Miki said "the captain knows his limitations, so as long as nobody runs into him then nothing can go wrong".
I was about to say something, but I was stopped when I felt something press onto my left shoulder and found that Suzu had fallen asleep while using my shoulder as a pillow.
I didn't want to disturb her, so I shifted my arm a bit to make it a little more comfortable for the both of us (well I hoped that is did for Suzu) and continued eating my food.

Just as I finished off what I was eating, there was some movement from my left as Suzu stared to wake up.
"I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable", I said.
"I'm sorry", Suzu said "I didn't mean to do that".
"Don't worry about it", I said "you can use my shoulder to sleep on any time".
Suzu blushed ever so slightly before finishing off the remains of her food.

The afternoon lesson were all group activities with Miki, Suzu, Molly and me working together once again.
All of the problems were pretty simple, and we managed to finish everything about ten minutes before everyone else.
As I started to pack my things away, I was interrupted by Misha who placed a package on my desk.

"You should check the student mail", Misha said "that's been there since the end of last week".
I wondered who would send me a package like that, but I had other things to think about so I placed the package into my bag and headed to my room.
With today being my first proper day back on the track after my accident, I wanted to make a good first impression after the mess that happened after last week.
I changed out of my school uniform and into the fresh gym uniform that Emi had given me last week.
Now that I was properly attired for what I was about to do, I headed out to the track.

The scene at the track was the same as it was last week, and once Emi had spotted me she broke from her running and headed over to where I was standing.

"So you finally turned up", Emi said "I was going to drag you here after I'd done that set".
"I had to get changed", I said "and my room seemed to be the better place to do it".
"At least you're here", Emi said "lets get you down to the track".
Once Emi had said that, she dragged me onto the track and up to the team captain.
I was told that I'd only be doing 100 meter and 200 meter events, and that I would only have to attend once or twice each week.
Along with telling me that, I was also told that I had to do three 100 meter runs today to get a measure of my current running abilities.

I took my place at the starting line as some of the track team made sure there wouldn't be a repeat of the last time.
As I went into my starting position, I knew that all the times I'd been testing my pain tolerances on a treadmill at the hospital in secret would come to fruition in the next minute or so.
As the starting signal went off, I launched myself down the track.
I wanted to improve over the time I had after the run with Emi last week, and as I crossed the line I thought that I'd done better.
Except the first thing I had was a slight twinge in my back.
Either I was still feeling the affects of the impact from last week, or that run last week was a complete fluke.
After a few minutes the pain went away, and Emi walked over.
"Everything all right", Emi asked.
"I'm not sure", I said "I did feel a bit of a twinge in my back after the race".
"It might be that your form was a bit off", Emi said "Miki just told me that your form looked different this time".
"Probably", I said "we'll have to see if I can complete the next two runs".
"I'm sure you can", Emi said before returning to her viewing position.

I went back to the start for the second run, but I'd started to doubt myself as I went back into my starting posture.
When the starting signal went off this time, I launched myself off the line with a little less force then I did the first time.
After I crossed the line this time, I didn't feel the twinge that I felt the last time, so it might be that I did things correctly this time.
The third run ended in the same way as the second, but I still wasn't that sure that everything was okay.

I walked over to the bleachers where Emi, Miki and Suzu were sitting.
Emi got up and walked over to me as I was handed the sheet that had the times for all three laps written on it.
Surprisingly, I was just a bit slower then my personal best on the last run.
Emi had a look of pride on her face as she reached me.
"I told you that your form was off", Emi said "those last two runs were amazing".
"I'm still a few seconds off my personal best", I said "but I'm happy with what I can do".
"That's the spirit", Emi said "I'm sure you'll be able to match your best again".
"Maybe", the captain said "but we should focus on getting some times in".
I just hope he isn't going to get me to run another three times.
"I want you back on Thursday to put down some 200 meter times", the captain said "you can come any time you want if you want to get some laps in, but we'd rather you only come a few times a week".
Taking those words under advisement, I went back to the dorms with Suzu following me.

"I didn't expect you to go back on the track", Suzu said.
"I didn't think I'd be able to complete three runs after the first one", I said.
"But you did finish them", Suzu said "and you looked amazing during the last run".
I couldn't say anything after that as we walked back to the dorms.
I could only wonder how things would proceed after all this.
Last edited by demonix on Tue May 29, 2012 7:04 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Six seconds off his personal best on a 100m dash? You know that's an awful lot, don't you?

Also: "gum uniform" :-D
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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atw_ah
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by atw_ah »

demonix wrote: Along with telling me that, I was also told that I had to do three 100 meter runs today to get a measure of my current running abilities.

Surprisingly, I was only six seconds off my personal best on the last run.
This just bugs me. At best, in a high school level, 100 meters can be completed in slightly over 10 seconds.
To just be able to compete well, your times have to be at least 12 seconds when you first begin and then your training would improve that.
I know he's injured and all, but having a 6 second difference in your time for a 100 meter is just awful and not something someone would be proud of.
KS: Bloodline The story of Yaso Atoza, 24 years after the events in KS.
Nomad: A Hanako Tale Hanako's search for her own personal paradise, ten years after KS.

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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

I've removed the time difference and just left it as a bit slower.

As for the spelling mistake, it's now been corrected (sometime I wish that spell checkers can flag up keyboard slippages).
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Roamin12
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Roamin12 »

I have one small complaint, you use "said" quite often, replacing it with "replied", "exclaimed", "questioned", "proclaimed", etc... will help mix up the variety a little bit. Also, when you put things like "Suzu said" (For example) in the middle of dialogue, even when they are still talking, it seems a little jarring to me. It may not be a bad idea to mix up where those segments are in the sentence.
You have to remember that I'm still a novice fan fiction writer (I only started work on my first project 3 months ago) with very little knowledge in what I should be doing.
Welcome to the club, my first attempt was years ago, and that never went anywhere, and I only gave fiction writing another shot about a month-and-a-half ago.
The fact you started not that long ago is all the more reason to criticize, it is the best way to improve, as long as it is constructive criticism.
First Play through: Lilly>Hanako>Emi>Rin>Shizune
Second Play Through: Hanako>Rin>Lilly>Shizune>Emi
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Dippeggs
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by Dippeggs »

I like your story, but I noticed you barely use question marks and exclamation points. When I read your story, I feel like everyone is talking in a monotone voice and I'm not totally sure when people are excited or asking real questions.
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demonix
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Re: Facing my Pains

Post by demonix »

To clear things up a bit I only use said a majority of the time because the other words you've put either wouldn't fit in or sound right, and having breaks in speech is a common occurrence in most books (which is the standard I'm using for all the stories I'm writing), so you can see it as a pause in what the character is saying.

As I've already said (and I'm starting to feel like a broken record here) I'm still a novice and punctuation was one of my flaws when I started on my first story, also since I'm working blind on this I have problems on where to place other punctuation (but where question mark are involved, I only put them in if the question being asked is after the break).

Unfortunately, I haven't managed to complete the current chapter (I can't use all the time I have in the evening to work on this as I have to get started on the third chapter of my other story), but I will be posting google drive links for the first 10 chapters.
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