Chapter 0
01
"Come in, please!"
After I hear the reply to my knocking, I hesitantly open the door leading into the 'office' where I have my sessions every other week. Office isn't really a good word to describe it. Den or living room seem more appropriate. Miss Yumi has very peculiar tastes when it comes to her work place.
"Good day, Miss Hanako."
"G-good day, Miss Yumi."
As I enter, Miss Yumi gets up, approaches me and we exchange greetings and polite bows.
"May I have the honor of getting you some tea, Miss Hanako?"
"I-I humbly accept, Miss Yumi."
The little ritual we practice at the start of every session is a bit old-fashioned, just like the room and Miss Yumi herself. But it serves its purpose well. Since it's exactly the same every time, I can simply repeat the phrases I always use without having to think too hard about how to respond. (Which usually causes me to start stuttering)
A small bowl of tea is gently placed in my hands, and after a small bow, we both take a careful drink. When I was admitted to this school, the head nurse explained to me the teachers were not going to make a fuss if I felt anxious and wanted to leave class to catch my bearings. However, he also mentioned he was assigning me one of the therapists at school for sessions outside of school hours. I sensed that they expected me to go along with this in return for the lenience I'd receive in regard to my school attendance, so I reluctantly accepted.
My first therapist was a middle-aged man with thick glasses and a scruffy beard. He was polite enough, but also really intimidating. I always felt a bit like a research specimen during our sessions. Eventually I was referred to another person; a rather young man with a stubble, sneakers and an awful sweater. He was nice enough, but I always felt uneasy around him. The third person was Miss Takawa, who was new to Yamaku at the time. She told me I could start calling her Miss Yumi as a sign of trust once I felt we established such a thing and since a few weeks I've been calling her that.
"Well then, shall we start?"
"Y-yes, please."
Miss Yumi gives a small nod, and I place the first black stone onto the game board. Miss Yumi takes one of her white stones and puts it in place with a dull tap.
"So, Miss Hanako, how have you been sleeping lately?"
Tap
"Not t-too badly."
We usually have an agreement that only the person whose turn it is is allowed to speak. If I want things to slow down, I can simply wait a bit before placing my next stone.
Tap
"That's good to hear. May I suggest we try a week without sleeping pills again and see if things remain that way? The worst weeks should be behind us for now."
Tap
"If you say so."
Miss Yumi is an enthusiastic Go player, and ever since our third meeting we've been playing as part of our session.
Tap
"If we can get you your daily eight hours of sleep again without any medication, then that's a goal we should not pass up. If you still have bad dreams three weeks after…that day…you could try some herbal tea. I happen to know a recipe that tends to work very well."
Tap
"O-okay then."
I don't think I actually relax while playing games, as Miss Yumi thought at first. It's quite the opposite…I grow more focused than usual. But since I get to focus on something other than my anxiety, my head tends to be clearer, and I'm less nervous in my interactions.
Tap
"If you were a little older, I could recommend a few sips of sake as well, but I don't think that'd be a good idea right now. If the principal were to find out, these old bones would be dragged onto the street in a heartbeat."
Tap
I suppress a small giggle. While Miss Yumi is always a bit formal, she's not always serious and is quick to fill the silences with some small talk whenever I don't have much to say myself.
Tap
"So, how is life in the dorms these days?"
Tap
"S-same as always. Except the girl in the room next to mine has moved out recently."
Tap
"I see. Have you ever spoken to her?"
Tap
Not that I can remember. SHE tried to speak to ME though, around the time I moved in here. Or rather, barged into my room and pretended living next to each other was enough to make us instant buddies. I've kept my door locked ever since.
"N-no. I haven't."
Tap
"So I suppose you can expect to get a new neighbor soon. I doubt the housing department will leave that room empty for long."
Tap
That would be too much to hope for.
"Maybe."
Tap
"Maybe even someone nice."
Tap
Hopefully nice enough to ignore me instead of staring at me.
"Maybe."
Tap
"That's not a bad move, Miss Hanako. You're getting much better at this."
Tap
She's just flattering me. While it's nice to play against her, I haven't beaten her a single time. She's a formidable player and doesn't feel the need to hold back for her opponent's sake.
"N-not really."
Tap
"I have the not-very-scientific belief that it's possible to deduce certain personality aspects of a person through their playing style while they're still learning the ropes of a game."
Tap
What does that say about me? Has she been analyzing me through this? Like a creative variation of a typical question form?
"R-really?"
Tap
"Your defensive playing style fits your personality, Miss Hanako. Am I right to assume your favorite chess strategies also focus on defense?"
Tap
That's a pretty good deduction. Am I really that predictable?
"That's…right."
Tap
"But pure defense will never win you anything. At best, it results in a stalemate."
Tap
Isn't that still better than losing? Is she saying I should go on the offensive instead? That'd just get me beaten sooner.
"S-should I play aggressively then?"
Tap
"Playing aggressively doesn't suit you. It would be better for you to stick to what comes naturally to you and improve upon it. A good offensive player forces opportunities. A good defensive player takes advantage of opportunities as they arise."
Tap
Are we still talking about Go here?
"Ah…"
Tap
"We could practice it if you'd like. I'm going to leave you a few openings now and then and it's up to you to spot them and exploit them as quickly as you can."
She smiles as her eyes scan the board.
"You might find that games like these and life in general have quite a few parallels."
Tap
I just nod and try to focus on the result of Miss Yumi's latest move. Am I already supposed to look for openings?
Tap
"By the way, Miss Hanako, I almost forgot to tell you that I will be on leave for the next two weeks. So our next session will be in twenty-one days. If anything happens, you can always contact the head nurse here. I have no plans to take any trips, so he should have no problems getting in touch with me in the unlikely case of an emergency."
Tap
02
That news makes me feel sad. I didn't think about it at first, but I've come to enjoy these sessions. I can be on my own just fine most of the time without feeling miserable, but now that I'm being told I'll have to wait for three weeks before we'll get to talk and play games again, I suddenly start to feel lonely.
Tap
She said she's not going to be away from home.
Tap
Should I ask if I can visit her sometime? Just to play a few more games?
Tap
What if she rejects me?
Tap
She's an adult. She has been for a long time. She's different from my old schoolmates. We get along well. She doesn't mind my scars.
Tap
"Is something bothering you, Miss Hanako?"
Tap
"Umm…I…"
My social anxiety, which usually remains subdued during these sessions, has just returned in full force and is threatening to choke me. As my breathing starts speeding up, Miss Yumi places her bowl in front of me and then gets up to get the kettle from the brazier in the corner.
"Don't force yourself, dear. Take a sip, a few deep breaths, close your eyes and think of a clear sky or flowing water."
Just a few sentences. I can do this.
"M-Miss Yumi…c-c-can I…c-c-come o-over n-next…w-week and p-p-play a…a g-game w-with y-y-you?"
Miss Yumi merely looks at me with an unreadable expression on her face. Or rather, stares at me.
"Come over next week, you say?"
Don't tell me she didn't understand. Did I really cut such a pathetic figure? I gather all of what's left of my rapidly vaporizing determination and force myself to smile at her.
"M-m-Miss Yumi…c-c-can I b-be…b-b-be f-f-friends w-with you?"
I exhale deeply. I said it. I didn't think I could do it, but I said it. But strangely enough, Miss Yumi doesn't react. As I look at her, I still see that same neutral expression on her face. Just when I'm about to ask her if she's heard me (I don't think I could bear to repeat my question), she slowly starts speaking.
"Miss Hanako, your friendship is the second most valuable gift in the world you can offer another person…and a priceless gift it is."
Her gaze suddenly lowers and shifts to one of the corners of the table. A feeling of dread starts to well up inside me. Miss Yumi shuts her eyes for a few seconds and then forces herself to look right at me.
03
"I am very sorry that I cannot possibly accept it."
"Of…of course not."
I try to think of something more to say. Some way to change the subject. But I can't. Of course she wouldn't want me around. Who would want to spend time with a useless person like me? She's only tolerating me because she's being paid for it.
I have to get out of here.
I feel a lump in my throat. I desperately try to swallow it.
I have to get out of here.
I squeeze my eyes shut, but I can't prevent tears from rolling down my cheeks.
I have to get out of here now.
"Miss Hanako…"
Go somewhere. Anywhere. Away from here.
"Miss Hanako…"
Far away from here.
"Miss Hanako!"
Miss Yumi's stern voice snaps me out of it. When I look at her, I notice she has a tissue in her hand which she offers me while her eyes look sadly, but compassionately at me.
"Before you draw your own conclusions, please let me explain."
Explain? Is this where she's going to make up excuses? Tell me she's not worthy or something?
"I'm not refusing your gift because I don't enjoy spending time with you or because you're not a sweet and caring girl. I do and you are. I cannot accept your gift because… a friendship between us would be inappropriate."
Inappropriate? You know what's inappropriate? Your friendliness! Playing games with me and acting all interested in me! Pretending that you care! It's just a facade. Another tool to pry me open so you can take a look inside and determine just how broken things are!
I'm trying to restrain myself, but suddenly I feel furious. Before I can stop myself, I hiss a reply to her.
"I-I'm j-just another br-broken human being f-for you to f-fix."
I regret those vitriolic words the instant they leave my mouth, but Miss Yumi doesn't flinch. Instead, she refills the tea bowl and calmly looks back at me.
"Supporting your recovery, or 'fixing you' to use your own words, is what I'm here for. It'd be disingenuous of me to pretend otherwise. I am a therapist after all."
I freeze. That's not the reaction I expected at all.
"Miss Hanako, the desire for friendship you expressed just now is undeniably a good thing, and I'd greatly encourage you to hold onto it, but not all friendships are undeniably good. Some friendships can be downright unhealthy. And friendships with therapists are the unhealthiest of them all."
"I…I don't understand."
"Friendship is a bond of mutually accepted equality, Miss Hanako. True friends are equals. Two people cannot be equals if one of them is being paid to spend time with the other. Two people cannot be equals if one has learned the history of the other through a case file. True friends are willing to share both each other's joy and each other's grief."
"And you… can't?"
"As your therapist, I will be here as long as you need my help, but when you stop requiring that assistance… when you start getting better, people like me will start backing out of your life in order to shift their attention to those more in need of their presence. It's what a therapist does. It's not something a friend would ever do."
"So… Are you saying we cannot be friends? Ever?"
"I believe that a good therapist will never try to become your friend, and a good friend will never try to become your therapist. No person should try to fulfill both roles for you. I believe I can serve you best as a therapist because we work well together… unless you can no longer believe in me after today."
"I…I'm not sure."
"Please let me assure you right now, Miss Hanako, that still I believe in you. Just because I cannot be your friend doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you. I believe that you'll get the friendships you desire in time."
"W-why?"
"Because I learned one more thing from watching you play."
"What's that?"
"That you're not a quitter, even though life, like me, hasn't been going easy on you. And because quitting is not in your character, you'll eventually come across the right opportunities."
Now I believe she's merely trying to cheer me up. I really need some time alone at the moment. I get up to leave and Miss Yumi lets me go without protesting.
As I open the door and turn around to bid her farewell, Miss Yumi performs what has to be the deepest and most prolonged bow I've ever seen from her, and when she rises I'm shocked to see an expression of genuine sadness on her face.
"Truth be told…I've been forced to have this talk with several people over the years, and it still breaks my heart every time I have to repeat it. I'm truly sorry, Hanako."
For a moment I forget my own sadness and disappointment. Then, her smile is back and the moment is lost as her words echo in the hallway.
"I hope to see you here again in three weeks. Please take care."
My head understands her words, but my heart is still feeling miserable.
04
Sisterhood: True Edition (Hanako Epilogue) (Completed)
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Chapter 0
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 12:17 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Guest Poster
- Posts: 1264
- Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 12:42 am
Chapter 6
Chapter 6
01
"…Hisao?"
"Hanako. Are you still awake?"
"I…had a bad dream just now. I couldn't get back to sleep right away. Then I heard you tossing and turning."
"Sorry about that."
"You don't have to apologize."
A silence. Should I try to talk to Hisao some more, or would he dislike being kept awake? This is the second consecutive night we spent sleeping in the same bedroom; a result of Lilly's match making mood. I was given the double bed Lilly's parents must have used in the past while Hisao has been using the smaller bed in the corner.
"H-Hisao, d-do you want to talk for a bit?"
"Sure."
I'm wondering if Hisao is thinking about the same thing I am right now. Even though we're girlfriend and boyfriend, we're currently not exactly acting as a couple. Are we supposed to right now?
"Umm…I w-wouldn't mind if you got a little closer."
"Like sit on the edge of your bed? That would indeed talk a little bit easier."
"Y-you c-can lie n-next to m-me if you want."
"I-if you don't mind."
I hear the sound of shuffling steps slowly coming closer. Due to the heavy curtains covering the windows and the absence of street lights outside, the room is pitch black. I hope Hisao won't bump into something like I did when I nearly knocked over Lilly earlier this night. As the shuffling stops, I move a bit to my right to give him some space, and a moment later I hear him get into the bed.
"…"
"…"
This feels awkward. I try to make conversation by asking the first question that pops into my mind.
"H-Hisao, do you often have trouble sleeping?"
"On occasion. It's my medication. It sometimes messes with my sleeping patterns. Sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night, and sometimes I can't fall asleep no matter how tired I feel."
"I'm sorry."
"How about you? Do you often have bad dreams?"
"S-sometimes. A-about the accident or a-about elementary school. It used to be worse than it is now."
"You've been getting better?"
"Therapy is helping a bit. Though I still take sleeping pills sometimes during periods when things get especially bad, I'm trying not to rely on them too much."
"I met Miss Takawa a few days ago."
"I know. She asked me if she could meet you."
"She seems nice. A bit odd, but nice."
"She… is."
Another silence. I want to say what's on my mind, but I'm not sure how to put it.
"Hisao… How has your h-heart been lately?"
"Not bad. I've responded well to those early morning jogs."
"Nothing happened like… during… that… night?"
I feel him freezing for a moment. We never mentioned "that night" again after we started dating. Even the memory is still painfully awkward for us both.
"No… Not even a small flutter. With luck it'll stay that way. Look at today. We walked to town and back in warm weather, and we had another long walk this evening. I'm not saying I'm in perfect shape yet, but I'm slowly getting better at handling physical activity."
"Because… we're… in a r-relation right now, but I thought you… were worried about your heart and erm…"
I hear him sigh. He probably understands where I am going.
"You want to know why I picked my own bed if I wasn't worried about my heart."
"…we have shared a bed before."
"It's pretty confusing, isn't it? We just started dating. We haven't done anything besides kissing and hugging. And yet we've lost our virginity to one another. Sharing a bed shouldn't be a problem, right? We've gone further than just sleeping next to each other."
"It…is a bit confusing."
"I wasn't sure how you felt about physical intimacy beyond what we've done so far. I don't want to feel the way I felt last time ever again."
"I d-don't understand."
Hisao takes a long pause.
"…I feel that last time, sleeping with me was just a means to an end to you. You didn't want the experience itself, you just wanted me to see you in a different light. I did something to you that you didn't really want. Something very intimate that you didn't really want. Afterwards, when I learned your motivation, I felt like I had my way with you. Like I took advantage of you."
I had no idea he felt this bad about it. It's true I let him have sex with me, but I didn't feel like he forced me to.
"…I… don't really see it that way. I… feel it was me who was t-taking advantage of you. I had ulterior m-motives I didn't tell you about. At least not until later."
"Even so, the whole thing was painful for you, wasn't it?"
"That… last… part was kind of painful, to be honest. But… I've read that… it… hurts for most girls during their first time, so I don't think it was your fault. And there was one thing I enjoyed about the whole thing."
"What was that?"
"People often recoil when they see even part of my face. You… saw much more of me that night. But you still… wanted me."
"Your scars really don't do much to diminish your beauty, Hanako."
He says it with such sincerity that I can't help but smile. I'm still not quite used to the idea of being attractive to someone, but it always feels good when Hisao is flattering me. It makes me want to ease his anxiety in return.
"Hisao… What happened that night… It wasn't the right t-time. But for me, it was at least with the right p-person. I'm happy it was with you. As awkward as it was, it was with someone I r-really, really liked. That's what's important to me. So p-please don't feel bad about this anymore."
I hear him shift, and I suddenly feel a soft kiss on my… nose? I giggle. It has to be tough to kiss someone when you can't see your hand in front of your face.
"Hanako… Have you ever thought about… you know… what it'd be like if we went a step further?"
I feel my cheeks burning when he asks me this question. It seems he's trying to find out if I have a sex drive without actually having to ask me directly.
"I'm not really sure… Not too long ago, I was still considering intimacy something that other people had, but I w-would never have. So I told myself it was something I neither needed nor wanted. But when you showed me the scar on your chest and allowed me to touch it… I found out I enjoyed the physical contact. It really surprised me when I discovered that aspect of myself."
"Was it a pleasant discovery?"
"I… don't really know. I'm still in the process of getting used to the idea. I… do occasionally wonder what it would b-be like if we… became more intimate. But when I think about it for too long, I still get a bit scared. How about you, Hisao? Aren't you scared you'd get heart trouble if you got too carried away?"
"I'm kinda trying to lower the chances of that happening. At this point, I think I should be able to handle something not too intense."
"…Are you… proposing something?"
"Until now, I simply assumed you weren't up to it anyway, but then I realized I should at least make the effort to ask if you'd like to…"
"…l-like to what?"
"Like to make out."
I smile. I realize I still come across as fragile and shy despite my new-found resolve to try and become more confident. I appreciate the fact Hisao is at least making the effort to find out what I really feel and want instead of making assumptions about me, even if they're probably largely correct.
"W-Why so sudden?"
"Circumstances, I guess. We have a big room and a big bed all to ourselves right now. The only person within a mile is Lilly, who's a pretty heavy sleeper and isn't going to barge in on us. We don't get this kind of convenience and privacy at Yamaku. It kinda feels like a shame to waste the opportunity. But on the other hand, I'd hate to do something you're not ready for… again."
I take some time to consider Hisao's words. I enjoy kissing and hugging him. It turned out that I'm not quite as frightened of physical contact as I'd always thought I'd be. I'm admittedly a bit curious. Hisao's right that right now would not be a bad opportunity. The fact that it's too dark for him to actually see me might make me feel more at ease too. But if I want to relax, I have to be sure about one thing.
"W-we c-could g-give it a try. But I… I'm not too sure what I… am or am not… ready for."
I hear Hisao shifting a bit next to me. I then feel him touching my arm and then bringing my hand to his face.
"Any time you feel like it's too much, just pinch my cheek really sharply, and I'll stop right away. Got that?"
"Y-yes."
"Also, it's probably best if you take the active role."
"Ah… M-me t-taking…?"
Judging from Hisao's tone, he likes that idea, but I'm not so thrilled myself. I'm not exactly the most pro-active person in the world, and having this rely on me might make for a very passive experience. Still, since I was the one who voiced reluctance, it makes sense to do it this way. I lean over to the nightstand, pick up and put in my hair clip and turn my head in Hisao's general direction.
"Ummm…w-what should I do now?"
02
"Could you lie on top of me?"
I take a deep breath, feel my way over to him, carefully straddle him, lie down and adjust my position until I'm fairly certain my face is about on the same level as his.
"Now just take your time and try to relax."
I rest my head on his shoulder, letting his left cheek brush against my own and wait for my heart to stop racing. I'm not sure how long we spend lying like this. Two minutes? Five? Just as I start wondering if this hadn't been a bad idea all along, I feel a sensation on the back of my head.
"H-Hisao?"
…
He's running his hand through my hair.
…
So much for my active role.
…
It feels nice though.
I gently raise my head a bit, so his hand ends up caressing the back of my head. He whispers to me.
"Do you like that?"
"Y-Yes."
Having received my consent, Hisao brings up his other hand and starts using both to stroke the back and sides of my head. As the feelings from his touch wash over me, my body starts to relax.
…
This is nice.
…
It feels like that hug I shared with Lilly when she came back.
…
But better.
…
So much better.
…
Am I supposed to return the favor?
…
Would he like it?
…
Maybe I should try it out.
I move my body a bit to get more comfortable and raise my head a bit more, then place my hand on the side of his face. As Hisao resumes stroking my hair, I nervously start running my fingers through his, hoping he'll start feeling the same thing I am.
"That feels good, Hanako."
His encouragement makes me feel a little bit more confident, and I gently lower my head, letting my forehead rest against his. As I lightly start stroking his neck with my fingertips, his breathing speeds up ever so slightly, and I let out an awkward giggle as I feel his breath brush across the left side of my face. Apparently Hisao is eager to return the favor as his right hand slides down to the nape of my neck and starts caressing it.
…
This is more comfortable than I thought it'd be.
…
It also feels more intimate than that time we actually had sex.
…
After what feels like an hour of petting and caressing, I turn my head to the side. So far Hisao hasn't taken much initiative, content to let me determine the pace - a role I'm slowly growing into. Deciding to take another step closer, I lean in and kiss him on his left cheek. For a second there's no reaction, before he unexpectedly turns his head, causing his lips to touch mine and making me pull back with a surprised gasp.
As I get ready to return the kiss, a playful idea gets into my head. I carefully approach his mouth with mine until I can feel his breath tickling my lips, stopping what I think is barely an inch away from his face. I quietly count to three in my head and then place an unexpected kiss on his right cheek. As he turns his head again, I swiftly move my head back just a bit so my lips remain just out of his reach. I blow gently on his lips to tease him, then move my head and plant a kiss on his left cheekbone before retreating again as his lips attempt to catch mine.
This is fun.
I move my head again to go for his other cheek, but as I bring my lips down again, I'm surprised to find his own meeting me. As I quickly move back again, I hear a soft chuckle. Determined not to let him catch up to me in this little game of tag, I hold my breath to prevent him from tracking me, then swiftly place a kiss on his right cheek again.
And then on his left cheek.
Near his right eyebrow.
Now he starts holding his breath too to avoid giving himself away, but I won't have any of that. Bracing myself, I gently wiggle my body a bit, causing him to exhale sharply as it rubs against his.
Another kiss on his right cheek…
One on his left ear…
"I-I give up already!"
I giggle at his mock-desperate claim of surrender. I wouldn't have minded keeping this up a little longer, but it looks like Hisao wants to move on.
"Please keep still, Hisao."
I limit myself to a few quick pecks on his mouth first, but when I feel his arms wrap around me I move in for a longer kiss, this time welcoming the touch of his lips. I feel him open his mouth just slightly as we press our lips together. When I carefully pull away after kissing his lower lip for several moments, I feel no anxiety or fear, just a little nervousness and more than a little anticipation. I move in again, this time going for his upper lip. This time he starts returning my kisses.
…
We're really getting into this.
…
"Ow!"
"Sorry."
We mumble a quick apology to each other after we accidentally clash teeth during a slightly too enthusiastic kiss.
…
I wonder if I should…
During the next kiss, I softly tickle his lower lip with my tongue. As we press our lips together, I bashfully move my tongue past his lips, only to retreat with a gasp the moment it meets his.
"Go ahead, Hanako."
Attempt number two then. I do my best to relax and slip my tongue into his mouth again. This time I let his tongue touch mine, though it's mostly passive contact. Is there a right way to do this? It looks so easy on television.
Attempt number three. I try to stroke his tongue with mine a bit. Am I doing this correctly?
As I clumsily explore his mouth with my tongue, I feel his hand stroking my back. It's nice, but he's sticking too much to a scarred area. I doubt he can feel this with my nightgown in the way.
"A little lower."
"Sure."
Our kisses are starting to get more feverish.
…
He uses his hand to gently push my head aside and kisses my neck, causing me to shiver.
…
I wildly ruffle his hair with my hands as I accept his tongue into my mouth.
…
I return the neck kiss he gave me earlier. His body is starting to wiggle under me.
…
The sensation from his hand and his tongue is causing me to start rubbing my body against his as well. I start wondering where this will end.
…
"Hanako…I…"
"H-Hisao…"
"I'd like… Would you want to…"
I know what he wants to say.
"…g-go a-all the way?"
"Yes. Do you…?"
"I… I…"
Part of me would probably like that. But another part of me is still afraid. Afraid of being… penetrated again. Afraid of the pain and awkwardness that came with it last time. And above all… afraid of not being able to enjoy it. Before this night, I might have ignored that fear. Last time, me enjoying it wasn't a priority or even a concern for me. But now that Hisao has told me how awful he felt afterwards about our last night together, I can't bear to sleep with him under false pretenses again. Especially considering how much effort he's made this night to adjust things to my pace. I decide that killing the mood is better than betraying his trust.
03
"I'm s-sorry, Hisao. I c-can't do it y-yet."
He sighs. That was to be expected.
"I understand Hanako. We've already gotten really far."
That's the problem. We've gotten this far and now I'm blue balling you. That has to be frustrating. Please don't pretend it's not. Please don't pretend to be understanding.
"I appreciate you being honest about this. It's okay."
Except that it's not okay. I felt that bulge in your pants just now while we were grinding against each other. And now you're going to sleep on a dissatisfied note. Or worse, sneak off to the bathroom when I'm asleep to hand yourself that happy ending I can't give you.
…
I can't?
A bold idea suddenly pops up in my head. Maybe there IS something I can do.
I want to thank him for tonight. Make him feel good.
It's embarrassing, but not any worse than the intercourse we've had before.
I can do this.
The hardest part is bringing it up. I have to act quickly.
For you, Hisao.
I seek out his lips again and give him a long kiss in an attempt to salvage the mood before it vanishes completely.
"Hisao… I… ummm… I could..."
"Hanako?"
"…if you'd like… I c-could…"
Do it, damnit. Do it before you start thinking too much about this.
"…I c-could… s-s-stroke y-you… d-d-down t-t-there… m-make you f-f-feel g-good."
A silence.
Say something already before I break down and start apologizing for saying this.
"Would you do that, Hanako?"
"Y-yes… Yes."
"In that case… I'm all yours."
Yes!
04
Giving him another quick kiss, I move off of him to give him some room and grin as a thought comes to me.
"H-Hisao… I-I think we should take off your c-clothes. Those pajamas you're wearing are b-borrowed, aren't they?"
I chuckle.
"Yeah, getting these soiled might call down Lilly's ancestors from the heavens to place an ancient Scottish curse on me."
The ridiculous mental image that remark conjures up combined with the tension I was feeling before is too much for me to bear, and I snort with laughter. When I catch my breath, I can hear the rustling of his pajamas as they're being taken off. I softly stroke his leg, and as my hand runs across his boxers, I whisper a final request for confirmation.
"Hisao?"
"Go ahead."
I nervously take hold of his boxers, and he lifts his hips as I take them off before dropping them over the side of the bed. I pull the covers back up to his chin, lie on my side next to him, wrap my left arm around him and sneak my right hand down to his abdomen. Making an attempt to get back in the mood as it was before I got cold feet, I seek out his lips with my own and start kissing him again as I gently tickle his stomach. The fact that he's naked, vulnerable and leaving himself in my hands (and the fact we can't see each other) gives me enough confidence to take the lead. As I start caressing his thighs and hear his breathing accelerate, I suddenly think of something. Letting up my kissing, I move my head to the side of his, playfully kiss his earlobe and then whisper in his ear as I place my hand on his chest. His heartbeat is fairly quick, but steady.
"Hisao, if you start feeling d-distress or chest pain or… anything alarming, just say stop and I'll stop immediately. That or just pinch my side. Okay? My left side."
"Okay."
I resume my kisses and my stroking of his thighs. I feel his breath halt for a moment when I carefully run a finger up and down the length of his member.
…
Then two fingers, one on each side this time.
Another gasp.
…
Then I wrap my fingers around him. I slowly move my hand, playfully squeezing every now and again. As he starts moving his body in tandem with my motions, I start speeding up.
A pleased sigh.
…
As Hisao's breathing becomes even more irregular, I lean in and start frantically kissing the side of his neck. I can tell by the movement of his hips, his breathing and the occasional stifled groan that he's near his limit. As I prepare to give him a final nudge…
"Stop! Hanako, stop, stop, please…"
I quickly let go of him and listen as he struggles to catch his breath. Is he going to have an episode? Did I go too far? I let my hand rest on top of his chest, but his heartbeat, although rapid, seems steady.
"H-Hisao!… Are you… Did I…?"
"It's… okay, Hanako. I'm... perfectly fine."
"Then why did you ask me to stop?"
He chuckles.
"I just didn't want it to end yet."
I breathe a sigh of relief, settle down next to him again and kiss his cheek.
"P-please don't scare me like that anymore."
"Sorry."
We share a short moment of silence.
"Hisao, d-did you like it so far?"
"Yeah, it felt really good. You seem to be having fun as well, Hanako."
I giggle cheerfully.
"I am. I really like making you feel good. It f-feels good pampering you. This probably feels as good to me emotionally as it does to you physically. Both types of fun are rewarding."
"Can't we have both?"
I reply with a kiss and reach down to pick up where we left off.
"It s-sounds like you're ready for me to continue."
We soon get back into the rhythm.
"Hmmm, Hanako…"
This even gets me a little turned on.
"…H-Hanako…"
I can do this for as long as you like, Hisao.
"Hanako, w-wait a bit…"
Does he want to say something?
He puts his hand on top of my own as an indicator to stop.
"Hanako…I was actually serious just now."
"About what?"
"When we were making out earlier, I felt good both from giving and receiving. I'd like to keep this going."
"What do you mean?"
"If you…ah…were to switch places with me, I think we can both…you know…"
"W-WHAT?"
"The last time we shared a bed, when I tried to…um…get you ready for intercourse…did that feel good?"
I feel awkward thinking back on that. I didn't exactly hate it, but good was too strong a term. The circumstances were less than ideal back then.
"I…I think l-last time I was t-too nervous to enjoy it much. B-but it d-didn't hurt."
"Maybe I could help you relax this time."
"How?"
"By leaving things up to you and following your lead. That worked very well before. We can stop any time it becomes too much."
"D-do really want to do… this… with me that badly?"
"I won't press you if really don't want to. But if possible, I'd like this to be something I can experience together with you."
I think for a bit. I can't ignore the fact that I warmed up to making out pretty quickly, despite being nervous about it earlier. Would this be the same? Can I do this without freaking out? Hisao entrusted himself to me. I'd like to give him the same level of trust.
"O-okay, let's… try… together… then."
I sit upright and hesitantly pull my nightgown over my head before dropping it onto the floor. Before I can change my mind, I whisper to him.
"G-g-go a-ahead, Hisao."
I lie back and raise my bottom just a bit. I blush heavily as I feel my underwear being pulled down. I wonder if Hisao felt this vulnerable when I took off his.
"S-so, now what?"
"Could you lie on top of me like before?"
"O-okay."
I get on top of him again and am immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of his body against mine. Even when we had sex last time, we didn't get this close to each other. I feel his body warmth like never before.
"And now?"
"Try to relax."
I once again rest my head on his shoulder. I try to remember what helped me relax before.
"C-could you stroke my head again like you did earlier?"
His arms wrap around me. I don't feel them on my upper back very well, but the sensation of my chest being pressed against his is all the stronger for it. I feel his hand stroke the back of my head. As we lie there, I slowly feel my tension ebb away.
"Hisao, isn't this frustrating for you? I-I got you really aroused before, and now you're being forced to slow down again because of me."
"I'm not bothered by it, Hanako. I was the one who suggested to slow down and get you more involved to begin with, wasn't I?"
I nod even though I know he can't see it and seek out his lips. I try to speed up my pace a little bit for his sake, and soon we're back to the intense kisses we shared just before I started pleasuring him. As I pull away for a moment in order for us to catch our breath, he breaks our embrace.
"Hanako… When you think you're ready, could you lie on your back next to me?"
I swallow, gather my courage and slide off of him. He rolls on his side, wraps his left arm around me and starts stroking the side of my face with his other hand.
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"I'm going to leave the rest up to you."
"What do you mean?"
"Could you…guide me?"
What does he mean by that?
…
Should I tell him what to do?
…
Or maybe…
I place my hand on top of his and gently guide it down to my neck. As I let go, Hisao begins stroking the side of my neck.
So that's what he meant.
Following in my footsteps, Hisao starts kissing me in order to increase the stimulation. I take his hand again and speed up the motion slightly.
…
I slowly guide his hand downward until it rests on my collarbone. He starts running his hand across, stroking my left shoulder and then heading back. I start moving my upper torso in response to the sensation.
This feels really nice.
I suddenly notice that his hand is slowly edging down towards my breasts.
Very sneaky, Hisao.
I quickly take his hand and guide it upwards again. The response is a disappointed huff. I let out a giggle.
"Hisao…"
"Yes?"
"Y-you can stroke my chest, if I can stroke yours."
I put my right hand on his chest and softly run it along his scar, smiling at the memory this brings up. When I feel his hand slide down to my breast, it feels a bit awkward, but I'm no longer afraid.
As we fondle each other and a very pleasant feeling starts spreading through my chest, I realize why Hisao wanted me to participate in this so badly.
It really does feel better to do this together.
I work my way up to his neck and am pleased to find out Hisao's hand follows suit. Looks like I found a new way to guide him.
…
I move down his collarbone and across his chest again. And once more the favor is returned.
Then I slide my hand to his lower belly. Both our stroking and breathing becomes heavier as we get closer to each other's private regions.
I kiss him passionately as we start caressing each other's inner thighs. We both took a major step earlier this night and another one is only a few inches away from my fingers.
I… I'm ready for this, I think.
I once again wrap my fingers around him and gasp as his hand slides over my most intimate area.
"Are you alright, Hanako?"
"Just… let me… get used… to… it."
I spread my legs a little bit more and take hold of his hand.
A little higher.
…
A little bit to the left.
…
A little slower.
"C-could you try… continuing… like… this, Hisao?"
The last time Hisao did this to me, I merely felt a tingling sensation that caused my body to become aroused, but didn't do much to ease my nervousness. This time, it's much stronger, and I reel from each sensation his hand sends through my abdomen. I'm getting so absorbed in the experience that I almost miss him calling out to me.
"H-Hanako…ahh…s-stop, stop."
I quickly let go of him. Judging from his heaving breath he wouldn't have lasted longer than a few more seconds.
"D-do you… hahh… want to take a… (gasp)… break, Hisao?"
"I'll take some time to catch my bearings, Hanako. You just lie back and enjoy."
He continues to stimulate me, and as I hang back and focus completely on my own pleasure, the feeling becomes so intense I arch my back and let out a soft moan.
This feels so good.
I start gyrating my sensitive area against his hand.
"F-faster…just a little bit."
I put my hand on his and speed up the pace a bit.
"Mmmmmm…"
He starts kissing my collarbone and left breast.
I love this.
I guide his hand to make the strokes shorter and firmer.
"H-Hisao… l-like this… ahhh…"
I don't think I'm going to last much longer. The sensation has grown so overwhelming I can barely think straight.
My breathing is ragged and shallow.
I grab hold of Hisao again. I want to do the final stretch together with him.
We're getting there.
He leans over and starts kissing my neck.
Almost.
I feel how he starts making thrusting motions with his hips.
Almost!
The muscles of my abdomen and inner thighs start twitching.
Almost!
He playfully licks my earlobe. That's more than I can take. My body makes a bucking motion, my hips tense up and I feel three… four shocks between my legs, each of them sending a delightful shudder up my spine. I squeeze my lips shut, but can't prevent myself from letting out several stifled moans.
As my climax subsides, I become aware of Hisao again who's still rapidly thrusting his hips. Eager to let him follow suit, I increase the pace of my strokes even more and gently lick his neck. Suddenly, I hear a muffled groan followed by the sensation of something wet hitting my belly. Hisao's body relaxes and slumps against me. For a moment, all that's audible in the room is the sound of our heavy breathing.
…
05
"Hisao? Are you… alright?"
"I-I'm fine… I think."
"Thank goodness."
He shifts and I suddenly feel the covers being pulled back.
"Hisao… You aren't going to…?"
Just then I feel something soft rubbing against my stomach.
"What's that?"
"Handkerchief. I didn't want that stuff to dry up on your tummy."
I giggle. That sounded so sweet.
"You're a real gentleman, Hisao."
"I try."
He pulls the sheets back up, and I snuggle up against him. Laying my head on his chest, I can hear his heartbeat. Still swift, but steady. I sigh contentedly as he puts his arm around me and strokes my head once more.
"What were you about to ask before?"
"Ummm… I was afraid you wanted to sleep in your own bed after this."
"Don't be silly."
…
"Hanako, can you do something for me?"
"What is it?"
"Please still be here when I wake up next morning."
I give him a quick kiss.
"I promise."
"Hanako, did you…"
"I-I enjoyed this, Hisao. Thanks for being so patient with me."
"Me too, Hanako. And I don't mind the slow pace. Gotta watch the old ticker, after all."
I think he was just being polite there. How long did this whole thing take? And how many guys would really want to do the long-winded approach of one baby step at a time until their girlfriend would finally manage to keep her nerves in check? I don't have any personal experience, but I'm pretty sure most guys would get bored with the slow pace and get the desire to quickly skip to the end. It makes me appreciate Hisao all the more.
Tomorrow morning will probably be very awkward, but I promise myself to wake him up with a smile tomorrow.
Hisao's breathing has already changed to the slow and steady rhythm of slumber, and just before I join him, one final though goes through my mind. Just before he nudged me over the edge, for only a single second, I wanted to go further… wanted him to go further. I smile. With luck, it won't be too long before I'm ready to take another step with him.
06
01
"…Hisao?"
"Hanako. Are you still awake?"
"I…had a bad dream just now. I couldn't get back to sleep right away. Then I heard you tossing and turning."
"Sorry about that."
"You don't have to apologize."
A silence. Should I try to talk to Hisao some more, or would he dislike being kept awake? This is the second consecutive night we spent sleeping in the same bedroom; a result of Lilly's match making mood. I was given the double bed Lilly's parents must have used in the past while Hisao has been using the smaller bed in the corner.
"H-Hisao, d-do you want to talk for a bit?"
"Sure."
I'm wondering if Hisao is thinking about the same thing I am right now. Even though we're girlfriend and boyfriend, we're currently not exactly acting as a couple. Are we supposed to right now?
"Umm…I w-wouldn't mind if you got a little closer."
"Like sit on the edge of your bed? That would indeed talk a little bit easier."
"Y-you c-can lie n-next to m-me if you want."
"I-if you don't mind."
I hear the sound of shuffling steps slowly coming closer. Due to the heavy curtains covering the windows and the absence of street lights outside, the room is pitch black. I hope Hisao won't bump into something like I did when I nearly knocked over Lilly earlier this night. As the shuffling stops, I move a bit to my right to give him some space, and a moment later I hear him get into the bed.
"…"
"…"
This feels awkward. I try to make conversation by asking the first question that pops into my mind.
"H-Hisao, do you often have trouble sleeping?"
"On occasion. It's my medication. It sometimes messes with my sleeping patterns. Sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night, and sometimes I can't fall asleep no matter how tired I feel."
"I'm sorry."
"How about you? Do you often have bad dreams?"
"S-sometimes. A-about the accident or a-about elementary school. It used to be worse than it is now."
"You've been getting better?"
"Therapy is helping a bit. Though I still take sleeping pills sometimes during periods when things get especially bad, I'm trying not to rely on them too much."
"I met Miss Takawa a few days ago."
"I know. She asked me if she could meet you."
"She seems nice. A bit odd, but nice."
"She… is."
Another silence. I want to say what's on my mind, but I'm not sure how to put it.
"Hisao… How has your h-heart been lately?"
"Not bad. I've responded well to those early morning jogs."
"Nothing happened like… during… that… night?"
I feel him freezing for a moment. We never mentioned "that night" again after we started dating. Even the memory is still painfully awkward for us both.
"No… Not even a small flutter. With luck it'll stay that way. Look at today. We walked to town and back in warm weather, and we had another long walk this evening. I'm not saying I'm in perfect shape yet, but I'm slowly getting better at handling physical activity."
"Because… we're… in a r-relation right now, but I thought you… were worried about your heart and erm…"
I hear him sigh. He probably understands where I am going.
"You want to know why I picked my own bed if I wasn't worried about my heart."
"…we have shared a bed before."
"It's pretty confusing, isn't it? We just started dating. We haven't done anything besides kissing and hugging. And yet we've lost our virginity to one another. Sharing a bed shouldn't be a problem, right? We've gone further than just sleeping next to each other."
"It…is a bit confusing."
"I wasn't sure how you felt about physical intimacy beyond what we've done so far. I don't want to feel the way I felt last time ever again."
"I d-don't understand."
Hisao takes a long pause.
"…I feel that last time, sleeping with me was just a means to an end to you. You didn't want the experience itself, you just wanted me to see you in a different light. I did something to you that you didn't really want. Something very intimate that you didn't really want. Afterwards, when I learned your motivation, I felt like I had my way with you. Like I took advantage of you."
I had no idea he felt this bad about it. It's true I let him have sex with me, but I didn't feel like he forced me to.
"…I… don't really see it that way. I… feel it was me who was t-taking advantage of you. I had ulterior m-motives I didn't tell you about. At least not until later."
"Even so, the whole thing was painful for you, wasn't it?"
"That… last… part was kind of painful, to be honest. But… I've read that… it… hurts for most girls during their first time, so I don't think it was your fault. And there was one thing I enjoyed about the whole thing."
"What was that?"
"People often recoil when they see even part of my face. You… saw much more of me that night. But you still… wanted me."
"Your scars really don't do much to diminish your beauty, Hanako."
He says it with such sincerity that I can't help but smile. I'm still not quite used to the idea of being attractive to someone, but it always feels good when Hisao is flattering me. It makes me want to ease his anxiety in return.
"Hisao… What happened that night… It wasn't the right t-time. But for me, it was at least with the right p-person. I'm happy it was with you. As awkward as it was, it was with someone I r-really, really liked. That's what's important to me. So p-please don't feel bad about this anymore."
I hear him shift, and I suddenly feel a soft kiss on my… nose? I giggle. It has to be tough to kiss someone when you can't see your hand in front of your face.
"Hanako… Have you ever thought about… you know… what it'd be like if we went a step further?"
I feel my cheeks burning when he asks me this question. It seems he's trying to find out if I have a sex drive without actually having to ask me directly.
"I'm not really sure… Not too long ago, I was still considering intimacy something that other people had, but I w-would never have. So I told myself it was something I neither needed nor wanted. But when you showed me the scar on your chest and allowed me to touch it… I found out I enjoyed the physical contact. It really surprised me when I discovered that aspect of myself."
"Was it a pleasant discovery?"
"I… don't really know. I'm still in the process of getting used to the idea. I… do occasionally wonder what it would b-be like if we… became more intimate. But when I think about it for too long, I still get a bit scared. How about you, Hisao? Aren't you scared you'd get heart trouble if you got too carried away?"
"I'm kinda trying to lower the chances of that happening. At this point, I think I should be able to handle something not too intense."
"…Are you… proposing something?"
"Until now, I simply assumed you weren't up to it anyway, but then I realized I should at least make the effort to ask if you'd like to…"
"…l-like to what?"
"Like to make out."
I smile. I realize I still come across as fragile and shy despite my new-found resolve to try and become more confident. I appreciate the fact Hisao is at least making the effort to find out what I really feel and want instead of making assumptions about me, even if they're probably largely correct.
"W-Why so sudden?"
"Circumstances, I guess. We have a big room and a big bed all to ourselves right now. The only person within a mile is Lilly, who's a pretty heavy sleeper and isn't going to barge in on us. We don't get this kind of convenience and privacy at Yamaku. It kinda feels like a shame to waste the opportunity. But on the other hand, I'd hate to do something you're not ready for… again."
I take some time to consider Hisao's words. I enjoy kissing and hugging him. It turned out that I'm not quite as frightened of physical contact as I'd always thought I'd be. I'm admittedly a bit curious. Hisao's right that right now would not be a bad opportunity. The fact that it's too dark for him to actually see me might make me feel more at ease too. But if I want to relax, I have to be sure about one thing.
"W-we c-could g-give it a try. But I… I'm not too sure what I… am or am not… ready for."
I hear Hisao shifting a bit next to me. I then feel him touching my arm and then bringing my hand to his face.
"Any time you feel like it's too much, just pinch my cheek really sharply, and I'll stop right away. Got that?"
"Y-yes."
"Also, it's probably best if you take the active role."
"Ah… M-me t-taking…?"
Judging from Hisao's tone, he likes that idea, but I'm not so thrilled myself. I'm not exactly the most pro-active person in the world, and having this rely on me might make for a very passive experience. Still, since I was the one who voiced reluctance, it makes sense to do it this way. I lean over to the nightstand, pick up and put in my hair clip and turn my head in Hisao's general direction.
"Ummm…w-what should I do now?"
02
"Could you lie on top of me?"
I take a deep breath, feel my way over to him, carefully straddle him, lie down and adjust my position until I'm fairly certain my face is about on the same level as his.
"Now just take your time and try to relax."
I rest my head on his shoulder, letting his left cheek brush against my own and wait for my heart to stop racing. I'm not sure how long we spend lying like this. Two minutes? Five? Just as I start wondering if this hadn't been a bad idea all along, I feel a sensation on the back of my head.
"H-Hisao?"
…
He's running his hand through my hair.
…
So much for my active role.
…
It feels nice though.
I gently raise my head a bit, so his hand ends up caressing the back of my head. He whispers to me.
"Do you like that?"
"Y-Yes."
Having received my consent, Hisao brings up his other hand and starts using both to stroke the back and sides of my head. As the feelings from his touch wash over me, my body starts to relax.
…
This is nice.
…
It feels like that hug I shared with Lilly when she came back.
…
But better.
…
So much better.
…
Am I supposed to return the favor?
…
Would he like it?
…
Maybe I should try it out.
I move my body a bit to get more comfortable and raise my head a bit more, then place my hand on the side of his face. As Hisao resumes stroking my hair, I nervously start running my fingers through his, hoping he'll start feeling the same thing I am.
"That feels good, Hanako."
His encouragement makes me feel a little bit more confident, and I gently lower my head, letting my forehead rest against his. As I lightly start stroking his neck with my fingertips, his breathing speeds up ever so slightly, and I let out an awkward giggle as I feel his breath brush across the left side of my face. Apparently Hisao is eager to return the favor as his right hand slides down to the nape of my neck and starts caressing it.
…
This is more comfortable than I thought it'd be.
…
It also feels more intimate than that time we actually had sex.
…
After what feels like an hour of petting and caressing, I turn my head to the side. So far Hisao hasn't taken much initiative, content to let me determine the pace - a role I'm slowly growing into. Deciding to take another step closer, I lean in and kiss him on his left cheek. For a second there's no reaction, before he unexpectedly turns his head, causing his lips to touch mine and making me pull back with a surprised gasp.
As I get ready to return the kiss, a playful idea gets into my head. I carefully approach his mouth with mine until I can feel his breath tickling my lips, stopping what I think is barely an inch away from his face. I quietly count to three in my head and then place an unexpected kiss on his right cheek. As he turns his head again, I swiftly move my head back just a bit so my lips remain just out of his reach. I blow gently on his lips to tease him, then move my head and plant a kiss on his left cheekbone before retreating again as his lips attempt to catch mine.
This is fun.
I move my head again to go for his other cheek, but as I bring my lips down again, I'm surprised to find his own meeting me. As I quickly move back again, I hear a soft chuckle. Determined not to let him catch up to me in this little game of tag, I hold my breath to prevent him from tracking me, then swiftly place a kiss on his right cheek again.
And then on his left cheek.
Near his right eyebrow.
Now he starts holding his breath too to avoid giving himself away, but I won't have any of that. Bracing myself, I gently wiggle my body a bit, causing him to exhale sharply as it rubs against his.
Another kiss on his right cheek…
One on his left ear…
"I-I give up already!"
I giggle at his mock-desperate claim of surrender. I wouldn't have minded keeping this up a little longer, but it looks like Hisao wants to move on.
"Please keep still, Hisao."
