Strictly a Pulmonary matter (Feedback appreciated)

[GibGabGoo]

You go to the trouble of making an original character. Then you go to the trouble of providing an intro for him. Then you make him go through nearly the same sequence of events as Hisao in KS, including among other things:

-Him meeting a guide
-Him asking about the library (and later, visiting it and meeting Hanako there by chance)
-Him meeting the Nurse with the same seeking a file, the same kind of neurosurgery joke, the same recommendations about exercise
-Him being in the same dorm corridor as Hisao, thus by extension meeting Kenji (though I suppose this might be a setup for a plot point in the future)
-Him getting asked about introducing himself to the class, and feeling trepidation about this
-Him getting into group work for his first class
-Him getting the 60-40 spiel from Kenji
-Him getting shown the Shanghai

The amount of original material from you is not zero, but there's a Hell of a lot of identical stuff going on here, without even a valid attempt at disguising it. I didn't think it needed specific pointing out, thus insulting both your intelligence and mine, but there you go.

Well, thank you for explaining. While the library (I genuinely couldn't think of another way for Hanako to be introduced to the MC, my fault I suppose), him being on the same dorm area as Kenji (I assumed Hisao being put there meant that it was the empty area the school could place transfer students) and The Shanghai were intentional (I assumed the Shanghai was well-known among Student Council/Class President members, thus Osamu showing the MC it), the rest of the similarities were unintentional. Though, surely a brand new transfer student getting a guide would just be common sense? Also, assuming that an understanding teacher would ask that new student if he wanted to introduce himself to his brand new classmates, surely it makes sense that he'd be anxious, given that he's not massively-confident of himself? The rest of the story certainly isn't going to be similar to the original VN. I apologise for being so similar to the original VN. Again, it was mostly unintentional.

[Silentcook]

The problem here is not about the plagiarism being intentional or unintentional, though I do have a difficult time believing your not having noticed so many similarities.
And I want to make sure you understand that it's not "OMG plagiarism of KS! Protect the license! Stone the infidel!" either. As if.

No, the problem with plagiarised stuff is that as soon as you notice it, it's B O R I N G. That is a capital sin in entertainment fiction.
Seriously, the dip in interest level between the prologue and the first chapter was so sharp that my reaction was literally "...wait, WHAT? What happened, was there a writer change? How did things go this wrong all of a sudden?"

But eh, whatever, carry on. I expect you'll experiment on your own hide the dynamics of getting back what you give out fairly quickly.

[Roamin12]

Looks very interesting so far.

One question. It seems like William is supposed to be going to college, but yet he's going to Yamaku which is a high school? Did he get held back a year?

Thank you!

Yes. My lack of knowledge about transition from the British education system to the Japanese education system influenced that quite a bit. As you can start College at 16 in Britain, If you transferred to the USA or Japan for instance, I'm not sure if you would transfer to a College or a High School?

Oh, okay thank you for the clarification, I was confused on that point as well, and out of curiosity, you are Gib-Gab-Goo on fanfiction.net? Because you have the same username (actually, ALMOST the same)here and that account has the same story, I'd figure yes, but I just want to confirm it.
Back to the subject at hand, I am enjoying this so far and I actually really like your OC as well, keep up the good work.

[GibGabGoo]

Oh, okay thank you for the clarification, I was confused on that point as well, and out of curiosity, you are Gib-Gab-Goo on fanfiction.net? Because you have the same username (actually, ALMOST the same)here and that account has the same story, I'd figure yes, but I just want to confirm it.
Back to the subject at hand, I am enjoying this so far and I actually really like your OC as well, keep up the good work.

Yes, I certainly am. I can confirm I'm not being impersonated by anyone Thanks for the positive comments, too. It means a lot!

The problem here is not about the plagiarism being intentional or unintentional, though I do have a difficult time believing your not having noticed so many similarities.
And I want to make sure you understand that it's not "OMG plagiarism of KS! Protect the license! Stone the infidel!" either. As if.

No, the problem with plagiarised stuff is that as soon as you notice it, it's B O R I N G. That is a capital sin in entertainment fiction.
Seriously, the dip in interest level between the prologue and the first chapter was so sharp that my reaction was literally "...wait, WHAT? What happened, was there a writer change? How did things go this wrong all of a sudden?"

But eh, whatever, carry on. I expect you'll experiment on your own hide the dynamics of getting back what you give out fairly quickly.

Oh don't misunderstand, I never thought for a second that it was anything to do with KS or the license or anything. You're certainly a much better writer than myself, so I wont question or disagree with you on any literary criticism you make. I'll simply use it to try to improve my own writing going into the future. Thanks for the feedback.