I limit myself to a few quick pecks on his mouth first, but when I feel his arms wrap around me I move in for a longer kiss, this time welcoming the touch of his lips. I feel him open his mouth just slightly as we press our lips together. When I carefully pull away after kissing his lower lip for several moments, I feel no anxiety or fear, just a little nervousness and more than a little anticipation. I move in again, this time going for his upper lip. This time he starts returning my kisses.
…
We're really getting into this.
…
"Ow!"
"Sorry."
We mumble a quick apology to each other after we accidentally clash teeth during a slightly too enthusiastic kiss.
…
I wonder if I should…
During the next kiss, I softly tickle his lower lip with my tongue. As we press our lips together, I bashfully move my tongue past his lips, only to retreat with a gasp the moment it meets his.
"Go ahead, Hanako."
Attempt number two then. I do my best to relax and slip my tongue into his mouth again. This time I let his tongue touch mine, though it's mostly passive contact. Is there a right way to do this? It looks so easy on television.
Attempt number three. I try to stroke his tongue with mine a bit. Am I doing this correctly?
As I clumsily explore his mouth with my tongue, I feel his hand stroking my back. It's nice, but he's sticking too much to a scarred area. I doubt he can feel this with my nightgown in the way.
"A little lower."
"Sure."
Our kisses are starting to get more feverish.
…
He uses his hand to gently push my head aside and kisses my neck, causing me to shiver.
…
I wildly ruffle his hair with my hands as I accept his tongue into my mouth.
…
I return the neck kiss he gave me earlier. His body is starting to wiggle under me.
…
The sensation from his hand and his tongue is causing me to start rubbing my body against his as well. I start wondering where this will end.
…
"Hanako…I…"
"H-Hisao…"
"I'd like… Would you want to…"
I know what he wants to say.
"…g-go a-all the way?"
"Yes. Do you…?"
"I… I…"
Part of me would probably like that. But another part of me is still afraid. Afraid of being… penetrated again. Afraid of the pain and awkwardness that came with it last time. And above all… afraid of not being able to enjoy it. Before this night, I might have ignored that fear. Last time, me enjoying it wasn't a priority or even a concern for me. But now that Hisao has told me how awful he felt afterwards about our last night together, I can't bear to sleep with him under false pretenses again. Especially considering how much effort he's made this night to adjust things to my pace. I decide that killing the mood is better than betraying his trust.
03
"I'm s-sorry, Hisao. I c-can't do it y-yet."
He sighs. That was to be expected.
"I understand Hanako. We've already gotten really far."
That's the problem. We've gotten this far and now I'm blue balling you. That has to be frustrating. Please don't pretend it's not. Please don't pretend to be understanding.
"I appreciate you being honest about this. It's okay."
Except that it's not okay. I felt that bulge in your pants just now while we were grinding against each other. And now you're going to sleep on a dissatisfied note. Or worse, sneak off to the bathroom when I'm asleep to hand yourself that happy ending I can't give you.
…
I can't?
A bold idea suddenly pops up in my head. Maybe there IS something I can do.
I want to thank him for tonight. Make him feel good.
It's embarrassing, but not any worse than the intercourse we've had before.
I can do this.
The hardest part is bringing it up. I have to act quickly.
For you, Hisao.
I seek out his lips again and give him a long kiss in an attempt to salvage the mood before it vanishes completely.
"Hisao… I… ummm… I could..."
"Hanako?"
"…if you'd like… I c-could…"
Do it, damnit. Do it before you start thinking too much about this.
"…I c-could… s-s-stroke y-you… d-d-down t-t-there… m-make you f-f-feel g-good."
A silence.
Say something already before I break down and start apologizing for saying this.
"Would you do that, Hanako?"
"Y-yes… Yes."
"In that case… I'm all yours."
Yes!
04
Giving him another quick kiss, I move off of him to give him some room and grin as a thought comes to me.
"H-Hisao… I-I think we should take off your c-clothes. Those pajamas you're wearing are b-borrowed, aren't they?"
I chuckle.
"Yeah, getting these soiled might call down Lilly's ancestors from the heavens to place an ancient Scottish curse on me."
The ridiculous mental image that remark conjures up combined with the tension I was feeling before is too much for me to bear, and I snort with laughter. When I catch my breath, I can hear the rustling of his pajamas as they're being taken off. I softly stroke his leg, and as my hand runs across his boxers, I whisper a final request for confirmation.
"Hisao?"
"Go ahead."
I nervously take hold of his boxers, and he lifts his hips as I take them off before dropping them over the side of the bed. I pull the covers back up to his chin, lie on my side next to him, wrap my left arm around him and sneak my right hand down to his abdomen. Making an attempt to get back in the mood as it was before I got cold feet, I seek out his lips with my own and start kissing him again as I gently tickle his stomach. The fact that he's naked, vulnerable and leaving himself in my hands (and the fact we can't see each other) gives me enough confidence to take the lead. As I start caressing his thighs and hear his breathing accelerate, I suddenly think of something. Letting up my kissing, I move my head to the side of his, playfully kiss his earlobe and then whisper in his ear as I place my hand on his chest. His heartbeat is fairly quick, but steady.
"Hisao, if you start feeling d-distress or chest pain or… anything alarming, just say stop and I'll stop immediately. That or just pinch my side. Okay? My left side."
"Okay."
I resume my kisses and my stroking of his thighs. I feel his breath halt for a moment when I carefully run a finger up and down the length of his member.
…
Then two fingers, one on each side this time.
Another gasp.
…
Then I wrap my fingers around him. I slowly move my hand, playfully squeezing every now and again. As he starts moving his body in tandem with my motions, I start speeding up.
A pleased sigh.
…
As Hisao's breathing becomes even more irregular, I lean in and start frantically kissing the side of his neck. I can tell by the movement of his hips, his breathing and the occasional stifled groan that he's near his limit. As I prepare to give him a final nudge…
"Stop! Hanako, stop, stop, please…"
I quickly let go of him and listen as he struggles to catch his breath. Is he going to have an episode? Did I go too far? I let my hand rest on top of his chest, but his heartbeat, although rapid, seems steady.
"H-Hisao!… Are you… Did I…?"
"It's… okay, Hanako. I'm... perfectly fine."
"Then why did you ask me to stop?"
He chuckles.
"I just didn't want it to end yet."
I breathe a sigh of relief, settle down next to him again and kiss his cheek.
"P-please don't scare me like that anymore."
"Sorry."
We share a short moment of silence.
"Hisao, d-did you like it so far?"
"Yeah, it felt really good. You seem to be having fun as well, Hanako."
I giggle cheerfully.
"I am. I really like making you feel good. It f-feels good pampering you. This probably feels as good to me emotionally as it does to you physically. Both types of fun are rewarding."
"Can't we have both?"
I reply with a kiss and reach down to pick up where we left off.
"It s-sounds like you're ready for me to continue."
We soon get back into the rhythm.
"Hmmm, Hanako…"
This even gets me a little turned on.
"…H-Hanako…"
I can do this for as long as you like, Hisao.
"Hanako, w-wait a bit…"
Does he want to say something?
He puts his hand on top of my own as an indicator to stop.
"Hanako…I was actually serious just now."
"About what?"
"When we were making out earlier, I felt good both from giving and receiving. I'd like to keep this going."
"What do you mean?"
"If you…ah…were to switch places with me, I think we can both…you know…"
"W-WHAT?"
"The last time we shared a bed, when I tried to…um…get you ready for intercourse…did that feel good?"
I feel awkward thinking back on that. I didn't exactly hate it, but good was too strong a term. The circumstances were less than ideal back then.
"I…I think l-last time I was t-too nervous to enjoy it much. B-but it d-didn't hurt."
"Maybe I could help you relax this time."
"How?"
"By leaving things up to you and following your lead. That worked very well before. We can stop any time it becomes too much."
"D-do really want to do… this… with me that badly?"
"I won't press you if really don't want to. But if possible, I'd like this to be something I can experience together with you."
I think for a bit. I can't ignore the fact that I warmed up to making out pretty quickly, despite being nervous about it earlier. Would this be the same? Can I do this without freaking out? Hisao entrusted himself to me. I'd like to give him the same level of trust.
"O-okay, let's… try… together… then."
I sit upright and hesitantly pull my nightgown over my head before dropping it onto the floor. Before I can change my mind, I whisper to him.
"G-g-go a-ahead, Hisao."
I lie back and raise my bottom just a bit. I blush heavily as I feel my underwear being pulled down. I wonder if Hisao felt this vulnerable when I took off his.
"S-so, now what?"
"Could you lie on top of me like before?"
"O-okay."
I get on top of him again and am immediately overwhelmed by the sensation of his body against mine. Even when we had sex last time, we didn't get this close to each other. I feel his body warmth like never before.
"And now?"
"Try to relax."
I once again rest my head on his shoulder. I try to remember what helped me relax before.
"C-could you stroke my head again like you did earlier?"
His arms wrap around me. I don't feel them on my upper back very well, but the sensation of my chest being pressed against his is all the stronger for it. I feel his hand stroke the back of my head. As we lie there, I slowly feel my tension ebb away.
"Hisao, isn't this frustrating for you? I-I got you really aroused before, and now you're being forced to slow down again because of me."
"I'm not bothered by it, Hanako. I was the one who suggested to slow down and get you more involved to begin with, wasn't I?"
I nod even though I know he can't see it and seek out his lips. I try to speed up my pace a little bit for his sake, and soon we're back to the intense kisses we shared just before I started pleasuring him. As I pull away for a moment in order for us to catch our breath, he breaks our embrace.
"Hanako… When you think you're ready, could you lie on your back next to me?"
I swallow, gather my courage and slide off of him. He rolls on his side, wraps his left arm around me and starts stroking the side of my face with his other hand.
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"I'm going to leave the rest up to you."
"What do you mean?"
"Could you…guide me?"
What does he mean by that?
…
Should I tell him what to do?
…
Or maybe…
I place my hand on top of his and gently guide it down to my neck. As I let go, Hisao begins stroking the side of my neck.
So that's what he meant.
Following in my footsteps, Hisao starts kissing me in order to increase the stimulation. I take his hand again and speed up the motion slightly.
…
I slowly guide his hand downward until it rests on my collarbone. He starts running his hand across, stroking my left shoulder and then heading back. I start moving my upper torso in response to the sensation.
This feels really nice.
I suddenly notice that his hand is slowly edging down towards my breasts.
Very sneaky, Hisao.
I quickly take his hand and guide it upwards again. The response is a disappointed huff. I let out a giggle.
"Hisao…"
"Yes?"
"Y-you can stroke my chest, if I can stroke yours."
I put my right hand on his chest and softly run it along his scar, smiling at the memory this brings up. When I feel his hand slide down to my breast, it feels a bit awkward, but I'm no longer afraid.
As we fondle each other and a very pleasant feeling starts spreading through my chest, I realize why Hisao wanted me to participate in this so badly.
It really does feel better to do this together.
I work my way up to his neck and am pleased to find out Hisao's hand follows suit. Looks like I found a new way to guide him.
…
I move down his collarbone and across his chest again. And once more the favor is returned.
Then I slide my hand to his lower belly. Both our stroking and breathing becomes heavier as we get closer to each other's private regions.
I kiss him passionately as we start caressing each other's inner thighs. We both took a major step earlier this night and another one is only a few inches away from my fingers.
I… I'm ready for this, I think.
I once again wrap my fingers around him and gasp as his hand slides over my most intimate area.
"Are you alright, Hanako?"
"Just… let me… get used… to… it."
I spread my legs a little bit more and take hold of his hand.
A little higher.
…
A little bit to the left.
…
A little slower.
"C-could you try… continuing… like… this, Hisao?"
The last time Hisao did this to me, I merely felt a tingling sensation that caused my body to become aroused, but didn't do much to ease my nervousness. This time, it's much stronger, and I reel from each sensation his hand sends through my abdomen. I'm getting so absorbed in the experience that I almost miss him calling out to me.
"H-Hanako…ahh…s-stop, stop."
I quickly let go of him. Judging from his heaving breath he wouldn't have lasted longer than a few more seconds.
"D-do you… hahh… want to take a… (gasp)… break, Hisao?"
"I'll take some time to catch my bearings, Hanako. You just lie back and enjoy."
He continues to stimulate me, and as I hang back and focus completely on my own pleasure, the feeling becomes so intense I arch my back and let out a soft moan.
This feels so good.
I start gyrating my sensitive area against his hand.
"F-faster…just a little bit."
I put my hand on his and speed up the pace a bit.
"Mmmmmm…"
He starts kissing my collarbone and left breast.
I love this.
I guide his hand to make the strokes shorter and firmer.
"H-Hisao… l-like this… ahhh…"
I don't think I'm going to last much longer. The sensation has grown so overwhelming I can barely think straight.
My breathing is ragged and shallow.
I grab hold of Hisao again. I want to do the final stretch together with him.
We're getting there.
He leans over and starts kissing my neck.
Almost.
I feel how he starts making thrusting motions with his hips.
Almost!
The muscles of my abdomen and inner thighs start twitching.
Almost!
He playfully licks my earlobe. That's more than I can take. My body makes a bucking motion, my hips tense up and I feel three… four shocks between my legs, each of them sending a delightful shudder up my spine. I squeeze my lips shut, but can't prevent myself from letting out several stifled moans.
As my climax subsides, I become aware of Hisao again who's still rapidly thrusting his hips. Eager to let him follow suit, I increase the pace of my strokes even more and gently lick his neck. Suddenly, I hear a muffled groan followed by the sensation of something wet hitting my belly. Hisao's body relaxes and slumps against me. For a moment, all that's audible in the room is the sound of our heavy breathing.
…
05
"Hisao? Are you… alright?"
"I-I'm fine… I think."
"Thank goodness."
He shifts and I suddenly feel the covers being pulled back.
"Hisao… You aren't going to…?"
Just then I feel something soft rubbing against my stomach.
"What's that?"
"Handkerchief. I didn't want that stuff to dry up on your tummy."
I giggle. That sounded so sweet.
"You're a real gentleman, Hisao."
"I try."
He pulls the sheets back up, and I snuggle up against him. Laying my head on his chest, I can hear his heartbeat. Still swift, but steady. I sigh contentedly as he puts his arm around me and strokes my head once more.
"What were you about to ask before?"
"Ummm… I was afraid you wanted to sleep in your own bed after this."
"Don't be silly."
…
"Hanako, can you do something for me?"
"What is it?"
"Please still be here when I wake up next morning."
I give him a quick kiss.
"I promise."
"Hanako, did you…"
"I-I enjoyed this, Hisao. Thanks for being so patient with me."
"Me too, Hanako. And I don't mind the slow pace. Gotta watch the old ticker, after all."
I think he was just being polite there. How long did this whole thing take? And how many guys would really want to do the long-winded approach of one baby step at a time until their girlfriend would finally manage to keep her nerves in check? I don't have any personal experience, but I'm pretty sure most guys would get bored with the slow pace and get the desire to quickly skip to the end. It makes me appreciate Hisao all the more.
Tomorrow morning will probably be very awkward, but I promise myself to wake him up with a smile tomorrow.
Hisao's breathing has already changed to the slow and steady rhythm of slumber, and just before I join him, one final though goes through my mind. Just before he nudged me over the edge, for only a single second, I wanted to go further… wanted him to go further. I smile. With luck, it won't be too long before I'm ready to take another step with him.
06
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 2:45 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 7
Chapter 7
01
Ten more minutes until lunch break. We've already completed the assignment we were given, so now I've taken out one of my library books and am trying to finish a chapter before the school bell rings. Truth be told I'm still a little tense, so it's not going as quickly as I had been hoping for. The reason for the tension I feel is the fact I just completed my first group assignment in class (the occasional assignments Hisao and I do together notwithstanding). Or rather, my first group assignment that didn't end in disaster, like some time ago in science class, when I was struck with a panic attack. And Hisao wasn't even part of the group I worked with today, or things probably would have been less awkward.
Today in Japanese class, we were instructed to work in groups of three people maximum and write a short piece on parliament elections. Hisao immediately got up to join me, only to be pushed back into his seat by Misha and being forced into a heated discussion about having dodged a student council assignment the other day. (I don't think it was meant to be a public argument, but Misha is very easy to eavesdrop on.) I was familiar enough with Shizune and Misha (as well as Hisao's playfully tense relationship with them) to figure out that they were going to use that group assignment as an excuse to drag a promise out of him to make up for it somehow, meaning the chances of Hisao doing group work with me just dropped to exactly zero. A suspicion confirmed by an apologetic shrug on his part.
Just as I got ready to start the assignment on my own, I noticed Hisao was making a gesture with his head towards a point to my right. I followed his gaze and noticed my two neighbors on the right side were the only students not part of a group of three yet. My eyes grew wide as I realized his intention. Was he telling me to join some other group just like that? I quickly shook my head and gave him a begging look, but he just made a gesture towards Shizune as if to say 'matters are out of my hands'. Later on, I started wondering whether he was really unable to ditch the student council duo or whether this was a subtle attempt on his part to help me widen the circle of people I could have social interaction with.
I took another look at my neighbors only to quickly look away when they caught my gaze. I looked back at Hisao again, and this time he was smiling at me. I knew that expression; I came to know it as his 'everything will be alright'-smile. It didn't do a lot to inspire confidence in me this time, though. In all my time in this class, I could count the words I exchanged with my neighbors on one hand, and I had no clue why they would even want to work with me after I spent the better part of two years trying to avoid even basic interaction with them.
"Ummm…"
As usual when faced with an unexpected social situation, my mind completely froze up, and I couldn't come up with even a single way to formulate that simple request that most people could make without even having to think about it. The fact that my neighbor is a very outgoing person herself didn't exactly ease my mind.
"E-exc…e-excuse me…"
That got their attention. The girls looked at me, and when I didn't reply, they looked at Hisao who gave them a quick nod. My neighbor gave me a cheerful grin.
"Looking for a group to work with, Ikezawa?"
I gave them a timid nod.
"No probs. Feel free to tag along. Three know more than two, right?"
As I moved my desk over to theirs, my neighbor Naomi wasted no time in making conversation.
"Bet you were disappointed you couldn't work with Nakai this time, weren't you? You two usually do assignments together these days. Heh, I guess the powers that be decided otherwise, didn't they?"
Am I really supposed to answer all of that?
"You're usually not big on group work, aren't you? Didn't something happen that time before in science class? Don't worry, stuff like that happens to the best of us. But you know that, don't you? You're usually stuck with the front row seat when I short out."
The last statement was accompanied by a cheerful wink.
Too many questions!
While I was still reeling from Naomi's verbal machinegun fire, her neighbor Natsume cut in with a question of her own.
"Japanese is one of your stronger subjects, is it not?"
I responded with another meek nod. It's true, Japanese is probably my best subject. It was one of the benefits of being a bookworm. The fact that I was fairly confident I'd be able to pull my weight on this assignment was one of the things that made the whole thing slightly easier.
"Great, then we'll finish this all the sooner."
Naomi seemed eager to begin, and I quickly nodded in order to avoid more conversations. We divided the workload into three parts and got to work. While writing my section of the piece, I occasionally observed my new group mates. Natsume and Naomi remind me a bit of less extreme versions of Shizune and Misha. Natsume wears glasses and has a stern appearance, but isn't as bossy or forceful as Shizune. The most striking part of Naomi's appearance is her hair which, while not dyed like Misha's, is bleached to a distinct light blonde color. Her personality is a bit like Misha's as well - up-beat, loud and a bit hyper, though Naomi's volume control button doesn't seem to be permanently stuck on the max setting. Also, like Shizune and Misha, the two seem together constantly.
We finished the assignment with a good amount of time to spare and my group mates had started on a piece of homework I already finished the other day. If I had been working with Hisao, we'd probably have spent the remaining time talking with one another, but I don't think I'd be able to have small talk with my new group mates… Keeping semi-normal interaction going with them had already drained most of my energy, and the tension I felt during our working session isn't fading nearly as quickly as I hoped.
--------------------------------------
"Well, CRAP!"
I look at Naomi from behind my book, startled by her sudden exclamation, and see her wrestling with a pair of compasses. She's been playfully fiddling with them over the course of the entire assignment and now she seems to have jammed them somehow.
"Natsume!"
"They were never meant to be used to grind little pieces of your eraser into powder."
"I know. I know. Now can I just…"
"I left mine in my dorm room. I already finished that question this morning before heading to classes."
She lets out a disappointed sigh.
After a few more seconds of trying to get her compasses unstuck, Naomi suddenly turns to me, causing me to instinctively raise my book as if to shield myself.
"Hey Ikezawa, don't you have a pair of compasses I could use? Just for a sec. I'll be really, really careful with them. Okay? Just to complete this little graph. You'll have them back in the blink of an eye. Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"I-I d-don't have any of t-those."
"You don't? Then how did you take care of that problem where we had to draw up that pie chart as part of the answer?"
"I t-t-typed it up."
"Huh?"
I sigh inwardly. I don't think I'd be able to finish a verbal explanation without it taking another hour, so I reach into my bag and just show her the answer sheet I put together the day before, neatly typed out on one of the school's computers. I used the word processor's graph features to generate the pie chart.
"Oh hey, that first answer is totally different from what I had. I wonder if I missed something or if you were simply over thinking the… Eh, never mind. That's pretty neat you put together your answers like that. Do you often use computers to type up your homework?"
Why is she so interested?
"S-s-sometimes, b-but not v-very often."
I mostly use the school computers to put together essays or other homework that requires a lot of writing. The scar tissue on my right wrist sometimes hampers my movement a bit, so I'm not a very quick writer. Typing out my homework can be a big time-saver at times. The only downer is the fact the computer lab has no quiet little corners, meaning I only use the place when it's nearly deserted, which isn't very often.
Naomi seems satisfied with my answer, and I return to my book. As I turn another page, I'm starting to notice something is different. Naomi and Natsume are no longer working on their homework, but are speaking to each other in whispers too quiet for me to make out, and they occasionally look in my direction.
I wonder if it's about me. I get very uncomfortable. Are they gossiping about me? Both are members of the newspaper club which is responsible for writing and printing the school newspaper, and Naomi in particular loves to keep on top of the local rumors floating around. Is acute indiscretion an officially recognized condition? If so, she'd probably be diagnosed with it. As if to confirm my suspicions, Naomi suddenly addresses me with a conspiring smile.
"Hey, Nakai is still your boyfriend, isn't he? I mean, you guys haven't broken up yet or anything, right?"
I visibly reel back from the impact of this blunt question and barely manage to shake my head.
"W-we're s-still d-dating."
"You know, as of last week you're officially dating a geek. You're not put off by nerdy traits in your guys, are you?"
Your guys? She's talking as if I've been dating boys ever since I enrolled here. I know what this is about though. A new club was formed last week and our homeroom teacher Mutou is in charge of it. It's a science club, of course… The only kind of club he'd have interest in setting up. And I'm currently dating its sole member. It's a bit weird, but Hisao said the club's main activity, reading and discussing scientific literature, has been pretty fun so far.
"Er…"
"It's kinda sad there's still only one member though. I suppose you're not joining to flesh out membership?"
I did actually offer to join, but Hisao shot that suggestion down almost immediately. "Science isn't really your thing, Hanako," he told me. "It'd just feel like class to you. If you want to join a club, you'd be better off finding something that actually captures your interest." I couldn't really argue with that. Unlike Hisao, who seems to have a knack for deciphering Mutou's convoluted lectures, I'm not exactly a star pupil in science class, and it's hardly my favorite subject.
"N-no, I'm n-not."
"But you won't be able to hang out with your boyfriend after school hours, because he's in a club and you're not, right?"
What is she trying to get at?
Natsume, who had remained silent during the whole interrogation put her hand on Naomi's arm to indicate she wanted to say something.
"What Naomi is trying to ask you is if you'd be willing to help out the newspaper club with an emergency situation for a few days."
"Hey, I was still getting to that point!"
"H-help out?"
Is this a veiled recruiting attempt? And why me? There's probably dozens of other students more suitable.
"Yeah, you probably know we're both members there. Most of the members write or collect stories for the school newspaper, but we also have someone to put them together on the computer before we send the whole thing to the copy shop. At least, we usually do."
"Unfortunately, the girl who usually does the job is out of commission for a little while. She injured herself a few days ago and certainly won't be able to help before the deadline."
"Yeah, she broke her hand after tripping outside her dorm room. She has this thing called os…osto-something. Anyway she breaks easily. And now we need someone who can do the data entry and some minor editing jobs in her place for a few days."
"B-but w-w-why me?
"There aren't that many students here who aren't already part of another club or don't have other tasks like class representative duties to tend to and who are also capable with computers. When we saw the way you made a digital print of your homework, we thought you might be able to help us out."
"Yeah, I mean, it's not a really complex task. And there's not a lot of distractions there either. The place the club uses has a small side room where we keep the computers and archives."
I really don't know about this. The idea of getting involved in a club with nothing but people I'm unfamiliar with sounds terrifying.
"You don't have to decide right now, you know? But it'd be good if we got a yay or nay before the end of tomorrow."
"Well…I…"
While I'm still fumbling with my words, the school bell sounds, and most people immediately start getting up. Hisao collects his things, quickly gets away from Shizune and Misha and approaches my desk.
"Hey Hanako. Sorry about not being able to team up. Did you complete the assignment?"
"Y-yes, we even managed to finish ahead of time."
"Great. Let's head to the tea room, then."
Phew. Saved by the cavalry.
"S-sure, I'll be with you in a second."
As Hisao starts heading towards the exit, Naomi suddenly addresses me again.
"Hey Ikezawa, just to reassure you; this isn't a recruiting attempt, though we always welcome new members of course. But if you'd be willing to help out the newspaper club, we'd be really thankful. Think about it, okay?"
Why is she shouting like that? I'm sitting right in front of her.
Without waiting for a reply, Naomi and Natsume gather their belongings and walk off, past Hisao who has turned around and is looking at me with a curious expression on his face. Wait… Did he overhear?
"That sounded pretty interesting, Hanako."
I can only sit there with my mouth agape as I realize that my cavalry has just been turned into Naomi's cavalry instead.
--------------------------------------
02
"Were you really asked to join a club?"
As expected, the main talk of our lunch break was Naomi's proposal. Lilly was understandably surprised to hear of this sudden development.
"I-it's not really about joining. They have a deadline for the end of the week and need some help."
"Have you already decided what to do?"
I haven't. On the one hand, I must admit I'm a bit curious. On the other hand, Naomi and Natsume, with whom I've never even really interacted before, are the most familiar people in there, and I can't really say their presence is a calming factor for me. While I don't think Naomi is the kind of person to hold a grudge, the fact remains that if I mess up or disappoint somehow, classes will become much more uncomfortable. Naomi and Natsume will still be my neighbors until the end of the school year.
"N-no, I haven't."
"Someone told me not too long ago that it's important to seize opportunities if they're handed to you on a platter like this."
Hisao has decided to jump into the fray too. I roll my eyes at his remark. Those are the exact same words I used last week to convince him to give Mutou's science club idea a chance. At first he was reluctant, afraid he'd have less time to spend with me. The last thing I wanted to do was hold him back, so I did my best to convince him to give the whole thing a try. I knew the subject interested him, and I hoped this would also encourage him to make more definite plans for his future. He consistently scores the highest marks in class in Mutou's subject, and I genuinely believe that he'd do very well if he went for a career in that direction.
"I-I know I said that last week. I'm not ruling the opportunity out r-right away."
"You could choose to see it as a sign that fate is extending you a helping hand."
By breaking somebody else's? That's kind of a cruel way to motivate someone. Fate must know how easily I can be guilt tripped.
I merely nod. I don't believe the work itself will give me much trouble. What scares me is the idea of being thrown into a group of unfamiliar people who might stare at my scars, who might be put off by my stammering (which always gets worse whenever I'm feeling nervous), my shyness and inability to make conversation. A few weeks ago, I was still the 'shy kid who kissed her first boyfriend in public' to people, but tomorrow I might be the 'shy kid who panics at the most mundane things' once again.
"Anyway, if you're considering it, it might be best to go this afternoon. I could pick you up afterwards when I'm done with my club meeting. If you're nervous and wait until tomorrow, you might lose sleep over it."
That's a pretty good point. Knowing myself, I'd probably mull over it all night long, and I'd only become more prone to messing up.
"O-okay, I'll give it a t-try after classes t-today."
Lilly claps her hands excitedly upon hearing my words.
"Wonderful. I hope you two will be willing to join me for some tea tonight. I'd really like to hear how things played out."
I smile. It's been a while since we last sat together in Lilly's room to talk and relax. Having something to look forward to will make things easier.
"T-that would be nice."
"We'll be there, Lilly."
--------------------------------------
03
"So while the classroom is the place we use as an editorial office, most of the editing takes place here. We have two computers here, though only one is regularly used. The other's more like a digital archive. You can take a look at it later for examples of how we've been doing things. And here's the cabinet where we store most of our equipment. It isn't very large as you can see. Oh hey, you're not claustrophobic, are you?"
"N-n-no, I'm n-not."
Naomi was visibly surprised when I showed up at their club's classroom after school, but wasted no time giving me a brief tour. Good thing only she and Natsume were around when I arrived.
"I think Jun, the girl who is usually doing this, has some templates saved which she uses for the various pages of each issue. But that's not really the number one priority we have at this point. The most important thing to do now is to get all the stuff we have digital. By the way, do you have any questions so far?"
"Ummm… s-so I j-just t-type up the a-articles you wrote?"
"Eager to get started, huh? Neat."
More like eager to end this one-sided conversation.
Naomi opens the nearby cabinet and fishes out several small digital recording devices and a flash drive. Putting them and a small pile of hand-written notes on the nearby desk, she makes a sweeping gesture over it.
"Here's what we have so far! Jun has already made a folder for the upcoming issue and a shortcut on the desktop. This memory stick is from Kaoru. He likes to type up all his articles himself, so all you have to do is copy them to the right folder and then print me a copy to look it over."
She takes out one of the recorders and picks up a small USB cable from the desk.
"Several of our members use these to compose their contributions. Hideki's completely blind and not too techno-savvy, so he just dictates his articles. Natsume uses these too whenever her joints are hurting. Like… the last few days. Anyway, just plug one of these in with this cable here, and the application for playing the contents should start automatically. It'll be easier than rewinding and replaying manually. Always check the sections at the very end first. They often contain comments on whether to omit or alter certain portions. And the written notes here just contain articles and interviews by the rest."
"I-I'll s-start p-putting these in then."
"Cool. I'd do this myself, but I can't sit in front of monitors for very long for a while. Nurse's latest orders. I can be a bit sensitive to them. They sometimes cause, you know, short-circuiting."
I know alright. Naomi's reason for attending Yamaku is a pretty heavy case of epilepsy, and over the years, she's had several harsh episodes right next to me in class. The first time she fell out of her chair and started thrashing around on the floor got me so riled up I couldn't sleep for days. I'm still not completely used to it.
"Anyway, be sure to let the computer do a spelling and grammar check on everything to save ourselves some trouble later. You have any questions, Natsume and I'll be in the other room."
"A-alright."
--------------------------------------
04
Having left Lilly's room, I unlock the door to my own bedroom and prepare to kiss Hisao goodnight and retire for the day when he stops me.
"Can I come in for a little while?"
"S-sure."
We go in, and he sits next to me on the bed.
"You're going back to the newspaper club tomorrow, aren't you? Even though you said you didn't know yet."
"I… I think I want to at least finish what I started today."
That isn't the only reason. I also want to start feeling more reliable. For a long time, I've felt like a useless person, unable to be there for others. Today, I had an opportunity to deconstruct that belief, but my social anxiety nearly ruined it for me. Even though Naomi and Natsume were friendly, I felt on edge all the time. By the time we went back to the dorms, I felt exhausted. Even though we just had tea with Lilly, I'm still tense all over.
"You look tired. And tensed up."
"D-do you think I s-should skip tomorrow?"
"I don't think I can make that decision for you. But if it helps, I might be able to help you relax a little bit. Do you want to?"
He sits back a bit, spreads his legs and gestures me to sit in front of him. I smile.
"Y-yes, please."
I sit in front of him, drape my hair over my shoulders and gently pull the shoulders of my nightgown away, causing it to slide down to just above my breasts. I let my chin rest on my chest and try to relax. I hear him rub his hands together for a bit and then feel one touch my exposed left shoulder.
"Wow, your shoulders and your neck are really stiff this time."
"I'm… not very good with people, so situations like these will probably always cause me stress."
"Even though people were friendly today?"
"I-It's not something rational. I really wish it was. It'd be a lot easier to control."
He starts carefully rubbing and kneading my neck and shoulders. We've been giving each other these little massages for a while now, and I've really come to enjoy them. While I can't feel the sensation of his hand touching and rubbing the skin of my right shoulder, I still feel the result in my muscles there afterwards. It almost feels like I'm challenging my condition this way.
"But it'll get less as you get used to it, right? You used to be awkward in my presence too, remember?"
"Y-yes. It will get less as long as I can manage to keep going. At least, I hope it will."
"Then we'll keep helping you relax afterwards. Lilly and me. We'll just repeat this evening tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. Until it's no longer necessary."
"T-thank you, Hisao."
We remain silent for a few minutes as Hisao finishes massaging my shoulders, neck and upper back. He moves back, gives a quiet nod to me, and I lie down and let my head rest in his lap. I close my eyes as his hands start massaging my scalp and temples.
"Does it feel good?"
"Yes."
…
"Hanako?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend?"
"Not really."
"Would you like to go on a date the upcoming Saturday?"
"Sure."
"Great. We'll have a bite to eat at the Shanghai around six and then be on our way."
"Do you already have something planned?"
"Yep. I was already planning it before this whole newspaper club business came up."
"What is it?"
"A surprise."
"Awww."
Hisao finishes his massage with a ruffle of my hair. I get up and fix the shoulders of my nightgown.
"Loosened up a bit?"
"Yes, it really helped."
As I turn around to face him, Hisao gives me a playful wink.
"If you want me to give you a more extensive massage…"
As I grasp the meaning behind his remark, I reflexively turn my head away although I doubt my attempt at hiding my extensive blush is successful. Lately there have been a few times we started with a mutual backrub and ended up… doing… what we did that night in Hokkaido.
"N-n-not t-this t-time."
"Okay."
"Ummm…"
"Yes?"
"C-can I return the favor, Hisao?"
"You don't really need to. I'm not feeling tense right now."
As he gets up from the bed, I grab hold of his hand.
"Umm… P-please?"
Hisao gives me an extended analytical stare that makes me nervous, but then gives a quick nod, sits down in front of me and starts unbuttoning his shirt.
"Alright then, Hanako."
--------------------------------------
05
"Nice! You got all content digital now?"
"Y-yes. Everything."
"Great, that was pretty quick overall."
It was more work than I expected. Especially the audio recordings took a while to type up. But now all articles and interviews are saved as documents.
"T-thanks."
"Could you print them all out? The pictures and templates for all the pages too. And then come and sit here next to me."
"I-I'm not done yet?"
"I can't force you to do more than you want, but there's still something else to do and we're getting to the part that I think you'll like."
I simply nod and return to the computer room. A few minutes later I return to Naomi with a stack of paper containing everything I digitized over the last two days. Naomi is usually loud and somewhat chaotic, but in her role of editor-in-chief she becomes a bit more serious and structured than usual and I have an easier time keeping up (and putting up) with her.
"So here's the templates we have for each page of the newspaper. Now we're gonna have to see what articles go where. We have the front page for the main article, five pages for internal news, three pages for external news, one page for advertisements, one page for columns and one page for sponsor-related stuff."
"So n-now what?"
"Each article has a number. So now we take a few empty sheets of paper and each try to come up with a layout that'll get us the articles in the places we want."
"T-two layout proposals?"
"It's nice to have a second opinion. Just try to estimate how much space each article will take up and how much redundant content each article has that can be cut or shortened."
We spend the next hour trying to come up with our own layout. I do my best not to look in Naomi's direction in order to avoid copying her idea. After I hand in my proposal, she puts the two sheets of paper side by side.
"Looks like we have similar ideas on a lot of stuff. But I didn't think of putting that article about the exposition into external news instead of internal."
"I-I thought i-it could fit b-both. I-it's being organized b-by a teacher from here, b-but t-together with an ex-external p-party and n-not on the school grounds."
"Maybe. Maybe. It'd save us from having to severely truncate that story about the baseball tournament. Okay, we'll go with my layout with the exposition story moved from page five to page eight instead. Could you paste the contents into the template pages? You'll run outside the borders in several places, but we need to know what articles to trim or reword a bit. You can fiddle a bit with the pictures on page two, five and six as long as the faces remain recognizable. Let's get started."
"Y-yes."
I quickly get to work. We have one and a half day to get everything done. I'll have time to relax this evening, but until then, I feel pressed to work as swiftly as possible.
--------------------------------------
06
Barely breathing, I wait as Lilly runs her slender fingers across the last page of the newspaper's Braille edition. Since she appears to be getting close to the end, her fingers must be near the staff section right now. Suddenly, her fingers stop and skim over a section a second time. It looks like she read the part that bears my name.
"Assistant Editor: Hanako Ikezawa."
Lilly breaks into a dazzling smile as she reads the line I knew would catch her attention. A smile that proves very infectious.
"Hanako, this is great."
I nod humbly, but in truth I'm very proud of the result. It took a lot of effort, but we managed to meet the deadline and get the newspaper printed today. Everyone at the newspaper club was very satisfied with this latest issue. Tomorrow, the student council will be distributing it among the rest of the student body, but I couldn't wait that long and took three copies in advance. One for Hisao, one for myself and a Braille edition for Lilly.
"Hey Hanako, is it difficult to create a newspaper in Braille?"
I nod my head.
"The newspaper club has software that can convert normal documents into a file type that a Braille printer can work with. I've used it myself yesterday. It's a lot of work, but there's a member at the club who can read Braille and helps us with this. I just operate the s-software according to his instructions."
Hisao laughs and playfully ruffles my hair.
"I didn't know my girlfriend had this nerdy side to her."
Before I can think up a reaction of my own, Lilly is already eagerly pouncing on his remark.
"Wouldn't that make her a perfect match for the current president of the science club, Hisao?"
Hisao's only reply is a mock-offended huff that makes both of us burst out in giggles.
"I'm not going to argue that point."
"A wise decision, Hisao."
"So Hanako, do you have any plans to continue this?"
"T-this was only a temporary solution to meet this week's deadline. But they said they'd welcome any help I could offer them."
"It sounds like they want you to stick around."
"I-I might give it another try next week. Maybe."
"Sounds like a great plan. Where were they this afternoon anyway? The club's classroom was deserted when I dropped by."
I smile a bit sadly at that.
"After a new issue is printed and handed over to the student council for distribution, the club always goes into town to relax and celebrate the release in one of the coffee shops there."
Lilly frowns a bit at my explanation.
"And they did not invite you to come along as well?"
"They did. It's just… If I went along, I don't think I'd be able to relax enough to have fun. All I'd be doing would be watching the others have fun."
That was pretty much the gist of it. This week, I've been forced to communicate with the club members in order to get things done, and I found that as long as the conversation remained strictly about the tasks at hand, I could manage with a bit of effort, but in the face of any small talk, I'd quickly freeze up. I didn't think I'd add much to the social event the club was planning, and it'd be better if I didn't go and attend. I can be on my own just fine, but being at a celebration and being the only one not having fun never fails to make me feel terribly lonely. I felt pretty good about the release and didn't want to do anything that might ruin my mood.
"Maybe if you spend enough time there, they'll grow on you."
"M-maybe."
We spend the rest of the time making small talk with me occasionally answering questions about last week's activities until Lilly lets out a small yawn from behind her hand that we take as a cue to retire for the night. As Hisao and I rise to return to our dorm rooms, Lilly navigates her way around the table and approaches us.
"Hanako, it seems unfair that the rest of the club got to have a celebration, and the person who helped them out of a difficult spot did not. Maybe you can see this little tea party as your own private celebration."
"I-I think I'll do that."
"Hanako…"
07
Suddenly, Lilly gets close to me and wraps her arms around me in a warm embrace. I let out a startled gasp.
"…I think you did a terrific job this week."
"Lilly's right. You really did."
Without warning, Hisao also hugs me. For a second, this weird three-way hug takes me off-guard. Then I return the embrace, wrapping one arm around each of them and gently pulling them closer. It really feels nice. It feels like the way things felt in Hokkaido while we were staying there.
A small disabled family.
My family.
I suddenly feel a lump in my throat. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. Are Lilly and Hisao feeling the way I'm feeling right now?
I sniffle briefly.
"L-Lilly…H-Hisao…"
"Yes, Hanako?"
I love you. I love you both so much. Please let me be here for you the way you're here for me.
"…t-thank you."
We break the embrace and I quickly wipe my eye. As Lilly sees us off, she smiles at me.
"Enjoy your date tomorrow."
"Thanks. I'm sure we will. And um… Lilly… I… um… really enjoyed our time together this week. W-we should hold these tea ceremonies more often again."
For a split-second Lilly's expression seems sad, but before I can react the door closes, and the moment is gone.
"Can I come in for a little while?"
"S-sure."
We go in and he places his hands on my shoulders.
"I thought I felt it earlier. You're not nearly as tense as you were during the last few days."
"Today I didn't have much stress, just the printing process and delivery of the papers - and then the tea ceremony with you and Lilly."
"So I guess you won't be needing a shoulder massage today."
"I-I'm not sure yet."
I doubt I need my shoulders or neck loosened up, but I don't want him to leave yet.
This week was tough.
But we're going on a date tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it.
A fitting conclusion to a stressful week.
I kinda made another important step this week.
Maybe I've earned a little something extra.
Maybe we've both earned something.
Should I…?
"H-H-Hisao…?"
"Yeah?"
I blush.
"Ummm… T-that e-e-extensive m-massage you o-offered earlier t-this w-week…?"
He grins.
"That offer is still valid, Hanako."
"…s-share o-one t-together?"
"I'd love to."
He removes his socks and shoes and sits on my bed. I open one of my drawers, take a few tissues to avoid us messing up my blanket too much and then turn off the lights. I feel my way over to the bed, position myself in front of him and lean forward for a kiss.
"R-ready, Hisao?"
"I'm all yours, Hanako."
08
01
Ten more minutes until lunch break. We've already completed the assignment we were given, so now I've taken out one of my library books and am trying to finish a chapter before the school bell rings. Truth be told I'm still a little tense, so it's not going as quickly as I had been hoping for. The reason for the tension I feel is the fact I just completed my first group assignment in class (the occasional assignments Hisao and I do together notwithstanding). Or rather, my first group assignment that didn't end in disaster, like some time ago in science class, when I was struck with a panic attack. And Hisao wasn't even part of the group I worked with today, or things probably would have been less awkward.
Today in Japanese class, we were instructed to work in groups of three people maximum and write a short piece on parliament elections. Hisao immediately got up to join me, only to be pushed back into his seat by Misha and being forced into a heated discussion about having dodged a student council assignment the other day. (I don't think it was meant to be a public argument, but Misha is very easy to eavesdrop on.) I was familiar enough with Shizune and Misha (as well as Hisao's playfully tense relationship with them) to figure out that they were going to use that group assignment as an excuse to drag a promise out of him to make up for it somehow, meaning the chances of Hisao doing group work with me just dropped to exactly zero. A suspicion confirmed by an apologetic shrug on his part.
Just as I got ready to start the assignment on my own, I noticed Hisao was making a gesture with his head towards a point to my right. I followed his gaze and noticed my two neighbors on the right side were the only students not part of a group of three yet. My eyes grew wide as I realized his intention. Was he telling me to join some other group just like that? I quickly shook my head and gave him a begging look, but he just made a gesture towards Shizune as if to say 'matters are out of my hands'. Later on, I started wondering whether he was really unable to ditch the student council duo or whether this was a subtle attempt on his part to help me widen the circle of people I could have social interaction with.
I took another look at my neighbors only to quickly look away when they caught my gaze. I looked back at Hisao again, and this time he was smiling at me. I knew that expression; I came to know it as his 'everything will be alright'-smile. It didn't do a lot to inspire confidence in me this time, though. In all my time in this class, I could count the words I exchanged with my neighbors on one hand, and I had no clue why they would even want to work with me after I spent the better part of two years trying to avoid even basic interaction with them.
"Ummm…"
As usual when faced with an unexpected social situation, my mind completely froze up, and I couldn't come up with even a single way to formulate that simple request that most people could make without even having to think about it. The fact that my neighbor is a very outgoing person herself didn't exactly ease my mind.
"E-exc…e-excuse me…"
That got their attention. The girls looked at me, and when I didn't reply, they looked at Hisao who gave them a quick nod. My neighbor gave me a cheerful grin.
"Looking for a group to work with, Ikezawa?"
I gave them a timid nod.
"No probs. Feel free to tag along. Three know more than two, right?"
As I moved my desk over to theirs, my neighbor Naomi wasted no time in making conversation.
"Bet you were disappointed you couldn't work with Nakai this time, weren't you? You two usually do assignments together these days. Heh, I guess the powers that be decided otherwise, didn't they?"
Am I really supposed to answer all of that?
"You're usually not big on group work, aren't you? Didn't something happen that time before in science class? Don't worry, stuff like that happens to the best of us. But you know that, don't you? You're usually stuck with the front row seat when I short out."
The last statement was accompanied by a cheerful wink.
Too many questions!
While I was still reeling from Naomi's verbal machinegun fire, her neighbor Natsume cut in with a question of her own.
"Japanese is one of your stronger subjects, is it not?"
I responded with another meek nod. It's true, Japanese is probably my best subject. It was one of the benefits of being a bookworm. The fact that I was fairly confident I'd be able to pull my weight on this assignment was one of the things that made the whole thing slightly easier.
"Great, then we'll finish this all the sooner."
Naomi seemed eager to begin, and I quickly nodded in order to avoid more conversations. We divided the workload into three parts and got to work. While writing my section of the piece, I occasionally observed my new group mates. Natsume and Naomi remind me a bit of less extreme versions of Shizune and Misha. Natsume wears glasses and has a stern appearance, but isn't as bossy or forceful as Shizune. The most striking part of Naomi's appearance is her hair which, while not dyed like Misha's, is bleached to a distinct light blonde color. Her personality is a bit like Misha's as well - up-beat, loud and a bit hyper, though Naomi's volume control button doesn't seem to be permanently stuck on the max setting. Also, like Shizune and Misha, the two seem together constantly.
We finished the assignment with a good amount of time to spare and my group mates had started on a piece of homework I already finished the other day. If I had been working with Hisao, we'd probably have spent the remaining time talking with one another, but I don't think I'd be able to have small talk with my new group mates… Keeping semi-normal interaction going with them had already drained most of my energy, and the tension I felt during our working session isn't fading nearly as quickly as I hoped.
--------------------------------------
"Well, CRAP!"
I look at Naomi from behind my book, startled by her sudden exclamation, and see her wrestling with a pair of compasses. She's been playfully fiddling with them over the course of the entire assignment and now she seems to have jammed them somehow.
"Natsume!"
"They were never meant to be used to grind little pieces of your eraser into powder."
"I know. I know. Now can I just…"
"I left mine in my dorm room. I already finished that question this morning before heading to classes."
She lets out a disappointed sigh.
After a few more seconds of trying to get her compasses unstuck, Naomi suddenly turns to me, causing me to instinctively raise my book as if to shield myself.
"Hey Ikezawa, don't you have a pair of compasses I could use? Just for a sec. I'll be really, really careful with them. Okay? Just to complete this little graph. You'll have them back in the blink of an eye. Pretty please with sugar on top?"
"I-I d-don't have any of t-those."
"You don't? Then how did you take care of that problem where we had to draw up that pie chart as part of the answer?"
"I t-t-typed it up."
"Huh?"
I sigh inwardly. I don't think I'd be able to finish a verbal explanation without it taking another hour, so I reach into my bag and just show her the answer sheet I put together the day before, neatly typed out on one of the school's computers. I used the word processor's graph features to generate the pie chart.
"Oh hey, that first answer is totally different from what I had. I wonder if I missed something or if you were simply over thinking the… Eh, never mind. That's pretty neat you put together your answers like that. Do you often use computers to type up your homework?"
Why is she so interested?
"S-s-sometimes, b-but not v-very often."
I mostly use the school computers to put together essays or other homework that requires a lot of writing. The scar tissue on my right wrist sometimes hampers my movement a bit, so I'm not a very quick writer. Typing out my homework can be a big time-saver at times. The only downer is the fact the computer lab has no quiet little corners, meaning I only use the place when it's nearly deserted, which isn't very often.
Naomi seems satisfied with my answer, and I return to my book. As I turn another page, I'm starting to notice something is different. Naomi and Natsume are no longer working on their homework, but are speaking to each other in whispers too quiet for me to make out, and they occasionally look in my direction.
I wonder if it's about me. I get very uncomfortable. Are they gossiping about me? Both are members of the newspaper club which is responsible for writing and printing the school newspaper, and Naomi in particular loves to keep on top of the local rumors floating around. Is acute indiscretion an officially recognized condition? If so, she'd probably be diagnosed with it. As if to confirm my suspicions, Naomi suddenly addresses me with a conspiring smile.
"Hey, Nakai is still your boyfriend, isn't he? I mean, you guys haven't broken up yet or anything, right?"
I visibly reel back from the impact of this blunt question and barely manage to shake my head.
"W-we're s-still d-dating."
"You know, as of last week you're officially dating a geek. You're not put off by nerdy traits in your guys, are you?"
Your guys? She's talking as if I've been dating boys ever since I enrolled here. I know what this is about though. A new club was formed last week and our homeroom teacher Mutou is in charge of it. It's a science club, of course… The only kind of club he'd have interest in setting up. And I'm currently dating its sole member. It's a bit weird, but Hisao said the club's main activity, reading and discussing scientific literature, has been pretty fun so far.
"Er…"
"It's kinda sad there's still only one member though. I suppose you're not joining to flesh out membership?"
I did actually offer to join, but Hisao shot that suggestion down almost immediately. "Science isn't really your thing, Hanako," he told me. "It'd just feel like class to you. If you want to join a club, you'd be better off finding something that actually captures your interest." I couldn't really argue with that. Unlike Hisao, who seems to have a knack for deciphering Mutou's convoluted lectures, I'm not exactly a star pupil in science class, and it's hardly my favorite subject.
"N-no, I'm n-not."
"But you won't be able to hang out with your boyfriend after school hours, because he's in a club and you're not, right?"
What is she trying to get at?
Natsume, who had remained silent during the whole interrogation put her hand on Naomi's arm to indicate she wanted to say something.
"What Naomi is trying to ask you is if you'd be willing to help out the newspaper club with an emergency situation for a few days."
"Hey, I was still getting to that point!"
"H-help out?"
Is this a veiled recruiting attempt? And why me? There's probably dozens of other students more suitable.
"Yeah, you probably know we're both members there. Most of the members write or collect stories for the school newspaper, but we also have someone to put them together on the computer before we send the whole thing to the copy shop. At least, we usually do."
"Unfortunately, the girl who usually does the job is out of commission for a little while. She injured herself a few days ago and certainly won't be able to help before the deadline."
"Yeah, she broke her hand after tripping outside her dorm room. She has this thing called os…osto-something. Anyway she breaks easily. And now we need someone who can do the data entry and some minor editing jobs in her place for a few days."
"B-but w-w-why me?
"There aren't that many students here who aren't already part of another club or don't have other tasks like class representative duties to tend to and who are also capable with computers. When we saw the way you made a digital print of your homework, we thought you might be able to help us out."
"Yeah, I mean, it's not a really complex task. And there's not a lot of distractions there either. The place the club uses has a small side room where we keep the computers and archives."
I really don't know about this. The idea of getting involved in a club with nothing but people I'm unfamiliar with sounds terrifying.
"You don't have to decide right now, you know? But it'd be good if we got a yay or nay before the end of tomorrow."
"Well…I…"
While I'm still fumbling with my words, the school bell sounds, and most people immediately start getting up. Hisao collects his things, quickly gets away from Shizune and Misha and approaches my desk.
"Hey Hanako. Sorry about not being able to team up. Did you complete the assignment?"
"Y-yes, we even managed to finish ahead of time."
"Great. Let's head to the tea room, then."
Phew. Saved by the cavalry.
"S-sure, I'll be with you in a second."
As Hisao starts heading towards the exit, Naomi suddenly addresses me again.
"Hey Ikezawa, just to reassure you; this isn't a recruiting attempt, though we always welcome new members of course. But if you'd be willing to help out the newspaper club, we'd be really thankful. Think about it, okay?"
Why is she shouting like that? I'm sitting right in front of her.
Without waiting for a reply, Naomi and Natsume gather their belongings and walk off, past Hisao who has turned around and is looking at me with a curious expression on his face. Wait… Did he overhear?
"That sounded pretty interesting, Hanako."
I can only sit there with my mouth agape as I realize that my cavalry has just been turned into Naomi's cavalry instead.
--------------------------------------
02
"Were you really asked to join a club?"
As expected, the main talk of our lunch break was Naomi's proposal. Lilly was understandably surprised to hear of this sudden development.
"I-it's not really about joining. They have a deadline for the end of the week and need some help."
"Have you already decided what to do?"
I haven't. On the one hand, I must admit I'm a bit curious. On the other hand, Naomi and Natsume, with whom I've never even really interacted before, are the most familiar people in there, and I can't really say their presence is a calming factor for me. While I don't think Naomi is the kind of person to hold a grudge, the fact remains that if I mess up or disappoint somehow, classes will become much more uncomfortable. Naomi and Natsume will still be my neighbors until the end of the school year.
"N-no, I haven't."
"Someone told me not too long ago that it's important to seize opportunities if they're handed to you on a platter like this."
Hisao has decided to jump into the fray too. I roll my eyes at his remark. Those are the exact same words I used last week to convince him to give Mutou's science club idea a chance. At first he was reluctant, afraid he'd have less time to spend with me. The last thing I wanted to do was hold him back, so I did my best to convince him to give the whole thing a try. I knew the subject interested him, and I hoped this would also encourage him to make more definite plans for his future. He consistently scores the highest marks in class in Mutou's subject, and I genuinely believe that he'd do very well if he went for a career in that direction.
"I-I know I said that last week. I'm not ruling the opportunity out r-right away."
"You could choose to see it as a sign that fate is extending you a helping hand."
By breaking somebody else's? That's kind of a cruel way to motivate someone. Fate must know how easily I can be guilt tripped.
I merely nod. I don't believe the work itself will give me much trouble. What scares me is the idea of being thrown into a group of unfamiliar people who might stare at my scars, who might be put off by my stammering (which always gets worse whenever I'm feeling nervous), my shyness and inability to make conversation. A few weeks ago, I was still the 'shy kid who kissed her first boyfriend in public' to people, but tomorrow I might be the 'shy kid who panics at the most mundane things' once again.
"Anyway, if you're considering it, it might be best to go this afternoon. I could pick you up afterwards when I'm done with my club meeting. If you're nervous and wait until tomorrow, you might lose sleep over it."
That's a pretty good point. Knowing myself, I'd probably mull over it all night long, and I'd only become more prone to messing up.
"O-okay, I'll give it a t-try after classes t-today."
Lilly claps her hands excitedly upon hearing my words.
"Wonderful. I hope you two will be willing to join me for some tea tonight. I'd really like to hear how things played out."
I smile. It's been a while since we last sat together in Lilly's room to talk and relax. Having something to look forward to will make things easier.
"T-that would be nice."
"We'll be there, Lilly."
--------------------------------------
03
"So while the classroom is the place we use as an editorial office, most of the editing takes place here. We have two computers here, though only one is regularly used. The other's more like a digital archive. You can take a look at it later for examples of how we've been doing things. And here's the cabinet where we store most of our equipment. It isn't very large as you can see. Oh hey, you're not claustrophobic, are you?"
"N-n-no, I'm n-not."
Naomi was visibly surprised when I showed up at their club's classroom after school, but wasted no time giving me a brief tour. Good thing only she and Natsume were around when I arrived.
"I think Jun, the girl who is usually doing this, has some templates saved which she uses for the various pages of each issue. But that's not really the number one priority we have at this point. The most important thing to do now is to get all the stuff we have digital. By the way, do you have any questions so far?"
"Ummm… s-so I j-just t-type up the a-articles you wrote?"
"Eager to get started, huh? Neat."
More like eager to end this one-sided conversation.
Naomi opens the nearby cabinet and fishes out several small digital recording devices and a flash drive. Putting them and a small pile of hand-written notes on the nearby desk, she makes a sweeping gesture over it.
"Here's what we have so far! Jun has already made a folder for the upcoming issue and a shortcut on the desktop. This memory stick is from Kaoru. He likes to type up all his articles himself, so all you have to do is copy them to the right folder and then print me a copy to look it over."
She takes out one of the recorders and picks up a small USB cable from the desk.
"Several of our members use these to compose their contributions. Hideki's completely blind and not too techno-savvy, so he just dictates his articles. Natsume uses these too whenever her joints are hurting. Like… the last few days. Anyway, just plug one of these in with this cable here, and the application for playing the contents should start automatically. It'll be easier than rewinding and replaying manually. Always check the sections at the very end first. They often contain comments on whether to omit or alter certain portions. And the written notes here just contain articles and interviews by the rest."
"I-I'll s-start p-putting these in then."
"Cool. I'd do this myself, but I can't sit in front of monitors for very long for a while. Nurse's latest orders. I can be a bit sensitive to them. They sometimes cause, you know, short-circuiting."
I know alright. Naomi's reason for attending Yamaku is a pretty heavy case of epilepsy, and over the years, she's had several harsh episodes right next to me in class. The first time she fell out of her chair and started thrashing around on the floor got me so riled up I couldn't sleep for days. I'm still not completely used to it.
"Anyway, be sure to let the computer do a spelling and grammar check on everything to save ourselves some trouble later. You have any questions, Natsume and I'll be in the other room."
"A-alright."
--------------------------------------
04
Having left Lilly's room, I unlock the door to my own bedroom and prepare to kiss Hisao goodnight and retire for the day when he stops me.
"Can I come in for a little while?"
"S-sure."
We go in, and he sits next to me on the bed.
"You're going back to the newspaper club tomorrow, aren't you? Even though you said you didn't know yet."
"I… I think I want to at least finish what I started today."
That isn't the only reason. I also want to start feeling more reliable. For a long time, I've felt like a useless person, unable to be there for others. Today, I had an opportunity to deconstruct that belief, but my social anxiety nearly ruined it for me. Even though Naomi and Natsume were friendly, I felt on edge all the time. By the time we went back to the dorms, I felt exhausted. Even though we just had tea with Lilly, I'm still tense all over.
"You look tired. And tensed up."
"D-do you think I s-should skip tomorrow?"
"I don't think I can make that decision for you. But if it helps, I might be able to help you relax a little bit. Do you want to?"
He sits back a bit, spreads his legs and gestures me to sit in front of him. I smile.
"Y-yes, please."
I sit in front of him, drape my hair over my shoulders and gently pull the shoulders of my nightgown away, causing it to slide down to just above my breasts. I let my chin rest on my chest and try to relax. I hear him rub his hands together for a bit and then feel one touch my exposed left shoulder.
"Wow, your shoulders and your neck are really stiff this time."
"I'm… not very good with people, so situations like these will probably always cause me stress."
"Even though people were friendly today?"
"I-It's not something rational. I really wish it was. It'd be a lot easier to control."
He starts carefully rubbing and kneading my neck and shoulders. We've been giving each other these little massages for a while now, and I've really come to enjoy them. While I can't feel the sensation of his hand touching and rubbing the skin of my right shoulder, I still feel the result in my muscles there afterwards. It almost feels like I'm challenging my condition this way.
"But it'll get less as you get used to it, right? You used to be awkward in my presence too, remember?"
"Y-yes. It will get less as long as I can manage to keep going. At least, I hope it will."
"Then we'll keep helping you relax afterwards. Lilly and me. We'll just repeat this evening tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. Until it's no longer necessary."
"T-thank you, Hisao."
We remain silent for a few minutes as Hisao finishes massaging my shoulders, neck and upper back. He moves back, gives a quiet nod to me, and I lie down and let my head rest in his lap. I close my eyes as his hands start massaging my scalp and temples.
"Does it feel good?"
"Yes."
…
"Hanako?"
"Hmmm?"
"Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend?"
"Not really."
"Would you like to go on a date the upcoming Saturday?"
"Sure."
"Great. We'll have a bite to eat at the Shanghai around six and then be on our way."
"Do you already have something planned?"
"Yep. I was already planning it before this whole newspaper club business came up."
"What is it?"
"A surprise."
"Awww."
Hisao finishes his massage with a ruffle of my hair. I get up and fix the shoulders of my nightgown.
"Loosened up a bit?"
"Yes, it really helped."
As I turn around to face him, Hisao gives me a playful wink.
"If you want me to give you a more extensive massage…"
As I grasp the meaning behind his remark, I reflexively turn my head away although I doubt my attempt at hiding my extensive blush is successful. Lately there have been a few times we started with a mutual backrub and ended up… doing… what we did that night in Hokkaido.
"N-n-not t-this t-time."
"Okay."
"Ummm…"
"Yes?"
"C-can I return the favor, Hisao?"
"You don't really need to. I'm not feeling tense right now."
As he gets up from the bed, I grab hold of his hand.
"Umm… P-please?"
Hisao gives me an extended analytical stare that makes me nervous, but then gives a quick nod, sits down in front of me and starts unbuttoning his shirt.
"Alright then, Hanako."
--------------------------------------
05
"Nice! You got all content digital now?"
"Y-yes. Everything."
"Great, that was pretty quick overall."
It was more work than I expected. Especially the audio recordings took a while to type up. But now all articles and interviews are saved as documents.
"T-thanks."
"Could you print them all out? The pictures and templates for all the pages too. And then come and sit here next to me."
"I-I'm not done yet?"
"I can't force you to do more than you want, but there's still something else to do and we're getting to the part that I think you'll like."
I simply nod and return to the computer room. A few minutes later I return to Naomi with a stack of paper containing everything I digitized over the last two days. Naomi is usually loud and somewhat chaotic, but in her role of editor-in-chief she becomes a bit more serious and structured than usual and I have an easier time keeping up (and putting up) with her.
"So here's the templates we have for each page of the newspaper. Now we're gonna have to see what articles go where. We have the front page for the main article, five pages for internal news, three pages for external news, one page for advertisements, one page for columns and one page for sponsor-related stuff."
"So n-now what?"
"Each article has a number. So now we take a few empty sheets of paper and each try to come up with a layout that'll get us the articles in the places we want."
"T-two layout proposals?"
"It's nice to have a second opinion. Just try to estimate how much space each article will take up and how much redundant content each article has that can be cut or shortened."
We spend the next hour trying to come up with our own layout. I do my best not to look in Naomi's direction in order to avoid copying her idea. After I hand in my proposal, she puts the two sheets of paper side by side.
"Looks like we have similar ideas on a lot of stuff. But I didn't think of putting that article about the exposition into external news instead of internal."
"I-I thought i-it could fit b-both. I-it's being organized b-by a teacher from here, b-but t-together with an ex-external p-party and n-not on the school grounds."
"Maybe. Maybe. It'd save us from having to severely truncate that story about the baseball tournament. Okay, we'll go with my layout with the exposition story moved from page five to page eight instead. Could you paste the contents into the template pages? You'll run outside the borders in several places, but we need to know what articles to trim or reword a bit. You can fiddle a bit with the pictures on page two, five and six as long as the faces remain recognizable. Let's get started."
"Y-yes."
I quickly get to work. We have one and a half day to get everything done. I'll have time to relax this evening, but until then, I feel pressed to work as swiftly as possible.
--------------------------------------
06
Barely breathing, I wait as Lilly runs her slender fingers across the last page of the newspaper's Braille edition. Since she appears to be getting close to the end, her fingers must be near the staff section right now. Suddenly, her fingers stop and skim over a section a second time. It looks like she read the part that bears my name.
"Assistant Editor: Hanako Ikezawa."
Lilly breaks into a dazzling smile as she reads the line I knew would catch her attention. A smile that proves very infectious.
"Hanako, this is great."
I nod humbly, but in truth I'm very proud of the result. It took a lot of effort, but we managed to meet the deadline and get the newspaper printed today. Everyone at the newspaper club was very satisfied with this latest issue. Tomorrow, the student council will be distributing it among the rest of the student body, but I couldn't wait that long and took three copies in advance. One for Hisao, one for myself and a Braille edition for Lilly.
"Hey Hanako, is it difficult to create a newspaper in Braille?"
I nod my head.
"The newspaper club has software that can convert normal documents into a file type that a Braille printer can work with. I've used it myself yesterday. It's a lot of work, but there's a member at the club who can read Braille and helps us with this. I just operate the s-software according to his instructions."
Hisao laughs and playfully ruffles my hair.
"I didn't know my girlfriend had this nerdy side to her."
Before I can think up a reaction of my own, Lilly is already eagerly pouncing on his remark.
"Wouldn't that make her a perfect match for the current president of the science club, Hisao?"
Hisao's only reply is a mock-offended huff that makes both of us burst out in giggles.
"I'm not going to argue that point."
"A wise decision, Hisao."
"So Hanako, do you have any plans to continue this?"
"T-this was only a temporary solution to meet this week's deadline. But they said they'd welcome any help I could offer them."
"It sounds like they want you to stick around."
"I-I might give it another try next week. Maybe."
"Sounds like a great plan. Where were they this afternoon anyway? The club's classroom was deserted when I dropped by."
I smile a bit sadly at that.
"After a new issue is printed and handed over to the student council for distribution, the club always goes into town to relax and celebrate the release in one of the coffee shops there."
Lilly frowns a bit at my explanation.
"And they did not invite you to come along as well?"
"They did. It's just… If I went along, I don't think I'd be able to relax enough to have fun. All I'd be doing would be watching the others have fun."
That was pretty much the gist of it. This week, I've been forced to communicate with the club members in order to get things done, and I found that as long as the conversation remained strictly about the tasks at hand, I could manage with a bit of effort, but in the face of any small talk, I'd quickly freeze up. I didn't think I'd add much to the social event the club was planning, and it'd be better if I didn't go and attend. I can be on my own just fine, but being at a celebration and being the only one not having fun never fails to make me feel terribly lonely. I felt pretty good about the release and didn't want to do anything that might ruin my mood.
"Maybe if you spend enough time there, they'll grow on you."
"M-maybe."
We spend the rest of the time making small talk with me occasionally answering questions about last week's activities until Lilly lets out a small yawn from behind her hand that we take as a cue to retire for the night. As Hisao and I rise to return to our dorm rooms, Lilly navigates her way around the table and approaches us.
"Hanako, it seems unfair that the rest of the club got to have a celebration, and the person who helped them out of a difficult spot did not. Maybe you can see this little tea party as your own private celebration."
"I-I think I'll do that."
"Hanako…"
07
Suddenly, Lilly gets close to me and wraps her arms around me in a warm embrace. I let out a startled gasp.
"…I think you did a terrific job this week."
"Lilly's right. You really did."
Without warning, Hisao also hugs me. For a second, this weird three-way hug takes me off-guard. Then I return the embrace, wrapping one arm around each of them and gently pulling them closer. It really feels nice. It feels like the way things felt in Hokkaido while we were staying there.
A small disabled family.
My family.
I suddenly feel a lump in my throat. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. Are Lilly and Hisao feeling the way I'm feeling right now?
I sniffle briefly.
"L-Lilly…H-Hisao…"
"Yes, Hanako?"
I love you. I love you both so much. Please let me be here for you the way you're here for me.
"…t-thank you."
We break the embrace and I quickly wipe my eye. As Lilly sees us off, she smiles at me.
"Enjoy your date tomorrow."
"Thanks. I'm sure we will. And um… Lilly… I… um… really enjoyed our time together this week. W-we should hold these tea ceremonies more often again."
For a split-second Lilly's expression seems sad, but before I can react the door closes, and the moment is gone.
"Can I come in for a little while?"
"S-sure."
We go in and he places his hands on my shoulders.
"I thought I felt it earlier. You're not nearly as tense as you were during the last few days."
"Today I didn't have much stress, just the printing process and delivery of the papers - and then the tea ceremony with you and Lilly."
"So I guess you won't be needing a shoulder massage today."
"I-I'm not sure yet."
I doubt I need my shoulders or neck loosened up, but I don't want him to leave yet.
This week was tough.
But we're going on a date tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it.
A fitting conclusion to a stressful week.
I kinda made another important step this week.
Maybe I've earned a little something extra.
Maybe we've both earned something.
Should I…?
"H-H-Hisao…?"
"Yeah?"
I blush.
"Ummm… T-that e-e-extensive m-massage you o-offered earlier t-this w-week…?"
He grins.
"That offer is still valid, Hanako."
"…s-share o-one t-together?"
"I'd love to."
He removes his socks and shoes and sits on my bed. I open one of my drawers, take a few tissues to avoid us messing up my blanket too much and then turn off the lights. I feel my way over to the bed, position myself in front of him and lean forward for a kiss.
"R-ready, Hisao?"
"I'm all yours, Hanako."
08
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 2:49 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Guest Poster
- Posts: 1264
- Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 12:42 am
Chapter 8
Chapter 8
01
"The right one, focus on the right one!"
"Y-yes!"
I aim my gun and a moment later the cyborg who just ambushed us from the nearby niche goes down in a hail of sparks. In the meantime, Hisao is struggling to hit another cyborg shooting at us from a vehicle straight ahead, but he has difficulty getting a clear shot due to several allied soldiers running ahead of us and blocking the line of fire.
"Cover me, Corporal Ikezawa!"
I giggle, more than eager to play along.
"A-affirmative, Sergeant Nakai."
We take aim at the main attacker and unleash a torrent of bullets onto his head and chest.
"Mission cleared!"
At the mechanical announcement, we both drop the gun-shaped controllers we've been holding while the next mission starts loading up.
"H-Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you played these kinds of games before?"
"Before I had my heart attack, I sometimes visited game centers with friends. These rail shooters were among the kinds of things we used to play. The ones I played were much more primitive than this one though. Technology sure speeds along."
"Get ready!"
As another droning announcement indicates we're about the start the next level, we take up the gun units again and ready them.
"You know, I never suspected that the next time I'd be visiting a game center, it'd be as part of a date."
I smile. An arcade center isn't exactly a place the average teenager would take his girlfriend to, but I guess I'm not exactly the average girlfriend either. In a way, it was a pretty clever idea on Hisao's part. While there are quite a few people around, the hall itself is rather dark so my scarring isn't very noticeable, especially since I'm also wearing my hat. And while we're playing games, there's no need for small talk.
"I…I really like it so far."
This time we're on top of some vehicle chasing an enemy truck.
"Have you played many video games in the past, Hanako?"
Several enemy troops appear on the roof of the truck and start shooting at us. We quickly return fire, each of us trying to focus on different enemies.
"N-not many. We had an old Super Famicom at the orphanage that was donated by one of the staff members whose son was given a more recent system for his birthday. It was pretty popular with the other kids, so I didn't get around to using it very often."
We clear the roof of the truck. Now what?
"They have a retro section here as well. We could check it out later. We might run into some familiar titles."
"Sure."
Suddenly explosive charges are being tossed at us from inside the truck. A big blast and our life meters drop down by 20%.
"Hey, how the heck are we supposed to deal with that?"
We both try shooting the vehicle, but nothing happens. Another charge is tossed and now our life meters are at 60%.
"T-the tires perhaps?"
Again, nothing. Another charge gets tossed, but as Hisao shoots at it, it explodes prematurely and the enemy truck shakes from the blast.
"We're supposed to shoot the charges before they reach us!"
Another charge gets tossed. This time I intercept it and the truck shakes even more.
"Good shot, Hanako."
"They're always coming from the same point."
Another charge is blown, but this time the truck starts moving from side to side.
"Oh come on!"
We miss the next two charges and now we're at 20%. Hisao gets the next one and the back of the truck ignites.
"D-did we do it?"
Then one more charge is thrown from the burning truck, the screen turns red and a big countdown appears.
"Blast!"
I hastily reach for my purse and take out a coin, so we can continue. But as I bend down to slide it into the slot…
"Ouch!"
"OW!!!"
Something hits me in the head, causing me to drop the coin. I quickly get down on my knees to retrieve it before it rolls under one of the cabinets. As I grab it and look behind me, two things draw my attention.
One is the arcade cabinet we were standing in front of with a big "GAME OVER" message on the screen.
The other is my boyfriend, also kneeling on the floor and looking at the screen, then looking at me. His one hand is holding a coin as well. His other hand is rubbing his forehead.
As the ridiculousness of the situation sinks in, I press my hand to my mouth in order to stifle a burst of laugher that would surely attract the attention of the other people around us. Hisao merely chuckles while wearing a silly grin on his face.
We both did the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Hisao lets out a resigned sigh.
"I don't know about you, but I don't feel like playing through those previous stages again. Let's go and do something else."
"O-okay."
I look at Hisao as he makes his way past the rows of arcade machines with me in tow. He's not wearing the usual sweater vest he usually has on when not wearing his school uniform. Instead, he's wearing a shirt I picked out for him during our shopping trip in Hokkaido. I kinda like the way it looks on him, though I suspect he's also wearing it to stand out less in our current environment. As we reach a quieter area, Hisao suddenly stops. This corner of the hall contains several air hockey tables.
"Wanna play a little match, Hanako?"
"Sure."
I walk over to the table closest to the corner and insert a coin. The table hums to life, the display on the rail around the playing field lights up to reveal two zeros, and a cool breeze starts to blow on the table's surface. I look around to confirm no other people are in the immediate vicinity and use my hair clip to move my hair lock out of the way just enough to prevent it from creating a blind spot in my peripheral vision. I pick up a mallet, take the puck from the tray beneath my goal and place it on the table.
"Ready, Hisao?"
"Bring it on."
I launch the puck towards him. He hits it towards the right railing. I deflect the puck with more luck than skill. Then he sends the puck straight ahead before I can react.
TSCHAK
1:0
I fish the puck out of my tray and place it in front of my mallet again.
"Hey Hanako, it wasn't necessary for you to pay up back there."
I bat the puck across the field. It ricochets off his mallet and goes straight towards me again. I aim for the left rail and hit the puck towards it.
"But you were the one who paid for the first credit."
tic - TSCHAK
1:1
"I offered to foot the bill for this entire visit, didn't I?"
"Y-you really don't have to."
I launch the puck towards him again, but this time he tilts his mallet causing the puck to get stuck under it.
Isn't that officially a foul?
"You'd rather I didn't or you really don't want me to?"
"Huh?"
"That day we started our relationship, you were worried that you were useless. That you weren't able to do anything for the people you cared about. Do you still feel that way?"
He takes his mallet off the puck and gently bats it in my direction. I stop it with my hand, take aim and hit it towards the rail near me, causing it to fly across the field in a frantic zigzag, but he catches it and hits it back in a similar manner. I try to deflect it, but accidentally bounce it into my own goal.
TSCHAK
2:1
"I'm not really sure. I… don't… think… I… do."
He picks up the puck and launches it towards the right rail, but this time I deflect it towards the left rail in time. He hits it under the same angle and we repeat this pattern several times until I change the angle just a little bit and the puck slides into his goal.
TSCHAK
2:2
"I don't think there's need to doubt yourself. I mean, we often study together. You supported me in getting into the science club. And I have lots of fun hanging out with you."
"S-so, isn't everything okay then?"
He bats the puck hard into my left corner so it bounces out of my reach before I can react. Then the right corner. Then the left again. Then the right. As I move my mallet to the left in order to catch where I predict the puck will go next, he sends a straight shot right into my goal.
TSCHAK
3:2
"There's something I noticed lately. Something about our relationship."
I try the zigzag shot again. He deflects it, so I try the zigzag on the other rail. This breaks through his guard.
TSCHAK
3:3
"W-what is it?"
TSCHAK
4:3
"Whenever I help you with your science homework…"
TSCHAK
4:4
"…you insist on doing some Japanese exercises with me in return."
TSCHAK
5:4
"Whenever I give you a shoulder rub to ease your stress…"
TSCHAK
5:5
"…you insist on returning the favor, even if I'm not stressed myself."
TSCHAK
6:5
"Whenever we go on a date…"
TSCHAK
6:6
"…you always insist on paying at least half. Even if I say the whole thing's on me."
TSCHAK
7:6
"What's wrong with having a give-and-receive relationship?"
TSCHAK
7:7
Hisao takes the puck out of the tray, but doesn't immediately place it onto the field.
"It feels off sometimes. As if you're keeping a tally. Trying to carefully balance things out each time. Making sure you never receive more than you give. That's not a give-and-receive relationship. That's more like a give-and-pay-back-relationship. I enjoy doing things for you, but only if you don't see those things as debts that must be paid off as quickly as possible."
I fall silent as I try to recall those moments and what I felt at the time. Was it fear? Fear of us once more slipping into a caretaker-caretakee relationship if I didn't actively prevent it from happening? Fear of me depending more on him than him on me? Fear of being deemed useless? I feel embarrassed upon being called out on this, as if I got caught with my hand in a cookie jar.
"You have faith in me, don't you Hanako? I'm not gonna walk out on you just like that. I feel there's a whole lot more between us than just a list of favors and counter favors. This isn't how intimate relationships are supposed to work."
I know that, of course. Just like I know that whenever I have to pass through a crowd, the odds of everyone in there noticing my scarring at exactly the same moment and all of them staring at me at once is pretty close to non-existent, but I'm still terrified of it happening. None of my anxieties really make sense from a rational point of view, but that doesn't make them any less real for me. If Miss Yumi is to be believed, anxieties don't go away overnight just like that, nor can they be dismissed with logic. What was it she said? Something about the heart not listening to reason, only to experiences?
I watch Hisao place the puck back on the table and prepare for another assault. We pass it back and forth several times before it slips past my mallet.
TSCHAK
8:7
"I'm not saying I don't enjoy getting a backrub in return on occasion, but it shouldn't be mandatory."
TSCHAK
9:7
"I really enjoy the lunches you bring along for me every so often. I'm not sure if you were expecting…"
"No, no, no, no, no… I really d-don't need you to r-return the favor. I r-really enjoy m-making them f-for you."
As I blurt out a denial of his suggestion, the puck zips into my goal slot. Looks like Hisao made his winning point.
TSCHAK
10:7
"Just like I enjoy doing things for you on occasion. Giving and receiving can both be fun in their own way. I don't think we should keep score… Trying to keep things exactly even will only make our relation appear rigid and unnatural."
I nod. I understand what he's trying to tell me.
"I-I have faith in you, Hisao. Do you also h-have faith in me?"
"I do, Hanako."
"I-I'm trying, and I promise to t-try even harder from n-now on."
Hisao walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"That's enough for me, Hanako. Thanks."
He gives me a sly grin.
"We could give a try right now if you like."
"Ummm… what do you mean?"
"Would you be okay if I foot the bill for the rest of the evening? Or at least the majority of it?"
Not really. I really want to show Hisao I got the point he was trying to make earlier, but I want to share in the costs too, if possible. Suddenly, an idea pops into my head.
"Ummm… I have another idea. W-we could play rock-paper-scissors before we start a game. The winner p-pays until we move on. S-so if you win every contest, you cover the entire evening."
"And if you win every time, everything'll be on you, right?"
"That's right. But I p-promise I'll accept the outcome, no matter w-what it is."
"Okay then. But perhaps we can do something more practical than rock-paper-scissors. Something that never results in a tie."
"What do you suggest?"
"How about flipping a coin?"
"O-okay."
We decide on sides and then head over to the retro section Hisao brought up earlier.
--------------------------------------
"See anything you like?"
"Hmmm…let's try that one."
We walk over to the machine, Hisao looks at the coin slot, then at me and gives a nod. I take a coin from my purse, toss it up, catch it and place it on my left hand.
"T-t-tails."
"That's your side. We should pick four credits for cooperative games and three for competitive."
I slip three coins into the slot, and we both press our respective start button.
I think I remember how some of the moves are meant to be done.
As the announcer calls the start of the fight, Hisao's character lets out a roar and flies at me immediately.
Ouch. He's not kidding around. Pulling the stick away makes you block attacks, right?
He approaches me again, but this time I deliver a kick to push him back. Hisao is stronger and faster, but I've got better reach.
He moves in again and we trade several blows. I manage to grab him and throw him away from me.
I think it was a quarter-circle motion with the joystick.
After two tries, I manage to shoot a projectile at him. He jumps over it, but I manage to nail him with a kick as he lands.
The game's announcer confirms my victory. The second round begins, and I manage to block another flying attack from Hisao.
"Hisao?"
I'm getting the hang of the projectile motion and start shooting a stream of fireballs at Hisao in order to keep him at bay.
"Yes?"
He gets a few hard blows in after jumping my projectiles, but I manage to regain the upper hand after a successful throw.
"When we left Lilly's room yesterday, I noticed she looked sad for a moment."
I start shooting fireballs again, this time of varying speed in order to keep him on his toes and manage to wear him down enough to win the second round.
"Are you sure?"
"It was for a split-second. Before she closed the door."
We're back at the character select screen and Hisao picks another fighter to play with.
"Why would she be sad?"
"I'm not sure. All I said was that I'd like to have these kinds of tea parties more often."
The second match starts and I try the strategy I used to win the last battle, but this time Hisao shoots my projectiles out of the air with his own.
"I wouldn't call that a particularly depressing statement."
The round ends with a timeout after a long fireball war that I lose after messing up the motion a few times.
"I'm… a bit worried, Hisao. I wonder if Lilly is really giving us space to be on our own or if there's something that's bothering her."
"Something that's bothering her?"
This time I try to be more aggressive and trip him up by sliding under his projectiles. It works a few times until Hisao starts throwing projectiles at my feet instead.
"C-causing her to spend less time with us than before. She's often missed lunch in the tea room these days in favor of class representative duties, and until this week, we haven't really been to her room either."
"Well, she has been scarcer than usual lately, but I'm not sure if that means something's on her mind and if so what it could be that bothers her."
I try to switch to jumping attacks, only to find out my character is much too slow for that tactic, and I end up losing the second round as well after being knocked out of the air several times.
"Maybe…us?"
"Us?"
"I s-sometimes wonder if she… likes you too?"
I take a moment to pick my character for the final match and decide on a speedier fighter.
"Lilly having feelings for me?"
She never admitted it, but the last time I asked her she ended up reversing the question instead of answering it.
The first round is quickly devolves into a slugfest with me taking some time to get used to fight without projectiles and Hisao taking some time to learn how to deal with a faster opponent. The round ends with us taking a simultaneous blow that depletes the last of my energy.
"If t-that were true… being with you and me would be p-painful for her, right?"
The second round ends more favorably for me as I start figuring out a pattern in the altitude of Hisao's projectiles and am able to evade them with slidings and quick jumps long enough to whittle down his health.
"I'm not sure if that's the case. If Lilly was interested in me, she'd probably have flirted with me or something. I don't think she'd stay completely passive."
No, that's more like my strong suit.
"U-unless she held back f-for my sake."
The final round once again devolves into us trading blows with me trying to capitalize on my longer reach as much as possible. For a while the outcome appears to mirror the result of the first round until I manage to barely escape his attack with a quick jump off the wall and slam Hisao into the floor after landing behind him.
"I don't think we should jump to conclusions, Hanako. When she came back from her trip, she seemed genuinely happy for us. Let's just ask her on Monday. Until then, try not to think about it, okay?"
"O-okay."
I really hope I'm wrong. If something is on Lilly's mind, I want to help her get through it, but if it's my relationship with Hisao that's bothering her, I really don't know what I could say to her to cheer her up.
I'm not really interested in taking on the single player mode, so after Hisao's timer runs out we simply leave my fighter to be beaten into submission by the CPU opponent.
"That was pretty fun. Where to now?"
"Hmmm…"
--------------------------------------
We spend the next hours, among other things, beating up cyborg soldiers with ninja weapons, navigating monster-filled dungeons in search for food and treasure, popping balloons with harpoon guns, popping bubbles with monsters inside and watching the attract mode of every cabinet in the area. As we leave the retro corner, Hisao points to a big cabinet with two motorbike-shaped seats in front of it.
"Want to take part in a little race, Hanako?"
"Sure."
--------------------------------------
"That was close."
I let out a slightly frustrated sigh. It sure was. Hisao and I crossed the finish line with only a 0.3 second difference on the clock. I'm pretty sure I can do better next race. But as I prepare to push the start button in the center of the handlebar, Hisao stops me.
"Hey Hanako, why don't we try the single player race? Might be fun too."
How are 'we' supposed to participate in the single player mode? You can only take part in the race with one bike.
"Ummm…how?"
Hisao taps the back of his motorbike with his fingers.
"Hop on board before your countdown's finished."
"I-is that okay? Those s-seats aren't made for two people, are they?"
"We'll be fine. Those seats can handle some weight. I mean, have you seen the size of some of the regular visitors here?"
I chuckle.
"O-okay then."
I quickly move over to the seat Hisao is sitting on and sit down behind him. It's still a tight fit because the seats have a depression in the middle for the player to sit and it's not quite made for two pairs of hips. I don't think either of us are sitting in a particularly stable or comfortable position. As Hisao's screen lights up to reveal the starting line and seven other bike riders in front of us, I wrap my arms around him tightly.
A few minutes later we cross the finish line dead last. Steering turns out to be extremely tricky since it's impossible for us to lean left or right in precise tandem, meaning most of the turns we make are too late and too wide.
I giggle.
"I don't think this is going to get us very far."
"True, but wasn't it fun?"
It was. Throughout all the bumbling, colliding and zigzagging on straight parts, due to repeatedly overcompensating for each other's movements, I had to make several supreme efforts to hold back my laughter.
"We have one credit left. Want to switch places and try it again?"
"Sure."
I get off the seat, move in front of him and try to get comfortable. As I press the start button and Hisao hugs me from behind, a thought springs up in my mind.
"Ummm…Hisao? W-was this whole thing j-just an excuse to hug in public?"
He laughs at my observation.
"No, just an extremely welcome addition."
The second race goes slightly better, and we end up being sixth. This is more due to us getting better at predicting each other's movements than it is about steering skills. It's still not enough to get us to the next race, but I don't think we should keep putting coins into this thing until we're good enough to get in first.
"So, what do you want to do next?"
--------------------------------------
02
The peaceful corner of the coffee shop where we decided to take a breather after leaving the arcade is a refreshing change from the bustling of the crowded arcade hall. While my difficulty with crowds hasn't raised its head enough to ruin my fun this evening, it still feels good to relax in a quiet place for a while.
"Sorry it took so long."
Hisao returns from the counter holding a bottle of soda and a cup of hot cocoa. He sits down next to me, puts the soda in front of himself and shows me a frustrated frown for a moment before giving me the cocoa.
"The couple in front of me took ages to make up their mind about their order. I was about to give up and take you somewhere else."
"It's okay. I had someone to keep me company."
We both look at the plush puppy we liberated from the crane game near the arcade's entrance through our combined efforts.
"We could have obtained several other stuffed toys for the number of efforts it took us to get this specific one."
"He's special. I'm sure he'll feel at home at Yamaku."
What's 'special' about the dog in question is actually the fact that his left eye is missing. It probably got damaged at some point. When I noticed that, I made a special effort to obtain him despite the fact he was lying pretty far away from the crane's starting point.
"A new member of our little, disabled family, huh?"
I nod.
"I'm still deciding whether to let him live in my room or let Lilly take care of him."
"Maybe you should leave him with Lilly, so he and I don't end up becoming rivals for your affection."
I giggle at this weird idea.
"I think I have more than enough affection for both of you."
"So, have you already decided on a name for him?"
"Hmmmm…I think I'll call him 'Niji'."
"Niji?"
"At the orphanage… they had a dog that some of the children there took care of. 'Niji' is what they called him."
"Were you one of those children?"
I shake my head.
"You don't like animals? I've once heard that a lot of people who… well… are not good with other people tend to form strong bonds with their pets."
"I… do like them. At least, I think I do. It's just… Everyone who wanted to take care of him was also tasked with walking the dog every few days. And that dog… really liked being outside and running in the park and playing with other dogs. But I… d-didn't really like going outside. And w-walking your dog tends to make other people approach you for s-small talk, so… ummm… I thought he w-was in better hands with… other children."
"That's a shame, Hanako. That dog missed out on a great friend. And so did you, most likely. Maybe you could reconsider it once you have a place of your own in the future."
"That's probably still far off, but… thank you, Hisao."
"Hey Hanako, are you enjoying our date so far?"
"Y-yes, I am. I… wouldn't mind going back to the game center some time. There were still many games we didn't get to play yet."
"Great. Good. I'm happy to hear that. I wouldn't mind going back there myself either."
Why is he getting nervous? And what does he mean by 'so far'? Won't we going back to Yamaku yet?
"H-Hisao… Did you have more planned? Does it have to do with that backpack you've been carrying around all the time?"
"The backpack contains, among a few other things, my medication."
His medication? Why would he take that along? Wait a second…
"H-Hisao, d-d-do you mean…?"
He takes a deep breath, realizing it's probably too late to dismiss the issue and then looks me in the eyes.
"H-Hanako, would you like it if we… spent the night together somewhere around here?"
01
"The right one, focus on the right one!"
"Y-yes!"
I aim my gun and a moment later the cyborg who just ambushed us from the nearby niche goes down in a hail of sparks. In the meantime, Hisao is struggling to hit another cyborg shooting at us from a vehicle straight ahead, but he has difficulty getting a clear shot due to several allied soldiers running ahead of us and blocking the line of fire.
"Cover me, Corporal Ikezawa!"
I giggle, more than eager to play along.
"A-affirmative, Sergeant Nakai."
We take aim at the main attacker and unleash a torrent of bullets onto his head and chest.
"Mission cleared!"
At the mechanical announcement, we both drop the gun-shaped controllers we've been holding while the next mission starts loading up.
"H-Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you played these kinds of games before?"
"Before I had my heart attack, I sometimes visited game centers with friends. These rail shooters were among the kinds of things we used to play. The ones I played were much more primitive than this one though. Technology sure speeds along."
"Get ready!"
As another droning announcement indicates we're about the start the next level, we take up the gun units again and ready them.
"You know, I never suspected that the next time I'd be visiting a game center, it'd be as part of a date."
I smile. An arcade center isn't exactly a place the average teenager would take his girlfriend to, but I guess I'm not exactly the average girlfriend either. In a way, it was a pretty clever idea on Hisao's part. While there are quite a few people around, the hall itself is rather dark so my scarring isn't very noticeable, especially since I'm also wearing my hat. And while we're playing games, there's no need for small talk.
"I…I really like it so far."
This time we're on top of some vehicle chasing an enemy truck.
"Have you played many video games in the past, Hanako?"
Several enemy troops appear on the roof of the truck and start shooting at us. We quickly return fire, each of us trying to focus on different enemies.
"N-not many. We had an old Super Famicom at the orphanage that was donated by one of the staff members whose son was given a more recent system for his birthday. It was pretty popular with the other kids, so I didn't get around to using it very often."
We clear the roof of the truck. Now what?
"They have a retro section here as well. We could check it out later. We might run into some familiar titles."
"Sure."
Suddenly explosive charges are being tossed at us from inside the truck. A big blast and our life meters drop down by 20%.
"Hey, how the heck are we supposed to deal with that?"
We both try shooting the vehicle, but nothing happens. Another charge is tossed and now our life meters are at 60%.
"T-the tires perhaps?"
Again, nothing. Another charge gets tossed, but as Hisao shoots at it, it explodes prematurely and the enemy truck shakes from the blast.
"We're supposed to shoot the charges before they reach us!"
Another charge gets tossed. This time I intercept it and the truck shakes even more.
"Good shot, Hanako."
"They're always coming from the same point."
Another charge is blown, but this time the truck starts moving from side to side.
"Oh come on!"
We miss the next two charges and now we're at 20%. Hisao gets the next one and the back of the truck ignites.
"D-did we do it?"
Then one more charge is thrown from the burning truck, the screen turns red and a big countdown appears.
"Blast!"
I hastily reach for my purse and take out a coin, so we can continue. But as I bend down to slide it into the slot…
"Ouch!"
"OW!!!"
Something hits me in the head, causing me to drop the coin. I quickly get down on my knees to retrieve it before it rolls under one of the cabinets. As I grab it and look behind me, two things draw my attention.
One is the arcade cabinet we were standing in front of with a big "GAME OVER" message on the screen.
The other is my boyfriend, also kneeling on the floor and looking at the screen, then looking at me. His one hand is holding a coin as well. His other hand is rubbing his forehead.
As the ridiculousness of the situation sinks in, I press my hand to my mouth in order to stifle a burst of laugher that would surely attract the attention of the other people around us. Hisao merely chuckles while wearing a silly grin on his face.
We both did the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Hisao lets out a resigned sigh.
"I don't know about you, but I don't feel like playing through those previous stages again. Let's go and do something else."
"O-okay."
I look at Hisao as he makes his way past the rows of arcade machines with me in tow. He's not wearing the usual sweater vest he usually has on when not wearing his school uniform. Instead, he's wearing a shirt I picked out for him during our shopping trip in Hokkaido. I kinda like the way it looks on him, though I suspect he's also wearing it to stand out less in our current environment. As we reach a quieter area, Hisao suddenly stops. This corner of the hall contains several air hockey tables.
"Wanna play a little match, Hanako?"
"Sure."
I walk over to the table closest to the corner and insert a coin. The table hums to life, the display on the rail around the playing field lights up to reveal two zeros, and a cool breeze starts to blow on the table's surface. I look around to confirm no other people are in the immediate vicinity and use my hair clip to move my hair lock out of the way just enough to prevent it from creating a blind spot in my peripheral vision. I pick up a mallet, take the puck from the tray beneath my goal and place it on the table.
"Ready, Hisao?"
"Bring it on."
I launch the puck towards him. He hits it towards the right railing. I deflect the puck with more luck than skill. Then he sends the puck straight ahead before I can react.
TSCHAK
1:0
I fish the puck out of my tray and place it in front of my mallet again.
"Hey Hanako, it wasn't necessary for you to pay up back there."
I bat the puck across the field. It ricochets off his mallet and goes straight towards me again. I aim for the left rail and hit the puck towards it.
"But you were the one who paid for the first credit."
tic - TSCHAK
1:1
"I offered to foot the bill for this entire visit, didn't I?"
"Y-you really don't have to."
I launch the puck towards him again, but this time he tilts his mallet causing the puck to get stuck under it.
Isn't that officially a foul?
"You'd rather I didn't or you really don't want me to?"
"Huh?"
"That day we started our relationship, you were worried that you were useless. That you weren't able to do anything for the people you cared about. Do you still feel that way?"
He takes his mallet off the puck and gently bats it in my direction. I stop it with my hand, take aim and hit it towards the rail near me, causing it to fly across the field in a frantic zigzag, but he catches it and hits it back in a similar manner. I try to deflect it, but accidentally bounce it into my own goal.
TSCHAK
2:1
"I'm not really sure. I… don't… think… I… do."
He picks up the puck and launches it towards the right rail, but this time I deflect it towards the left rail in time. He hits it under the same angle and we repeat this pattern several times until I change the angle just a little bit and the puck slides into his goal.
TSCHAK
2:2
"I don't think there's need to doubt yourself. I mean, we often study together. You supported me in getting into the science club. And I have lots of fun hanging out with you."
"S-so, isn't everything okay then?"
He bats the puck hard into my left corner so it bounces out of my reach before I can react. Then the right corner. Then the left again. Then the right. As I move my mallet to the left in order to catch where I predict the puck will go next, he sends a straight shot right into my goal.
TSCHAK
3:2
"There's something I noticed lately. Something about our relationship."
I try the zigzag shot again. He deflects it, so I try the zigzag on the other rail. This breaks through his guard.
TSCHAK
3:3
"W-what is it?"
TSCHAK
4:3
"Whenever I help you with your science homework…"
TSCHAK
4:4
"…you insist on doing some Japanese exercises with me in return."
TSCHAK
5:4
"Whenever I give you a shoulder rub to ease your stress…"
TSCHAK
5:5
"…you insist on returning the favor, even if I'm not stressed myself."
TSCHAK
6:5
"Whenever we go on a date…"
TSCHAK
6:6
"…you always insist on paying at least half. Even if I say the whole thing's on me."
TSCHAK
7:6
"What's wrong with having a give-and-receive relationship?"
TSCHAK
7:7
Hisao takes the puck out of the tray, but doesn't immediately place it onto the field.
"It feels off sometimes. As if you're keeping a tally. Trying to carefully balance things out each time. Making sure you never receive more than you give. That's not a give-and-receive relationship. That's more like a give-and-pay-back-relationship. I enjoy doing things for you, but only if you don't see those things as debts that must be paid off as quickly as possible."
I fall silent as I try to recall those moments and what I felt at the time. Was it fear? Fear of us once more slipping into a caretaker-caretakee relationship if I didn't actively prevent it from happening? Fear of me depending more on him than him on me? Fear of being deemed useless? I feel embarrassed upon being called out on this, as if I got caught with my hand in a cookie jar.
"You have faith in me, don't you Hanako? I'm not gonna walk out on you just like that. I feel there's a whole lot more between us than just a list of favors and counter favors. This isn't how intimate relationships are supposed to work."
I know that, of course. Just like I know that whenever I have to pass through a crowd, the odds of everyone in there noticing my scarring at exactly the same moment and all of them staring at me at once is pretty close to non-existent, but I'm still terrified of it happening. None of my anxieties really make sense from a rational point of view, but that doesn't make them any less real for me. If Miss Yumi is to be believed, anxieties don't go away overnight just like that, nor can they be dismissed with logic. What was it she said? Something about the heart not listening to reason, only to experiences?
I watch Hisao place the puck back on the table and prepare for another assault. We pass it back and forth several times before it slips past my mallet.
TSCHAK
8:7
"I'm not saying I don't enjoy getting a backrub in return on occasion, but it shouldn't be mandatory."
TSCHAK
9:7
"I really enjoy the lunches you bring along for me every so often. I'm not sure if you were expecting…"
"No, no, no, no, no… I really d-don't need you to r-return the favor. I r-really enjoy m-making them f-for you."
As I blurt out a denial of his suggestion, the puck zips into my goal slot. Looks like Hisao made his winning point.
TSCHAK
10:7
"Just like I enjoy doing things for you on occasion. Giving and receiving can both be fun in their own way. I don't think we should keep score… Trying to keep things exactly even will only make our relation appear rigid and unnatural."
I nod. I understand what he's trying to tell me.
"I-I have faith in you, Hisao. Do you also h-have faith in me?"
"I do, Hanako."
"I-I'm trying, and I promise to t-try even harder from n-now on."
Hisao walks over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"That's enough for me, Hanako. Thanks."
He gives me a sly grin.
"We could give a try right now if you like."
"Ummm… what do you mean?"
"Would you be okay if I foot the bill for the rest of the evening? Or at least the majority of it?"
Not really. I really want to show Hisao I got the point he was trying to make earlier, but I want to share in the costs too, if possible. Suddenly, an idea pops into my head.
"Ummm… I have another idea. W-we could play rock-paper-scissors before we start a game. The winner p-pays until we move on. S-so if you win every contest, you cover the entire evening."
"And if you win every time, everything'll be on you, right?"
"That's right. But I p-promise I'll accept the outcome, no matter w-what it is."
"Okay then. But perhaps we can do something more practical than rock-paper-scissors. Something that never results in a tie."
"What do you suggest?"
"How about flipping a coin?"
"O-okay."
We decide on sides and then head over to the retro section Hisao brought up earlier.
--------------------------------------
"See anything you like?"
"Hmmm…let's try that one."
We walk over to the machine, Hisao looks at the coin slot, then at me and gives a nod. I take a coin from my purse, toss it up, catch it and place it on my left hand.
"T-t-tails."
"That's your side. We should pick four credits for cooperative games and three for competitive."
I slip three coins into the slot, and we both press our respective start button.
I think I remember how some of the moves are meant to be done.
As the announcer calls the start of the fight, Hisao's character lets out a roar and flies at me immediately.
Ouch. He's not kidding around. Pulling the stick away makes you block attacks, right?
He approaches me again, but this time I deliver a kick to push him back. Hisao is stronger and faster, but I've got better reach.
He moves in again and we trade several blows. I manage to grab him and throw him away from me.
I think it was a quarter-circle motion with the joystick.
After two tries, I manage to shoot a projectile at him. He jumps over it, but I manage to nail him with a kick as he lands.
The game's announcer confirms my victory. The second round begins, and I manage to block another flying attack from Hisao.
"Hisao?"
I'm getting the hang of the projectile motion and start shooting a stream of fireballs at Hisao in order to keep him at bay.
"Yes?"
He gets a few hard blows in after jumping my projectiles, but I manage to regain the upper hand after a successful throw.
"When we left Lilly's room yesterday, I noticed she looked sad for a moment."
I start shooting fireballs again, this time of varying speed in order to keep him on his toes and manage to wear him down enough to win the second round.
"Are you sure?"
"It was for a split-second. Before she closed the door."
We're back at the character select screen and Hisao picks another fighter to play with.
"Why would she be sad?"
"I'm not sure. All I said was that I'd like to have these kinds of tea parties more often."
The second match starts and I try the strategy I used to win the last battle, but this time Hisao shoots my projectiles out of the air with his own.
"I wouldn't call that a particularly depressing statement."
The round ends with a timeout after a long fireball war that I lose after messing up the motion a few times.
"I'm… a bit worried, Hisao. I wonder if Lilly is really giving us space to be on our own or if there's something that's bothering her."
"Something that's bothering her?"
This time I try to be more aggressive and trip him up by sliding under his projectiles. It works a few times until Hisao starts throwing projectiles at my feet instead.
"C-causing her to spend less time with us than before. She's often missed lunch in the tea room these days in favor of class representative duties, and until this week, we haven't really been to her room either."
"Well, she has been scarcer than usual lately, but I'm not sure if that means something's on her mind and if so what it could be that bothers her."
I try to switch to jumping attacks, only to find out my character is much too slow for that tactic, and I end up losing the second round as well after being knocked out of the air several times.
"Maybe…us?"
"Us?"
"I s-sometimes wonder if she… likes you too?"
I take a moment to pick my character for the final match and decide on a speedier fighter.
"Lilly having feelings for me?"
She never admitted it, but the last time I asked her she ended up reversing the question instead of answering it.
The first round is quickly devolves into a slugfest with me taking some time to get used to fight without projectiles and Hisao taking some time to learn how to deal with a faster opponent. The round ends with us taking a simultaneous blow that depletes the last of my energy.
"If t-that were true… being with you and me would be p-painful for her, right?"
The second round ends more favorably for me as I start figuring out a pattern in the altitude of Hisao's projectiles and am able to evade them with slidings and quick jumps long enough to whittle down his health.
"I'm not sure if that's the case. If Lilly was interested in me, she'd probably have flirted with me or something. I don't think she'd stay completely passive."
No, that's more like my strong suit.
"U-unless she held back f-for my sake."
The final round once again devolves into us trading blows with me trying to capitalize on my longer reach as much as possible. For a while the outcome appears to mirror the result of the first round until I manage to barely escape his attack with a quick jump off the wall and slam Hisao into the floor after landing behind him.
"I don't think we should jump to conclusions, Hanako. When she came back from her trip, she seemed genuinely happy for us. Let's just ask her on Monday. Until then, try not to think about it, okay?"
"O-okay."
I really hope I'm wrong. If something is on Lilly's mind, I want to help her get through it, but if it's my relationship with Hisao that's bothering her, I really don't know what I could say to her to cheer her up.
I'm not really interested in taking on the single player mode, so after Hisao's timer runs out we simply leave my fighter to be beaten into submission by the CPU opponent.
"That was pretty fun. Where to now?"
"Hmmm…"
--------------------------------------
We spend the next hours, among other things, beating up cyborg soldiers with ninja weapons, navigating monster-filled dungeons in search for food and treasure, popping balloons with harpoon guns, popping bubbles with monsters inside and watching the attract mode of every cabinet in the area. As we leave the retro corner, Hisao points to a big cabinet with two motorbike-shaped seats in front of it.
"Want to take part in a little race, Hanako?"
"Sure."
--------------------------------------
"That was close."
I let out a slightly frustrated sigh. It sure was. Hisao and I crossed the finish line with only a 0.3 second difference on the clock. I'm pretty sure I can do better next race. But as I prepare to push the start button in the center of the handlebar, Hisao stops me.
"Hey Hanako, why don't we try the single player race? Might be fun too."
How are 'we' supposed to participate in the single player mode? You can only take part in the race with one bike.
"Ummm…how?"
Hisao taps the back of his motorbike with his fingers.
"Hop on board before your countdown's finished."
"I-is that okay? Those s-seats aren't made for two people, are they?"
"We'll be fine. Those seats can handle some weight. I mean, have you seen the size of some of the regular visitors here?"
I chuckle.
"O-okay then."
I quickly move over to the seat Hisao is sitting on and sit down behind him. It's still a tight fit because the seats have a depression in the middle for the player to sit and it's not quite made for two pairs of hips. I don't think either of us are sitting in a particularly stable or comfortable position. As Hisao's screen lights up to reveal the starting line and seven other bike riders in front of us, I wrap my arms around him tightly.
A few minutes later we cross the finish line dead last. Steering turns out to be extremely tricky since it's impossible for us to lean left or right in precise tandem, meaning most of the turns we make are too late and too wide.
I giggle.
"I don't think this is going to get us very far."
"True, but wasn't it fun?"
It was. Throughout all the bumbling, colliding and zigzagging on straight parts, due to repeatedly overcompensating for each other's movements, I had to make several supreme efforts to hold back my laughter.
"We have one credit left. Want to switch places and try it again?"
"Sure."
I get off the seat, move in front of him and try to get comfortable. As I press the start button and Hisao hugs me from behind, a thought springs up in my mind.
"Ummm…Hisao? W-was this whole thing j-just an excuse to hug in public?"
He laughs at my observation.
"No, just an extremely welcome addition."
The second race goes slightly better, and we end up being sixth. This is more due to us getting better at predicting each other's movements than it is about steering skills. It's still not enough to get us to the next race, but I don't think we should keep putting coins into this thing until we're good enough to get in first.
"So, what do you want to do next?"
--------------------------------------
02
The peaceful corner of the coffee shop where we decided to take a breather after leaving the arcade is a refreshing change from the bustling of the crowded arcade hall. While my difficulty with crowds hasn't raised its head enough to ruin my fun this evening, it still feels good to relax in a quiet place for a while.
"Sorry it took so long."
Hisao returns from the counter holding a bottle of soda and a cup of hot cocoa. He sits down next to me, puts the soda in front of himself and shows me a frustrated frown for a moment before giving me the cocoa.
"The couple in front of me took ages to make up their mind about their order. I was about to give up and take you somewhere else."
"It's okay. I had someone to keep me company."
We both look at the plush puppy we liberated from the crane game near the arcade's entrance through our combined efforts.
"We could have obtained several other stuffed toys for the number of efforts it took us to get this specific one."
"He's special. I'm sure he'll feel at home at Yamaku."
What's 'special' about the dog in question is actually the fact that his left eye is missing. It probably got damaged at some point. When I noticed that, I made a special effort to obtain him despite the fact he was lying pretty far away from the crane's starting point.
"A new member of our little, disabled family, huh?"
I nod.
"I'm still deciding whether to let him live in my room or let Lilly take care of him."
"Maybe you should leave him with Lilly, so he and I don't end up becoming rivals for your affection."
I giggle at this weird idea.
"I think I have more than enough affection for both of you."
"So, have you already decided on a name for him?"
"Hmmmm…I think I'll call him 'Niji'."
"Niji?"
"At the orphanage… they had a dog that some of the children there took care of. 'Niji' is what they called him."
"Were you one of those children?"
I shake my head.
"You don't like animals? I've once heard that a lot of people who… well… are not good with other people tend to form strong bonds with their pets."
"I… do like them. At least, I think I do. It's just… Everyone who wanted to take care of him was also tasked with walking the dog every few days. And that dog… really liked being outside and running in the park and playing with other dogs. But I… d-didn't really like going outside. And w-walking your dog tends to make other people approach you for s-small talk, so… ummm… I thought he w-was in better hands with… other children."
"That's a shame, Hanako. That dog missed out on a great friend. And so did you, most likely. Maybe you could reconsider it once you have a place of your own in the future."
"That's probably still far off, but… thank you, Hisao."
"Hey Hanako, are you enjoying our date so far?"
"Y-yes, I am. I… wouldn't mind going back to the game center some time. There were still many games we didn't get to play yet."
"Great. Good. I'm happy to hear that. I wouldn't mind going back there myself either."
Why is he getting nervous? And what does he mean by 'so far'? Won't we going back to Yamaku yet?
"H-Hisao… Did you have more planned? Does it have to do with that backpack you've been carrying around all the time?"
"The backpack contains, among a few other things, my medication."
His medication? Why would he take that along? Wait a second…
"H-Hisao, d-d-do you mean…?"
He takes a deep breath, realizing it's probably too late to dismiss the issue and then looks me in the eyes.
"H-Hanako, would you like it if we… spent the night together somewhere around here?"
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 2:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 9
Chapter 9
As I step out of the bath, I can't help but thinking that this is like one of those romance novels where a guy and a girl go out, have dinner and a date and then spend the night at a hotel consummating the relationship. After taking a break at a coffee shop near the game center we visited, I expected us to return to Yamaku. Then Hisao proposed spending the night at a hotel nearby. And that's exactly what we ended up doing.
We ended up splitting the costs (Hisao didn't object this time) and got a nice room on the eighth floor with a soft carpet, a double bed and a clean bathroom. Hisao took a rather quick bath, but told me I could take my time, and I was happy to take some time in order to get myself cleaned up. As fun as the game center has been, the smell there wasn't exactly heavenly, and I felt like the odor of perspiration rubbed off on me. Well, maybe some of it is my own. The cabinet in the bathroom contained a few small flasks of fragrant shampoo that I gratefully made use of.
Consummating the relationship.
Hisao never said anything specific, but I'm not so naïve as to believe we're merely here to sleep in a bigger bed. Nor do I think we got ourselves a room far from the noisy dorm rooms in order to just give each other a 'helping hand' in the dark, like we've done a few times before now. If we go all the way tonight and I can manage to enjoy it, we'll be closer than before. If not, we'll probably spend the next few days apologizing to each other.
I put on the soft bathrobe that Hisao left here for my perusal. It feels very nice to the touch.
Where are all the other towels? I saw Hisao carrying some of them. What exactly is he planning?
I walk over to the place where our clothes are piled up and fish my hair clip out of the pockets of my pants. I apply the clip, say a little prayer for good luck and leave the bathroom.
--------------------------------------
01
The first thing I notice is that the room isn't quite like I expected it to be. I thought it'd either be completely dark or the lights near the bed being lit, but neither is the case. None of the lights are on, yet I can still make out the interior somewhat, particularly near the window, due to the curtains still being drawn back. I also notice the room's pretty warm. Did he turn the radiator up?
The second thing that stands out is the fact that nobody is sitting or lying on the bed. Hisao, who's wearing a bathrobe similar to mine, is sitting on the floor near the window, in the spot illuminated by the moonlight and lights from the city.
Does he want to do it on the floor? Isn't that uncomfortable?
"Hisao?"
Hisao looks in my direction and beckons. As I approach him, I notice he's spread one of the blankets on the floor and put the towels he took from the bathroom on top of it, creating what almost looks like a make-shift picnic blanket.
"A… A moonlight picnic?"
"It kinda resembles it, doesn't it?"
A little bit, though it'd be a pretty shoddy picnic. No glasses, no napkins, just a bottle of… What's in there anyway? And what's in that large flat bowl nearby?
I walk over to Hisao and sit next to him, still trying to make sense of things.
"What do you have there? Where did that bowl come from? And what's in the bottle?"
He gives me a sheepish grin.
"The stuff from the bottle needed to be mixed with some hot water, so I got this bowl. It's actually a fruit bowl. As for the bottle…"
Are we going to be intimate or practice science together?
"…in a way, you could call it lubricant and in a way…"
LUBRICANT? Does he plan to skip foreplay? Or is he planning something else…?
My expression must have given me away as Hisao puts his hand on my shoulder as if to reassure me.
"Relax, we're not going to do anything weird."
Are you sure about that?
"S-sorry."
"Anyway… You enjoyed the shoulder rubs and massages we've shared, didn't you?"
"Y-yes, I did."
"I was thinking we could do a more… intimate… massage. That stuff in the bottle is a special type of massage gel."
"D-didn't you just say it was lubricant?"
"It's both actually. Its main purpose is to act as a massage lotion, but since it's so smooth and slippery, it can double as a lubricant."
I try to digest what Hisao's saying. He has put more thought into this whole thing than I expected. A massage… So we'll be rubbing that stuff on each other? That explains why we're sitting on the floor and why he has covered the area with towels.
"Where did you get this?"
"A little shop in the city last weekend. I was actually going for some ordinary massage lotion, but the guy behind the counter said this was the ultimate experience for a couple. I didn't tell him we were fairly new at this though."
Couple. I really like the sound of that word.
"I tried to get some more information about this kind of thing, but… heh… Most sites that came up wouldn't make it through the computer lab's content filter."
That's not exactly reassuring.
"So…ummm…H-how does this w-work?"
"Do you want to try it?"
"Y-you went through a lot of effort to arrange all this."
"We can stop at any time you want."
I meekly nod. Hisao pulls me closer in a gentle hug and carefully puts his lips on mine.
"We can start with this."
"O-okay."
As his right hand starts stroking my head and his tongue starts playing around with mine, I close my eyes and try to push my insecurities to the back of my mind. I'm not completely sure how well I'll be able to relax in the spot we're in. The curtains are drawn back, but we're on the eight floor. People couldn't possibly peek inside from the other buildings and even if they were watching, the room itself is dark, so all they'd see was the reflection of the lights on the window, right? This is the first time since that one night in my room we'll be able to see each other pretty clearly. Obviously if the room were pitch black, we'd end up toppling the bowl with lotion sooner or later.
Parting his lips from mine, Hisao breaks his hug, gives me a quick kiss on my left cheek and holds out the bowl to me.
"Do you want to sample a bit, Hanako?"
I dip my finger into the bowl in an attempt to get an impression of Hisao's concoction. The substance is more a liquid than a gel, clear and not all that much thicker than water. I stir the mixture a bit and don't meet much resistance. I hold my finger under my nose and sniff shortly, but don't smell anything. What surprises me most is its temperature.
"It's…really warm."
"Yeah, I mixed the gel from the bottle with hot water, and I've been covering the bowl until you came out of the bathroom. You don't think it's too hot, do you?"
"N-no."
"So…shall we?"
"…w-what would you l-like me to do?"
Hisao puts the bowl away, moves off the blanket and points at a small bump beneath the towels.
"I've put the small cushion from one of the chairs there for you to rest your head on. Could you undo the belt of your bathrobe and then lie down on your stomach?"
Nervously, I remove the belt of my bathrobe and lie down, putting my head on the pillow beneath the towels and laying my arms at my side.
"Like this?"
"Yes. Now just take a deep breath and relax."
I inhale deeply and then slowly exhale, trying to slow the nervous beating of my heart a bit. I feel my hips being pressed down as Hisao straddles me. He takes the shoulders of my bathrobe, slowly pulls them aside and slides it down until just beneath my waist. His hands gently run through my hair before moving it to one side, exposing my back. He then slowly strokes my neck and shoulders.
"I'm going to apply some gel. Don't get startled."
I hear a few soft splashes, and feel a trail of liquid running down my left side. I let out a soft gasp as something warm and wet hits my back and his hands start rubbing the wet substance on my neck, all the way up to my jaw line, before going down and proceeding on my shoulders. The sensation is different from the shoulder rubs I'm accustomed to. His touch is a lot softer and more gentle than the usual kneading.
"H-Hisao?"
"Yes?"
"Is… Is it okay to… you know… rub that… stuff… in my burn scars?"
"It shouldn't be harmful. The bottle says it's made out of seaweed leaves and is completely water-based. The shampoo you used to wash your hair earlier is probably more aggressive than this stuff."
"If you say so…"
"Hanako, could you put your arms by your side so your palms are facing up?"
I do as he says, and he takes my right arm gently in his hand, rubbing it in top to bottom. For the most part, I don't feel much of it, but I shudder a bit when he reaches my hand and starts caressing my palm with his fingers.
"That's not unpleasant, is it?"
I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing when he rubs in and then strokes each of my fingers.
"I-it tickles a bit."
He moves to my left arm next, carefully working his way down. He chuckles when I let out a surprised gasp.
"Do you like having your elbow stroked?"
Does he expect me to answer that?
He ends his caresses with my left palm and fingers, obviously enjoying the reactions his touches get out of me.
"Can you place your arms in front of you now?"
"Okay."
He moves back to my shoulders before spreading his hands to stroke my armpits…
I giggle. That really tickles.
…and my sides.
I let out a content sigh to let him know how nice this feels.
As he spreads and rubs the gel all over my back, it leaves a warm and comfortable sensation behind. My entire upper body is now covered in lotion and Hisao's now firmer strokes slide across my skin without much resistance, even in the scarred areas. Hisao seems content at just stroking my shoulders, neck and back for now. Is he waiting for a cue from me?
"Hisao…Should I… turn around?"
"Just a little while longer, Hanako. There's one spot left to go."
I feel him move back just a little bit and the next moment I feel my bathrobe being pulled down further, exposing my bottom. I swallow hard, but don't resist as he starts rubbing, stroking and fondling my buttocks. I don't exactly hate it. In fact, I kind of like it, but what makes me feel awkward is the fact I just KNOW he's staring. It makes me nervous. Not only is my right buttock pretty heavily scarred, but I also have rather small hips for my size.
"A-are you s-staring?"
"Sorry. I can't exactly say it's a bad view."
Having finished applying the gel, Hisao raises his hips in order to allow me room to turn around, but before I can get up, he kneads my buttocks one last time and then gets off me. I pull my bathrobe up a bit, turn around and lie back. Hisao straddles me again, holding a handful of gel in his cupped hands that's gently trickling upon my stomach.
"Ready?"
"Y-yes."
I can feel Hisao's hands spreading the warm gel across my neck and my collarbone before they move down to my breasts, stroking them gently, then more and more firmly.
My breathing gets heavier as his hands pet and fondle my breasts, running my erect nipples between his fingers in a way that certainly would have hurt if they hadn't been this slippery, but now feels really good. After covering my belly, he gets off me, gently takes my ankles and lays my feet onto his lap.
I can't help but giggle again. The soles of my feet are so ticklish that I have to use all my willpower to prevent myself from accidentally kicking Hisao, but the way he lovingly fondles each separate toe feels wonderful. He carefully raises my legs, letting my ankles rest on his shoulders, and starts stroking my shins and the back of my knees, causing me to make a sound that's part giggle and part moan. As he slowly, teasingly, moves down to my thighs I cannot help but remember how I was depressed not too long ago because part of my body is numb to sensations. Hisao told me that evening that I still had plenty of sensitive spots left and this night I realize more than ever how right he was about that. Even in the last few minutes we've found several sweet spots I never knew I had.
"Is it okay?"
I respond with a reassuring nod and brush aside the parts of my bathrobe still covering my body. He takes another handful of gel, I close my eyes and moments later I can feel his hands moving from my thighs down to the place between them. But instead of merely the rubbing he usually does, he starts stroking and massaging it with both hands. My breath catches due to the sensation.
This feels… different from the other times I've allowed him to stroke me down there. He notices my reaction and starts trying different strokes while keeping a close eye on my face. Long, swift ones…
"What way do you like best?"
Short, swift ones…
"Hhhh-"
Too much direct stimulation.
Slow firm ones….
B-better already.
Swift circular ones…
"S-slower…"
Slow circular ones…
"Nnnngg…"
"Seems like you like this one in particular."
I nod my head, too embarrassed to admit it with words.
"Do you want me to keep going?"
"S-stop for a moment…"
I take a second to catch my breath. This has felt wonderful, but I feel a bit bad that right now I'm the only one having a good time. Usually, I try to do the final part together with him, his arousal often acting as a catalyst for my own.
"Can I r-rub you in first?"
He nods and lets go of me, letting me move aside before taking up the spot I was occupying before. He loosens his belt and lies down on his stomach in front of me. For a moment I consider putting my bathrobe back on but then decide that doing so would feel really uncomfortable with my entire body covered in lotion. The room temperature itself is high enough for me to comfortably continue without my bathrobe, though I'm a bit squeamish about the part where he'll be able to see me rubbing him in.
Did he decide to let me go first so he could be massaged by a naked girl?
Pushing these thoughts aside, I straddle him, pull his bathrobe down to his waist and use my cupped hands to gather some gel which I drop on his back with a soft splash. Then I realize I'm not really sure on how to proceed. Hisao probably secretly read up on this stuff beforehand. Maybe I should just to try and copy him as closely as I can.
Hmmm… The neck and shoulders first, right?
Then the arms.
"H-hey!"
I giggle at this surprisingly cute reaction and make a mental note that he likes having his upper arms fondled. I have to keep that in mind.
The back next.
"That feels really nice, Hanako."
He actually has a pretty nice back.
I move to pull down his bathrobe, then change my mind and carefully take it off altogether and start kneading his buttocks.
"You're not staring, are you?"
"I-I'm not."
I am, of course.
I swallow nervously as I finish with his butt and raise my hips so he can turn around. This is going to be the most awkward part. As he turns around and I gently sit down on top of him, I notice he's staring. Not a quick, sneaky peek, but a thorough almost analyzing look. Uncomfortably, I cross my arms in front of my breasts, even though he's not looking at them specifically.
"P-please don't stare at me like that."
"You're looking really beautiful, Hanako."
"D-don't say that."
There's something about his tone though. It doesn't sound like he's making some random compliment. He sounds somewhat serious.
"Could you stand up for a moment and take a look in the mirror on the far wall from here?"
"D-do I have to?"
"Just really quick."
I reluctantly get up. I hate looking at myself in mirrors, even when not wearing my badly damaged birthday suit. At least the mirror is rather far away and it's fairly dark. I look and then it strikes me that I can still see my body fairly well. Or at least, part of my body. Specifically the part of my body that isn't scarred. Of course the scar tissue is still there, but due to the rough texture, it doesn't reflect the nearby light very well despite being covered in lotion and merely appears as a dark area covering part of me. The other parts of my body and my freshly washed hair, on the other hand, are accentuated like never before, sparkling in the moonlight coming through the window due to the gel turning my smoothened skin into a semi-reflective surface. A little befuddled, I slowly turn around once. A chuckle comes from my boyfriend who's still in the same spot as I left him.
"I don't mind if you want to keep admiring yourself in the mirror a little while longer, Hanako."
My mood lifted, I get back on top of him again, taking a handful of lotion to apply to his chest. He's still looking me over like before, but for the time being, I actually feel a little bit beautiful. I lovingly fondle his chest and nipples, tickling his scar while applying the gel and watching with playful amusement whenever I reach a spot that forces a reaction out of him. My caresses have already made him pretty aroused and while stroking his feet and legs, I try my hardest to look at my hands instead of at his crotch in order to avoid embarrassment. With only one more spot of his body to cover, I straddle his upper legs, take a handful of gel and start stroking his member; first slowly and carefully, then faster and firmer.
I'm having very mixed feelings right now. On the one hand, this is great fun. Previously, I only had aural feedback to rely on while getting him off. Seeing the subtle changes in his expression as I change the pace and firmness of my touches and watching the pleasure on his face as a result of my caresses is wonderful. On the other hand, seeing his… thing… right in front of me makes me more than a little nervous.
Is that really going to go inside of me?
Well, I know it's possible since I didn't tear the last time, but it certainly hurt back then and not just when he put it in.
Part of the reason he purchased that lotion is probably to make it go smoother.
"Hanako, could you stop for a moment?"
"Hmmm?"
He looks at me with an inviting look in his eyes.
"I think we're more than ready for the next part."
How can you tell?
"Just... give me a moment."
Maybe it'll feel better if I do it myself.
Lower myself onto it and move back up if it hurts.
"Hey, don't look so scared. You're probably going to love this."
"Huh?"
"Just lie down on top of me."
"Like this?"
I carefully lie down on top of him, my chin now hovering closely above his chest.
"Could you move up a little bit so we're at the same eye level?"
I brace my feet and push myself up his body a bit…
"EEK!"
…only to find out that the lotion covering us reduced friction between our bodies to such an extent that I completely overshoot my mark and his nose ends up between my breasts.
"My eyes are down here, Hanako."
I giggle at that remark.
"Sorry."
I hastily push myself down, again sliding slightly too far, causing me to end up back where I started.
"Looks like you're picking it up pretty quickly."
I push myself up again, more gently this time, and now we level out well.
"P-picking what up?"
"Applying the lotion was just preparation."
Preparation? I'm a bit puzzled. What am I picking up? Sliding up and down? Suddenly, I have a bright moment. I smile bashfully.
"You w-want me to g-give you a f-full b-body massage?"
"This gel is made specifically for that purpose. That's why it's so extremely slippery. Do you want to give it a try?"
I nod shyly. The prospect of an extended massage sounds infinitely better than the prospect of intercourse right now. I push myself down a bit until just beneath his chest scar, then slide upwards again until I look him in the eyes once more where I am rewarded with an approving nod. For a third time I slide down and up on top of him, this time a passionate kiss being my greeting. For nearly half an hour, we go on like this; kissing, rubbing our bodies against each other, me softly pushing myself off to drift back and forth on top of him and he occasionally raising his upper body or hips to let me slide on my own. I'm enjoying the extensive body contact immensely and am surprised at how smoothly I'm able to move despite my scar tissue. Neither of us says a word the whole time, the only sounds our excited breathing, the occasional soft moan and our awkward laughter throughout. As we get more and more passionate in our movements, I can feel him pressing his loins up against mine. Our slip-and-slide fest, while certainly enjoyable, isn't the most efficient way to stimulate our most sensitive areas and I'm considering getting off of him and finishing the job by hand. I already found out that I can probably afford to be a bit rougher this time without the risk of hurting him. Just as I prepare to follow up on that plan, another idea flashes through my mind that might excite him more than the usual way we tend to end our intimate moments.
"…H-Hisao…?"
"…H-Hanako…?"
"…could you…do something…?"
"…what…?"
"…s-spread…your…legs…?"
"Huh?"
"…p-please?"
He looks at me with a puzzled expression for a moment but then complies while doing his best not to look too uncomfortable. I move myself up a bit, take hold of his erect member, point it at the ceiling and then move down until it's resting against my crotch. I carefully close my legs, then cross my feet and squeeze my thighs together as tightly as I can. Hisao tenses up and lets out a loud groan in response.
Did that feel good or did I just really hurt him?
"... Hanako…"
Yes?
"…can you… try moving?..."
Whew…
I lean on my arms, pressing myself against his base and with a bit of trial and error find an angle that allows me to enjoy the friction as well. As I start swaying my hips, Hisao wraps his legs around mine and starts caressing my neck and chest with his hands.
This is… pretty good.
This almost feels like we're having intercourse.
Expect I'm the one doing the thrusting.
Hmmmm… really good…
Because I have my back arched I can't see Hisao's face very well, but I can tell by the sounds he's making that he's getting close.
Good thing my inner thighs are still slippery or he'd be groaning in pain right now.
"Ahh…Hanako…"
"Nnnng…Hisao…?"
"S-slow down… hah… slow down a bit…"
I can tell his heart's doing fine right now. From the look of ecstasy on his face, I can tell he's feeling really good and trying his hardest to hold back. I consider slowing down, but then speed up the movement of my hips and try to get as much stimulation for myself out of it as I can.
"Ugh… H-H-Hanako… W-what…"
For a second it seems like he's going to protest, but then he gives in and starts thrusting his hips himself until reaches his climax in a frenzy of frantic grinding.
--------------------------------------
After Hisao catches his breath, I let go of him, and we sit upright, still in a bit of a daze from our unusual experience together. Now we're sitting on the floor next to the bed, Hisao leaning back against it and me sitting in front of him and gently leaning back against his chest. Hisao has one arm wrapped around me and is softly caressing me with the other.
"Hanako… Why did you just…?"
Is he bothered by the fact I just pushed him over the edge?
"You w-were looking like you were f-feeling really good, so I thought it wouldn't be a problem to go on. If your heart was acting up, you wouldn't have asked me to just s-slow down."
"It's not that, it's just…"
I follow his gaze as it rests on the towel I just used to wipe my thighs clean after his ejaculation.
"…what we did just now wasn't exactly safe, even if the odds are very low of you getting… you know... pregnant from this."
Pregnant…
"Ummm… Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"It's okay. You've been… exercising in order for us to be… intimate, so I w-wanted to do something too. I've been using… p-protection so you wouldn't h-have to and this would feel b-better for you."
"Huh? You mean to say that you're on the pill? Since when?"
"S-since Hokkaido."
"Wow… I didn't imagine you making the effort to get them."
"I h-had… help."
That is to say, Lilly obtained them for me. I realize I'm probably not allowed to get a hold of them that way, but Lilly was the only person I dared to approach. Thankfully, she was a really good sport and willfully bought my blatantly transparent excuse about troubles with my menstruation without asking any further questions.
"But why didn't you tell me?"
"I w-wanted to tell you when I was… r-ready for it."
"I understand. That probably wasn't today, was it? I saw your frightened face earlier."
"I d-don't… really know."
"It's okay. This night has been really wonderful so far. I'd hate to see it ruined because we end up doing something that causes me to hurt you."
Maybe that's part of the problem. I had a really good time just now, and tonight's been very good on the whole. How am I supposed to relax in the first place if he's implying the evening will be ruined if I can't enjoy it enough? And if I can't relax, it'll only become more likely that I won't be able to enjoy it. It's like a vicious circle.
"Ummm… That's… a problem…"
"Huh?"
"You'll f-feel bad when I can't relax and e-enjoy it… S-so I can't relax b-because I don't want you to feel bad."
"I see. That makes sense. So I can't relax if you can't relax, and you can't relax because I can't relax. It's like a feedback loop."
"Y-yes…"
"What do you suggest?"
"I… d-don't think a little discomfort is enough to ruin this wonderful night. I'm… not going to break."
"Then let's give it a try. Well, once I'm up to it again, that is. In the meantime…"
He places his legs in front of mine, preventing me from closing them. Then he takes a bit of lotion and starts fondling me with both hands while kissing the left side of my neck and earlobe. I gasp and giggle at his attentions.
"H-hey…"
"…let's get you warmed up a little."
Our earlier actions already got me 'warmed up' quite a bit, but I'm not going to refuse a chance to be pampered by him a bit more. I sit back and let out a little cry as his left hand sneaks down and starts fingering me. For a while he keeps quiet, content to just listen to my heavy breathing. Then he moves his lips to my ear and softly whispers to me.
"Hanako, I want you to try and relax as much as you can."
"…s-sure… ahhhh…"
I can feel how his right hand slowly moves down as well.
"W-what are you… hmmm… g-going to doWHAAAA!"
Before I realize what's happening, his right hand has reached my lady bits and he's slowly pushing one of his fingers inside me. I let out a yelp and reflexively grab his arm though because we're both still pretty slippery, I can't get enough grip to pull it away. He keeps his finger in place for a second and then slowly pulls out again, causing me to exhale in relief.
"Sorry, did that hurt?"
I don't think it did. It felt really weird and awkward, but it wasn't exactly painful.
"N-no."
Upon hearing my reply he pushes back in…
I try to suppress a gasp, but fail.
"Try to relax your muscles, Hanako."
…and back out. Then back in again…
"Don't hold your breath. Just keep breathing in and out normally."
…and out. I nod weakly and try to focus on the sensation his other hand instills in me. At first, my body jumps each time he pushes forth his finger, but as he continues with what he called my 'warming up', I slowly manage to relax and enjoy his touch again, even as he slightly speeds up the movement of both hands. Upon seeing that my signals of discomfort are disappearing, he whispers in my ear.
"You're doing well, Hanako. Now…let's try with two..."
--------------------------------------
"S-s-stop..."
As the sensations of the last contraction die down and Hisao ceases providing the intense stimulation I just endured, I breathe a long sigh of relief. Hisao moves his legs away, wraps his arms around my waist and lets me catch my bearings while kissing my heavily flushed cheek and softly chuckling a bit to himself.
"P-please d-don't laugh at me…"
It wasn't as obvious when we were still keeping the lights off, but being pleasured can draw some pretty entertaining reactions out of people. It's really best not to think too hard about how you must have looked to someone else afterwards.
"I recall you laughing to yourself while I was making faces."
I guess I'm not in a position to say anything.
…
I give him a quick kiss back as a quiet admission of guilt and then look at him expectantly.
Now what?
"Can you get onto the bed?"
I unsteadily get to my feet and lie down upon the bed. Hisao takes the pillow we used as a head rest earlier and carefully places it under my hips.
We're still completely covered in seaweed gel. This bed's gonna be a major mess afterwards. Good thing we won't be the ones who'll have to change the sheets.
For a moment we just look each other in the eyes. A mutual look of uncertainty, then one of mutual reassurance.
"Don't be afraid."
"I won't be if you aren't."
02
I close my eyes and he gently spreads my legs, stroking the inside just a little and then I feel the sensation of something just a little larger than his two fingers smoothly sliding into me. For a moment we both take a surprised look at the place where we're joined now, and Hisao makes a few reluctant movements to check for signs of discomfort on my part. When those signs fail to occur, we share a little laugh of relief, and Hisao lowers himself and lies down flatly on top of me. He grabs hold of my shoulders and slides up my body as far as he can until we can look each other in the eyes.
"I'm not too heavy, am I?"
"N-no."
The weight of his body on top of mine makes me pretty much unable to move anything other than my arms and legs, but it's a small price to pay for the extensive body contact we can have this way. I raise my legs, letting them rest on his calves and wrap my arms around him. He slowly starts grinding his pelvis against mine, and I do my best to adapt my movements to his, tilting my hips until the friction starts feeling good. It takes us a bit of effort to find a workable rhythm, my scar tissue occasionally hampering us a bit. Fortunately, since we're still really slippery from before, it's a lot easier than last time.
I lie back and close my eyes, basking in the amazing sensation we're experiencing, wiggling my upper body as much as Hisao's weight allows me to in order to increase the stimulation. This couldn't be more different from the last time our bodies became one. The last time, we were distant, neither of us really knowing what we were feeling, whether we really wanted this and whether the other really wanted this. Our bodies had minimal contact, and we experienced more than a little bit of discomfort, physically and emotionally. Now we're entangled in each other, closer to each other than we ever have been before, and I feel this union is as both an emotional and a physical one.
With each moment, our movements become more instinctual than before, more desperate than before. As I feel my orgasm approaching inevitably, I tighten my arms around him as strongly as I can as if to draw him into myself, and when I lose control and the first convulsion hits my body, I let out an involuntary cry that contains both physical pleasure and emotional joy at the same time.
After our climax, Hisao uses the last of his strength to slide off of me and roll on his back. With some effort, I manage to pull up the covers and press myself close to him before every muscle in my body relaxes and a feeling of bliss washes over me that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Despite already knowing that he came through our act of passion in one piece, I place my hand on his chest as if to acknowledge his heart remained steady.
Hisao's already slipping away into slumber, and I find myself getting sleepier by the second as well, but I still want to say something - something to thank him for the moments we just shared. I softly kiss his cheek in order to get his attention and whisper in his ear.
"Thank you, Hisao. That was a very memorable first time."
"…first…time…Hanako?"
"Yes. First time making love."
03
As I step out of the bath, I can't help but thinking that this is like one of those romance novels where a guy and a girl go out, have dinner and a date and then spend the night at a hotel consummating the relationship. After taking a break at a coffee shop near the game center we visited, I expected us to return to Yamaku. Then Hisao proposed spending the night at a hotel nearby. And that's exactly what we ended up doing.
We ended up splitting the costs (Hisao didn't object this time) and got a nice room on the eighth floor with a soft carpet, a double bed and a clean bathroom. Hisao took a rather quick bath, but told me I could take my time, and I was happy to take some time in order to get myself cleaned up. As fun as the game center has been, the smell there wasn't exactly heavenly, and I felt like the odor of perspiration rubbed off on me. Well, maybe some of it is my own. The cabinet in the bathroom contained a few small flasks of fragrant shampoo that I gratefully made use of.
Consummating the relationship.
Hisao never said anything specific, but I'm not so naïve as to believe we're merely here to sleep in a bigger bed. Nor do I think we got ourselves a room far from the noisy dorm rooms in order to just give each other a 'helping hand' in the dark, like we've done a few times before now. If we go all the way tonight and I can manage to enjoy it, we'll be closer than before. If not, we'll probably spend the next few days apologizing to each other.
I put on the soft bathrobe that Hisao left here for my perusal. It feels very nice to the touch.
Where are all the other towels? I saw Hisao carrying some of them. What exactly is he planning?
I walk over to the place where our clothes are piled up and fish my hair clip out of the pockets of my pants. I apply the clip, say a little prayer for good luck and leave the bathroom.
--------------------------------------
01
The first thing I notice is that the room isn't quite like I expected it to be. I thought it'd either be completely dark or the lights near the bed being lit, but neither is the case. None of the lights are on, yet I can still make out the interior somewhat, particularly near the window, due to the curtains still being drawn back. I also notice the room's pretty warm. Did he turn the radiator up?
The second thing that stands out is the fact that nobody is sitting or lying on the bed. Hisao, who's wearing a bathrobe similar to mine, is sitting on the floor near the window, in the spot illuminated by the moonlight and lights from the city.
Does he want to do it on the floor? Isn't that uncomfortable?
"Hisao?"
Hisao looks in my direction and beckons. As I approach him, I notice he's spread one of the blankets on the floor and put the towels he took from the bathroom on top of it, creating what almost looks like a make-shift picnic blanket.
"A… A moonlight picnic?"
"It kinda resembles it, doesn't it?"
A little bit, though it'd be a pretty shoddy picnic. No glasses, no napkins, just a bottle of… What's in there anyway? And what's in that large flat bowl nearby?
I walk over to Hisao and sit next to him, still trying to make sense of things.
"What do you have there? Where did that bowl come from? And what's in the bottle?"
He gives me a sheepish grin.
"The stuff from the bottle needed to be mixed with some hot water, so I got this bowl. It's actually a fruit bowl. As for the bottle…"
Are we going to be intimate or practice science together?
"…in a way, you could call it lubricant and in a way…"
LUBRICANT? Does he plan to skip foreplay? Or is he planning something else…?
My expression must have given me away as Hisao puts his hand on my shoulder as if to reassure me.
"Relax, we're not going to do anything weird."
Are you sure about that?
"S-sorry."
"Anyway… You enjoyed the shoulder rubs and massages we've shared, didn't you?"
"Y-yes, I did."
"I was thinking we could do a more… intimate… massage. That stuff in the bottle is a special type of massage gel."
"D-didn't you just say it was lubricant?"
"It's both actually. Its main purpose is to act as a massage lotion, but since it's so smooth and slippery, it can double as a lubricant."
I try to digest what Hisao's saying. He has put more thought into this whole thing than I expected. A massage… So we'll be rubbing that stuff on each other? That explains why we're sitting on the floor and why he has covered the area with towels.
"Where did you get this?"
"A little shop in the city last weekend. I was actually going for some ordinary massage lotion, but the guy behind the counter said this was the ultimate experience for a couple. I didn't tell him we were fairly new at this though."
Couple. I really like the sound of that word.
"I tried to get some more information about this kind of thing, but… heh… Most sites that came up wouldn't make it through the computer lab's content filter."
That's not exactly reassuring.
"So…ummm…H-how does this w-work?"
"Do you want to try it?"
"Y-you went through a lot of effort to arrange all this."
"We can stop at any time you want."
I meekly nod. Hisao pulls me closer in a gentle hug and carefully puts his lips on mine.
"We can start with this."
"O-okay."
As his right hand starts stroking my head and his tongue starts playing around with mine, I close my eyes and try to push my insecurities to the back of my mind. I'm not completely sure how well I'll be able to relax in the spot we're in. The curtains are drawn back, but we're on the eight floor. People couldn't possibly peek inside from the other buildings and even if they were watching, the room itself is dark, so all they'd see was the reflection of the lights on the window, right? This is the first time since that one night in my room we'll be able to see each other pretty clearly. Obviously if the room were pitch black, we'd end up toppling the bowl with lotion sooner or later.
Parting his lips from mine, Hisao breaks his hug, gives me a quick kiss on my left cheek and holds out the bowl to me.
"Do you want to sample a bit, Hanako?"
I dip my finger into the bowl in an attempt to get an impression of Hisao's concoction. The substance is more a liquid than a gel, clear and not all that much thicker than water. I stir the mixture a bit and don't meet much resistance. I hold my finger under my nose and sniff shortly, but don't smell anything. What surprises me most is its temperature.
"It's…really warm."
"Yeah, I mixed the gel from the bottle with hot water, and I've been covering the bowl until you came out of the bathroom. You don't think it's too hot, do you?"
"N-no."
"So…shall we?"
"…w-what would you l-like me to do?"
Hisao puts the bowl away, moves off the blanket and points at a small bump beneath the towels.
"I've put the small cushion from one of the chairs there for you to rest your head on. Could you undo the belt of your bathrobe and then lie down on your stomach?"
Nervously, I remove the belt of my bathrobe and lie down, putting my head on the pillow beneath the towels and laying my arms at my side.
"Like this?"
"Yes. Now just take a deep breath and relax."
I inhale deeply and then slowly exhale, trying to slow the nervous beating of my heart a bit. I feel my hips being pressed down as Hisao straddles me. He takes the shoulders of my bathrobe, slowly pulls them aside and slides it down until just beneath my waist. His hands gently run through my hair before moving it to one side, exposing my back. He then slowly strokes my neck and shoulders.
"I'm going to apply some gel. Don't get startled."
I hear a few soft splashes, and feel a trail of liquid running down my left side. I let out a soft gasp as something warm and wet hits my back and his hands start rubbing the wet substance on my neck, all the way up to my jaw line, before going down and proceeding on my shoulders. The sensation is different from the shoulder rubs I'm accustomed to. His touch is a lot softer and more gentle than the usual kneading.
"H-Hisao?"
"Yes?"
"Is… Is it okay to… you know… rub that… stuff… in my burn scars?"
"It shouldn't be harmful. The bottle says it's made out of seaweed leaves and is completely water-based. The shampoo you used to wash your hair earlier is probably more aggressive than this stuff."
"If you say so…"
"Hanako, could you put your arms by your side so your palms are facing up?"
I do as he says, and he takes my right arm gently in his hand, rubbing it in top to bottom. For the most part, I don't feel much of it, but I shudder a bit when he reaches my hand and starts caressing my palm with his fingers.
"That's not unpleasant, is it?"
I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing when he rubs in and then strokes each of my fingers.
"I-it tickles a bit."
He moves to my left arm next, carefully working his way down. He chuckles when I let out a surprised gasp.
"Do you like having your elbow stroked?"
Does he expect me to answer that?
He ends his caresses with my left palm and fingers, obviously enjoying the reactions his touches get out of me.
"Can you place your arms in front of you now?"
"Okay."
He moves back to my shoulders before spreading his hands to stroke my armpits…
I giggle. That really tickles.
…and my sides.
I let out a content sigh to let him know how nice this feels.
As he spreads and rubs the gel all over my back, it leaves a warm and comfortable sensation behind. My entire upper body is now covered in lotion and Hisao's now firmer strokes slide across my skin without much resistance, even in the scarred areas. Hisao seems content at just stroking my shoulders, neck and back for now. Is he waiting for a cue from me?
"Hisao…Should I… turn around?"
"Just a little while longer, Hanako. There's one spot left to go."
I feel him move back just a little bit and the next moment I feel my bathrobe being pulled down further, exposing my bottom. I swallow hard, but don't resist as he starts rubbing, stroking and fondling my buttocks. I don't exactly hate it. In fact, I kind of like it, but what makes me feel awkward is the fact I just KNOW he's staring. It makes me nervous. Not only is my right buttock pretty heavily scarred, but I also have rather small hips for my size.
"A-are you s-staring?"
"Sorry. I can't exactly say it's a bad view."
Having finished applying the gel, Hisao raises his hips in order to allow me room to turn around, but before I can get up, he kneads my buttocks one last time and then gets off me. I pull my bathrobe up a bit, turn around and lie back. Hisao straddles me again, holding a handful of gel in his cupped hands that's gently trickling upon my stomach.
"Ready?"
"Y-yes."
I can feel Hisao's hands spreading the warm gel across my neck and my collarbone before they move down to my breasts, stroking them gently, then more and more firmly.
My breathing gets heavier as his hands pet and fondle my breasts, running my erect nipples between his fingers in a way that certainly would have hurt if they hadn't been this slippery, but now feels really good. After covering my belly, he gets off me, gently takes my ankles and lays my feet onto his lap.
I can't help but giggle again. The soles of my feet are so ticklish that I have to use all my willpower to prevent myself from accidentally kicking Hisao, but the way he lovingly fondles each separate toe feels wonderful. He carefully raises my legs, letting my ankles rest on his shoulders, and starts stroking my shins and the back of my knees, causing me to make a sound that's part giggle and part moan. As he slowly, teasingly, moves down to my thighs I cannot help but remember how I was depressed not too long ago because part of my body is numb to sensations. Hisao told me that evening that I still had plenty of sensitive spots left and this night I realize more than ever how right he was about that. Even in the last few minutes we've found several sweet spots I never knew I had.
"Is it okay?"
I respond with a reassuring nod and brush aside the parts of my bathrobe still covering my body. He takes another handful of gel, I close my eyes and moments later I can feel his hands moving from my thighs down to the place between them. But instead of merely the rubbing he usually does, he starts stroking and massaging it with both hands. My breath catches due to the sensation.
This feels… different from the other times I've allowed him to stroke me down there. He notices my reaction and starts trying different strokes while keeping a close eye on my face. Long, swift ones…
"What way do you like best?"
Short, swift ones…
"Hhhh-"
Too much direct stimulation.
Slow firm ones….
B-better already.
Swift circular ones…
"S-slower…"
Slow circular ones…
"Nnnngg…"
"Seems like you like this one in particular."
I nod my head, too embarrassed to admit it with words.
"Do you want me to keep going?"
"S-stop for a moment…"
I take a second to catch my breath. This has felt wonderful, but I feel a bit bad that right now I'm the only one having a good time. Usually, I try to do the final part together with him, his arousal often acting as a catalyst for my own.
"Can I r-rub you in first?"
He nods and lets go of me, letting me move aside before taking up the spot I was occupying before. He loosens his belt and lies down on his stomach in front of me. For a moment I consider putting my bathrobe back on but then decide that doing so would feel really uncomfortable with my entire body covered in lotion. The room temperature itself is high enough for me to comfortably continue without my bathrobe, though I'm a bit squeamish about the part where he'll be able to see me rubbing him in.
Did he decide to let me go first so he could be massaged by a naked girl?
Pushing these thoughts aside, I straddle him, pull his bathrobe down to his waist and use my cupped hands to gather some gel which I drop on his back with a soft splash. Then I realize I'm not really sure on how to proceed. Hisao probably secretly read up on this stuff beforehand. Maybe I should just to try and copy him as closely as I can.
Hmmm… The neck and shoulders first, right?
Then the arms.
"H-hey!"
I giggle at this surprisingly cute reaction and make a mental note that he likes having his upper arms fondled. I have to keep that in mind.
The back next.
"That feels really nice, Hanako."
He actually has a pretty nice back.
I move to pull down his bathrobe, then change my mind and carefully take it off altogether and start kneading his buttocks.
"You're not staring, are you?"
"I-I'm not."
I am, of course.
I swallow nervously as I finish with his butt and raise my hips so he can turn around. This is going to be the most awkward part. As he turns around and I gently sit down on top of him, I notice he's staring. Not a quick, sneaky peek, but a thorough almost analyzing look. Uncomfortably, I cross my arms in front of my breasts, even though he's not looking at them specifically.
"P-please don't stare at me like that."
"You're looking really beautiful, Hanako."
"D-don't say that."
There's something about his tone though. It doesn't sound like he's making some random compliment. He sounds somewhat serious.
"Could you stand up for a moment and take a look in the mirror on the far wall from here?"
"D-do I have to?"
"Just really quick."
I reluctantly get up. I hate looking at myself in mirrors, even when not wearing my badly damaged birthday suit. At least the mirror is rather far away and it's fairly dark. I look and then it strikes me that I can still see my body fairly well. Or at least, part of my body. Specifically the part of my body that isn't scarred. Of course the scar tissue is still there, but due to the rough texture, it doesn't reflect the nearby light very well despite being covered in lotion and merely appears as a dark area covering part of me. The other parts of my body and my freshly washed hair, on the other hand, are accentuated like never before, sparkling in the moonlight coming through the window due to the gel turning my smoothened skin into a semi-reflective surface. A little befuddled, I slowly turn around once. A chuckle comes from my boyfriend who's still in the same spot as I left him.
"I don't mind if you want to keep admiring yourself in the mirror a little while longer, Hanako."
My mood lifted, I get back on top of him again, taking a handful of lotion to apply to his chest. He's still looking me over like before, but for the time being, I actually feel a little bit beautiful. I lovingly fondle his chest and nipples, tickling his scar while applying the gel and watching with playful amusement whenever I reach a spot that forces a reaction out of him. My caresses have already made him pretty aroused and while stroking his feet and legs, I try my hardest to look at my hands instead of at his crotch in order to avoid embarrassment. With only one more spot of his body to cover, I straddle his upper legs, take a handful of gel and start stroking his member; first slowly and carefully, then faster and firmer.
I'm having very mixed feelings right now. On the one hand, this is great fun. Previously, I only had aural feedback to rely on while getting him off. Seeing the subtle changes in his expression as I change the pace and firmness of my touches and watching the pleasure on his face as a result of my caresses is wonderful. On the other hand, seeing his… thing… right in front of me makes me more than a little nervous.
Is that really going to go inside of me?
Well, I know it's possible since I didn't tear the last time, but it certainly hurt back then and not just when he put it in.
Part of the reason he purchased that lotion is probably to make it go smoother.
"Hanako, could you stop for a moment?"
"Hmmm?"
He looks at me with an inviting look in his eyes.
"I think we're more than ready for the next part."
How can you tell?
"Just... give me a moment."
Maybe it'll feel better if I do it myself.
Lower myself onto it and move back up if it hurts.
"Hey, don't look so scared. You're probably going to love this."
"Huh?"
"Just lie down on top of me."
"Like this?"
I carefully lie down on top of him, my chin now hovering closely above his chest.
"Could you move up a little bit so we're at the same eye level?"
I brace my feet and push myself up his body a bit…
"EEK!"
…only to find out that the lotion covering us reduced friction between our bodies to such an extent that I completely overshoot my mark and his nose ends up between my breasts.
"My eyes are down here, Hanako."
I giggle at that remark.
"Sorry."
I hastily push myself down, again sliding slightly too far, causing me to end up back where I started.
"Looks like you're picking it up pretty quickly."
I push myself up again, more gently this time, and now we level out well.
"P-picking what up?"
"Applying the lotion was just preparation."
Preparation? I'm a bit puzzled. What am I picking up? Sliding up and down? Suddenly, I have a bright moment. I smile bashfully.
"You w-want me to g-give you a f-full b-body massage?"
"This gel is made specifically for that purpose. That's why it's so extremely slippery. Do you want to give it a try?"
I nod shyly. The prospect of an extended massage sounds infinitely better than the prospect of intercourse right now. I push myself down a bit until just beneath his chest scar, then slide upwards again until I look him in the eyes once more where I am rewarded with an approving nod. For a third time I slide down and up on top of him, this time a passionate kiss being my greeting. For nearly half an hour, we go on like this; kissing, rubbing our bodies against each other, me softly pushing myself off to drift back and forth on top of him and he occasionally raising his upper body or hips to let me slide on my own. I'm enjoying the extensive body contact immensely and am surprised at how smoothly I'm able to move despite my scar tissue. Neither of us says a word the whole time, the only sounds our excited breathing, the occasional soft moan and our awkward laughter throughout. As we get more and more passionate in our movements, I can feel him pressing his loins up against mine. Our slip-and-slide fest, while certainly enjoyable, isn't the most efficient way to stimulate our most sensitive areas and I'm considering getting off of him and finishing the job by hand. I already found out that I can probably afford to be a bit rougher this time without the risk of hurting him. Just as I prepare to follow up on that plan, another idea flashes through my mind that might excite him more than the usual way we tend to end our intimate moments.
"…H-Hisao…?"
"…H-Hanako…?"
"…could you…do something…?"
"…what…?"
"…s-spread…your…legs…?"
"Huh?"
"…p-please?"
He looks at me with a puzzled expression for a moment but then complies while doing his best not to look too uncomfortable. I move myself up a bit, take hold of his erect member, point it at the ceiling and then move down until it's resting against my crotch. I carefully close my legs, then cross my feet and squeeze my thighs together as tightly as I can. Hisao tenses up and lets out a loud groan in response.
Did that feel good or did I just really hurt him?
"... Hanako…"
Yes?
"…can you… try moving?..."
Whew…
I lean on my arms, pressing myself against his base and with a bit of trial and error find an angle that allows me to enjoy the friction as well. As I start swaying my hips, Hisao wraps his legs around mine and starts caressing my neck and chest with his hands.
This is… pretty good.
This almost feels like we're having intercourse.
Expect I'm the one doing the thrusting.
Hmmmm… really good…
Because I have my back arched I can't see Hisao's face very well, but I can tell by the sounds he's making that he's getting close.
Good thing my inner thighs are still slippery or he'd be groaning in pain right now.
"Ahh…Hanako…"
"Nnnng…Hisao…?"
"S-slow down… hah… slow down a bit…"
I can tell his heart's doing fine right now. From the look of ecstasy on his face, I can tell he's feeling really good and trying his hardest to hold back. I consider slowing down, but then speed up the movement of my hips and try to get as much stimulation for myself out of it as I can.
"Ugh… H-H-Hanako… W-what…"
For a second it seems like he's going to protest, but then he gives in and starts thrusting his hips himself until reaches his climax in a frenzy of frantic grinding.
--------------------------------------
After Hisao catches his breath, I let go of him, and we sit upright, still in a bit of a daze from our unusual experience together. Now we're sitting on the floor next to the bed, Hisao leaning back against it and me sitting in front of him and gently leaning back against his chest. Hisao has one arm wrapped around me and is softly caressing me with the other.
"Hanako… Why did you just…?"
Is he bothered by the fact I just pushed him over the edge?
"You w-were looking like you were f-feeling really good, so I thought it wouldn't be a problem to go on. If your heart was acting up, you wouldn't have asked me to just s-slow down."
"It's not that, it's just…"
I follow his gaze as it rests on the towel I just used to wipe my thighs clean after his ejaculation.
"…what we did just now wasn't exactly safe, even if the odds are very low of you getting… you know... pregnant from this."
Pregnant…
"Ummm… Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"It's okay. You've been… exercising in order for us to be… intimate, so I w-wanted to do something too. I've been using… p-protection so you wouldn't h-have to and this would feel b-better for you."
"Huh? You mean to say that you're on the pill? Since when?"
"S-since Hokkaido."
"Wow… I didn't imagine you making the effort to get them."
"I h-had… help."
That is to say, Lilly obtained them for me. I realize I'm probably not allowed to get a hold of them that way, but Lilly was the only person I dared to approach. Thankfully, she was a really good sport and willfully bought my blatantly transparent excuse about troubles with my menstruation without asking any further questions.
"But why didn't you tell me?"
"I w-wanted to tell you when I was… r-ready for it."
"I understand. That probably wasn't today, was it? I saw your frightened face earlier."
"I d-don't… really know."
"It's okay. This night has been really wonderful so far. I'd hate to see it ruined because we end up doing something that causes me to hurt you."
Maybe that's part of the problem. I had a really good time just now, and tonight's been very good on the whole. How am I supposed to relax in the first place if he's implying the evening will be ruined if I can't enjoy it enough? And if I can't relax, it'll only become more likely that I won't be able to enjoy it. It's like a vicious circle.
"Ummm… That's… a problem…"
"Huh?"
"You'll f-feel bad when I can't relax and e-enjoy it… S-so I can't relax b-because I don't want you to feel bad."
"I see. That makes sense. So I can't relax if you can't relax, and you can't relax because I can't relax. It's like a feedback loop."
"Y-yes…"
"What do you suggest?"
"I… d-don't think a little discomfort is enough to ruin this wonderful night. I'm… not going to break."
"Then let's give it a try. Well, once I'm up to it again, that is. In the meantime…"
He places his legs in front of mine, preventing me from closing them. Then he takes a bit of lotion and starts fondling me with both hands while kissing the left side of my neck and earlobe. I gasp and giggle at his attentions.
"H-hey…"
"…let's get you warmed up a little."
Our earlier actions already got me 'warmed up' quite a bit, but I'm not going to refuse a chance to be pampered by him a bit more. I sit back and let out a little cry as his left hand sneaks down and starts fingering me. For a while he keeps quiet, content to just listen to my heavy breathing. Then he moves his lips to my ear and softly whispers to me.
"Hanako, I want you to try and relax as much as you can."
"…s-sure… ahhhh…"
I can feel how his right hand slowly moves down as well.
"W-what are you… hmmm… g-going to doWHAAAA!"
Before I realize what's happening, his right hand has reached my lady bits and he's slowly pushing one of his fingers inside me. I let out a yelp and reflexively grab his arm though because we're both still pretty slippery, I can't get enough grip to pull it away. He keeps his finger in place for a second and then slowly pulls out again, causing me to exhale in relief.
"Sorry, did that hurt?"
I don't think it did. It felt really weird and awkward, but it wasn't exactly painful.
"N-no."
Upon hearing my reply he pushes back in…
I try to suppress a gasp, but fail.
"Try to relax your muscles, Hanako."
…and back out. Then back in again…
"Don't hold your breath. Just keep breathing in and out normally."
…and out. I nod weakly and try to focus on the sensation his other hand instills in me. At first, my body jumps each time he pushes forth his finger, but as he continues with what he called my 'warming up', I slowly manage to relax and enjoy his touch again, even as he slightly speeds up the movement of both hands. Upon seeing that my signals of discomfort are disappearing, he whispers in my ear.
"You're doing well, Hanako. Now…let's try with two..."
--------------------------------------
"S-s-stop..."
As the sensations of the last contraction die down and Hisao ceases providing the intense stimulation I just endured, I breathe a long sigh of relief. Hisao moves his legs away, wraps his arms around my waist and lets me catch my bearings while kissing my heavily flushed cheek and softly chuckling a bit to himself.
"P-please d-don't laugh at me…"
It wasn't as obvious when we were still keeping the lights off, but being pleasured can draw some pretty entertaining reactions out of people. It's really best not to think too hard about how you must have looked to someone else afterwards.
"I recall you laughing to yourself while I was making faces."
I guess I'm not in a position to say anything.
…
I give him a quick kiss back as a quiet admission of guilt and then look at him expectantly.
Now what?
"Can you get onto the bed?"
I unsteadily get to my feet and lie down upon the bed. Hisao takes the pillow we used as a head rest earlier and carefully places it under my hips.
We're still completely covered in seaweed gel. This bed's gonna be a major mess afterwards. Good thing we won't be the ones who'll have to change the sheets.
For a moment we just look each other in the eyes. A mutual look of uncertainty, then one of mutual reassurance.
"Don't be afraid."
"I won't be if you aren't."
02
I close my eyes and he gently spreads my legs, stroking the inside just a little and then I feel the sensation of something just a little larger than his two fingers smoothly sliding into me. For a moment we both take a surprised look at the place where we're joined now, and Hisao makes a few reluctant movements to check for signs of discomfort on my part. When those signs fail to occur, we share a little laugh of relief, and Hisao lowers himself and lies down flatly on top of me. He grabs hold of my shoulders and slides up my body as far as he can until we can look each other in the eyes.
"I'm not too heavy, am I?"
"N-no."
The weight of his body on top of mine makes me pretty much unable to move anything other than my arms and legs, but it's a small price to pay for the extensive body contact we can have this way. I raise my legs, letting them rest on his calves and wrap my arms around him. He slowly starts grinding his pelvis against mine, and I do my best to adapt my movements to his, tilting my hips until the friction starts feeling good. It takes us a bit of effort to find a workable rhythm, my scar tissue occasionally hampering us a bit. Fortunately, since we're still really slippery from before, it's a lot easier than last time.
I lie back and close my eyes, basking in the amazing sensation we're experiencing, wiggling my upper body as much as Hisao's weight allows me to in order to increase the stimulation. This couldn't be more different from the last time our bodies became one. The last time, we were distant, neither of us really knowing what we were feeling, whether we really wanted this and whether the other really wanted this. Our bodies had minimal contact, and we experienced more than a little bit of discomfort, physically and emotionally. Now we're entangled in each other, closer to each other than we ever have been before, and I feel this union is as both an emotional and a physical one.
With each moment, our movements become more instinctual than before, more desperate than before. As I feel my orgasm approaching inevitably, I tighten my arms around him as strongly as I can as if to draw him into myself, and when I lose control and the first convulsion hits my body, I let out an involuntary cry that contains both physical pleasure and emotional joy at the same time.
After our climax, Hisao uses the last of his strength to slide off of me and roll on his back. With some effort, I manage to pull up the covers and press myself close to him before every muscle in my body relaxes and a feeling of bliss washes over me that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Despite already knowing that he came through our act of passion in one piece, I place my hand on his chest as if to acknowledge his heart remained steady.
Hisao's already slipping away into slumber, and I find myself getting sleepier by the second as well, but I still want to say something - something to thank him for the moments we just shared. I softly kiss his cheek in order to get his attention and whisper in his ear.
"Thank you, Hisao. That was a very memorable first time."
"…first…time…Hanako?"
"Yes. First time making love."
03
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:07 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 10
Chapter 10
01
"So, no lightheadedness, chest pains or tingling feet this morning? No irregularities during the weekend?"
The nurse casually slurps some coffee while asking me the typical routine questions, to which I respond with the typical routine answers.
"None at all. I set a good pace this morning. The coach was pretty pleased."
"No problems at all? Are you sure?"
"Uhuh. Why would I suddenly get complications? I've been sticking to the schedule, and I haven't had a single flutter since I started training."
"Emi said you tried to skip our check-up this morning."
I roll my eyes. I did indeed try to go straight to my dorm room to shower and get dressed, but Emi wouldn't have any of that.
"I have some homework I have to look over before class, and I figured I could afford to skip this once. This whole thing has become such an automated routine for both of us, I sometimes wonder if it's still necessary."
"I can't blame you for thinking like that, but the moment we start making these sessions optional, we're setting you up for adopting bad habits. I've had this kind of thing with Emi a little while back, and in the end she came down with an infection and had to get around in a wheelchair for a while. And in her case, it wasn't even potentially life-threatening. I can't really afford to take those kinds of risks with you."
I had a feeling my excuse was going to provoke a lecture like that. I learned long ago that the best thing to do is just nod and agree whenever the nurse drops the lame jokes and gets into serious mode.
"Now, if you just take your shirt off and let me check your heart beat, you can go back to your homework in a minute."
I shrug and instead of taking my shirt off, I simply pull it up until my chest scar is completely revealed. The nurse frowns a bit at this deviation from the usual protocol, but then gives in and presses his stethoscope against my chest without further questions.
"Well, I'm not picking up anything out of the ordinary. Although…"
"Yes?"
He shows me a mischievous smile and presses the stethoscope against my chest again.
"You just wanted to go straight back to your dorm because of homework?"
"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?"
The nurse's smile turns slightly wicked as he taps the chest piece of the stethoscope.
"It's just that your heart rate just said something else. You're not exactly a good liar."
"It's nothing related to my heart. Isn't that enough?"
"Fine, fine. Let me check your heart beat one last time and then you can go."
Eager to get it over with, I lift my shirt again, but the nurse shakes his head.
"I'll go with a different angle this time. Your back."
"Huh?"
I consider protesting, but can't make up a valid excuse in time, so I let him lift up the back of my shirt and press the chest piece just left of my spine. He listens for a second, then takes off the stethoscope and gives a satisfied nod.
"Your heart rate sounds steady enough. Must have been the additional exercise that did it."
Either this guy is extremely sharp or he simply has a dirty mind. If there were still any doubts in his mind about the origin of the thin, red marks on my back, my wincing expression probably blew those right out of the water. If his grin were to get any wider, the top of his face would probably fall off.
"So, your girlfriend's a scratcher, eh? It's always the ones you least suspect."
"D-don't you have any shame at all?!"
I turn around and prepare to leave before he comes up with more ways to fluster me. Before I can turn the doorknob, I hear him call out to me.
"Hisao, can I have just one more moment?"
I turn around and the nurse motions me to sit down again.
"Sorry about the joke. You can't deny that the opportunity was too good to ignore. If I upset you, we can talk tomorrow."
So he's not gonna drop it. I might as well get it over with now. With an emphasized sigh, I sit down in the chair in front of him.
"You started sleeping with her?"
"If I say no, are you going to take out the stethoscope again?"
He grins an amused grin, then shakes his head.
"You're not very good at keeping a poker face, Hisao. I think I can do without it for now."
"I realize there are regulations here, but it didn't take place on the school grounds."
At least not this time.
"I'm not going to give you a hard time over that. Enforcing those regulations isn't my job. Watching over your health is."
"You're not gonna demand a check-up after every time we…, are you?"
He laughs out loud at this, before winking at me.
"I could, if you'd like me to."
"Not freaking likely."
"Heheh, probably not."
His grin fades and he puts on the stern face again.
"The only thing I'd like to know is if your heart ever acted up during one of those times. I'm sure you are aware of the fact that it's not completely without risks."
"I had a brief moment during our first time. That was before I started working out. It was over after a few seconds."
He briefly nods.
"If you're able to handle your current training regimen, you're probably able to handle that kind of stuff as well, though it might be smart to let your girlfriend take the active role if you start feeling tired and avoid actions that place too much strain on your body at all costs. Just be sure not to ignore the warning signs and stop if you feel something's off, no matter how tempting it may be to continue. Keep the big head in charge at all times."
"My girlfriend's very vigilant about that kind of stuff. She noticed it the first time too. She'd definitely stop me if she suspected something to be wrong. She even thought up a safe word I can use if my chest suddenly starts hurting."
"It's a relief to hear she's looking out for you."
"You're more laid-back about this than I expected."
He chuckles. I suspect this is not the first time he's having this kind of discussion with a student.
"I prefer the term pragmatic. When kids become adolescents and develop a healthy sex drive, they're not gonna pay much attention to a preachy guy in a white coat telling them to stop having fun. Might as well make sure they at least go about it in a responsible way."
His smile disappears for a moment.
"But if something does happen, even if it's a minor red flag, I want you to bring it to my attention immediately. That's not a mere request."
His grin returns as he gives me a playful pat on the shoulder. It's kinda unsettling how quickly this guy can switch back and forth between being immature and authoritive.
"I promise I won't try to embarrass you."
He tries his best to look trustworthy, though I'm not completely sure how well he'd be able to keep that promise.
"Well, that's all. See you tomorrow."
I nod, get up and head for the door. As I'm about to leave, the nurse gives me one more sly look.
"By the way, Hisao… Applying the chest piece to someone's back is part of monitoring the lungs. For the heart, you always put it on the chest. Always. Since it was immediately obvious that you were trying to hide your back, I needed to make up a little excuse. Didn't think you'd fall for it."
He lets out a maniacal laugh before turning back to his computer, leaving me flabbergasted.
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02
As I finish setting up the pawns, a delicious smell teases my nostrils.
"Wow, that smells pretty good."
Hanako beams at my words and speeds up unpacking the lunch she's made for the two of us. Hanako making lunch for us both has become a regularly recurring event, and other than one instance where the food she cooked tasted… not really bad but definitely a little weird, I don't really have anything to complain about. I probably should return the favor more often, but I know Hanako enjoys indulging in her domestic side, and I enjoy experiencing this side of her.
"Aren't you going to pour the tea?"
I notice Hanako has finished preparing the tea, but isn't really getting ready to serve it yet.
"I'd like to wait for Lilly if that's okay with you."
"Why don't you have a seat in the meantime?"
She approaches the table, takes a moment to decide and then sits down next to me, putting her hand on top of mine.
"Can I have one little bite, just to sample?"
"Just one then. Could you open your mouth, please?"
I roll my eyes. Does she really enjoy this kind of thing that much?
"I know how to use chopsticks. I've been using them for a large portion of my life."
"Please?"
"Alright then."
I open my mouth slightly and Hanako uses her chopsticks to pick up a piece of chicken and put it into my mouth. When I close my mouth and she withdraws the chopsticks, she has a childish smile on her face.
"It tastes very good. I can't wait to taste the rest."
"When Lilly gets here."
It's nice to have a few moments together. After we came back from our date yesterday, we both had to focus on finishing homework, and due to my running sessions each morning, we can't see each other before class either. After class, I have club activities to tend to, and Hanako's decided to help out the newspaper club for another week. I stroke her hand for a bit before noticing her other hand is fixed on the lower part of her neck. I remember she was in a similar posture for the entire duration of class. I give her an amused smile.
"How's your hickey, Hanako? Is it still visible?"
She flushes profoundly at my question before meekly nodding.
"I-it w-was when I c-checked this m-morning."
Despite her posture, I'm sure the hickey on Hanako's collarbone wouldn't be visible to anyone unless she removed her blouse in front of them. I made sure not to leave it in a place that her school uniform would leave exposed.
"You know, when I suggested giving you one in return for those marks on my back, I was speaking in jest. There was no real need to go through with it."
When we woke up that morning in our hotel room, we first spent our time lazily cuddling in bed and feeding each other the sandwiches we bought for the occasion at the coffee shop the night before. It wasn't until we went to take a bath together in order to wash off the lotion residue that Hanako noticed the red marks on my upper back. She didn't remember leaving them and I didn't remember receiving them, so they must have been made while we were too much into the heat of the moment to notice. Regardless, Hanako immediately started stammering apologies, causing me to jokingly point out I could leave a little mark of my own so we could call it even and drop the matter. I didn't expect her to latch onto that remark as strongly as she did, so in order to settle the matter I gave her a small suction mark on her collarbone. I had the impression that at the time, she didn't exactly hate receiving it, embarrassing as it was.
"It's o-okay. Nobody n-noticed."
My thoughts return to my check-up with that demon of a nurse this morning.
"I wish I could say the same."
"W-w-what!?"
I roll my eyes.
"It might be a good idea to avoid the nurse for a week or so."
"H-he n-noticed?"
I relate my experience in the nurse office to Hanako. When I finish my story, the result is a muffled giggle - except the sound isn't coming from Hanako but from beyond the doorway. We turn towards it and are mortified to see Lilly standing there. Her hand is raised in front of her mouth, but her shaking shoulders make it obvious she's bursting with laughter on the inside. Hanako lets out a soft, desperate whimper and promptly shuts down, covering her face with her cupped hands in embarrassment. I let out a gasp myself but manage to collect myself enough to greet Lilly. Something tells me I won't be able to count on Hanako for the time being.
"You kinda picked an awkward moment to join us, Lilly."
Lilly makes an apologetic gesture while still trying not to laugh out loud.
"It appears that I did. I won't be here for very long however, so perhaps things won't be uncomfortable for too long."
"You're not joining us? Class rep duties again? It's happened pretty often lately."
Lilly simply nods.
"Perhaps I'll be able to make up for it tonight. I came here to invite you to join me in my room this evening. Akira will be coming over and it would be nice to hang out together."
"That sounds like a good idea. We'll be there."
"Wonderful. Until tonight then."
With a polite wave, Lilly walks out of the room, and I turn to Hanako, who's still in the same position as she was when we first noticed Lilly, as if time had stopped around her.
"Ummm… Hanako. She's gone. Let's… just… have our tea now and play a little match."
Hanako, still covering her face, manages to give a nod and stiffly gets up to get the teapot. Fifteen minutes later I score my first easy victory on her in two months.
--------------------------------------
03
"We could just ask her directly."
"I-I know. But I'm… afraid she'll just smile and dismiss it."
"So now the plan is to ask her sister behind her back?"
"I-I don't really like it either. B-but I'm a bit worried."
After I finished my homework for the day and headed over to Lilly's dorm room, I ran into Hanako who was waiting outside the girl's dorm building and who wanted to take a little walk with me first. And now we're standing near the school gate, waiting for Akira to arrive.
"I realize Lilly's been absent from lunch more often than usual, and we didn't have many get-togethers until last week, but does that that really suggest that there's something wrong? She could simply have more than usual class rep duties to tend to."
"I don't think that's the case. I-I asked one of her classmates today, and he said things weren't any busier than usual in class. Nothing out of the ordinary happened recently that could result in more work for her."
"You asked one of her classmates?"
That's an interesting development. Despite the fact that Hanako has become quite a bit less passive than she used to be while being around me, she still has a tendency to try and avoid interaction with most other people and is still uncomfortable around the people with whom interaction is unavoidable.
"H-he's a member of the newspaper club and c-came over to submit some material to me, s-so I asked him if he thought things were busier than usual in class."
"Were you nervous?"
"I w-was, but him being blind made it a bit easier to talk to him."
If what Hanako's saying is true then Lilly is either using her class representative duties as an excuse to be on her own or something's on her mind that acts as a distraction. Either way, Hanako's hunch might be worth looking into.
--------------------------------------
"Yo!"
Upon noticing us, Akira greets us with a friendly wave.
"Nice to see you again. It's been a while since we last saw you. Have you been busy?"
"Extremely. And that's probably not gonna change much in the upcoming weeks."
"I hope you at least enjoyed your time off in Scotland then."
"Meh, best thing about it was our folks' beachside home."
As Akira and I are exchanging small talk, I start noticing she's sneaking the occasional glance at Hanako, which is strange since Akira knows Hanako dislikes being stared at. And it wasn't just me who picked it up.
"Ummm… I-is there s-something o-on m-my…"
Hanako gasps before she can finish her sentence, and we have a mutual moment of clarity as we both realize what it is Akira is looking at, or rather, looking for. Hanako's eyes grow wide in an expression that's a mixture of desperation and horror. I myself am mostly just annoyed.
"Look, her blouse is covering it up, so could you stop looking for it already?"
Akira laughs heartily at my reaction.
"Looks like I got busted. Sorry. I wasn't sure of its exact location. Lilly obviously couldn't tell me."
"Lilly told you about this, huh? I hope she didn't merely invite you for a chance to poke fun at us."
She grins.
"She didn't invite me, I invited myself. And no, it wasn't to poke fun at you. Though if it makes you feel better, I've had a few crummy weeks behind me, and that silly little story cheered me up for the day. Besides, it's not a big deal. Take this from someone with experience in attending meetings with one of those things peeking out from under her collar."
While part of me is eager to satisfy my morbid curiosity regarding the 'experience' Akira is talking about, I haven't forgotten the reason we came here in the first place, and I eagerly take advantage of the opening she just gave me.
"Crummy weeks, huh? Is it about something that also involves Lilly?"
"Huh? What makes you think that?"
"We both feel like Lilly's been a bit more distant lately. Like something's on her mind that she doesn't like to talk about. Seeing that you two share so much, we thought maybe you had a clue."
"Really?"
Akira looks pensive for a second, then smiles.
"Why don't you join us? You can ask her yourself."
"We were already invited, so let's go to her place together then."
--------------------------------------
04
"An arcade center, huh? That's a pretty unusual destination for a date."
Since lunch today got so uncomfortable, we decided to use this opportunity to tell Lilly, and Akira, about our date last weekend. At least the first part. They already knew more about the second half than they needed to know.
"We had a pretty good time. She may not seem like it at first, but Hanako has quite the competitive streak."
"W-we didn't just play competitive games though. We also teamed up in a lot of games. Both are great fun in their own way."
"Did you win that little fellow over there as well?"
Akira has noticed the plush dog sitting in Hanako's lap. Hanako nods enthusiastically.
"Yes, he was lying in one of the crane games. I thought he was adorable, so we made an effort to retrieve him."
"A dog who's half blind. Talk about ironic."
"Hey Lilly, do you like animals? Have you ever had a guide dog in the past?"
Lilly responds to my question with a cheerful smile.
"That issue came up a few years ago, but ultimately, we decided against having one."
"Yeah, keeping the place in order was already enough work for the two of us without having to tend to an animal as well."
"Ummm… Well, this one is not a guide dog, but here's very sweet regardless. Would you like to adopt him, Lilly?"
Lilly is visibly surprised by Hanako's offer.
"Really?"
"Sure."
Lilly takes the little dog from Hanako and briefly examines it with her hands in order to determine its appearance.
"My, how cute he is. Thank you very much, Hanako. Does he have a name already?"
"Niji."
"That's a very nice name. I'll be sure to take good care of Niji for you."
"Why are you giving her gifts? It ain't even her birthday yet."
"Hmmm… She has been… seeming… a bit blue lately. I thought she could use some extra company."
"Awww… Isn't that sweet? What do we say now, Sis?"
"Somehow you lecturing Lilly on etiquette, even in jest, feels extremely wrong."
Judging by Lilly's and Hanako's chuckling, I'm not the only one who feels that way.
"Oi, I can speak formally if I have to. I just choose not to in my free time."
A nod from Lilly affirms this. I'm not exactly sure what Akira's profession is, but her suit indicates a job where her usual overly casual language probably wouldn't be deemed as very appropriate. I could ask her, but right now Hanako's gaze towards me tells me she's expecting me to help her capitalize on the opening she just created.
"Lilly, about what Hanako said earlier… I noticed it as well. If something's bugging you, you could tell the plush dog, but remember we're also here for you.
"Thank you, Hisao. I appreciate it."
Looks like she's not gonna take the bait.
"Hey Sis…"
Akira's tone has changed from the light-hearted one she usually uses, and for a moment we can see her carefully contemplating and measuring her words - a trait that until now we thought belonged exclusively to the younger of the Satou siblings.
"…don't you think now would probably be a good time to tell them? I certainly think so myself."
So not only is there something, but Akira has known about it too.
"Before we left Scotland, you told me I had to determine my choice and the right moment to tell others myself."
I can tell that Lilly's not happy with her sister butting in. Her tone is polite as usual, but also a little irritated. Akira is unfazed, however.
"Yeah, but your friends are worried about you, and keeping 'em in the dark doesn't seem like the right thing to do."
"Even so…"
"What's more, I went over to uncle's place yesterday and told Hideaki, who may have told his sister about it. I realize the odds of it happening are slim, but you wouldn't want your friends to learn the news from Shizune, do ya?
That remark makes Lilly visibly cringe. I was quite surprised when Hanako revealed to me that Lilly and Shizune are first cousins. Seeing how Akira herself doesn't seem to be bothered by their hostility, she probably doesn't pay the feud between her sister and her cousin much heed. Still, she mercilessly used it to her own advantage just now.
"…very well then…"
05
Lilly takes some time to determine what she wants to say, occasionally fidgeting with Hanako's puppy as she does.
"As you know, our parents live in the city of Inverness in Scotland. It's the town where the head office of our family's company is located. Father decided to move there six years ago in order to fill the executive position that opened up there, which resulted in Mother moving there as well. Akira and I stayed behind for the sake of her job at the Japanese branch of the company and my education."
"Is education really that much better here in Japan than in Scotland?"
"I'm not really sure, though our family has good ties with Yamaku here. The family's company is among its donors. Anyway, Akira and I were summoned there to visit an aunt of ours who had fallen ill. It was the first time in six years we met with our parents again. While we were there, our father gave Akira a job offer at head office. He talked to some people at the legal department there and recommended her for a position. A position she has decided to accept."
So Akira is migrating. Despite not having siblings myself, I can see how this would affect Lilly's mood. Since her parents moved to Europe years ago already, Akira must have been the closest thing she's had to a parental figure.
"So… You're… leaving? Permanently?"
I can tell Hanako's trying to sound casual, but she doesn't really do a good job at hiding the sadness in her voice. Akira is one of the few people Hanako gets along well with, despite their contrasting personalities, so this news doesn't just mean Lilly loses a sister in a way, but also Hanako losing one of her few friends. Akira gives a grim nod back.
"That's the gist of it. I've already broken up with my boyfriend. There's no way a long-distance relationship between us would work out. If the choice had been completely mine, I would have picked a better time, but sometimes things just happen outside your control, and the best thing you can do is roll with the punches."
"You're kinda making it sound like you didn't have a choice in this at all."
"Don't get me wrong, it's still my own decision. But a side effect of the old man's recommendation was that my current career was pretty likely to hit a dead end if I declined. There were still plenty of steps on the corporate ladder I wanted to take, but in the end my promotion could have taken place under far better circumstances."
"So when exactly are you leaving?"
"Around the time your summer break starts. I've been working hard to try and tie up all the loose ends here over the last few weeks. I'd be lying if I pretended it hasn't been stressful."
Loose ends? Are we a loose end as well? What about Lilly? Hanako, who has been quiet for some time now, suddenly speaks up again.
"I-I'm going to m-miss you, Akira."
"Same here. It was fun hanging out with you guys. It's nice to see my sister has such good friends here."
One thing still is still troubling me. Lilly spoke of a decision earlier. And I can see I'm not the only one who wonders about that.
"L-Lilly, w-what was t-that decision you mentioned b-before about?"
Lilly pauses for a few seconds before speaking, clearly not completely comfortable.
"The truth is, Hanako, that my parents also summoned me back. They want me to move back in with them when Akira transfers…"
06
Despite the fact I'm not really that surprised by Lilly's revelation after she brought up Akira's departure, this news still hits us like a bombshell. Not too long ago Hanako and I were still talking about how it felt like the three of us were like a small family. And now, one member of that family is about to leave for good. Or is she? Taking a sidelong glance at Hanako, I notice she's looking at me with a desperate look in her eyes. She wants to know whether this is final or not, but obviously isn't sure whether she's prepared for the answer. I decide to ask the question for her.
"So, Lilly, will you be leaving too?"
"…I…haven't made my decision yet, Hisao. In fact, I wasn't really planning on breaking this news to you two until I made up my mind. I didn't want this matter to ruin the joy of your newly-found relationship. Especially since I'm still in the process of trying to decide."
"I'd be the last one who'd want to rush you Sis, but that process has been going on for quite some time, and I'm not getting the impression there's much progress. It'd be nice if I knew whether to cancel your ticket or not."
"You have a ticket already?"
"Yeah, proof that the folks are eager to help her make a decision."
"Akira, please…"
"Sorry."
Akira looks at us with a weary smile.
"Well, now you know the gist of it."
"Are you here to help her make a decision as well?"
"Naw, just to catch up on things. It's been a while since we've met face to face. I feel I've already influenced her decision too much as it is."
Upon hearing that, Hanako slowly rises to her feet. I notice she's looking very tired.
"W-we'll give you two some time alone then."
I get up as well, but before we leave there's one more thing I want to address.
"Lilly, speaking of which… We initially thought you were being distant in order to give Hanako and me some space…"
"That was still part of the reason, Hisao. I genuinely wanted you two to spend more time together in order to deepen your relationship and grow closer. And it seems that's exactly what you and Hanako have done. In that regard, I have no regrets… But it is also true that this matter has been on my mind a lot and I've been needing time alone in order to sort things out for myself."
"Just take care not to get stuck in permanent worry-mode. Seeing that we know now, you can count on Hanako and me if you want a listening ear or a shoulder to support you. Both of us would happily sacrifice our 'time together' for your sake at this point."
I take a side-look at Hanako who's nodding fervently, before remembering Lilly can't see that and following it up with a curt but determined 'yes'. Lilly smiles happily at our pledge of support.
"Thank you, Hanako, Hisao. I will make sure to spend more time with you from now on out. Maybe it will indeed help to take my mind off matters. I hope you can forgive me if I don't discuss this subject a lot in front of you."
Come to think of it, I bet it's been the main subject of conversation between herself and Akira as well as her parents ever since she returned to Japan. She's probably really sick and tired of it already.
"T-that's okay, Lilly."
Without much more to discuss, we say our goodbyes to Lilly and Akira. As we leave the room, Hanako gives me a quiet goodnight kiss and enters her room without saying anything. I would have liked to accompany her, but I guess she wants to be alone for a while. I just hope she's not going to bottle up whatever she's feeling right now.
--------------------------------------
01
"So, no lightheadedness, chest pains or tingling feet this morning? No irregularities during the weekend?"
The nurse casually slurps some coffee while asking me the typical routine questions, to which I respond with the typical routine answers.
"None at all. I set a good pace this morning. The coach was pretty pleased."
"No problems at all? Are you sure?"
"Uhuh. Why would I suddenly get complications? I've been sticking to the schedule, and I haven't had a single flutter since I started training."
"Emi said you tried to skip our check-up this morning."
I roll my eyes. I did indeed try to go straight to my dorm room to shower and get dressed, but Emi wouldn't have any of that.
"I have some homework I have to look over before class, and I figured I could afford to skip this once. This whole thing has become such an automated routine for both of us, I sometimes wonder if it's still necessary."
"I can't blame you for thinking like that, but the moment we start making these sessions optional, we're setting you up for adopting bad habits. I've had this kind of thing with Emi a little while back, and in the end she came down with an infection and had to get around in a wheelchair for a while. And in her case, it wasn't even potentially life-threatening. I can't really afford to take those kinds of risks with you."
I had a feeling my excuse was going to provoke a lecture like that. I learned long ago that the best thing to do is just nod and agree whenever the nurse drops the lame jokes and gets into serious mode.
"Now, if you just take your shirt off and let me check your heart beat, you can go back to your homework in a minute."
I shrug and instead of taking my shirt off, I simply pull it up until my chest scar is completely revealed. The nurse frowns a bit at this deviation from the usual protocol, but then gives in and presses his stethoscope against my chest without further questions.
"Well, I'm not picking up anything out of the ordinary. Although…"
"Yes?"
He shows me a mischievous smile and presses the stethoscope against my chest again.
"You just wanted to go straight back to your dorm because of homework?"
"Yes. Is there something wrong with that?"
The nurse's smile turns slightly wicked as he taps the chest piece of the stethoscope.
"It's just that your heart rate just said something else. You're not exactly a good liar."
"It's nothing related to my heart. Isn't that enough?"
"Fine, fine. Let me check your heart beat one last time and then you can go."
Eager to get it over with, I lift my shirt again, but the nurse shakes his head.
"I'll go with a different angle this time. Your back."
"Huh?"
I consider protesting, but can't make up a valid excuse in time, so I let him lift up the back of my shirt and press the chest piece just left of my spine. He listens for a second, then takes off the stethoscope and gives a satisfied nod.
"Your heart rate sounds steady enough. Must have been the additional exercise that did it."
Either this guy is extremely sharp or he simply has a dirty mind. If there were still any doubts in his mind about the origin of the thin, red marks on my back, my wincing expression probably blew those right out of the water. If his grin were to get any wider, the top of his face would probably fall off.
"So, your girlfriend's a scratcher, eh? It's always the ones you least suspect."
"D-don't you have any shame at all?!"
I turn around and prepare to leave before he comes up with more ways to fluster me. Before I can turn the doorknob, I hear him call out to me.
"Hisao, can I have just one more moment?"
I turn around and the nurse motions me to sit down again.
"Sorry about the joke. You can't deny that the opportunity was too good to ignore. If I upset you, we can talk tomorrow."
So he's not gonna drop it. I might as well get it over with now. With an emphasized sigh, I sit down in the chair in front of him.
"You started sleeping with her?"
"If I say no, are you going to take out the stethoscope again?"
He grins an amused grin, then shakes his head.
"You're not very good at keeping a poker face, Hisao. I think I can do without it for now."
"I realize there are regulations here, but it didn't take place on the school grounds."
At least not this time.
"I'm not going to give you a hard time over that. Enforcing those regulations isn't my job. Watching over your health is."
"You're not gonna demand a check-up after every time we…, are you?"
He laughs out loud at this, before winking at me.
"I could, if you'd like me to."
"Not freaking likely."
"Heheh, probably not."
His grin fades and he puts on the stern face again.
"The only thing I'd like to know is if your heart ever acted up during one of those times. I'm sure you are aware of the fact that it's not completely without risks."
"I had a brief moment during our first time. That was before I started working out. It was over after a few seconds."
He briefly nods.
"If you're able to handle your current training regimen, you're probably able to handle that kind of stuff as well, though it might be smart to let your girlfriend take the active role if you start feeling tired and avoid actions that place too much strain on your body at all costs. Just be sure not to ignore the warning signs and stop if you feel something's off, no matter how tempting it may be to continue. Keep the big head in charge at all times."
"My girlfriend's very vigilant about that kind of stuff. She noticed it the first time too. She'd definitely stop me if she suspected something to be wrong. She even thought up a safe word I can use if my chest suddenly starts hurting."
"It's a relief to hear she's looking out for you."
"You're more laid-back about this than I expected."
He chuckles. I suspect this is not the first time he's having this kind of discussion with a student.
"I prefer the term pragmatic. When kids become adolescents and develop a healthy sex drive, they're not gonna pay much attention to a preachy guy in a white coat telling them to stop having fun. Might as well make sure they at least go about it in a responsible way."
His smile disappears for a moment.
"But if something does happen, even if it's a minor red flag, I want you to bring it to my attention immediately. That's not a mere request."
His grin returns as he gives me a playful pat on the shoulder. It's kinda unsettling how quickly this guy can switch back and forth between being immature and authoritive.
"I promise I won't try to embarrass you."
He tries his best to look trustworthy, though I'm not completely sure how well he'd be able to keep that promise.
"Well, that's all. See you tomorrow."
I nod, get up and head for the door. As I'm about to leave, the nurse gives me one more sly look.
"By the way, Hisao… Applying the chest piece to someone's back is part of monitoring the lungs. For the heart, you always put it on the chest. Always. Since it was immediately obvious that you were trying to hide your back, I needed to make up a little excuse. Didn't think you'd fall for it."
He lets out a maniacal laugh before turning back to his computer, leaving me flabbergasted.
--------------------------------------
02
As I finish setting up the pawns, a delicious smell teases my nostrils.
"Wow, that smells pretty good."
Hanako beams at my words and speeds up unpacking the lunch she's made for the two of us. Hanako making lunch for us both has become a regularly recurring event, and other than one instance where the food she cooked tasted… not really bad but definitely a little weird, I don't really have anything to complain about. I probably should return the favor more often, but I know Hanako enjoys indulging in her domestic side, and I enjoy experiencing this side of her.
"Aren't you going to pour the tea?"
I notice Hanako has finished preparing the tea, but isn't really getting ready to serve it yet.
"I'd like to wait for Lilly if that's okay with you."
"Why don't you have a seat in the meantime?"
She approaches the table, takes a moment to decide and then sits down next to me, putting her hand on top of mine.
"Can I have one little bite, just to sample?"
"Just one then. Could you open your mouth, please?"
I roll my eyes. Does she really enjoy this kind of thing that much?
"I know how to use chopsticks. I've been using them for a large portion of my life."
"Please?"
"Alright then."
I open my mouth slightly and Hanako uses her chopsticks to pick up a piece of chicken and put it into my mouth. When I close my mouth and she withdraws the chopsticks, she has a childish smile on her face.
"It tastes very good. I can't wait to taste the rest."
"When Lilly gets here."
It's nice to have a few moments together. After we came back from our date yesterday, we both had to focus on finishing homework, and due to my running sessions each morning, we can't see each other before class either. After class, I have club activities to tend to, and Hanako's decided to help out the newspaper club for another week. I stroke her hand for a bit before noticing her other hand is fixed on the lower part of her neck. I remember she was in a similar posture for the entire duration of class. I give her an amused smile.
"How's your hickey, Hanako? Is it still visible?"
She flushes profoundly at my question before meekly nodding.
"I-it w-was when I c-checked this m-morning."
Despite her posture, I'm sure the hickey on Hanako's collarbone wouldn't be visible to anyone unless she removed her blouse in front of them. I made sure not to leave it in a place that her school uniform would leave exposed.
"You know, when I suggested giving you one in return for those marks on my back, I was speaking in jest. There was no real need to go through with it."
When we woke up that morning in our hotel room, we first spent our time lazily cuddling in bed and feeding each other the sandwiches we bought for the occasion at the coffee shop the night before. It wasn't until we went to take a bath together in order to wash off the lotion residue that Hanako noticed the red marks on my upper back. She didn't remember leaving them and I didn't remember receiving them, so they must have been made while we were too much into the heat of the moment to notice. Regardless, Hanako immediately started stammering apologies, causing me to jokingly point out I could leave a little mark of my own so we could call it even and drop the matter. I didn't expect her to latch onto that remark as strongly as she did, so in order to settle the matter I gave her a small suction mark on her collarbone. I had the impression that at the time, she didn't exactly hate receiving it, embarrassing as it was.
"It's o-okay. Nobody n-noticed."
My thoughts return to my check-up with that demon of a nurse this morning.
"I wish I could say the same."
"W-w-what!?"
I roll my eyes.
"It might be a good idea to avoid the nurse for a week or so."
"H-he n-noticed?"
I relate my experience in the nurse office to Hanako. When I finish my story, the result is a muffled giggle - except the sound isn't coming from Hanako but from beyond the doorway. We turn towards it and are mortified to see Lilly standing there. Her hand is raised in front of her mouth, but her shaking shoulders make it obvious she's bursting with laughter on the inside. Hanako lets out a soft, desperate whimper and promptly shuts down, covering her face with her cupped hands in embarrassment. I let out a gasp myself but manage to collect myself enough to greet Lilly. Something tells me I won't be able to count on Hanako for the time being.
"You kinda picked an awkward moment to join us, Lilly."
Lilly makes an apologetic gesture while still trying not to laugh out loud.
"It appears that I did. I won't be here for very long however, so perhaps things won't be uncomfortable for too long."
"You're not joining us? Class rep duties again? It's happened pretty often lately."
Lilly simply nods.
"Perhaps I'll be able to make up for it tonight. I came here to invite you to join me in my room this evening. Akira will be coming over and it would be nice to hang out together."
"That sounds like a good idea. We'll be there."
"Wonderful. Until tonight then."
With a polite wave, Lilly walks out of the room, and I turn to Hanako, who's still in the same position as she was when we first noticed Lilly, as if time had stopped around her.
"Ummm… Hanako. She's gone. Let's… just… have our tea now and play a little match."
Hanako, still covering her face, manages to give a nod and stiffly gets up to get the teapot. Fifteen minutes later I score my first easy victory on her in two months.
--------------------------------------
03
"We could just ask her directly."
"I-I know. But I'm… afraid she'll just smile and dismiss it."
"So now the plan is to ask her sister behind her back?"
"I-I don't really like it either. B-but I'm a bit worried."
After I finished my homework for the day and headed over to Lilly's dorm room, I ran into Hanako who was waiting outside the girl's dorm building and who wanted to take a little walk with me first. And now we're standing near the school gate, waiting for Akira to arrive.
"I realize Lilly's been absent from lunch more often than usual, and we didn't have many get-togethers until last week, but does that that really suggest that there's something wrong? She could simply have more than usual class rep duties to tend to."
"I don't think that's the case. I-I asked one of her classmates today, and he said things weren't any busier than usual in class. Nothing out of the ordinary happened recently that could result in more work for her."
"You asked one of her classmates?"
That's an interesting development. Despite the fact that Hanako has become quite a bit less passive than she used to be while being around me, she still has a tendency to try and avoid interaction with most other people and is still uncomfortable around the people with whom interaction is unavoidable.
"H-he's a member of the newspaper club and c-came over to submit some material to me, s-so I asked him if he thought things were busier than usual in class."
"Were you nervous?"
"I w-was, but him being blind made it a bit easier to talk to him."
If what Hanako's saying is true then Lilly is either using her class representative duties as an excuse to be on her own or something's on her mind that acts as a distraction. Either way, Hanako's hunch might be worth looking into.
--------------------------------------
"Yo!"
Upon noticing us, Akira greets us with a friendly wave.
"Nice to see you again. It's been a while since we last saw you. Have you been busy?"
"Extremely. And that's probably not gonna change much in the upcoming weeks."
"I hope you at least enjoyed your time off in Scotland then."
"Meh, best thing about it was our folks' beachside home."
As Akira and I are exchanging small talk, I start noticing she's sneaking the occasional glance at Hanako, which is strange since Akira knows Hanako dislikes being stared at. And it wasn't just me who picked it up.
"Ummm… I-is there s-something o-on m-my…"
Hanako gasps before she can finish her sentence, and we have a mutual moment of clarity as we both realize what it is Akira is looking at, or rather, looking for. Hanako's eyes grow wide in an expression that's a mixture of desperation and horror. I myself am mostly just annoyed.
"Look, her blouse is covering it up, so could you stop looking for it already?"
Akira laughs heartily at my reaction.
"Looks like I got busted. Sorry. I wasn't sure of its exact location. Lilly obviously couldn't tell me."
"Lilly told you about this, huh? I hope she didn't merely invite you for a chance to poke fun at us."
She grins.
"She didn't invite me, I invited myself. And no, it wasn't to poke fun at you. Though if it makes you feel better, I've had a few crummy weeks behind me, and that silly little story cheered me up for the day. Besides, it's not a big deal. Take this from someone with experience in attending meetings with one of those things peeking out from under her collar."
While part of me is eager to satisfy my morbid curiosity regarding the 'experience' Akira is talking about, I haven't forgotten the reason we came here in the first place, and I eagerly take advantage of the opening she just gave me.
"Crummy weeks, huh? Is it about something that also involves Lilly?"
"Huh? What makes you think that?"
"We both feel like Lilly's been a bit more distant lately. Like something's on her mind that she doesn't like to talk about. Seeing that you two share so much, we thought maybe you had a clue."
"Really?"
Akira looks pensive for a second, then smiles.
"Why don't you join us? You can ask her yourself."
"We were already invited, so let's go to her place together then."
--------------------------------------
04
"An arcade center, huh? That's a pretty unusual destination for a date."
Since lunch today got so uncomfortable, we decided to use this opportunity to tell Lilly, and Akira, about our date last weekend. At least the first part. They already knew more about the second half than they needed to know.
"We had a pretty good time. She may not seem like it at first, but Hanako has quite the competitive streak."
"W-we didn't just play competitive games though. We also teamed up in a lot of games. Both are great fun in their own way."
"Did you win that little fellow over there as well?"
Akira has noticed the plush dog sitting in Hanako's lap. Hanako nods enthusiastically.
"Yes, he was lying in one of the crane games. I thought he was adorable, so we made an effort to retrieve him."
"A dog who's half blind. Talk about ironic."
"Hey Lilly, do you like animals? Have you ever had a guide dog in the past?"
Lilly responds to my question with a cheerful smile.
"That issue came up a few years ago, but ultimately, we decided against having one."
"Yeah, keeping the place in order was already enough work for the two of us without having to tend to an animal as well."
"Ummm… Well, this one is not a guide dog, but here's very sweet regardless. Would you like to adopt him, Lilly?"
Lilly is visibly surprised by Hanako's offer.
"Really?"
"Sure."
Lilly takes the little dog from Hanako and briefly examines it with her hands in order to determine its appearance.
"My, how cute he is. Thank you very much, Hanako. Does he have a name already?"
"Niji."
"That's a very nice name. I'll be sure to take good care of Niji for you."
"Why are you giving her gifts? It ain't even her birthday yet."
"Hmmm… She has been… seeming… a bit blue lately. I thought she could use some extra company."
"Awww… Isn't that sweet? What do we say now, Sis?"
"Somehow you lecturing Lilly on etiquette, even in jest, feels extremely wrong."
Judging by Lilly's and Hanako's chuckling, I'm not the only one who feels that way.
"Oi, I can speak formally if I have to. I just choose not to in my free time."
A nod from Lilly affirms this. I'm not exactly sure what Akira's profession is, but her suit indicates a job where her usual overly casual language probably wouldn't be deemed as very appropriate. I could ask her, but right now Hanako's gaze towards me tells me she's expecting me to help her capitalize on the opening she just created.
"Lilly, about what Hanako said earlier… I noticed it as well. If something's bugging you, you could tell the plush dog, but remember we're also here for you.
"Thank you, Hisao. I appreciate it."
Looks like she's not gonna take the bait.
"Hey Sis…"
Akira's tone has changed from the light-hearted one she usually uses, and for a moment we can see her carefully contemplating and measuring her words - a trait that until now we thought belonged exclusively to the younger of the Satou siblings.
"…don't you think now would probably be a good time to tell them? I certainly think so myself."
So not only is there something, but Akira has known about it too.
"Before we left Scotland, you told me I had to determine my choice and the right moment to tell others myself."
I can tell that Lilly's not happy with her sister butting in. Her tone is polite as usual, but also a little irritated. Akira is unfazed, however.
"Yeah, but your friends are worried about you, and keeping 'em in the dark doesn't seem like the right thing to do."
"Even so…"
"What's more, I went over to uncle's place yesterday and told Hideaki, who may have told his sister about it. I realize the odds of it happening are slim, but you wouldn't want your friends to learn the news from Shizune, do ya?
That remark makes Lilly visibly cringe. I was quite surprised when Hanako revealed to me that Lilly and Shizune are first cousins. Seeing how Akira herself doesn't seem to be bothered by their hostility, she probably doesn't pay the feud between her sister and her cousin much heed. Still, she mercilessly used it to her own advantage just now.
"…very well then…"
05
Lilly takes some time to determine what she wants to say, occasionally fidgeting with Hanako's puppy as she does.
"As you know, our parents live in the city of Inverness in Scotland. It's the town where the head office of our family's company is located. Father decided to move there six years ago in order to fill the executive position that opened up there, which resulted in Mother moving there as well. Akira and I stayed behind for the sake of her job at the Japanese branch of the company and my education."
"Is education really that much better here in Japan than in Scotland?"
"I'm not really sure, though our family has good ties with Yamaku here. The family's company is among its donors. Anyway, Akira and I were summoned there to visit an aunt of ours who had fallen ill. It was the first time in six years we met with our parents again. While we were there, our father gave Akira a job offer at head office. He talked to some people at the legal department there and recommended her for a position. A position she has decided to accept."
So Akira is migrating. Despite not having siblings myself, I can see how this would affect Lilly's mood. Since her parents moved to Europe years ago already, Akira must have been the closest thing she's had to a parental figure.
"So… You're… leaving? Permanently?"
I can tell Hanako's trying to sound casual, but she doesn't really do a good job at hiding the sadness in her voice. Akira is one of the few people Hanako gets along well with, despite their contrasting personalities, so this news doesn't just mean Lilly loses a sister in a way, but also Hanako losing one of her few friends. Akira gives a grim nod back.
"That's the gist of it. I've already broken up with my boyfriend. There's no way a long-distance relationship between us would work out. If the choice had been completely mine, I would have picked a better time, but sometimes things just happen outside your control, and the best thing you can do is roll with the punches."
"You're kinda making it sound like you didn't have a choice in this at all."
"Don't get me wrong, it's still my own decision. But a side effect of the old man's recommendation was that my current career was pretty likely to hit a dead end if I declined. There were still plenty of steps on the corporate ladder I wanted to take, but in the end my promotion could have taken place under far better circumstances."
"So when exactly are you leaving?"
"Around the time your summer break starts. I've been working hard to try and tie up all the loose ends here over the last few weeks. I'd be lying if I pretended it hasn't been stressful."
Loose ends? Are we a loose end as well? What about Lilly? Hanako, who has been quiet for some time now, suddenly speaks up again.
"I-I'm going to m-miss you, Akira."
"Same here. It was fun hanging out with you guys. It's nice to see my sister has such good friends here."
One thing still is still troubling me. Lilly spoke of a decision earlier. And I can see I'm not the only one who wonders about that.
"L-Lilly, w-what was t-that decision you mentioned b-before about?"
Lilly pauses for a few seconds before speaking, clearly not completely comfortable.
"The truth is, Hanako, that my parents also summoned me back. They want me to move back in with them when Akira transfers…"
06
Despite the fact I'm not really that surprised by Lilly's revelation after she brought up Akira's departure, this news still hits us like a bombshell. Not too long ago Hanako and I were still talking about how it felt like the three of us were like a small family. And now, one member of that family is about to leave for good. Or is she? Taking a sidelong glance at Hanako, I notice she's looking at me with a desperate look in her eyes. She wants to know whether this is final or not, but obviously isn't sure whether she's prepared for the answer. I decide to ask the question for her.
"So, Lilly, will you be leaving too?"
"…I…haven't made my decision yet, Hisao. In fact, I wasn't really planning on breaking this news to you two until I made up my mind. I didn't want this matter to ruin the joy of your newly-found relationship. Especially since I'm still in the process of trying to decide."
"I'd be the last one who'd want to rush you Sis, but that process has been going on for quite some time, and I'm not getting the impression there's much progress. It'd be nice if I knew whether to cancel your ticket or not."
"You have a ticket already?"
"Yeah, proof that the folks are eager to help her make a decision."
"Akira, please…"
"Sorry."
Akira looks at us with a weary smile.
"Well, now you know the gist of it."
"Are you here to help her make a decision as well?"
"Naw, just to catch up on things. It's been a while since we've met face to face. I feel I've already influenced her decision too much as it is."
Upon hearing that, Hanako slowly rises to her feet. I notice she's looking very tired.
"W-we'll give you two some time alone then."
I get up as well, but before we leave there's one more thing I want to address.
"Lilly, speaking of which… We initially thought you were being distant in order to give Hanako and me some space…"
"That was still part of the reason, Hisao. I genuinely wanted you two to spend more time together in order to deepen your relationship and grow closer. And it seems that's exactly what you and Hanako have done. In that regard, I have no regrets… But it is also true that this matter has been on my mind a lot and I've been needing time alone in order to sort things out for myself."
"Just take care not to get stuck in permanent worry-mode. Seeing that we know now, you can count on Hanako and me if you want a listening ear or a shoulder to support you. Both of us would happily sacrifice our 'time together' for your sake at this point."
I take a side-look at Hanako who's nodding fervently, before remembering Lilly can't see that and following it up with a curt but determined 'yes'. Lilly smiles happily at our pledge of support.
"Thank you, Hanako, Hisao. I will make sure to spend more time with you from now on out. Maybe it will indeed help to take my mind off matters. I hope you can forgive me if I don't discuss this subject a lot in front of you."
Come to think of it, I bet it's been the main subject of conversation between herself and Akira as well as her parents ever since she returned to Japan. She's probably really sick and tired of it already.
"T-that's okay, Lilly."
Without much more to discuss, we say our goodbyes to Lilly and Akira. As we leave the room, Hanako gives me a quiet goodnight kiss and enters her room without saying anything. I would have liked to accompany her, but I guess she wants to be alone for a while. I just hope she's not going to bottle up whatever she's feeling right now.
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Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 10
As I put on my pajamas and take my dose of pills for the night, my mind continues wandering on Lilly's revelation and what it means for us and especially for Hanako. Until I came to Yamaku, Lilly was the only friend Hanako had here, possibly the only person Hanako had here or pretty much anywhere else. What kind of effect would the loss of such a person have on Hanako?
After getting into bed, I spend some time staring at the ceiling and trying to digest this evening's events.
Maybe it's still too early to jump to conclusions.
Tap - tap
Lilly said she was still deciding, and I doubt she'd just say that to ease our minds while she's already certain what she's going to do.
Tap - tap - tap
Especially not with Akira sitting nearby.
Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap
It takes another moment before I realize the strange sound is coming from my door. It's as if a dog is scratching it on the other side.
Is that Kenji? It's kinda late for him to try and bug me about something.
Tap - tap - tap
At least he's being more considerate than usual. Usually he bangs on the door with enough force to wake up everyone in the building.
I get out of bed and unlock the door, but before I can prepare a lecture about the importance of someone's daily eight hours of rest, the door flies open and someone zips past me before I can even react.
"Dammit, Kenji, what the fu- Hanako?"
Sure enough, the unexpected visitor who forced herself into my room in such a blunt manner is none other than my girlfriend who's standing in front of me with a nervous expression on her face.
"Ummm… D-did I w-wake you up?"
"The noise you made was hardly enough to qualify as knocking. If I had already been asleep there's no way that would have woken me up."
"I-I didn't want to r-risk waking up anyone else."
Good point. Sneaking across campus and into the guys' dorm at night was already a risky move, especially on her part, but causing a ruckus in the middle of the dorm hallway would be a scandal in its own right. Kenji would probably flip if he found a girl knocking on doors here at night. He's already convinced Hanako's burns are the results of a bra-burning gone horribly wrong. He'd probably take her presence here as a sign that the feminist movement was getting ready for nocturnal deportations or something equally outlandish.
"It's okay."
I'd ask her what she came to do here, but I already have a pretty good idea.
"Do you want to stay here for the night? I'm okay with it if you do."
She gives me a faint smile and nods softly.
"T-thanks. I could use some… comfort."
She sits on my bed and starts removing her shoes and stockings. I swallow a lump in my throat. Does she mean THAT kind of comfort? She's not even asking me to turn around.
"H-Hanako, by 'comfort', do you mean COMFORT?"
She unbuttons her blouse and pulls it off in a single move, revealing her…nightgown? Looks like she was wearing it under her school uniform.
"J-just c-comfort."
Looks like I just dodged a bullet there. I try to recall what I've been reading lately. Whatever it was, I'd better avoid it in the future.
"Of course."
07
After Hanako has finished taking off her blouse and skirt and putting them in a neat pile beside my clothes, I turn off the lights and get back into bed. Moments later, I can feel her lying down next to me and snuggling up to me. For several minutes, we just lie there, holding each other, lazily playing footsie and me softly stroking her hair and scalp; something I've lately learned she really likes. On my first impression I didn't really have Hanako pegged for a very physical person. She already tended to get nervous when people came near her, and I expected being touched would probably cause her to flee the scene in a heartbeat. I started having second thoughts about that impression when she got drunk and really clingy with me during her birthday party. And after I started dating her, I discovered that beneath her skittish nature, Hanako's actually quite the snuggle bunny in private - a somewhat ironic thing seeing that part of her body is numb to sensations.
I continue running my hand through her hair until I can feel her relax and lay her head on my chest so she can listen to my heartbeat; another thing she likes to do. I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me about this or simply wants physical comfort. In a way, it's already a good thing she came here instead of pretending nothing's wrong and bottling up things inside.
"Do you want to talk for a bit?"
"Y-yes."
"How do you feel about Lilly's announcement."
"I f-feel sad. My first thought was 'why now?'
"Huh?"
"L-lately I've started to become more motivated to turn my life around. L-like you have. That i-includes my friendship with Lilly. B-but now I wonder if I'll even get the chance for that."
"Maybe you should tell her that. Your word might just tip the scales. I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of the main reasons she's still not sure what to do."
"M-M-ME? What do you mean?"
I take a moment to put my thoughts in order. I don't think I'm wrong about this, but how do I best explain this to Hanako?
"Akira made her choice with her career in mind, but Lilly doesn't seem to have any ambitions of getting a big-shot corporate job. The last time we spoke about figuring out what to do after Yamaku, you mentioned Lilly wanted to study English, didn't you?"
"Yes. She wants to be an English teacher."
"She can study English in Scotland as well. It doesn't matter what she does concerning her education. Heck, her parents might just hire private tutors, seeing that they seem well-off. And she can find a job as a teacher either here or there. Over there, she could also teach Japanese if she liked."
"Uhuh…"
"So what else could determine her choice? There's relatives, I guess. Lilly said it's been six years since she last met her parents before that last trip. I had the impression this evening that Lilly and Akira are estranged from their family. Did Lilly ever mention them to you?"
"N-no. She talks about Akira all the time, but never brings up her parents. I don't think she talks to them very often. She phones her sister every few days, but I've never seen or heard her talk to her parents either."
"How do you think she feels about them? Akira doesn't like them, that's impossible to miss. But Lilly wasn't that blatant with her opinion."
"I'm really not sure. I think she's neutral about them."
"Neutral? Is that even possible?"
"She seemed uncomfortable by Akira's outbursts about their parents, but didn't defend them in any way."
"She's definitely not neutral towards Akira though. And Akira will be migrating. The only other family she has contact with around here seems to be Shizune and that's hardly positive contact. So if she doesn't dislike her parents and the sister she loves is leaving for a country where Lilly herself will have no problems finishing her education, why exactly IS she still trying to make up her mind? Shouldn't the decision be easy?"
"S-she has many friends here too."
"True, but the two of us seem to be the only ones she regularly invites to her room, and we're the ones she took along to her family's summerhouse in Hokkaido. And while I'm sure Lilly considers me a good friend, I think the title of best friend goes unavoidably to you. If there's one person she could be considering staying here for, it has to be you."
Hanako falls silent for a long while, the gentle rubbing of her feet against mine the only indication she hasn't spontaneously fallen asleep. I don't think she disagrees with the logic behind my argument. It's probably her own unsteady sense of self-worth that's denying the possibility someone else could consider her important enough to decline an emigration opportunity for. Still, after a long deliberation, she silently nods.
"So I think if you don't want her to go, you should consider asking her to stay. Or if that prospect makes you uneasy, perhaps I could…"
"NO!"
Her sudden exclamation startles me a bit which in turn startles her as she quickly corrects herself with an embarrassed 'Ummm… I mean, p-please don't.'
"Why not? I realize it's not a competition and Lilly's not a prize to be won, but her parents don't seem to mind doing their part to help her reach a decision if Akira is to be believed. You don't have to nag her about it, but making your position clear can't hurt in my opinion."
"B-because… ummm… Because…"
She hesitates for a bit, then mumbles something.
"I can't hear you very well."
"B-because that would r-ruin what our f-friendship is about. Or rather… what I'd l-like our friendship to b-be about."
"Could you explain that to me?"
"S-sometimes I wonder if Lilly thinks of me as a true f-friend or simply as someone who needs looking after. Because despite her always being there for m-me, I haven't been able to do anything for her. Even now, while she was struggling with this s-summons, I couldn't help her."
"But you can now. She wasn't planning to tell us, but we found out and now we can be there for her, right? You can be there for her just like you're here for me."
"M-maybe. But I don't want to ask her to stay for my sake. W-what if she would rather live with her f-family and m-me asking her to stay would make her stay here out of a s-sense of duty towards me? W-what kind of friendship would we have then?"
"In the end, the decision remains with her, Hanako. If we're not going to ask her to consider staying here, the only other thing we can do is cross our fingers and support her choice, no matter what it is."
"A-and provide some distraction when she needs it."
"According to Akira, the departure will be soon. Maybe we should postpone our dates for the time being and focus on hanging out with Lilly."
"H-Hisao…?"
"Yeah?"
"If… the two of us… hang out with Lilly all the time… she'll feel like… the third wheel and might b-back away from us."
"Then maybe it should be just you spending some additional time with her for a while."
"B-But you're my boyfriend."
"I'm not going anywhere. You just hang out with Lilly, and maybe you'll get around to convincing her to stay here, even if you don't end up asking her directly."
"Okay."
"Hanako?"
"Yes?"
"If I don't go to sleep soon I'll miss my morning jog tomorrow. And Emi cursing like a sailor is a very ugly sight."
"G-goodnight then, Hisao."
"Goodnight, Hanako."
"And Hisao?"
"Yes?"
She gives me a quick kiss.
"Thank you."
08
After getting into bed, I spend some time staring at the ceiling and trying to digest this evening's events.
Maybe it's still too early to jump to conclusions.
Tap - tap
Lilly said she was still deciding, and I doubt she'd just say that to ease our minds while she's already certain what she's going to do.
Tap - tap - tap
Especially not with Akira sitting nearby.
Tap - tap - tap - tap - tap
It takes another moment before I realize the strange sound is coming from my door. It's as if a dog is scratching it on the other side.
Is that Kenji? It's kinda late for him to try and bug me about something.
Tap - tap - tap
At least he's being more considerate than usual. Usually he bangs on the door with enough force to wake up everyone in the building.
I get out of bed and unlock the door, but before I can prepare a lecture about the importance of someone's daily eight hours of rest, the door flies open and someone zips past me before I can even react.
"Dammit, Kenji, what the fu- Hanako?"
Sure enough, the unexpected visitor who forced herself into my room in such a blunt manner is none other than my girlfriend who's standing in front of me with a nervous expression on her face.
"Ummm… D-did I w-wake you up?"
"The noise you made was hardly enough to qualify as knocking. If I had already been asleep there's no way that would have woken me up."
"I-I didn't want to r-risk waking up anyone else."
Good point. Sneaking across campus and into the guys' dorm at night was already a risky move, especially on her part, but causing a ruckus in the middle of the dorm hallway would be a scandal in its own right. Kenji would probably flip if he found a girl knocking on doors here at night. He's already convinced Hanako's burns are the results of a bra-burning gone horribly wrong. He'd probably take her presence here as a sign that the feminist movement was getting ready for nocturnal deportations or something equally outlandish.
"It's okay."
I'd ask her what she came to do here, but I already have a pretty good idea.
"Do you want to stay here for the night? I'm okay with it if you do."
She gives me a faint smile and nods softly.
"T-thanks. I could use some… comfort."
She sits on my bed and starts removing her shoes and stockings. I swallow a lump in my throat. Does she mean THAT kind of comfort? She's not even asking me to turn around.
"H-Hanako, by 'comfort', do you mean COMFORT?"
She unbuttons her blouse and pulls it off in a single move, revealing her…nightgown? Looks like she was wearing it under her school uniform.
"J-just c-comfort."
Looks like I just dodged a bullet there. I try to recall what I've been reading lately. Whatever it was, I'd better avoid it in the future.
"Of course."
07
After Hanako has finished taking off her blouse and skirt and putting them in a neat pile beside my clothes, I turn off the lights and get back into bed. Moments later, I can feel her lying down next to me and snuggling up to me. For several minutes, we just lie there, holding each other, lazily playing footsie and me softly stroking her hair and scalp; something I've lately learned she really likes. On my first impression I didn't really have Hanako pegged for a very physical person. She already tended to get nervous when people came near her, and I expected being touched would probably cause her to flee the scene in a heartbeat. I started having second thoughts about that impression when she got drunk and really clingy with me during her birthday party. And after I started dating her, I discovered that beneath her skittish nature, Hanako's actually quite the snuggle bunny in private - a somewhat ironic thing seeing that part of her body is numb to sensations.
I continue running my hand through her hair until I can feel her relax and lay her head on my chest so she can listen to my heartbeat; another thing she likes to do. I'm not sure if she wants to talk to me about this or simply wants physical comfort. In a way, it's already a good thing she came here instead of pretending nothing's wrong and bottling up things inside.
"Do you want to talk for a bit?"
"Y-yes."
"How do you feel about Lilly's announcement."
"I f-feel sad. My first thought was 'why now?'
"Huh?"
"L-lately I've started to become more motivated to turn my life around. L-like you have. That i-includes my friendship with Lilly. B-but now I wonder if I'll even get the chance for that."
"Maybe you should tell her that. Your word might just tip the scales. I wouldn't be surprised if you were one of the main reasons she's still not sure what to do."
"M-M-ME? What do you mean?"
I take a moment to put my thoughts in order. I don't think I'm wrong about this, but how do I best explain this to Hanako?
"Akira made her choice with her career in mind, but Lilly doesn't seem to have any ambitions of getting a big-shot corporate job. The last time we spoke about figuring out what to do after Yamaku, you mentioned Lilly wanted to study English, didn't you?"
"Yes. She wants to be an English teacher."
"She can study English in Scotland as well. It doesn't matter what she does concerning her education. Heck, her parents might just hire private tutors, seeing that they seem well-off. And she can find a job as a teacher either here or there. Over there, she could also teach Japanese if she liked."
"Uhuh…"
"So what else could determine her choice? There's relatives, I guess. Lilly said it's been six years since she last met her parents before that last trip. I had the impression this evening that Lilly and Akira are estranged from their family. Did Lilly ever mention them to you?"
"N-no. She talks about Akira all the time, but never brings up her parents. I don't think she talks to them very often. She phones her sister every few days, but I've never seen or heard her talk to her parents either."
"How do you think she feels about them? Akira doesn't like them, that's impossible to miss. But Lilly wasn't that blatant with her opinion."
"I'm really not sure. I think she's neutral about them."
"Neutral? Is that even possible?"
"She seemed uncomfortable by Akira's outbursts about their parents, but didn't defend them in any way."
"She's definitely not neutral towards Akira though. And Akira will be migrating. The only other family she has contact with around here seems to be Shizune and that's hardly positive contact. So if she doesn't dislike her parents and the sister she loves is leaving for a country where Lilly herself will have no problems finishing her education, why exactly IS she still trying to make up her mind? Shouldn't the decision be easy?"
"S-she has many friends here too."
"True, but the two of us seem to be the only ones she regularly invites to her room, and we're the ones she took along to her family's summerhouse in Hokkaido. And while I'm sure Lilly considers me a good friend, I think the title of best friend goes unavoidably to you. If there's one person she could be considering staying here for, it has to be you."
Hanako falls silent for a long while, the gentle rubbing of her feet against mine the only indication she hasn't spontaneously fallen asleep. I don't think she disagrees with the logic behind my argument. It's probably her own unsteady sense of self-worth that's denying the possibility someone else could consider her important enough to decline an emigration opportunity for. Still, after a long deliberation, she silently nods.
"So I think if you don't want her to go, you should consider asking her to stay. Or if that prospect makes you uneasy, perhaps I could…"
"NO!"
Her sudden exclamation startles me a bit which in turn startles her as she quickly corrects herself with an embarrassed 'Ummm… I mean, p-please don't.'
"Why not? I realize it's not a competition and Lilly's not a prize to be won, but her parents don't seem to mind doing their part to help her reach a decision if Akira is to be believed. You don't have to nag her about it, but making your position clear can't hurt in my opinion."
"B-because… ummm… Because…"
She hesitates for a bit, then mumbles something.
"I can't hear you very well."
"B-because that would r-ruin what our f-friendship is about. Or rather… what I'd l-like our friendship to b-be about."
"Could you explain that to me?"
"S-sometimes I wonder if Lilly thinks of me as a true f-friend or simply as someone who needs looking after. Because despite her always being there for m-me, I haven't been able to do anything for her. Even now, while she was struggling with this s-summons, I couldn't help her."
"But you can now. She wasn't planning to tell us, but we found out and now we can be there for her, right? You can be there for her just like you're here for me."
"M-maybe. But I don't want to ask her to stay for my sake. W-what if she would rather live with her f-family and m-me asking her to stay would make her stay here out of a s-sense of duty towards me? W-what kind of friendship would we have then?"
"In the end, the decision remains with her, Hanako. If we're not going to ask her to consider staying here, the only other thing we can do is cross our fingers and support her choice, no matter what it is."
"A-and provide some distraction when she needs it."
"According to Akira, the departure will be soon. Maybe we should postpone our dates for the time being and focus on hanging out with Lilly."
"H-Hisao…?"
"Yeah?"
"If… the two of us… hang out with Lilly all the time… she'll feel like… the third wheel and might b-back away from us."
"Then maybe it should be just you spending some additional time with her for a while."
"B-But you're my boyfriend."
"I'm not going anywhere. You just hang out with Lilly, and maybe you'll get around to convincing her to stay here, even if you don't end up asking her directly."
"Okay."
"Hanako?"
"Yes?"
"If I don't go to sleep soon I'll miss my morning jog tomorrow. And Emi cursing like a sailor is a very ugly sight."
"G-goodnight then, Hisao."
"Goodnight, Hanako."
"And Hisao?"
"Yes?"
She gives me a quick kiss.
"Thank you."
08
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 12:22 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 11
Chapter 11
01
"C-could you let me check the directions one more time?"
"I don't think there's any need to hurry. I'm sure they'll have a table for us even if we don't show up exactly on time."
Lilly must have sensed the hint of frustration in my voice. She has a point of course, but I don't want to risk them giving our reserved table to someone else. I take another look at the small map I printed out and try to pinpoint our current location. My orientation skills aren't particularly bad. In fact, they're probably better than my boyfriend's, but walking through an unfamiliar (and CROWDED) part of the city keeping a keen eye on the surroundings while keeping my head down to avoid people's gazes has proven to be tough. The fact that I'm holding onto Lilly, both for her benefit and my own assurance, and the fact that Lilly tends to attract people's attention due to her height and hair color aren't making things easier.
"I…I think I have our location. We n-need to take the s-street we just passed and it should be to the right somewhere."
"Let's go then."
--------------------------------------
"Welcome to our humble establishment. Do you wish to have a table for two?"
The young man at the door makes a deep bow before noticing Lilly's cane and fidgeting a bit, unsure on how to proceed.
"I arranged the reservation in your name."
I keep my voice barely above a whisper, but Lilly replies with a subtle nod and bows to the man who addressed us.
"Good evening. My name is Lilly Satou. I believe a reservation was made in my name."
"Satou? Ah yes, an e-mail was sent specifically requesting a table in the corner."
"…That's correct. Would that be a problem?"
"Not at all. Please walk this way."
He makes a motion to follow him, then realizes again that Lilly can't see him, and I can see him ponder whether he should take Lilly's arm or not. Lilly seems to pick up on the man's dilemma as she gives him a reassuring smile.
"Please lead the way. My friend will assist me."
"As you wish. Please follow me."
--------------------------------------
02
As we get seated in what is indeed a relatively quiet corner of the restaurant, I let out a relieved sigh. Lilly smiles proudly at me.
"I think the hardest part is over now. Let's have fun for the rest of the evening."
"Y-yes."
We fall silent, and I spend some time getting my bearings back and taking in the room. When I look at Lilly, I can tell she's doing the same, carefully and structurally taking in and categorizing the various sounds around us. After listening to a few songs that are being played, she smiles.
"Ballroom music. How nice. Was this an informed or an educated guess on your part, Hanako?"
"A little bit of both."
It's true. We found out some time ago that Akira's a stickler for jazz music, but I always believed Lilly's musical taste, like nearly everything else about her, was slightly more traditional. Of course, I ended up sending a text message to Akira to make sure, but she merely confirmed my hunch was correct.
"Hanako, can you describe our surroundings to me, please?"
"Hmmm, okay."
I take a careful look around.
"The room itself is rather large and tall…"
"…there's a spacious dance floor near the center of the room…
"…the tables for the patrons are in a semi-circle around it…"
"…on the other side is the ensemble playing the music…"
"…the furniture and decorations are a bit old-fashioned, but practical…"
"…lighting is modest. There is some lighting equipment on the ceiling pointing at the dance floor, but it's not being used for this type of music. According to their website, they play different kinds of music on different days…"
I pause for a moment, wondering how detailed Lilly wants me to be. She seems to be satisfied with my description so far.
"Thank you, Hanako."
I take a look at the menu. It's far too extensive to read entirely.
"Would you like me to read the categories on the menu, Lilly? Or should I make a few recommendations myself?"
"Could you tell me what salads they have to offer, Hanako?"
"Ummm, let's see…"
I can't say this place has the cheapest food in the world on offer. It's a good thing Lilly offered to pay for a large share of the costs or my funds would have been completely drained by now.
"Lilly?"
"Yes, Hanako."
"Thanks for footing such a large part of the bill. I… appreciate it."
"Thank you, Hanako, for having spent such a large amount of time with me lately. I've really been enjoying these outings. I… really hope this hasn't come at the cost of your relationship."
"Don't worry, it hasn't. I still spend time with Hisao whenever I can and ummm…"
I hesitate to continue, not wanting to make things too awkward. Lilly, however, completes my sentence with more than a hint of amusement in her voice.
"…you two stay over at the other's place regularly, don't you?"
I giggle shyly.
"Y-yes, but p-please don't tell that to anyone."
"Don't worry about that."
Our food is brought in, and Lilly starts eating in that carefully measured manner of hers, using her chopsticks to feel and probe each piece of food before picking it up and putting it in her mouth.
"It's funny. I never imagined you to outpace me in the boys department. Perhaps someday it'll be me approaching you for relationship advice."
I can't help but chuckle at that before rolling my eyes in a self-deprecating way.
"I-I don't think you'll want to go about things the way I did. It's a miracle everything worked out the way it did."
"A miracle or perhaps merely fate."
"It'd be nice to think so."
Taking a sip of tea, my mind realizes the implication she made before.
"Lilly, you said I outpaced you. Does that mean you've never had a boyfriend before?"
"Does that surprise you?"
It does indeed. Lilly's one of the most popular girls in school, and it's a miracle nobody ever set up a fan club at Yamaku dedicated to her.
"You've never received any confessions?"
"I did. And not all of them from boys. Puberty can be a funny thing, particularly at an all-girls school."
HOLY CRAP!
"And you turned them all down?"
"I suppose I am… very particular… about the people I get close to."
I guess she is. I remember Hisao pointed out that he and I are the only people she spends her evenings with. I suppose a lot of the people she's on good terms with share a more superficial bond with her.
"But you did let me get close… and Hisao, who's a boy."
"I did."
"Lilly… Did you… like… Hisao?"
"That question brings back memories."
It does. A few days after the festival, I asked Lilly what she thought of Hisao. But she ended up reversing the question, and I ended up admitting I had a crush on him. That was something out of the ordinary for me… I'm not someone who quickly takes a liking to other people, and yet I developed feelings for a person whom I had known for only a little more than a week. I've never been able to completely explain it. He was kind to me, of course, but there was something else that probably played a larger role. Even before I came to know that he faced a few circumstances similar to my own and that we shared several hobbies, there was something about him that felt familiar… comfortable. Like a kindred spirit.
"Y-you never really answered back then."
"You are asking me if I've ever considered Hisao potential boyfriend material?"
"Y-yes. You… said you are particular about who you let close. If I hadn't admitted I liked Hisao, would you have… approached him at some point?"
"I will admit he is the type I could see myself falling for, so to speak. Maybe if circumstances had been different…"
"You mean, if it hadn't been for me…"
Lilly makes a gesture to indicate she wants to say something, and her expression becomes a bit more stern than usual.
"Hanako, I feel it's important to make a few things clear before you draw your own conclusions. I merely said I could have fallen for Hisao under the right circumstances. But those circumstances haven't taken place. I am not in love with your boyfriend, nor has that ever been the case. The two of us have never been rivals in love."
"I don't really understand."
Lilly lets out a chuckle.
"As you can probably imagine, I am not one to fall in love with someone at first sight. In order for me to fall in love with someone, I have to come to know and like him over time, he must show an interest in me, and I must be open to the possibility of a relationship myself."
"And that wasn't the case?"
"I've come to know and like him, but it quickly became clear to me he was more interested in you than in me, so I did not allow myself to be open to the possibility. Thus, I did not fall in love with him."
That sounds so rational. I still feel Lilly dismissed the opportunity prematurely because she wanted me to have a chance at love. And she didn't stop there.
"L-Lilly… I… I feel my relationship with Hisao would… never have happened without your efforts. And I never really thanked you for that."
"That isn't true, Hanako. The two of you fell in love on your own accord and started a relationship through your own choices and efforts."
"But he never even would have spent enough time near me to start liking me if it hadn't been for you. You're the one who was so nice to him and had him join our lunch breaks, and you're the one who started inviting him to our tea parties in the evening, and you got him involved in shopping for my presents and took us along for that night on the town, and he told me you were also the one who convinced him to keep having faith in me after I locked myself up in my room, and…"
I suddenly realize I've started to ramble, so I cut myself off and take a deep breath.
"Lilly, is there… anything I can do for you in return? Anything at all?"
Lilly smiles at my offer, but shakes her head.
"It's okay, Hanako. I don't need anything. If my actions led to something good, that in itself is enough of a reward. Besides, getting a relationship started is one thing, but maintaining it is another, and so far, I can tell you've been doing a very good job. I've heard Hisao has been looking into brochures for different universities. The last time I asked him what he wanted to do after Yamaku, he said he didn't know. Now he seems to have a clear idea on what to do after graduation. I think your support played a large role in that."
"I… did encourage him as much as I could. But I think Mutou deserves a lot of credit too."
"Is Hisao still enjoying those one-on-one discussion sessions with Mutou?"
"I believe so, though they're not one-on-one anymore since last week."
"More people joined?"
"Yes, Hisao convinced his hall-mate to give the science club a try. He's the person from your class who worked with us on the main banner for the festival."
"Kenji Setou? Fascinating. His science marks aren't bad, but I never knew he had a special interest in the subject. Then again, I don't really know him very well. He rarely speaks in class."
"I don't know him well either, but apparently he's rather talkative in private. He's kind of a friend to Hisao, I think, but Hisao usually asks me to wait outside earshot range when Kenji comes up to talk, so I don't know what they talk about together. 'Guy talk' is what Hisao calls it."
"I wonder how Hisao managed to convince him."
"Ummm… I… might know. While Hisao was talking to Kenji, I tried listening in a bit. I couldn't hear very well, but suddenly Kenji raised his voice and said something like 'Alright! If it's really an all-guys club, I'd be crazy not to join.' Or something similar."
That news made Lilly grin.
"Hmmm… I had no idea Kenji was into men. You learn something new and interesting every day."
"When I asked Hisao about it, he got really awkward and just asked me to forget I ever heard that."
"Hisao's not uncomfortable with homosexuality, is he? I always thought he was too easy-going to be offended by that."
"I don't think so. Maybe it's just Kenji. He likes to get really close to people when speaking to them, and *giggle* they do have to share a bathroom and shower."
"Do you think Hisao knows about his neighbor in class?"
"Misha? I don't think he does, even though he's pretty good friends with her. He wasn't around when she changed her haircut. He probably thinks she's always had her hair like that. I didn't tell him about it."
"After all this time I still wonder at times what that girl sees in Shizune."
Lilly's reaction feels a bit awkward. For all her lady-like behavior, the subject of Shizune still never fails to get her uncharacteristically worked up.
"T-the two of you haven't always been at odds, have you?"
Lilly shakes her head and smiles a sad smile.
"We haven't. We used to get along in the past, and when Mother and Father left Japan, we even got closer to each other."
"Really?"
"My father and Shizune's father dislike each other, so while my parents were still living in Japan we rarely met with the Hakamichis. But Akira has a great fondness for Shizune's little brother, so after we started living on our own, we'd drop by at their house whenever we had the opportunity to. I'd like to think Shizune and I got along with each other pretty well despite our inability to communicate with one another without Shizune using written notes and Akira acting as a medium or writing letters into each other's hand using our fingers. But when Shizune became student council president and I had to deal with her, things changed very quickly. "
"P-power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely?"
Lilly laughs heartily for a moment at the silly use of a term like 'absolute power' in combination with the student council presidency, before taking a sip of her drink and continuing.
"I do not think so in this case. I don't think Shizune has ever really changed at all. She's still the exact same person she was half a decade ago. Maybe it is I who have changed."
"You?"
"Shizune has always been ambitious and full of ideas. When we spent time together in the past, she'd often go over her plans for the future in detail, and we enjoyed chattering about them."
"Such as…?"
"Organizing a charity festival, setting up our own orphanage, setting up a school for the disabled similar to Yamaku… taking over the world one city council at a time."
"Pffff...w-what?"
That last part was so absurd I nearly choke on my drink. Judging from Lilly's sheepish smile, she's fully aware of this.
"I am aware that last part was a bit childish. We got a little carried away every now and again. We were only fourteen at the time."
"And when she became student council president, she still had all her ambitions?"
"Yes, but not the means to fulfill them. To most of its members, the student council was like a school club to put a few daily hours in after class and then devote the rest of their time to homework and relaxation. Not every member had Shizune's good grades that allowed her to get by with only a minimum of studying, nor did every member want to spend all their time in the council room until sundown, relying on take-out food each day because the cafeteria and shops closed already. Shizune would consistently dismiss these concerns and charge ahead with her plans without taking others into account. It's been like this since she took over as president, and it will most likely remain that way until she graduates."
"And you took it upon yourself to point out those reservations to her on other people's behalf?"
"Yes, at first I did it because I was the person who knew her best. Eventually, it became somewhat of an unspoken agreement that I'd usually be the one to deal with Shizune if conflicts arose in any way, which often happened seeing that Shizune likes to regard conflicts as challenges to win rather than as situations to resolve through compromise. But at least others could remain on semi-amicable terms with her this way while my relationship with her was already in a broken state anyway. It has remained this way even after I left the student council and limited my activities to class representative duties."
"And she didn't take your objections to her policies very well?"
"Before we enrolled at Yamaku, I used to cheer her on all the time and encourage her to follow her dreams. These days she regards my attempts to convince her to slow down and look before leaping as hypocritical."
Lilly's story has made me think. I don't have exactly great chemistry with Shizune and Misha; Shizune's brashness and Misha's loudness are traits that tend to put me off. But I don't dislike them either. Hisao is on very good terms with both of them, a good thing since he often has to do assignments with them, even if he admits Shizune is sometimes a pain to deal with. Still, even though Hisao tends to butt heads with Shizune on a very regular basis, neither seems to walk away from those conflicts with hard feelings towards the other. It's a pity the same can't true for Lilly and Shizune. Someone who dreams about setting up orphanages can't be a bad person in my book.
"It's… ummm… a s-shame things have gotten so p-personal between you two. Y-you might still get along with each other as long as you weren't f-forced to work on something together."
"It's nice to believe so, but I don't think a lot is bound to change anytime soon. It's a whole lot more likely that the science club will soon overshadow the student council in terms of membership."
Funny she says that, because if my "secret project" succeeds that could be the case soon.
"Ummm… Lilly, can you… k-keep a secret?"
"Of course, Hanako."
"What you said about the science club membership… might happen. At least, I hope it does. For Hisao."
"Does Hisao have recruitment plans then?"
"N-no. But I'm p-planning something that might get him a few new members."
"Really? What are you planning?"
"Ummm… I… approached Mutou last w-week and conducted an interview with h-him. Using the information he gave me, I've written a short article about the club that'll appear in the next issue of the school newspaper. With l-luck, students with interest in the subject will take notice. B-but it's supposed to be a surprise, so you can't tell Hisao about it."
Lilly is silent for a moment before breaking out into a huge smile. I see something on her face that I haven't seen there before. A look of admiration.
"Hanako… What a clever initiative. I never would have thought of that myself. Hisao will love this."
"T-thanks. I really hope so."
"What did the newspaper club say about your idea?"
"Naomi liked the idea. However she said that only club members are allowed to submit articles. So, I officially joined three days ago. Though…Hisao doesn't know that either."
"Congratulations, Hanako. You're turning into quite a reporter."
"D-do you… really… think so, Lilly?"
"I do."
"B-because, I've been thinking. Mutou said… he was pleased to see I was developing m-my interests and s-suggested to think about… doing something with it after graduation and talking to the teacher in charge of the newspaper club about it."
"And will you?"
"M-maybe. I still want to think it through a little more. I mean… I'd never stand in front of a c-camera, but things like writing articles and columns or doing research and fact checking or editing… I think I'd enjoy doing all of those."
"It sounds like you've given it quite some thought already. I think you can take your time and come to a decision with plenty of time to spare. Graduation is still many months away."
"I… I plan to think things over during summer break. Hopefully, by the end, I will have made up my mind. If I decide against it, m-maybe something like technical writer or copywriter would be a good alternative"
"That seems like a very good idea. Do you have any plans for summer break?"
I repress the temptation to tell her that depends on her decision. The truth is I have some plans, but none of them really viable right now.
"N-not really. I've thought about travelling a bit… seeing things. Naomi's mentioned that's what she's going to do during the summer, and I liked the idea as well. But I don't think I can spare the money right now. I want to keep some money aside so Hisao and I can keep going on dates."
I sigh wearily.
"A relationship is a really wonderful thing to have, b-but it's not always cheap."
Lilly merely reacts with a nod and a smile; a sign that I'm not going to get a lot of sympathy from her for no longer being single.
"Hanako?"
"Hmmm?"
"Approaching Mutou for that interview… Was that hard for you to do?"
It was actually. Even though I'm familiar with Mutou and think highly of him as a homeroom teacher, the thought of approaching him for a favor still caused me to have at least one sleepless night. Yet strangely enough, it was also easy in a way.
"It was… really hard, yet also really easy. I just kept reminding myself that I was doing this for Hisao. And it helped. It really helped."
"What if it had concerned a favor for yourself?"
"I wouldn't have been able to do it."
A quick and definite answer, but I know myself well enough to sense that it's true.
"T-they say it's easier to be selfish than to be selfless. If it was for Hisao's sake I… I… I feel like I'd be able to do anything, but..."
That was the worst ad lib ever. Lilly's reaction isn't the amused smile I was expecting though. Instead, she just looks lost in thought. Lost in thought and just a little bit sad.
"…but not for yourself."
"N-no. I guess nobody's perfect."
"I know exactly what you mean."
--------------------------------------
Our dinner and conversation finished, we hang back and relax, Lilly listening to the music and me watching the patrons on the dance floor. It's gotten a bit crowded there, and I giggle as two couples making a flashy turn at the same time accidentally bump into each other.
"Did something amusing happen?"
"Just… four people having an awkward collision on the dance floor."
Lilly chuckles.
"That brings back memories."
I think I just learned another thing about Lilly. Although I'm hardly surprised to learn Lilly has participated in style dancing before, given the fact she likes the kind of music that's used for the activity. It fits in neatly with the image I already had of her. She's probably pretty good at it too, seeing that even her normal manner of moving already has a certain amount of grace.
"You know how to dance?"
"I do. I had dance courses in middle school."
"Was it hard to learn? I mean, harder for you than… for the rest?"
"I don't think it was. One doesn't need eyesight in order to memorize what body parts to move at what moments. Of course, at least one partner being able to see certainly makes things easier."
"I… think I would have liked to see it. You're probably a very graceful dancer."
Lilly playfully twirls one of her blonde locks around her finger and smiles at me.
"Am I correct when I assume you're asking me for a demonstration, Hanako?"
"T-that's probably… a bit difficult right now. But I would have liked to see you dance."
"Are you serious?"
"O-of course."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Very well then. I hear they're playing a slow waltz right now. That's fortunate, for that's a rather easy one to perform."
"Ummm… but, don't you need a partner to…"
Before I can finish my sentence, Lilly gets up and extends her hand to me with a playful expression on her face.
"May I have this dance, Miss Ikezawa?"
WAIT A MINUTE!
I curse myself for not seeing this one coming after such a shamelessly obvious lead-in.
"W-w-wait Lilly, w-w-we're two g-girls, aren't w-we?"
"That's not a problem for me. I know the steps for both the male and the female partner."
She chuckles shortly.
"My middle school was girls-only, so I've had nothing but female dance partners. I'm used to it."
"T-this isn't m-middle school. W-we'll attract a-a-attention."
"Just as one person teaching the other a few dance steps. Most people will have to focus on their partner to avoid tripping."
"B-but… but…"
"You asked for a demonstration, and I think the best way to go about it is to show you up close and teach you a few steps myself. We could go over to the dance floor and see if there are any open spots away from the seated patrons."
I sigh.
"J-just a look then."
I get up, take Lilly's arm and slowly lead her to the area bordering the dance floor. As we circle the area in search of a bit of space, I try to wrap my head around this uncharacteristically forward move. It isn't like Lilly at all to try and push against my boundaries like this. For as long as I've known her, she's been protective, sometimes even over-protective, of me. But tonight, more than ever before, I feel like we've been interacting as equals. We both spoke candidly about ourselves; Lilly of her past and I of my future. This kind of interaction between us wouldn't have been possible two months ago. This kind of outing wouldn't have been possible two months ago. Is Lilly trying to find out how far I will go in defying my own anxieties? Is she… testing me?
"Do you want to give it a try?"
01
"C-could you let me check the directions one more time?"
"I don't think there's any need to hurry. I'm sure they'll have a table for us even if we don't show up exactly on time."
Lilly must have sensed the hint of frustration in my voice. She has a point of course, but I don't want to risk them giving our reserved table to someone else. I take another look at the small map I printed out and try to pinpoint our current location. My orientation skills aren't particularly bad. In fact, they're probably better than my boyfriend's, but walking through an unfamiliar (and CROWDED) part of the city keeping a keen eye on the surroundings while keeping my head down to avoid people's gazes has proven to be tough. The fact that I'm holding onto Lilly, both for her benefit and my own assurance, and the fact that Lilly tends to attract people's attention due to her height and hair color aren't making things easier.
"I…I think I have our location. We n-need to take the s-street we just passed and it should be to the right somewhere."
"Let's go then."
--------------------------------------
"Welcome to our humble establishment. Do you wish to have a table for two?"
The young man at the door makes a deep bow before noticing Lilly's cane and fidgeting a bit, unsure on how to proceed.
"I arranged the reservation in your name."
I keep my voice barely above a whisper, but Lilly replies with a subtle nod and bows to the man who addressed us.
"Good evening. My name is Lilly Satou. I believe a reservation was made in my name."
"Satou? Ah yes, an e-mail was sent specifically requesting a table in the corner."
"…That's correct. Would that be a problem?"
"Not at all. Please walk this way."
He makes a motion to follow him, then realizes again that Lilly can't see him, and I can see him ponder whether he should take Lilly's arm or not. Lilly seems to pick up on the man's dilemma as she gives him a reassuring smile.
"Please lead the way. My friend will assist me."
"As you wish. Please follow me."
--------------------------------------
02
As we get seated in what is indeed a relatively quiet corner of the restaurant, I let out a relieved sigh. Lilly smiles proudly at me.
"I think the hardest part is over now. Let's have fun for the rest of the evening."
"Y-yes."
We fall silent, and I spend some time getting my bearings back and taking in the room. When I look at Lilly, I can tell she's doing the same, carefully and structurally taking in and categorizing the various sounds around us. After listening to a few songs that are being played, she smiles.
"Ballroom music. How nice. Was this an informed or an educated guess on your part, Hanako?"
"A little bit of both."
It's true. We found out some time ago that Akira's a stickler for jazz music, but I always believed Lilly's musical taste, like nearly everything else about her, was slightly more traditional. Of course, I ended up sending a text message to Akira to make sure, but she merely confirmed my hunch was correct.
"Hanako, can you describe our surroundings to me, please?"
"Hmmm, okay."
I take a careful look around.
"The room itself is rather large and tall…"
"…there's a spacious dance floor near the center of the room…
"…the tables for the patrons are in a semi-circle around it…"
"…on the other side is the ensemble playing the music…"
"…the furniture and decorations are a bit old-fashioned, but practical…"
"…lighting is modest. There is some lighting equipment on the ceiling pointing at the dance floor, but it's not being used for this type of music. According to their website, they play different kinds of music on different days…"
I pause for a moment, wondering how detailed Lilly wants me to be. She seems to be satisfied with my description so far.
"Thank you, Hanako."
I take a look at the menu. It's far too extensive to read entirely.
"Would you like me to read the categories on the menu, Lilly? Or should I make a few recommendations myself?"
"Could you tell me what salads they have to offer, Hanako?"
"Ummm, let's see…"
I can't say this place has the cheapest food in the world on offer. It's a good thing Lilly offered to pay for a large share of the costs or my funds would have been completely drained by now.
"Lilly?"
"Yes, Hanako."
"Thanks for footing such a large part of the bill. I… appreciate it."
"Thank you, Hanako, for having spent such a large amount of time with me lately. I've really been enjoying these outings. I… really hope this hasn't come at the cost of your relationship."
"Don't worry, it hasn't. I still spend time with Hisao whenever I can and ummm…"
I hesitate to continue, not wanting to make things too awkward. Lilly, however, completes my sentence with more than a hint of amusement in her voice.
"…you two stay over at the other's place regularly, don't you?"
I giggle shyly.
"Y-yes, but p-please don't tell that to anyone."
"Don't worry about that."
Our food is brought in, and Lilly starts eating in that carefully measured manner of hers, using her chopsticks to feel and probe each piece of food before picking it up and putting it in her mouth.
"It's funny. I never imagined you to outpace me in the boys department. Perhaps someday it'll be me approaching you for relationship advice."
I can't help but chuckle at that before rolling my eyes in a self-deprecating way.
"I-I don't think you'll want to go about things the way I did. It's a miracle everything worked out the way it did."
"A miracle or perhaps merely fate."
"It'd be nice to think so."
Taking a sip of tea, my mind realizes the implication she made before.
"Lilly, you said I outpaced you. Does that mean you've never had a boyfriend before?"
"Does that surprise you?"
It does indeed. Lilly's one of the most popular girls in school, and it's a miracle nobody ever set up a fan club at Yamaku dedicated to her.
"You've never received any confessions?"
"I did. And not all of them from boys. Puberty can be a funny thing, particularly at an all-girls school."
HOLY CRAP!
"And you turned them all down?"
"I suppose I am… very particular… about the people I get close to."
I guess she is. I remember Hisao pointed out that he and I are the only people she spends her evenings with. I suppose a lot of the people she's on good terms with share a more superficial bond with her.
"But you did let me get close… and Hisao, who's a boy."
"I did."
"Lilly… Did you… like… Hisao?"
"That question brings back memories."
It does. A few days after the festival, I asked Lilly what she thought of Hisao. But she ended up reversing the question, and I ended up admitting I had a crush on him. That was something out of the ordinary for me… I'm not someone who quickly takes a liking to other people, and yet I developed feelings for a person whom I had known for only a little more than a week. I've never been able to completely explain it. He was kind to me, of course, but there was something else that probably played a larger role. Even before I came to know that he faced a few circumstances similar to my own and that we shared several hobbies, there was something about him that felt familiar… comfortable. Like a kindred spirit.
"Y-you never really answered back then."
"You are asking me if I've ever considered Hisao potential boyfriend material?"
"Y-yes. You… said you are particular about who you let close. If I hadn't admitted I liked Hisao, would you have… approached him at some point?"
"I will admit he is the type I could see myself falling for, so to speak. Maybe if circumstances had been different…"
"You mean, if it hadn't been for me…"
Lilly makes a gesture to indicate she wants to say something, and her expression becomes a bit more stern than usual.
"Hanako, I feel it's important to make a few things clear before you draw your own conclusions. I merely said I could have fallen for Hisao under the right circumstances. But those circumstances haven't taken place. I am not in love with your boyfriend, nor has that ever been the case. The two of us have never been rivals in love."
"I don't really understand."
Lilly lets out a chuckle.
"As you can probably imagine, I am not one to fall in love with someone at first sight. In order for me to fall in love with someone, I have to come to know and like him over time, he must show an interest in me, and I must be open to the possibility of a relationship myself."
"And that wasn't the case?"
"I've come to know and like him, but it quickly became clear to me he was more interested in you than in me, so I did not allow myself to be open to the possibility. Thus, I did not fall in love with him."
That sounds so rational. I still feel Lilly dismissed the opportunity prematurely because she wanted me to have a chance at love. And she didn't stop there.
"L-Lilly… I… I feel my relationship with Hisao would… never have happened without your efforts. And I never really thanked you for that."
"That isn't true, Hanako. The two of you fell in love on your own accord and started a relationship through your own choices and efforts."
"But he never even would have spent enough time near me to start liking me if it hadn't been for you. You're the one who was so nice to him and had him join our lunch breaks, and you're the one who started inviting him to our tea parties in the evening, and you got him involved in shopping for my presents and took us along for that night on the town, and he told me you were also the one who convinced him to keep having faith in me after I locked myself up in my room, and…"
I suddenly realize I've started to ramble, so I cut myself off and take a deep breath.
"Lilly, is there… anything I can do for you in return? Anything at all?"
Lilly smiles at my offer, but shakes her head.
"It's okay, Hanako. I don't need anything. If my actions led to something good, that in itself is enough of a reward. Besides, getting a relationship started is one thing, but maintaining it is another, and so far, I can tell you've been doing a very good job. I've heard Hisao has been looking into brochures for different universities. The last time I asked him what he wanted to do after Yamaku, he said he didn't know. Now he seems to have a clear idea on what to do after graduation. I think your support played a large role in that."
"I… did encourage him as much as I could. But I think Mutou deserves a lot of credit too."
"Is Hisao still enjoying those one-on-one discussion sessions with Mutou?"
"I believe so, though they're not one-on-one anymore since last week."
"More people joined?"
"Yes, Hisao convinced his hall-mate to give the science club a try. He's the person from your class who worked with us on the main banner for the festival."
"Kenji Setou? Fascinating. His science marks aren't bad, but I never knew he had a special interest in the subject. Then again, I don't really know him very well. He rarely speaks in class."
"I don't know him well either, but apparently he's rather talkative in private. He's kind of a friend to Hisao, I think, but Hisao usually asks me to wait outside earshot range when Kenji comes up to talk, so I don't know what they talk about together. 'Guy talk' is what Hisao calls it."
"I wonder how Hisao managed to convince him."
"Ummm… I… might know. While Hisao was talking to Kenji, I tried listening in a bit. I couldn't hear very well, but suddenly Kenji raised his voice and said something like 'Alright! If it's really an all-guys club, I'd be crazy not to join.' Or something similar."
That news made Lilly grin.
"Hmmm… I had no idea Kenji was into men. You learn something new and interesting every day."
"When I asked Hisao about it, he got really awkward and just asked me to forget I ever heard that."
"Hisao's not uncomfortable with homosexuality, is he? I always thought he was too easy-going to be offended by that."
"I don't think so. Maybe it's just Kenji. He likes to get really close to people when speaking to them, and *giggle* they do have to share a bathroom and shower."
"Do you think Hisao knows about his neighbor in class?"
"Misha? I don't think he does, even though he's pretty good friends with her. He wasn't around when she changed her haircut. He probably thinks she's always had her hair like that. I didn't tell him about it."
"After all this time I still wonder at times what that girl sees in Shizune."
Lilly's reaction feels a bit awkward. For all her lady-like behavior, the subject of Shizune still never fails to get her uncharacteristically worked up.
"T-the two of you haven't always been at odds, have you?"
Lilly shakes her head and smiles a sad smile.
"We haven't. We used to get along in the past, and when Mother and Father left Japan, we even got closer to each other."
"Really?"
"My father and Shizune's father dislike each other, so while my parents were still living in Japan we rarely met with the Hakamichis. But Akira has a great fondness for Shizune's little brother, so after we started living on our own, we'd drop by at their house whenever we had the opportunity to. I'd like to think Shizune and I got along with each other pretty well despite our inability to communicate with one another without Shizune using written notes and Akira acting as a medium or writing letters into each other's hand using our fingers. But when Shizune became student council president and I had to deal with her, things changed very quickly. "
"P-power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely?"
Lilly laughs heartily for a moment at the silly use of a term like 'absolute power' in combination with the student council presidency, before taking a sip of her drink and continuing.
"I do not think so in this case. I don't think Shizune has ever really changed at all. She's still the exact same person she was half a decade ago. Maybe it is I who have changed."
"You?"
"Shizune has always been ambitious and full of ideas. When we spent time together in the past, she'd often go over her plans for the future in detail, and we enjoyed chattering about them."
"Such as…?"
"Organizing a charity festival, setting up our own orphanage, setting up a school for the disabled similar to Yamaku… taking over the world one city council at a time."
"Pffff...w-what?"
That last part was so absurd I nearly choke on my drink. Judging from Lilly's sheepish smile, she's fully aware of this.
"I am aware that last part was a bit childish. We got a little carried away every now and again. We were only fourteen at the time."
"And when she became student council president, she still had all her ambitions?"
"Yes, but not the means to fulfill them. To most of its members, the student council was like a school club to put a few daily hours in after class and then devote the rest of their time to homework and relaxation. Not every member had Shizune's good grades that allowed her to get by with only a minimum of studying, nor did every member want to spend all their time in the council room until sundown, relying on take-out food each day because the cafeteria and shops closed already. Shizune would consistently dismiss these concerns and charge ahead with her plans without taking others into account. It's been like this since she took over as president, and it will most likely remain that way until she graduates."
"And you took it upon yourself to point out those reservations to her on other people's behalf?"
"Yes, at first I did it because I was the person who knew her best. Eventually, it became somewhat of an unspoken agreement that I'd usually be the one to deal with Shizune if conflicts arose in any way, which often happened seeing that Shizune likes to regard conflicts as challenges to win rather than as situations to resolve through compromise. But at least others could remain on semi-amicable terms with her this way while my relationship with her was already in a broken state anyway. It has remained this way even after I left the student council and limited my activities to class representative duties."
"And she didn't take your objections to her policies very well?"
"Before we enrolled at Yamaku, I used to cheer her on all the time and encourage her to follow her dreams. These days she regards my attempts to convince her to slow down and look before leaping as hypocritical."
Lilly's story has made me think. I don't have exactly great chemistry with Shizune and Misha; Shizune's brashness and Misha's loudness are traits that tend to put me off. But I don't dislike them either. Hisao is on very good terms with both of them, a good thing since he often has to do assignments with them, even if he admits Shizune is sometimes a pain to deal with. Still, even though Hisao tends to butt heads with Shizune on a very regular basis, neither seems to walk away from those conflicts with hard feelings towards the other. It's a pity the same can't true for Lilly and Shizune. Someone who dreams about setting up orphanages can't be a bad person in my book.
"It's… ummm… a s-shame things have gotten so p-personal between you two. Y-you might still get along with each other as long as you weren't f-forced to work on something together."
"It's nice to believe so, but I don't think a lot is bound to change anytime soon. It's a whole lot more likely that the science club will soon overshadow the student council in terms of membership."
Funny she says that, because if my "secret project" succeeds that could be the case soon.
"Ummm… Lilly, can you… k-keep a secret?"
"Of course, Hanako."
"What you said about the science club membership… might happen. At least, I hope it does. For Hisao."
"Does Hisao have recruitment plans then?"
"N-no. But I'm p-planning something that might get him a few new members."
"Really? What are you planning?"
"Ummm… I… approached Mutou last w-week and conducted an interview with h-him. Using the information he gave me, I've written a short article about the club that'll appear in the next issue of the school newspaper. With l-luck, students with interest in the subject will take notice. B-but it's supposed to be a surprise, so you can't tell Hisao about it."
Lilly is silent for a moment before breaking out into a huge smile. I see something on her face that I haven't seen there before. A look of admiration.
"Hanako… What a clever initiative. I never would have thought of that myself. Hisao will love this."
"T-thanks. I really hope so."
"What did the newspaper club say about your idea?"
"Naomi liked the idea. However she said that only club members are allowed to submit articles. So, I officially joined three days ago. Though…Hisao doesn't know that either."
"Congratulations, Hanako. You're turning into quite a reporter."
"D-do you… really… think so, Lilly?"
"I do."
"B-because, I've been thinking. Mutou said… he was pleased to see I was developing m-my interests and s-suggested to think about… doing something with it after graduation and talking to the teacher in charge of the newspaper club about it."
"And will you?"
"M-maybe. I still want to think it through a little more. I mean… I'd never stand in front of a c-camera, but things like writing articles and columns or doing research and fact checking or editing… I think I'd enjoy doing all of those."
"It sounds like you've given it quite some thought already. I think you can take your time and come to a decision with plenty of time to spare. Graduation is still many months away."
"I… I plan to think things over during summer break. Hopefully, by the end, I will have made up my mind. If I decide against it, m-maybe something like technical writer or copywriter would be a good alternative"
"That seems like a very good idea. Do you have any plans for summer break?"
I repress the temptation to tell her that depends on her decision. The truth is I have some plans, but none of them really viable right now.
"N-not really. I've thought about travelling a bit… seeing things. Naomi's mentioned that's what she's going to do during the summer, and I liked the idea as well. But I don't think I can spare the money right now. I want to keep some money aside so Hisao and I can keep going on dates."
I sigh wearily.
"A relationship is a really wonderful thing to have, b-but it's not always cheap."
Lilly merely reacts with a nod and a smile; a sign that I'm not going to get a lot of sympathy from her for no longer being single.
"Hanako?"
"Hmmm?"
"Approaching Mutou for that interview… Was that hard for you to do?"
It was actually. Even though I'm familiar with Mutou and think highly of him as a homeroom teacher, the thought of approaching him for a favor still caused me to have at least one sleepless night. Yet strangely enough, it was also easy in a way.
"It was… really hard, yet also really easy. I just kept reminding myself that I was doing this for Hisao. And it helped. It really helped."
"What if it had concerned a favor for yourself?"
"I wouldn't have been able to do it."
A quick and definite answer, but I know myself well enough to sense that it's true.
"T-they say it's easier to be selfish than to be selfless. If it was for Hisao's sake I… I… I feel like I'd be able to do anything, but..."
That was the worst ad lib ever. Lilly's reaction isn't the amused smile I was expecting though. Instead, she just looks lost in thought. Lost in thought and just a little bit sad.
"…but not for yourself."
"N-no. I guess nobody's perfect."
"I know exactly what you mean."
--------------------------------------
Our dinner and conversation finished, we hang back and relax, Lilly listening to the music and me watching the patrons on the dance floor. It's gotten a bit crowded there, and I giggle as two couples making a flashy turn at the same time accidentally bump into each other.
"Did something amusing happen?"
"Just… four people having an awkward collision on the dance floor."
Lilly chuckles.
"That brings back memories."
I think I just learned another thing about Lilly. Although I'm hardly surprised to learn Lilly has participated in style dancing before, given the fact she likes the kind of music that's used for the activity. It fits in neatly with the image I already had of her. She's probably pretty good at it too, seeing that even her normal manner of moving already has a certain amount of grace.
"You know how to dance?"
"I do. I had dance courses in middle school."
"Was it hard to learn? I mean, harder for you than… for the rest?"
"I don't think it was. One doesn't need eyesight in order to memorize what body parts to move at what moments. Of course, at least one partner being able to see certainly makes things easier."
"I… think I would have liked to see it. You're probably a very graceful dancer."
Lilly playfully twirls one of her blonde locks around her finger and smiles at me.
"Am I correct when I assume you're asking me for a demonstration, Hanako?"
"T-that's probably… a bit difficult right now. But I would have liked to see you dance."
"Are you serious?"
"O-of course."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Very well then. I hear they're playing a slow waltz right now. That's fortunate, for that's a rather easy one to perform."
"Ummm… but, don't you need a partner to…"
Before I can finish my sentence, Lilly gets up and extends her hand to me with a playful expression on her face.
"May I have this dance, Miss Ikezawa?"
WAIT A MINUTE!
I curse myself for not seeing this one coming after such a shamelessly obvious lead-in.
"W-w-wait Lilly, w-w-we're two g-girls, aren't w-we?"
"That's not a problem for me. I know the steps for both the male and the female partner."
She chuckles shortly.
"My middle school was girls-only, so I've had nothing but female dance partners. I'm used to it."
"T-this isn't m-middle school. W-we'll attract a-a-attention."
"Just as one person teaching the other a few dance steps. Most people will have to focus on their partner to avoid tripping."
"B-but… but…"
"You asked for a demonstration, and I think the best way to go about it is to show you up close and teach you a few steps myself. We could go over to the dance floor and see if there are any open spots away from the seated patrons."
I sigh.
"J-just a look then."
I get up, take Lilly's arm and slowly lead her to the area bordering the dance floor. As we circle the area in search of a bit of space, I try to wrap my head around this uncharacteristically forward move. It isn't like Lilly at all to try and push against my boundaries like this. For as long as I've known her, she's been protective, sometimes even over-protective, of me. But tonight, more than ever before, I feel like we've been interacting as equals. We both spoke candidly about ourselves; Lilly of her past and I of my future. This kind of interaction between us wouldn't have been possible two months ago. This kind of outing wouldn't have been possible two months ago. Is Lilly trying to find out how far I will go in defying my own anxieties? Is she… testing me?
"Do you want to give it a try?"
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:10 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Guest Poster
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Chapter 11 - cont.
We reach a corner of the dance floor near the ensemble and away from the tables that isn't particularly crowded. My eyes warily skim the crowd, but nobody seems to be paying us any attention.
"V-very quickly then."
Picking out a somewhat secluded spot near the edge, I walk Lilly in place and turn to face her. She's wearing a reassuring smile on her face that's not quite catching on yet.
03
"Could you give me your right hand, Hanako?"
I place my hand in hers, shivering a bit as her fingers briefly touch my scar tissue.
"Now, can you place your left hand on my shoulder?"
I do so, but can't help feeling really weird. A feeling worsened by the fact she's wearing her off-the-shoulder sweater and my hand is touching her bare skin.
"A-and now?"
"Please place your right foot between my feet."
I follow suit and stiffen for a moment as Lilly places her right hand onto my left shoulder blade. I look around nervously, but it doesn't seem like people around us are taking notice of us. Either that or they really don't care.
"Let's begin. Could you take a step back with your left foot, count to two and put your right foot beside it?"
"Umm… Like this? Eek!"
The moment I take a step back, Lilly lifts her right foot, presumably to let me drag her forward a bit and determine the length of my steps, but since I wasn't expecting this lack of resistance, I try to put my foot back and almost lose my balance, which would have resulted in me dragging us both to the floor and her ending up on top of me. That'd be enough reason for me to run out of here and deny this evening ever happened.
"I-I-I'm sorry!"
Lilly doesn't seem to be put off by my blunder and gives me a reassuring smile.
"Don't worry. Everybody tends to stumble a bit at first. Let's try again. Take a step back as slowly as you can now."
I take another step back, trying to move in slow motion this time. Sure enough, Lilly moves her foot again and fluidly advances to close the distance. I move my other foot back and Lilly follows up, lightly brushing her foot against mine.
"Much better, Hanako. But try to keep the distance between your feet consistent."
"Like this?"
One more step back and this one goes without incidents. Lilly gives me a pleased nod.
"Very good. Now we'll try the reverse. Take a slow step forward with your right foot."
This time Lilly leans slightly back and I'm pulled forward a bit, but before I can lose my balance, she straightens herself out.
This is like some odd balancing game she's playing.
"One more time."
I take another step forward, trying hard not to bump into Lilly by accident. She seems satisfied with the distance and speed of my movement.
"Let's try to go back and forth a few times to see if we can get a movement rhythm down that feels natural for both of us."
"O-okay."
I carefully try to retrace the steps I took earlier. After about half a minute of moving back and forth, Lilly signs for a break.
"Are you up for some variation, Hanako?"
"Ummm…what do you mean?"
"Next, try making a slow sidestep to your right, followed by a sidestep to the left."
"That doesn't s-sound too difficult."
I move left and right several times, letting Lilly get used to the steps I take. This is much easier than the backwards and forward movement.
"Not too hard, is it?"
"N-no."
"Then let's combine the two to create a counter-clockwise movement."
"W-what?"
"Back, right, forward, left."
"B-back, right…"
I slowly try to adopt the new pattern, struggling at first to memorize the order.
"Forward, left…"
After several minutes, Lilly stops me.
"You have very consistent movement, Hanako. That's a good thing. I think I'll be able to take it from here."
"T-take it from here?"
"The steps I'm taking belong to the leading partner. I needed to get used to your movement patterns a bit, but I think I have the timing down now. Just continue as you did before."
We resume, but this time Lilly starts making more active movements instead of going along with mine, occasionally shifting her weight to correct me. At first, I'm positive we're going to trip and fall, but as we continue I realize that as long as I don't deviate from the step length I've been going with, our movements are nearly perfectly synchronized.
I can't believe that Lilly got a feeling for my movements that quickly. She really is good at this.
"Left, back, right, forward."
I'm starting to risk the occasional glance away from our feet. Nobody's paying us any attention, thank goodness. I giggle nervously.
"R-right, forward, back…"
"Try to relax your upper body a little bit more, Hanako."
"R-right."
"Left, back…"
"Right, forward…"
"Left…"
"Back…"
This is starting to become fun. When I look up at Lilly, I notice she's wearing a beaming smile. I can't help but smile back, even though she can't see that. Maybe I misjudged her earlier, and she really wanted to merely share some of her experience with me. Lilly is one of those people who'd probably pay to be a teacher. Whenever she gets the opportunity to help someone brush up on something she's knowledgeable about, she's overcome with a childlike eagerness that's actually very endearing. This seems to be one of those opportunities.
"Hanako?"
"Yes?"
"Let's try a natural turn next."
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04
I patiently wait as Lilly runs through her bag in search of her room keys. Tonight was great fun. The dancing part was maybe a bit much, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't interesting to try. Moreover, I feel that I've gotten to know Lilly a little better tonight.
"Hanako, thank you very much for tonight. I truly had a great time."
Lilly has found her keys and has opened her door, but before entering she turns and addresses me.
"Same here. I also think I've learned a few things about you I didn't know before."
"The same goes for me. You've… really changed lately, Hanako."
"F-for the better?"
"Definitely."
Lilly's smile is warm and genuine, but I don't think it's my imagination that there's a subtle trace of wistfulness in her voice, and that for a moment, no more than a split-second, there's a hint of sadness on her face. But when I blink my eyes, it's gone already, and Lilly's mouth curls into a playful grin.
"I don't think Hisao needs to know everything that took place tonight."
I giggle.
"I agree."
"Good night, Hanako. I'll meet you at school tomorrow."
"Good night, Lilly."
Our farewells behind us, Lilly closes the door, and I take a glance at the door of my own dorm room, check the time on my cell phone and then briskly walk down the hallway.
"V-very quickly then."
Picking out a somewhat secluded spot near the edge, I walk Lilly in place and turn to face her. She's wearing a reassuring smile on her face that's not quite catching on yet.
03
"Could you give me your right hand, Hanako?"
I place my hand in hers, shivering a bit as her fingers briefly touch my scar tissue.
"Now, can you place your left hand on my shoulder?"
I do so, but can't help feeling really weird. A feeling worsened by the fact she's wearing her off-the-shoulder sweater and my hand is touching her bare skin.
"A-and now?"
"Please place your right foot between my feet."
I follow suit and stiffen for a moment as Lilly places her right hand onto my left shoulder blade. I look around nervously, but it doesn't seem like people around us are taking notice of us. Either that or they really don't care.
"Let's begin. Could you take a step back with your left foot, count to two and put your right foot beside it?"
"Umm… Like this? Eek!"
The moment I take a step back, Lilly lifts her right foot, presumably to let me drag her forward a bit and determine the length of my steps, but since I wasn't expecting this lack of resistance, I try to put my foot back and almost lose my balance, which would have resulted in me dragging us both to the floor and her ending up on top of me. That'd be enough reason for me to run out of here and deny this evening ever happened.
"I-I-I'm sorry!"
Lilly doesn't seem to be put off by my blunder and gives me a reassuring smile.
"Don't worry. Everybody tends to stumble a bit at first. Let's try again. Take a step back as slowly as you can now."
I take another step back, trying to move in slow motion this time. Sure enough, Lilly moves her foot again and fluidly advances to close the distance. I move my other foot back and Lilly follows up, lightly brushing her foot against mine.
"Much better, Hanako. But try to keep the distance between your feet consistent."
"Like this?"
One more step back and this one goes without incidents. Lilly gives me a pleased nod.
"Very good. Now we'll try the reverse. Take a slow step forward with your right foot."
This time Lilly leans slightly back and I'm pulled forward a bit, but before I can lose my balance, she straightens herself out.
This is like some odd balancing game she's playing.
"One more time."
I take another step forward, trying hard not to bump into Lilly by accident. She seems satisfied with the distance and speed of my movement.
"Let's try to go back and forth a few times to see if we can get a movement rhythm down that feels natural for both of us."
"O-okay."
I carefully try to retrace the steps I took earlier. After about half a minute of moving back and forth, Lilly signs for a break.
"Are you up for some variation, Hanako?"
"Ummm…what do you mean?"
"Next, try making a slow sidestep to your right, followed by a sidestep to the left."
"That doesn't s-sound too difficult."
I move left and right several times, letting Lilly get used to the steps I take. This is much easier than the backwards and forward movement.
"Not too hard, is it?"
"N-no."
"Then let's combine the two to create a counter-clockwise movement."
"W-what?"
"Back, right, forward, left."
"B-back, right…"
I slowly try to adopt the new pattern, struggling at first to memorize the order.
"Forward, left…"
After several minutes, Lilly stops me.
"You have very consistent movement, Hanako. That's a good thing. I think I'll be able to take it from here."
"T-take it from here?"
"The steps I'm taking belong to the leading partner. I needed to get used to your movement patterns a bit, but I think I have the timing down now. Just continue as you did before."
We resume, but this time Lilly starts making more active movements instead of going along with mine, occasionally shifting her weight to correct me. At first, I'm positive we're going to trip and fall, but as we continue I realize that as long as I don't deviate from the step length I've been going with, our movements are nearly perfectly synchronized.
I can't believe that Lilly got a feeling for my movements that quickly. She really is good at this.
"Left, back, right, forward."
I'm starting to risk the occasional glance away from our feet. Nobody's paying us any attention, thank goodness. I giggle nervously.
"R-right, forward, back…"
"Try to relax your upper body a little bit more, Hanako."
"R-right."
"Left, back…"
"Right, forward…"
"Left…"
"Back…"
This is starting to become fun. When I look up at Lilly, I notice she's wearing a beaming smile. I can't help but smile back, even though she can't see that. Maybe I misjudged her earlier, and she really wanted to merely share some of her experience with me. Lilly is one of those people who'd probably pay to be a teacher. Whenever she gets the opportunity to help someone brush up on something she's knowledgeable about, she's overcome with a childlike eagerness that's actually very endearing. This seems to be one of those opportunities.
"Hanako?"
"Yes?"
"Let's try a natural turn next."
--------------------------------------
04
I patiently wait as Lilly runs through her bag in search of her room keys. Tonight was great fun. The dancing part was maybe a bit much, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't interesting to try. Moreover, I feel that I've gotten to know Lilly a little better tonight.
"Hanako, thank you very much for tonight. I truly had a great time."
Lilly has found her keys and has opened her door, but before entering she turns and addresses me.
"Same here. I also think I've learned a few things about you I didn't know before."
"The same goes for me. You've… really changed lately, Hanako."
"F-for the better?"
"Definitely."
Lilly's smile is warm and genuine, but I don't think it's my imagination that there's a subtle trace of wistfulness in her voice, and that for a moment, no more than a split-second, there's a hint of sadness on her face. But when I blink my eyes, it's gone already, and Lilly's mouth curls into a playful grin.
"I don't think Hisao needs to know everything that took place tonight."
I giggle.
"I agree."
"Good night, Hanako. I'll meet you at school tomorrow."
"Good night, Lilly."
Our farewells behind us, Lilly closes the door, and I take a glance at the door of my own dorm room, check the time on my cell phone and then briskly walk down the hallway.
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Guest Poster
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- Joined: Tue Jul 10, 2012 12:42 am
Chapter 12
Chapter 12
As I close the door, I wait a while to hear if Hanako's door is being opened or not. As expected, I hear the sound of footsteps hurrying down the hall instead. I laugh quietly. It hasn't been the first time Hanako's snuck off like this lately. I really hope she's not going to run into any patrolling staff.
I take off my clothes, put on my pajamas and sit on the edge of my bed. Tonight's been only the most recent of several outings Hanako and I have made lately. It's almost as if she's become my girlfriend instead of Hisao's. Just recently we've had two picnics in the park, a visit to a play in a local theater, a shopping trip and yesterday a visit to a local petting zoo. That last one was particularly memorable for both of us, and I'm positive that if they didn't have closing hours there, I'd still be sitting there holding the 2-months old lamb who took a liking to me (my Scottish heritage may run deeper than I thought) and Hanako'd still be sitting next to me cuddling with the three members of the local rabbit population whose trust she managed to gain. And then there was this night. We made an agreement that I'd pay the majority of the costs. My parents never left us wanting for money, and I presumed Hanako's budget, as a ward of the state, was quite a bit tighter. Hanako would organize the various outings. All in all, I've made some wonderful memories.
"You have… one… new voicemail."
The droning message from my cell phone tugs me back to reality, and I hear a voice that's become slightly more familiar to me since my trip to Europe.
"…Lilly, dear. Are you there? If you get this message before morning, could you call us back?…"
I let out a tired sigh. The problem with wonderful things is that they always end too soon.
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01
It takes me a while to place the noise that rudely wakes me from my sleep.
Where am I?
What time is it?
That sound is not my alarm clock, is it?
I think I've heard it before…
Somewhere…
Still tired…
My cell phone?
I groggily crawl out of bed, but just before I can get to my phone, the ringing stops.
Now I'm vexed…
"You have… one… new voicemail."
Voice… mail?
"…Yo, it's me. I expected to get the voicemail. Hehe, still no early riser, eh?"
I let out a pained groan.
"I wanted to talk to you, so maybe you could call me back…"
Not now…
"…eh, scratch that. I'll just wait a minute and try again…"
Minute? What minute?
I can't suppress a cry of surprise when my phone suddenly rings again, barely an inch away from my ear.
"A-Akira…"
"Yo. Got some time to spare?"
I merely let out a loud yawn. Why is she calling this early?
"How was your date yesterday?"
"It wasn't a date. But it was a lot of fun. We went to a nightclub, or a restaurant, or something similar, and they had a large dance floor and people playing ballroom music."
As I describe our outing to Akira, my drowsiness slowly starts to disappear.
"Yeah, I got a text message from her earlier asking me if you liked that kind of music. The idea itself was hers though."
"After some convincing, I managed to teach her a few steps. If I had more time, I could probably have made a decent dancer out of her."
"She let you drag her onto the dance floor? Man, that girl is just full of surprises."
A soft sigh escapes my lips.
"You don't even know half of it."
"Eh?"
"When I first met her, she was barely functioning at all. Instead of living, it seemed like she was just existing. And now, she shows initiatives, has club activities, a love life, even plans for the future. She's opened herself up to new experiences. It all happened… so quickly."
I can hear Akira click her tongue.
"You sound a bit down. Surely you're not longing to go back to the time when she was clinging to you as if you were a life preserver? I mean, she's not your child. She never was."
"I think you misunderstand…"
"Eh, whatever. Anyway, I didn't really call you to ask about your evening, though I wanted to be sure you were fully awake before getting to the main topic."
I'm pretty sure I know what that main topic is about.
"I got a call from Scotland last night. They said they spoke to you."
"That they did."
"And that you made a decision."
"Y-yes."
"So… Are you sure you're going to accompany me to Scotland next week?"
"…Probably as sure as I'm ever going to get on this…"
"When did you decide? Last night?"
"More or less. Although it wasn't decided on a whim, if that is what you're asking."
"Well… As long as it's your decision and your decision alone, I won't argue it."
"…Akira…?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you… break the news to your boyfriend?"
"I don't think you want to handle things my way. I doubt you even could."
"You're not being very helpful."
"I don't have any advice for you, Sis, but I'm confident you'll pull it off. Between the two of us, you were always the diplomatic one."
"I'm not exactly that confident about it myself."
"Let me know how it goes. And remind me to call the school administration to take care of the paperwork regarding the transfer."
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02
Part of me probably would have liked to keep this to myself for a little while longer, but I don't think that'd be a good idea. Hanako and Hisao already sensed something was afoot last time, and I don't feel it's fair to keep them in the dark unnecessarily. Even so, I'll be glad when this evening is over. I invited them over to my room during lunch break. They'll probably arrive together.
They'll probably be disappointed in me. Especially Hanako.
Should I try to lift their spirits? Or will that seem hypocritical?
I hate situations like these. But I can't just sneak away in silence and never return.
I'm going to miss you two. Especially you, Hanako.
My thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. My invitation to come in is followed by the sounds of the door opening and two people walking in. I notice they're unusually quiet while I pour the tea. I ask them both how things are going at their respective clubs, but from the short answers I get, it appears neither is eager for a lot of small talk. As I search for an opportune way to bring up the obvious subject, Hisao suddenly speaks up.
03
"Lilly, from the hesitant way you invited us here during lunch, we got the impression you wanted to tell us something important. We all know what it is about, so maybe we should just get it out of the way without further ado."
"You're correct, Hisao. It is about the matter of my parents' summons."
"You've made a definite decision then?"
"Yes. I wanted the two of you to know about it before I tell anyone else."
In a way, I've already broken the news to them. Why would I need to tell anyone else I'd be staying here?
"You've decided to answer it."
Not a question, but an observation. I merely nod quietly.
"My family dearly wants me to join them, and Akira will be going there as well. I can still fulfill my dream of becoming a teacher there."
Silence follows. Probably the most painful silence I've ever endured. When Hisao speaks again, his voice is a lot softer than before.
"If that's the choice you've made and that choice makes you happy, then we'll support it although the both of us will miss you terribly."
"I won't be gone forever, Hisao. I can still call you two, and with Akira's help I could exchange things over the internet."
"I'll… miss you, Lilly."
It hurts me to hear the tone in Hanako's voice. The budding confidence that was still very evident in her voice last night seems to have vanished and is once more replaced with the scared, insecure tone that was there when she started speaking to me for the first time. I feel I owe it to Hanako to help her get her confidence back and remind her of how far she's already come.
"Hanako, remember when we first met? When you entered my room for the first time after overhearing my consoling of a friend, you didn't say a single word for the entire night. Even as I poured you tea and talked, you sat silently and simply listened to what I said. It took many quiet meetings like that before you began to open up to me, but as you began to, I felt some of the happiest moments I've ever felt."
I take a sip of my drink, before continuing.
"I didn't become your friend because I pitied you, Hanako. I became your friend because I knew you were hiding not just from me, but from everyone. Your ambitions, personality, interests, tastes… I didn't know any of them and neither did anybody else. As you showed yourself to me, though I began to realize the person that you were and became sure that our meeting was a very special moment."
I feel a small lump in my throat, but go on anyway.
"I believe you are a very beautiful person, Hanako, and I am certain that you will become a strong and confident woman…"
I have more to say, but cut myself off as I realize that what I'm saying isn't accurate. What I'm saying will happen eventually has actually already come to pass.
"No, that's not correct. You already have become a strong and confident woman, Hanako. You have shown you have obtained your own friends and hobbies, your own hopes for after graduation and your own love live from which to draw strength. I want you to devote yourself to them, even after I'm not around anymore, for others will draw strength from you as well. Especially in the last weeks, you have shown how much you have to offer to those around you."
"That's why I think you will be okay, Hanako. Because you are your own self with your own life. You yourself have proven that to me. I've learned many new things about you since I came back to Japan, but the most significant thing I've come to witness is how strong and independent you truly have become."
We remain silent for a long time, but eventually Hanako speaks softly.
"I… I… understand."
"Will you be okay?"
"I will."
I truly believe she will. We spend some time quietly drinking tea, small talk seeming inappropriate after the moments we just had. Eventually, Hisao addresses me.
"So when exactly will you be leaving? And how?"
"On Tuesday the week after this one. Akira will be picking me up here, and we will spend the night at the Hakamichi home where Akira will have the rest of our luggage stored. Our flight will depart on Wednesday."
"So I guess we won't be coming along to the airport to see you off."
"I do not think that will be practical. However, I'd like to save the Monday evening for a little get-together in my room if that's okay. A small seeing-off party as it were."
"That seems like a good idea, Lilly. We'll be there."
"I'm looking forward to it, Hisao. The upcoming week will be very busy for me. I have very limited time to tie up all loose ends and transfer my class representative duties to others."
A busy time indeed. The fact that summer break is approaching makes the upcoming workload even larger. It doesn't seem like I'll be able to relax for a while.
--------------------------------------
04
"Awww… That's a shame, Lilly. I bet Hanako and Hisao are really sad, aren't they?"
I smile at Misha's reaction to my announced departure. It's easy for many people to forget that Misha is more than merely Shizune's mouthpiece, and this reaction is obviously her own.
"Saying goodbye is never easy, Misha. But I draw relief from the fact that they still have each other. They'll be fine, you'll see."
"Yeah, I'm sure they will."
"I will not pass judgment on your decision to migrate, that is your own choice. But it is my responsibility to see to it that your sudden stepping down does not come at the cost of the functioning of 3-2 as a class."
"That is why I'm here. I have already managed to find a classmate willing to act as my replacement. After my departure, my classmate Aki Sujishi will function as representative of class 3-2. Please give her your full cooperation in the carrying out of her duties."
And please try to treat her with what other people would call common decency.
"I'm pleased to see you've managed to transfer your duties to one of your classmates this quickly. Then again, seeing that you've had quite a bit of practice with that over the years, I shouldn't be too surprised."
She just can't help herself, can she?
"She took the task willingly and with enthusiasm. I wonder how many students in the dictatorship you've got running would take these tasks without you forcing them to."
"Dictatorships are effective. Running a tight ship produces timely results. Do you really think our classmates' future employers will coddle them and tack on a 'pretty please' each time something needs to be done?"
"Your classmates are not paid employees, and your class is not a commercial company nor a police state. People acting out of a sense of duty will always work more efficiently than people ordered to do something."
"I'm afraid you do not have the data to back that up, class rep. If you want a summary of what classes ended up running up against the deadlines most often, I'll be more than happy to procure one for you."
"It's good to hear that you've managed your schedule so well that you can afford to take part in these kinds of petty games."
"My schedule is not the problem right now. Yours is. There are still absence summaries, score charts and rosters to cover. I presume you'll be responsible and fill them all in a few hours before leaving instead of delegating them to your successor?"
"I have reserved the last two days of my stay here for those tasks, so I am sure to have all the latest data. The time I'll be taking is about twice as much as I predict will be needed, so I will be able to take care of the paperwork even if distractions are to be present."
"I need to go take a bathroom break, I'll be back in a few minutes."
It seems Misha has finally had enough of being a vessel to our argument, and I hear her walk briskly towards the exit of the room. I slump my shoulders dejectedly. It's silly, I'm about to leave this school permanently, and Shizune and I are still going at it as if nothing has changed.
"…"
Misha walking out on us has now left Shizune and me simply standing there, our argument cut off, unable to get through to the other to either continue the fight or simply get back to business. I'm not sure about Shizune, but I'm feeling rather embarrassed right now.
We probably had this coming.
I don't think there's much left to discuss anyway. I've already said what needed to be said and the rest was just both of us trying to gain the advantage over the other. I don't like the idea of simply turning my back on Shizune and walking away, but our communicative means are severally limited right now, so I simply bow in her direction, wait a few seconds to give her an opportunity to return the favor and then turn to leave. As I take out my cane, I hear her footsteps walking towards the door, followed by the sound of the door opening. I think that's her way of acknowledging my gesture, so I give a quick nod in her direction and leave the council room.
This is one thing I won't miss about this place.
05
As I close the door, I wait a while to hear if Hanako's door is being opened or not. As expected, I hear the sound of footsteps hurrying down the hall instead. I laugh quietly. It hasn't been the first time Hanako's snuck off like this lately. I really hope she's not going to run into any patrolling staff.
I take off my clothes, put on my pajamas and sit on the edge of my bed. Tonight's been only the most recent of several outings Hanako and I have made lately. It's almost as if she's become my girlfriend instead of Hisao's. Just recently we've had two picnics in the park, a visit to a play in a local theater, a shopping trip and yesterday a visit to a local petting zoo. That last one was particularly memorable for both of us, and I'm positive that if they didn't have closing hours there, I'd still be sitting there holding the 2-months old lamb who took a liking to me (my Scottish heritage may run deeper than I thought) and Hanako'd still be sitting next to me cuddling with the three members of the local rabbit population whose trust she managed to gain. And then there was this night. We made an agreement that I'd pay the majority of the costs. My parents never left us wanting for money, and I presumed Hanako's budget, as a ward of the state, was quite a bit tighter. Hanako would organize the various outings. All in all, I've made some wonderful memories.
"You have… one… new voicemail."
The droning message from my cell phone tugs me back to reality, and I hear a voice that's become slightly more familiar to me since my trip to Europe.
"…Lilly, dear. Are you there? If you get this message before morning, could you call us back?…"
I let out a tired sigh. The problem with wonderful things is that they always end too soon.
--------------------------------------
01
It takes me a while to place the noise that rudely wakes me from my sleep.
Where am I?
What time is it?
That sound is not my alarm clock, is it?
I think I've heard it before…
Somewhere…
Still tired…
My cell phone?
I groggily crawl out of bed, but just before I can get to my phone, the ringing stops.
Now I'm vexed…
"You have… one… new voicemail."
Voice… mail?
"…Yo, it's me. I expected to get the voicemail. Hehe, still no early riser, eh?"
I let out a pained groan.
"I wanted to talk to you, so maybe you could call me back…"
Not now…
"…eh, scratch that. I'll just wait a minute and try again…"
Minute? What minute?
I can't suppress a cry of surprise when my phone suddenly rings again, barely an inch away from my ear.
"A-Akira…"
"Yo. Got some time to spare?"
I merely let out a loud yawn. Why is she calling this early?
"How was your date yesterday?"
"It wasn't a date. But it was a lot of fun. We went to a nightclub, or a restaurant, or something similar, and they had a large dance floor and people playing ballroom music."
As I describe our outing to Akira, my drowsiness slowly starts to disappear.
"Yeah, I got a text message from her earlier asking me if you liked that kind of music. The idea itself was hers though."
"After some convincing, I managed to teach her a few steps. If I had more time, I could probably have made a decent dancer out of her."
"She let you drag her onto the dance floor? Man, that girl is just full of surprises."
A soft sigh escapes my lips.
"You don't even know half of it."
"Eh?"
"When I first met her, she was barely functioning at all. Instead of living, it seemed like she was just existing. And now, she shows initiatives, has club activities, a love life, even plans for the future. She's opened herself up to new experiences. It all happened… so quickly."
I can hear Akira click her tongue.
"You sound a bit down. Surely you're not longing to go back to the time when she was clinging to you as if you were a life preserver? I mean, she's not your child. She never was."
"I think you misunderstand…"
"Eh, whatever. Anyway, I didn't really call you to ask about your evening, though I wanted to be sure you were fully awake before getting to the main topic."
I'm pretty sure I know what that main topic is about.
"I got a call from Scotland last night. They said they spoke to you."
"That they did."
"And that you made a decision."
"Y-yes."
"So… Are you sure you're going to accompany me to Scotland next week?"
"…Probably as sure as I'm ever going to get on this…"
"When did you decide? Last night?"
"More or less. Although it wasn't decided on a whim, if that is what you're asking."
"Well… As long as it's your decision and your decision alone, I won't argue it."
"…Akira…?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you… break the news to your boyfriend?"
"I don't think you want to handle things my way. I doubt you even could."
"You're not being very helpful."
"I don't have any advice for you, Sis, but I'm confident you'll pull it off. Between the two of us, you were always the diplomatic one."
"I'm not exactly that confident about it myself."
"Let me know how it goes. And remind me to call the school administration to take care of the paperwork regarding the transfer."
--------------------------------------
02
Part of me probably would have liked to keep this to myself for a little while longer, but I don't think that'd be a good idea. Hanako and Hisao already sensed something was afoot last time, and I don't feel it's fair to keep them in the dark unnecessarily. Even so, I'll be glad when this evening is over. I invited them over to my room during lunch break. They'll probably arrive together.
They'll probably be disappointed in me. Especially Hanako.
Should I try to lift their spirits? Or will that seem hypocritical?
I hate situations like these. But I can't just sneak away in silence and never return.
I'm going to miss you two. Especially you, Hanako.
My thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. My invitation to come in is followed by the sounds of the door opening and two people walking in. I notice they're unusually quiet while I pour the tea. I ask them both how things are going at their respective clubs, but from the short answers I get, it appears neither is eager for a lot of small talk. As I search for an opportune way to bring up the obvious subject, Hisao suddenly speaks up.
03
"Lilly, from the hesitant way you invited us here during lunch, we got the impression you wanted to tell us something important. We all know what it is about, so maybe we should just get it out of the way without further ado."
"You're correct, Hisao. It is about the matter of my parents' summons."
"You've made a definite decision then?"
"Yes. I wanted the two of you to know about it before I tell anyone else."
In a way, I've already broken the news to them. Why would I need to tell anyone else I'd be staying here?
"You've decided to answer it."
Not a question, but an observation. I merely nod quietly.
"My family dearly wants me to join them, and Akira will be going there as well. I can still fulfill my dream of becoming a teacher there."
Silence follows. Probably the most painful silence I've ever endured. When Hisao speaks again, his voice is a lot softer than before.
"If that's the choice you've made and that choice makes you happy, then we'll support it although the both of us will miss you terribly."
"I won't be gone forever, Hisao. I can still call you two, and with Akira's help I could exchange things over the internet."
"I'll… miss you, Lilly."
It hurts me to hear the tone in Hanako's voice. The budding confidence that was still very evident in her voice last night seems to have vanished and is once more replaced with the scared, insecure tone that was there when she started speaking to me for the first time. I feel I owe it to Hanako to help her get her confidence back and remind her of how far she's already come.
"Hanako, remember when we first met? When you entered my room for the first time after overhearing my consoling of a friend, you didn't say a single word for the entire night. Even as I poured you tea and talked, you sat silently and simply listened to what I said. It took many quiet meetings like that before you began to open up to me, but as you began to, I felt some of the happiest moments I've ever felt."
I take a sip of my drink, before continuing.
"I didn't become your friend because I pitied you, Hanako. I became your friend because I knew you were hiding not just from me, but from everyone. Your ambitions, personality, interests, tastes… I didn't know any of them and neither did anybody else. As you showed yourself to me, though I began to realize the person that you were and became sure that our meeting was a very special moment."
I feel a small lump in my throat, but go on anyway.
"I believe you are a very beautiful person, Hanako, and I am certain that you will become a strong and confident woman…"
I have more to say, but cut myself off as I realize that what I'm saying isn't accurate. What I'm saying will happen eventually has actually already come to pass.
"No, that's not correct. You already have become a strong and confident woman, Hanako. You have shown you have obtained your own friends and hobbies, your own hopes for after graduation and your own love live from which to draw strength. I want you to devote yourself to them, even after I'm not around anymore, for others will draw strength from you as well. Especially in the last weeks, you have shown how much you have to offer to those around you."
"That's why I think you will be okay, Hanako. Because you are your own self with your own life. You yourself have proven that to me. I've learned many new things about you since I came back to Japan, but the most significant thing I've come to witness is how strong and independent you truly have become."
We remain silent for a long time, but eventually Hanako speaks softly.
"I… I… understand."
"Will you be okay?"
"I will."
I truly believe she will. We spend some time quietly drinking tea, small talk seeming inappropriate after the moments we just had. Eventually, Hisao addresses me.
"So when exactly will you be leaving? And how?"
"On Tuesday the week after this one. Akira will be picking me up here, and we will spend the night at the Hakamichi home where Akira will have the rest of our luggage stored. Our flight will depart on Wednesday."
"So I guess we won't be coming along to the airport to see you off."
"I do not think that will be practical. However, I'd like to save the Monday evening for a little get-together in my room if that's okay. A small seeing-off party as it were."
"That seems like a good idea, Lilly. We'll be there."
"I'm looking forward to it, Hisao. The upcoming week will be very busy for me. I have very limited time to tie up all loose ends and transfer my class representative duties to others."
A busy time indeed. The fact that summer break is approaching makes the upcoming workload even larger. It doesn't seem like I'll be able to relax for a while.
--------------------------------------
04
"Awww… That's a shame, Lilly. I bet Hanako and Hisao are really sad, aren't they?"
I smile at Misha's reaction to my announced departure. It's easy for many people to forget that Misha is more than merely Shizune's mouthpiece, and this reaction is obviously her own.
"Saying goodbye is never easy, Misha. But I draw relief from the fact that they still have each other. They'll be fine, you'll see."
"Yeah, I'm sure they will."
"I will not pass judgment on your decision to migrate, that is your own choice. But it is my responsibility to see to it that your sudden stepping down does not come at the cost of the functioning of 3-2 as a class."
"That is why I'm here. I have already managed to find a classmate willing to act as my replacement. After my departure, my classmate Aki Sujishi will function as representative of class 3-2. Please give her your full cooperation in the carrying out of her duties."
And please try to treat her with what other people would call common decency.
"I'm pleased to see you've managed to transfer your duties to one of your classmates this quickly. Then again, seeing that you've had quite a bit of practice with that over the years, I shouldn't be too surprised."
She just can't help herself, can she?
"She took the task willingly and with enthusiasm. I wonder how many students in the dictatorship you've got running would take these tasks without you forcing them to."
"Dictatorships are effective. Running a tight ship produces timely results. Do you really think our classmates' future employers will coddle them and tack on a 'pretty please' each time something needs to be done?"
"Your classmates are not paid employees, and your class is not a commercial company nor a police state. People acting out of a sense of duty will always work more efficiently than people ordered to do something."
"I'm afraid you do not have the data to back that up, class rep. If you want a summary of what classes ended up running up against the deadlines most often, I'll be more than happy to procure one for you."
"It's good to hear that you've managed your schedule so well that you can afford to take part in these kinds of petty games."
"My schedule is not the problem right now. Yours is. There are still absence summaries, score charts and rosters to cover. I presume you'll be responsible and fill them all in a few hours before leaving instead of delegating them to your successor?"
"I have reserved the last two days of my stay here for those tasks, so I am sure to have all the latest data. The time I'll be taking is about twice as much as I predict will be needed, so I will be able to take care of the paperwork even if distractions are to be present."
"I need to go take a bathroom break, I'll be back in a few minutes."
It seems Misha has finally had enough of being a vessel to our argument, and I hear her walk briskly towards the exit of the room. I slump my shoulders dejectedly. It's silly, I'm about to leave this school permanently, and Shizune and I are still going at it as if nothing has changed.
"…"
Misha walking out on us has now left Shizune and me simply standing there, our argument cut off, unable to get through to the other to either continue the fight or simply get back to business. I'm not sure about Shizune, but I'm feeling rather embarrassed right now.
We probably had this coming.
I don't think there's much left to discuss anyway. I've already said what needed to be said and the rest was just both of us trying to gain the advantage over the other. I don't like the idea of simply turning my back on Shizune and walking away, but our communicative means are severally limited right now, so I simply bow in her direction, wait a few seconds to give her an opportunity to return the favor and then turn to leave. As I take out my cane, I hear her footsteps walking towards the door, followed by the sound of the door opening. I think that's her way of acknowledging my gesture, so I give a quick nod in her direction and leave the council room.
This is one thing I won't miss about this place.
05
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Guest Poster
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Chapter 13
Chapter 13
01
"Hey, Hanako."
I deliver a quick nod as the president and editor-in-chief of the newspaper club comes barging into the computer room.
"N-Naomi."
Ever since I joined the club as a permanent member, Naomi insisted I'd be on first-name basis with the other members, though I'm still having a hard time getting used to that. It's easier with Naomi, though, since my tasks usually require regular input from her, and the fact that she's my neighbor in class also doesn't hurt. We're familiar enough with one another nowadays for me to occasionally talk to her in class and do the occasional assignment with her and Natsume. One thing that's usually an advantage is that there are hardly any silences, uncomfortable or otherwise, around her. I suppose we could be called semi-friends now, though our contact is a lot more casual than my bond with Hisao and Lilly, and I still have trouble dealing with her occasionally hyperactive moods and bouts of distraction from time to time.
"Hey, how's page four coming along?"
"Almost ready."
"Cool. Get me a print-out when it's finished. I can't wait to check it out."
I don't think she's here just to ask about one of the pages. Either she's bored, which usually causes her to start chattering up whoever happens to be nearby, or there's more she wants to discuss.
"Oh hey, about your article. I read it through just before the weekend."
"Y-yes?"
"I like it. I took a lot of rewording, didn't it? I mean, that text doesn't look like stuff Mutou would say."
"He gets a b-bit technical at times. I tried to make it easier to understand. I had to trim a lot though."
"I could get you some more space if you can use it."
"Oh?"
She sits on my desk and tosses me a wink.
"I've been thinking. Maybe instead of making it a short article, we could turn it into a column. A permanent one. Or semi-permanent until we got a few test runs. We could put it on the columns page, or let it sit on page five. Each issue would cover a different club here at school. The idea would be to give a short overview of each club written in a way to encourage casual readers to check it out. Like you've been doing."
Looks like Naomi's been thinking about this a lot more than I have. All I wanted was to do a little piece on Hisao's club and hopefully get him a new member or two as a little 'I love you'-gesture towards him. Naomi's ambitions, however, seem to reach further.
"In fact, seeing that we'd be benefitting the school by actively encouraging club membership, that'd give me a lot of extra clout to get our budget raised when the time comes to negotiate with the student council about club budgets again."
Quite a bit further.
"In fact, I bet if we offer to cover the student council itself in there, Queen Hakamichi might throw in a personal bonus. I know she'd certainly welcome extra membership."
Naomi scratches her cheek, chuckles and sends me a clownish grin.
"The question remains of course whether the extra membership would welcome HER. If you can write something up that gets Hakamichi additional personnel, I'll personally nominate you for a Pulitzer."
Me… writing?
"Of course, I'm not really in a position to nominate people for that."
Slow down a bit.
"And even if I was, isn't that prize US-exclusive?"
"Err… Where was I?"
"Ummm… M-me writing something up?"
"Right. Seeing that this started with your initiative, it's fair to ask you first if you're interested in being the one in charge of writing it up every issue. I mean, you're a pretty good text writer, I've seen that much in class already. It's a shame if all you do here is data entry and fiddling with the layout. It's also good if the one writing it is always the same person, so the writing style remains consistent."
Me?
"You liked writing that piece. Why not do more with it?"
"…maybe…"
"Not overly enthusiastic, I see."
"…It's not that…"
Naomi gets off the desk, pulls a chair over, turns it around and sits down on it, her elbows resting on the back rest.
"You've been kinda gloomy lately. Well, it's not like you haven't had gloomy periods before, but… This is about Satou, isn't it? Isn't she going away tomorrow?"
"Y-yes. Tomorrow evening…"
Naomi lets out a sad sigh.
"Sometimes you just wish you could freeze time, don't you? Just… keep the good times in your life from ending."
"…yes…"
"In the upcoming half year, I bet a lot of third year students will be thinking that as graduation approaches. With you, it just comes around a little earlier."
"…you too?"
"Well, I don't think after school, I'll have time to play newspaper anymore, that's for sure. Pity too."
That's new to me. I always assumed Naomi was going to go into journalism. If anybody was into the subject, it'd be her.
"Y-you're not going to b-become a journalist?"
"Dunno. Maybe. It might not work. The loose wiring upstairs might cause problems."
Her epilepsy? I admit her case is a pretty severe one, but…
"The episodes itself are one thing. I've heard it's pretty freaky for others. Me, I just go out like a light and wake up feeling like crap for a while without remembering what happened. But it comes with restrictions."
"Restrictions?"
"You know, don't sit in front of a screen for too long, don't get your driver's license, live your life as regularly as possible, no all-nighters… That sort of thing. Going professional… may not work out very well."
Every student has a history. I've just learned part of one more. I wish the situation was different for me right now. With enough on my mind as it is, I really don't know what to say to her. Listening is something I can do well. Comforting is a whole different matter.
"…"
"You know, I hope at least you get to enjoy your little party tonight?"
"Y-you know… about… that?"
"Yeah, your boyfriend said you two were going shopping for that after you're done here. He's waiting for you at the school gate. I couldn't let him in to tell you in person, 'cause I was afraid he'd spot your article lying on my desk."
Why didn't you tell me until now?
She looks pensive for a moment and suddenly snaps her fingers, causing me to flinch.
"Oh right, that's why I came in here. To tell you that. *giggle* I guess I got a little sidetracked, huh?"
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
--------------------------------------
02
"Couldn't get away from Naomi, could you?"
Hisao seems amused by my tardiness and the fact I'm clearly winded from my mad dash to the gates. After handing me one of the two shopping bags he's carrying, he bends forward and gives me a quick peck on the cheek while I'm busy catching my breath.
"She… forgot… for a while."
Hisao nods. He doesn't interact with Naomi much, but has heard several stories from me over the last few weeks.
"We'd better get going quickly if we want to finish everything in time."
"Yes."
We leave the school grounds and walk down the road to town. Despite the fact that it's summer, the sky is a bit dark and about as gloomy as my mood. I'd be surprised if we make it through the evening without a major downpour.
--------------------------------------
"Hanako?"
"S-sorry, what were you saying?"
"I was asking if we should get an additional bag of sweets. She seemed to like that brand last time, and we went through it pretty quickly."
"If you think so."
"Maybe we should take some time off after this week."
"Hmmm?"
"You've been gloomy all week, and frankly I'm been getting a bit worried."
He's worried about me. Almost seems like old times…
No, I shouldn't think like that.
"You know I'm here for you if you need me, right? If you want to talk about something…"
Part of me wants to share the anxiety I've been feeling with Hisao. If I can't even trust him with it, who can I trust? But I'm also afraid he'll just tell me I'm imagining things.
"Erm… Hisao. Do you think the time I spent with Lilly lately was… a good idea?"
"I think so. Why do you ask? Do you regret all those activities? I thought you had a good time yourself."
"I did enjoy them. It's just… they… didn't really… help things."
"Well, if you look at pure end results, they didn't do anything to change Lilly's mind, but we'll never know what the odds of that happening were to begin with. Regardless of that, at least you and Lilly made some wonderful memories together, didn't you? I mean, isn't that kinda the key to enjoying life? Making fond memories because you know nothing lasts truly forever?"
It's not really that.
"I suppose so…"
"Hanako?"
He stops me and faces me. He looks at me for a moment and then gives me a gentle hug.
"I'm not gonna tell you to cheer up, because you have a good reason to feel down. I just hope you'll feel better soon."
"T-thanks."
I close my eyes for a few moments and let the feeling of his embrace sink in, providing some comfort.
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"Parties are for celebrating something, right? B-but, is there really something to celebrate?"
"Her class will be throwing her a surprise party tomorrow. Kenji was complaining about it earlier. We can't really fall behind, can we?"
"We're supposed to be cheerful and smile. Even if we don't feel that way. It feels… fake. Like…"
"Like…?"
"Like… many of my previous b-birthday celebrations. I'm… not very good at pretending."
"Maybe we shouldn't call it a party or a celebration then. It's just… one last opportunity to spend time together. You'd want to make the most out of an occasion such as that, wouldn't you?"
That makes me think for a bit. If I see it as just hanging out together… It's a silly game of words, but it worked with my birthday party.
"So, Hanako, do you think one bag of sweets is enough for an entire evening?"
"Ummm… We can probably get a second one just to be sure."
"Got it."
He ruffles my hair for a bit and is about to let go when he suddenly freezes.
03
"Did you just feel something?"
"Hmmm?"
I look up towards the sky and sure enough a droplet lands on my nose causing me to back out of our embrace and rub it off.
"Oh great, just what we needed. And it's still nearly ten minutes to the store."
"Should we go back?"
"I'm not sure, it's also about ten minutes back to Yamaku and it'll be ten minutes uphill. And we still need to get goods from the store."
"But we might get trapped in town."
"If it continues to rain, we might be able to get an umbrella. Maybe Yuuko can lend us one if she's on duty in the Shanghai."
We continue our way down the road, our pace increased to a brisk walk. My hopes that we'll reach the store relatively dry shrink with every passing minute as the drizzle changes to rain and the rain then turns into a downpour.
"Damnit, we're gonna get soaked and spend the next few days with pneumonia if this keeps up. Hanako, do you think you can manage to sprint the last stretch?"
"S-sprint? That's irresponsible, Hisao. Your heart…"
"Look, I run nearly every morning, and I haven't had a single flutter. I can handle it. Now can you manage to run for a bit?"
"I-I'll try."
Hisao nods and launches into a run that I try my hardest to keep up with. He's in much better shape than I am, that's for sure. Despite the fact Hisao once joked that I could probably outrun Emi Ibarazaki under the right circumstances, I'm not particularly athletic by anyone's standards, except maybe Lilly's. The head nurse was so kind as to spare me the horrors of having to walk in gym shorts and a shirt and have my stiff movement, caused by my scar tissue, laughed at and mocked by classmates, as was the case in middle school. As it is, the question isn't whether I'll fall behind but when.
"You okay?"
I barely have enough breath to manage a reply.
"Y-yes. Don't mind me."
We're reaching the edge of town. Just another minute or two and we can take shelter.
I'm panting heavily and I'm betting that my clothes aren't just soaked with rain right now.
We're running as fast as we can, heads down, hand carrying the shopping bag raised in an attempt to shield ourselves from the ruthless elements. I look at Hisao who's running slightly ahead of me. He's looking back at me over his shoulder, probably about to ask if I'm alright and if I can manage for just a little longer. That's when I suddenly see a silhouette appear in front of him, approaching us at breakneck speed. My eyes grow large and I try to shout a warning.
"WATCH OUT!"
I hear a crashing sound and a scream and instinctively shield my eyes for a second. When I open them again I see Hisao lying on the ground next to a fallen bicycle and another person, a man in his fifties from the look of it. Both are looking pained, the other man cradling his leg and Hisao clutching his chest.
The cyclist is probably a resident here, surprised by the weather and doing the same thing we were doing; trying to find shelter as quickly as he could.
Hisao's clutching his chest.
Hisao doesn't look like he's getting up. Did he get injured?
He's clutching his chest!
I hurry over to him and kneel at his side.
HE'S CLUTCHING HIS CHEST!
04
"NO!"
A single, desperate exclamation escapes my mouth as I realize what's happening to Hisao, and with that realization comes a sharp pain in my own chest as if one of my ribs just snapped and punctured my heart.
This can't be happening!
Hisao's breathing is strained. I want to help him, but I'm completely lost at what to do.
He's going to die!
He raises his head for a moment and looks up at me. I want to reach out to him, but my body won't obey… Its only reaction a frantic trembling.
Why can't I move? Somebody help him! Please!
His eyes close again. The pain in my chest grows so intense that tears are forced out of my eyes, joining the raindrops on my cheeks.
Am I having a heart attack as well?
"Young lady, is your friend alright? I'm sorry I didn't see you two in time. I was in a hurry. That blasted rain."
He's dying. I'm losing him. Like I'm losing Lilly.
I'm overcome by an intense sensation of fear, like ten years ago when Mother scrambled in front of me, and we screamed as the flames got to us.
Like I lost Father. And Mother.
I'm breathing in and out like crazy, yet it feels like all oxygen has suddenly vanished from the air.
"Young lady, your friend looks like he's hurt."
Like I lost everyone.
I feel like I'm suffocating. With each fruitless gasp for breath I'm getting more and more terrified.
Stop! Make this stop! Help me!
"Young lady, I think we should call an ambulance."
I still can't move. I can't breathe, but I can't faint either as if some twisted deity has decided it's more amusing to keep me fully aware as the love of my life is dying in front of me and is keeping me conscious for the sheer cruel fun of it.
"Young lady?"
I can't breathe.
"Young lady, can you hear me?"
Why can't I breathe?
"YOUNG LADY!"
LET ME BREATHE!
01
"Hey, Hanako."
I deliver a quick nod as the president and editor-in-chief of the newspaper club comes barging into the computer room.
"N-Naomi."
Ever since I joined the club as a permanent member, Naomi insisted I'd be on first-name basis with the other members, though I'm still having a hard time getting used to that. It's easier with Naomi, though, since my tasks usually require regular input from her, and the fact that she's my neighbor in class also doesn't hurt. We're familiar enough with one another nowadays for me to occasionally talk to her in class and do the occasional assignment with her and Natsume. One thing that's usually an advantage is that there are hardly any silences, uncomfortable or otherwise, around her. I suppose we could be called semi-friends now, though our contact is a lot more casual than my bond with Hisao and Lilly, and I still have trouble dealing with her occasionally hyperactive moods and bouts of distraction from time to time.
"Hey, how's page four coming along?"
"Almost ready."
"Cool. Get me a print-out when it's finished. I can't wait to check it out."
I don't think she's here just to ask about one of the pages. Either she's bored, which usually causes her to start chattering up whoever happens to be nearby, or there's more she wants to discuss.
"Oh hey, about your article. I read it through just before the weekend."
"Y-yes?"
"I like it. I took a lot of rewording, didn't it? I mean, that text doesn't look like stuff Mutou would say."
"He gets a b-bit technical at times. I tried to make it easier to understand. I had to trim a lot though."
"I could get you some more space if you can use it."
"Oh?"
She sits on my desk and tosses me a wink.
"I've been thinking. Maybe instead of making it a short article, we could turn it into a column. A permanent one. Or semi-permanent until we got a few test runs. We could put it on the columns page, or let it sit on page five. Each issue would cover a different club here at school. The idea would be to give a short overview of each club written in a way to encourage casual readers to check it out. Like you've been doing."
Looks like Naomi's been thinking about this a lot more than I have. All I wanted was to do a little piece on Hisao's club and hopefully get him a new member or two as a little 'I love you'-gesture towards him. Naomi's ambitions, however, seem to reach further.
"In fact, seeing that we'd be benefitting the school by actively encouraging club membership, that'd give me a lot of extra clout to get our budget raised when the time comes to negotiate with the student council about club budgets again."
Quite a bit further.
"In fact, I bet if we offer to cover the student council itself in there, Queen Hakamichi might throw in a personal bonus. I know she'd certainly welcome extra membership."
Naomi scratches her cheek, chuckles and sends me a clownish grin.
"The question remains of course whether the extra membership would welcome HER. If you can write something up that gets Hakamichi additional personnel, I'll personally nominate you for a Pulitzer."
Me… writing?
"Of course, I'm not really in a position to nominate people for that."
Slow down a bit.
"And even if I was, isn't that prize US-exclusive?"
"Err… Where was I?"
"Ummm… M-me writing something up?"
"Right. Seeing that this started with your initiative, it's fair to ask you first if you're interested in being the one in charge of writing it up every issue. I mean, you're a pretty good text writer, I've seen that much in class already. It's a shame if all you do here is data entry and fiddling with the layout. It's also good if the one writing it is always the same person, so the writing style remains consistent."
Me?
"You liked writing that piece. Why not do more with it?"
"…maybe…"
"Not overly enthusiastic, I see."
"…It's not that…"
Naomi gets off the desk, pulls a chair over, turns it around and sits down on it, her elbows resting on the back rest.
"You've been kinda gloomy lately. Well, it's not like you haven't had gloomy periods before, but… This is about Satou, isn't it? Isn't she going away tomorrow?"
"Y-yes. Tomorrow evening…"
Naomi lets out a sad sigh.
"Sometimes you just wish you could freeze time, don't you? Just… keep the good times in your life from ending."
"…yes…"
"In the upcoming half year, I bet a lot of third year students will be thinking that as graduation approaches. With you, it just comes around a little earlier."
"…you too?"
"Well, I don't think after school, I'll have time to play newspaper anymore, that's for sure. Pity too."
That's new to me. I always assumed Naomi was going to go into journalism. If anybody was into the subject, it'd be her.
"Y-you're not going to b-become a journalist?"
"Dunno. Maybe. It might not work. The loose wiring upstairs might cause problems."
Her epilepsy? I admit her case is a pretty severe one, but…
"The episodes itself are one thing. I've heard it's pretty freaky for others. Me, I just go out like a light and wake up feeling like crap for a while without remembering what happened. But it comes with restrictions."
"Restrictions?"
"You know, don't sit in front of a screen for too long, don't get your driver's license, live your life as regularly as possible, no all-nighters… That sort of thing. Going professional… may not work out very well."
Every student has a history. I've just learned part of one more. I wish the situation was different for me right now. With enough on my mind as it is, I really don't know what to say to her. Listening is something I can do well. Comforting is a whole different matter.
"…"
"You know, I hope at least you get to enjoy your little party tonight?"
"Y-you know… about… that?"
"Yeah, your boyfriend said you two were going shopping for that after you're done here. He's waiting for you at the school gate. I couldn't let him in to tell you in person, 'cause I was afraid he'd spot your article lying on my desk."
Why didn't you tell me until now?
She looks pensive for a moment and suddenly snaps her fingers, causing me to flinch.
"Oh right, that's why I came in here. To tell you that. *giggle* I guess I got a little sidetracked, huh?"
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
--------------------------------------
02
"Couldn't get away from Naomi, could you?"
Hisao seems amused by my tardiness and the fact I'm clearly winded from my mad dash to the gates. After handing me one of the two shopping bags he's carrying, he bends forward and gives me a quick peck on the cheek while I'm busy catching my breath.
"She… forgot… for a while."
Hisao nods. He doesn't interact with Naomi much, but has heard several stories from me over the last few weeks.
"We'd better get going quickly if we want to finish everything in time."
"Yes."
We leave the school grounds and walk down the road to town. Despite the fact that it's summer, the sky is a bit dark and about as gloomy as my mood. I'd be surprised if we make it through the evening without a major downpour.
--------------------------------------
"Hanako?"
"S-sorry, what were you saying?"
"I was asking if we should get an additional bag of sweets. She seemed to like that brand last time, and we went through it pretty quickly."
"If you think so."
"Maybe we should take some time off after this week."
"Hmmm?"
"You've been gloomy all week, and frankly I'm been getting a bit worried."
He's worried about me. Almost seems like old times…
No, I shouldn't think like that.
"You know I'm here for you if you need me, right? If you want to talk about something…"
Part of me wants to share the anxiety I've been feeling with Hisao. If I can't even trust him with it, who can I trust? But I'm also afraid he'll just tell me I'm imagining things.
"Erm… Hisao. Do you think the time I spent with Lilly lately was… a good idea?"
"I think so. Why do you ask? Do you regret all those activities? I thought you had a good time yourself."
"I did enjoy them. It's just… they… didn't really… help things."
"Well, if you look at pure end results, they didn't do anything to change Lilly's mind, but we'll never know what the odds of that happening were to begin with. Regardless of that, at least you and Lilly made some wonderful memories together, didn't you? I mean, isn't that kinda the key to enjoying life? Making fond memories because you know nothing lasts truly forever?"
It's not really that.
"I suppose so…"
"Hanako?"
He stops me and faces me. He looks at me for a moment and then gives me a gentle hug.
"I'm not gonna tell you to cheer up, because you have a good reason to feel down. I just hope you'll feel better soon."
"T-thanks."
I close my eyes for a few moments and let the feeling of his embrace sink in, providing some comfort.
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
"Parties are for celebrating something, right? B-but, is there really something to celebrate?"
"Her class will be throwing her a surprise party tomorrow. Kenji was complaining about it earlier. We can't really fall behind, can we?"
"We're supposed to be cheerful and smile. Even if we don't feel that way. It feels… fake. Like…"
"Like…?"
"Like… many of my previous b-birthday celebrations. I'm… not very good at pretending."
"Maybe we shouldn't call it a party or a celebration then. It's just… one last opportunity to spend time together. You'd want to make the most out of an occasion such as that, wouldn't you?"
That makes me think for a bit. If I see it as just hanging out together… It's a silly game of words, but it worked with my birthday party.
"So, Hanako, do you think one bag of sweets is enough for an entire evening?"
"Ummm… We can probably get a second one just to be sure."
"Got it."
He ruffles my hair for a bit and is about to let go when he suddenly freezes.
03
"Did you just feel something?"
"Hmmm?"
I look up towards the sky and sure enough a droplet lands on my nose causing me to back out of our embrace and rub it off.
"Oh great, just what we needed. And it's still nearly ten minutes to the store."
"Should we go back?"
"I'm not sure, it's also about ten minutes back to Yamaku and it'll be ten minutes uphill. And we still need to get goods from the store."
"But we might get trapped in town."
"If it continues to rain, we might be able to get an umbrella. Maybe Yuuko can lend us one if she's on duty in the Shanghai."
We continue our way down the road, our pace increased to a brisk walk. My hopes that we'll reach the store relatively dry shrink with every passing minute as the drizzle changes to rain and the rain then turns into a downpour.
"Damnit, we're gonna get soaked and spend the next few days with pneumonia if this keeps up. Hanako, do you think you can manage to sprint the last stretch?"
"S-sprint? That's irresponsible, Hisao. Your heart…"
"Look, I run nearly every morning, and I haven't had a single flutter. I can handle it. Now can you manage to run for a bit?"
"I-I'll try."
Hisao nods and launches into a run that I try my hardest to keep up with. He's in much better shape than I am, that's for sure. Despite the fact Hisao once joked that I could probably outrun Emi Ibarazaki under the right circumstances, I'm not particularly athletic by anyone's standards, except maybe Lilly's. The head nurse was so kind as to spare me the horrors of having to walk in gym shorts and a shirt and have my stiff movement, caused by my scar tissue, laughed at and mocked by classmates, as was the case in middle school. As it is, the question isn't whether I'll fall behind but when.
"You okay?"
I barely have enough breath to manage a reply.
"Y-yes. Don't mind me."
We're reaching the edge of town. Just another minute or two and we can take shelter.
I'm panting heavily and I'm betting that my clothes aren't just soaked with rain right now.
We're running as fast as we can, heads down, hand carrying the shopping bag raised in an attempt to shield ourselves from the ruthless elements. I look at Hisao who's running slightly ahead of me. He's looking back at me over his shoulder, probably about to ask if I'm alright and if I can manage for just a little longer. That's when I suddenly see a silhouette appear in front of him, approaching us at breakneck speed. My eyes grow large and I try to shout a warning.
"WATCH OUT!"
I hear a crashing sound and a scream and instinctively shield my eyes for a second. When I open them again I see Hisao lying on the ground next to a fallen bicycle and another person, a man in his fifties from the look of it. Both are looking pained, the other man cradling his leg and Hisao clutching his chest.
The cyclist is probably a resident here, surprised by the weather and doing the same thing we were doing; trying to find shelter as quickly as he could.
Hisao's clutching his chest.
Hisao doesn't look like he's getting up. Did he get injured?
He's clutching his chest!
I hurry over to him and kneel at his side.
HE'S CLUTCHING HIS CHEST!
04
"NO!"
A single, desperate exclamation escapes my mouth as I realize what's happening to Hisao, and with that realization comes a sharp pain in my own chest as if one of my ribs just snapped and punctured my heart.
This can't be happening!
Hisao's breathing is strained. I want to help him, but I'm completely lost at what to do.
He's going to die!
He raises his head for a moment and looks up at me. I want to reach out to him, but my body won't obey… Its only reaction a frantic trembling.
Why can't I move? Somebody help him! Please!
His eyes close again. The pain in my chest grows so intense that tears are forced out of my eyes, joining the raindrops on my cheeks.
Am I having a heart attack as well?
"Young lady, is your friend alright? I'm sorry I didn't see you two in time. I was in a hurry. That blasted rain."
He's dying. I'm losing him. Like I'm losing Lilly.
I'm overcome by an intense sensation of fear, like ten years ago when Mother scrambled in front of me, and we screamed as the flames got to us.
Like I lost Father. And Mother.
I'm breathing in and out like crazy, yet it feels like all oxygen has suddenly vanished from the air.
"Young lady, your friend looks like he's hurt."
Like I lost everyone.
I feel like I'm suffocating. With each fruitless gasp for breath I'm getting more and more terrified.
Stop! Make this stop! Help me!
"Young lady, I think we should call an ambulance."
I still can't move. I can't breathe, but I can't faint either as if some twisted deity has decided it's more amusing to keep me fully aware as the love of my life is dying in front of me and is keeping me conscious for the sheer cruel fun of it.
"Young lady?"
I can't breathe.
"Young lady, can you hear me?"
Why can't I breathe?
"YOUNG LADY!"
LET ME BREATHE!
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 14
Chapter 14
01
Where am I?
My dorm? My bedroom at home?
My eyelids are unusually heavy and random thoughts zoom by like a passing train. When I manage to open my eyes for a moment, all I can see is a white blur. The only sound I hear is a regular high-pitched sound.
I try to focus my thoughts, but for some reason they keep whirling around in my head.
Did I hit my head or something? What's wrong with me?
I try to force my eyelids open again. This time I see a few silhouettes (two? three?) against the white background. I hear voices, but I can't focus enough to make out the conversation beyond a few loose words.
"…stable…narcosis…worn off yet…rest…tomorrow…"
What's going on?
Despite my best efforts, I can feel myself sinking back into a black hole, the voices dying down to an incomprehensible murmur.
--------------------------------------
When I open my eyes again, my vision is still blurry, but my mind is clearer than it was before. I rub my eyes, and as my vision starts to focus I notice I'm staring at a white ceiling, one I haven't seen before yet is still disturbingly familiar. As I try to rise, a painful sensation wells up in my chest. I bring my hand to my chest only to find something stuck to it.
"Please don't touch the bandage, Mister Nakai. It'll still take some time for the wound to heal. Let me help you sit upright."
I hear a click and the head of the bed I'm lying in slowly tilts upwards, allowing me to see more of the room I'm in. The room is clean and rather empty, almost artificially so. An EKG monitor next to me emits a steady stream of beeping sounds, and I see an IV-tube leading from a bag containing clear liquid to my arm. The owner of the voice is a middle-aged man in a white coat standing in front of me.
A hospital. Probably the hospital near Yamaku as the landscape outside the window has a familiar look. I'm in a hospital room.
"I see you're awake, Mister Nakai. How are you feeling?"
I open my mouth to reply, but my mouth is too dry to speak clearly and a feeling of nausea boils up, forcing me to close my eyes until it passes. I swallow a few times, open my eyes and make attempt number two.
"What happened to me?"
"You had another episode, Mister Nakai. You had an accident yesterday afternoon. A collision with a cyclist triggered your condition. You were brought here and taken to the operating room soon after."
"I… had another surgery?"
"We performed a keyhole surgery to get an accurate assessment of your condition, but we want to wait a bit and see if you remain stable without any drastic procedures. We're keeping you under close observation and under increased medication for the next few days. If we run into complications while you're here, we'll operate later this week. If no further irregularities take place, we can probably let you go this weekend. So let's hope your luck holds out."
Is this guy joking?
"I can't say I'm feeling particularly lucky right now. I've been working out nearly every morning to avoid something like this. I haven't forgotten my medication for a single day. And despite everything, one moment of bad luck makes me end up here again. If that isn't depressing, I don't know what is."
"I wouldn't call those efforts a waste of time, Mister Nakai. All circumstances concerned, things could have ended a lot worse. If you remain stable, you'll be able to pick up your life again before the week is over."
As the doctor speaks, I try to recollect what happened. He said the accident took place yesterday, so it's Tuesday right now, seemingly afternoon from the look of the sky outside.
It was pouring really hard.
"Of course, you'll have to take it a little easier than usual for a while after you get back."
We were running as fast as we could, keeping our head down against the rain.
"We've been keeping in close contact with Yamaku's head nurse. He'll take over when you leave here."
I was looking over my shoulder.
"Your parents were here earlier, though you were probably still too much under the influence of the anesthetics to have heard them."
Then something hit me and knocked me over.
"They said they'd visit again later this week."
I was lying on the asphalt, my chest hurting, my heartbeat out of control.
"We want you to get plenty of rest for now. You might be ready to receive visitors tomorrow if all goes well."
I must have lost consciousness at some point. The last thing I remember seeing before blacking out…
"You might experience some side-effects from the medication we're giving you."
…was Hanako's terrified face.
"Any further questions, Mister Nakai?"
Hanako?
"Ahem… Mister Nakai."
Hanako!
The sudden change in signal from the EKG monitor catches the attention from the doctor.
"Is something the matter, Mister Nakai?"
Today's Tuesday. Lilly's leaving Yamaku in a matter of hours. Hanako and I were out to buy things for her farewell party we scheduled for last night. What happened to Hanako? Is she alright? Where is she?
"This heart attack came at a very inopportune moment."
The doctor chuckles.
"I hear that more often around here."
"Doctor, can you tell me if someone was brought in together with me? A girl with long dark hair?"
"I'm afraid I don't know. I wasn't present when the ambulance brought you in."
"Has someone been here for me other than my parents?"
"No, I can say that much with certainty. I could check with the ambulance staff for you."
"Thanks…"
As the doctor walks out, my thoughts dwell on Hanako again. I'm a little taken aback by the fact that nobody has heard from her. Ever since we started dating, she's been completely devoted to me, and I would have half-expected her to be sitting at my bed when I woke up. And what about Lilly? Does she even know I'm here?
"It turns out you were correct."
The doctor returns, only a few minutes after he left.
"I'm afraid I don't know the details, but there was indeed another person who was taken here together with you. She wasn't injured in any way, though the ambulance staff noted she was acting rather oddly. Eventually someone from Yamaku arrived to pick her up."
I appreciate the fact he took the time to check, but I wish he could be more specific about Hanako. 'Oddly' is a very vague term, and to some people even Hanako's usual behavior would probably qualify as odd. It doesn't really do much to relieve my anxiety. I take a look at the chair near the bed that holds my school uniform.
"Doctor, could you please hand me my cell phone? It should be in one of the pockets of my pants."
"I'm afraid the use of cell phones is prohibited in the building. They can interfere with some of the equipment we use. You can use the phone on your nightstand if you wish to make a call."
"I'll use that one then. Thank you doctor."
It's a good thing I know Hanako's and Lilly's number by heart. Hopefully, talking to Hanako will put me at ease. And if I can't get back to Yamaku before the weekend, I'll just have to say goodbye to Lilly this way. It's hardly ideal, but at least I can get a hold of her before her plane takes off.
--------------------------------------
I hope she'll pick up if she's called by a number she doesn't recognize.
I dial Hanako's number and anxiously wait for her to pick up. As far as I know, my condition is stable right now. While we both know from personal experience that that's hardly a guarantee, it at least gives me something to tell her, assuming she doesn't already know. And who was it who picked her up? The nurse?
02
"…H-h-hello?…"
Just when I'm about to give up and speak a message into Hanako's voicemail, I hear a small voice on the other end of the line… soft, hesitant and nervous. I've heard her talk like this only once or twice and that was when she was in a very bad place emotionally. This doesn't sound good.
"Hanako, it's me."
"H-H-Hisao…"
This is odd. I expected her to be relieved, but her voice actually sounds frightened. What's going on?
"I… just woke up. I'm at the hospital and had a keyhole surgery so they could check me up, but they don't want to operate if they don't have to. I'm stable right now. With luck I'll be able to leave here soon. I'm alright. Well, maybe not right now, but I'm gonna be. Promise."
"…"
Again, no relieved answer.
"Hanako?"
"…T-that's g-good… I'm h-happy f-for you, H-Hisao…"
Huh?
"Hanako, can you tell me what happened yesterday? The whole thing's still a bit of a blur to me. I heard you came along with me in the ambulance. Were you alright? And who picked you up there?"
A lot of questions, I know. She probably had one hell of a scare yesterday. I just hope I can get her to talk about it. Get it out of her system.
"…"
Is it my imagination or is her breathing speeding up? She's not… crying, is she? Are things still too recent for her? Should I try to get her mind off things instead?
"Hanako?"
"…Yes?"
"I'm allowed to have visitors from tomorrow on if everything goes well. You know, I wouldn't mind having one of your home-made dishes. Beats the hospital food by a mile."
I hear a gasp on the other end of the line.
Hanako?
"…I…can't…"
"You can't do what?"
"…I… can't… be… your… girlfriend… anymore…"
03
"HANAKO?"
"…I'm… sorry, Hisao…"
I physically reel in shock upon hearing Hanako's announcement. When I lift the receiver to my ear again, the only thing I hear is the tone indicating the connection was broken off. I immediately press the recall button, but this time, I merely hear the beep of the voicemail. (Hanako never recorded a message) She must have turned off the phone.
This can't be real.
Did Hanako really just break up with me?
But why?
This is crazy.
Or is it?
Hanako lost both of her parents at young age. They died right in front of her. I wouldn't be surprised if she still has nightmares about that every now and then.
Yesterday, I also nearly died in front of her. I wouldn't be surprised if this thing had a greater impact on her than it had on most other people. And if yesterday taught me anything, it's that no matter how hard I try, I can't make any guarantees it won't happen again.
Can I expect Hanako to stay with someone who might rip her old wounds open again and again?
As my mind is still making somersaults in an attempt to digest this unexpected turn of events, my fingers are already pressing the buttons in order to call another number. I don't expect Lilly to be able to help, seeing that she's set to leave Yamaku in a matter of hours, but maybe she has some advice for me.
"Good afternoon. Lilly Satou speaking."
"Lilly, it's me."
"Hisao! Thank God. You and Hanako never showed up yesterday. I got worried and called the nurse's office, who said you had an accident. I've been worried sick. What has happened?"
Lilly's familiar worrying tone is strangely reassuring right now. Although it also suggests she hasn't spoken to Hanako yet.
"The short version is: we went shopping for last night, got surprised by the rainstorm and collided with someone in our rush to reach the store. That shock triggered my arrhythmia, and I had to be taken to the hospital. I only woke up an hour ago. Hopefully I'll be allowed to leave before the weekend's over. Right now, I'm stable."
"You were shopping for my farewell party…"
"Don't be like that. It was just a stupid accident that could have taken place at any time. It's nobody's fault."
"I understand."
"Could you let Shizune and Misha know about this in case they don't already know? I get that you two don't get along, but I doubt Shizune will pick a fight with you under these circumstances."
"I will. Are you already allowed to have visitors at the hospital?"
"Not yet. Hopefully tomorrow. But that won't do you much good, will it?"
"I called Akira yesterday, and she's currently trying to postpone our departure. I… I really don't feel comfortable leaving with things as they are now. I hope to hear soon if she has succeeded."
"That's good. I could really use your advice right now."
"Of course."
"Have you spoken with Hanako since yesterday afternoon?"
"I have not. It's possible I heard her bedroom door last night, but it was already very late. Her door has been locked ever since. If she's in there, she's not responding to knocks."
"So you have no idea what's wrong with her either?"
"Wrong?"
"I just got off the phone with her. She acted… shell-shocked. She… She said she couldn't be with me anymore."
"W-what? What does that mean?"
"Lilly… I think Hanako just broke up with me."
"N-no…"
Lilly's exclamation of disbelief barely reaches above the level of a whisper. I don't think I've ever heard the usually calm Lilly so thoroughly unsettled before.
"H-Hisao, why would she do that?"
"Only she would know for sure, but I suspect that me having a heart attack right in front of her hit her very hard. She already lost both of her parents. Being faced with the loss of yet another person who was important to her…"
"But… she loved you dearly. I can't believe she would just give that up. Maybe… Maybe I can get her to talk to you. "
"I doubt it's gonna be that easy."
"Maybe she merely said this in the spur of the moment. Perhaps I'll be able to get through to her. I have to try."
Neither of us feeling really up to the usual ritual of small talk, we hang up and my thoughts once again dwell on Hanako.
"I can't be your girlfriend anymore."
What does that mean?
Not: 'I don't want to', but 'I can't'.
It really feels like she feels compelled by the circumstances. It might not be a spur of the moment as Lilly suggested.
This had quite an impact on Lilly as well. She didn't sound as calm and in control as she usually does.
I can't blame her though. She's scheduled to leave Yamaku this evening. If Akira is unable to cancel the trip, Lily will be leaving Japan in the middle of a big mess. Knowing her motherly nature, that'll seriously burden her.
I feel so powerless. I should be there at Yamaku confronting Hanako. Comforting her. Instead, I'm being trapped in here for at least several more days.
I slam my fist hard onto the side of the bed. The increased frequency of beeps from my heart monitor draws my attention.
I'm getting too worked up right now. I'm stuck here, and nothing I can do will change that.
The best thing I can do is focus on my recovery right now. If I stay on edge all the time, the doctors may decide to keep me here longer. If the upcoming weekend is the earliest time I can leave here then that's what I should aim for.
I'll just ask for some sleeping pills or something to get more rest.
--------------------------------------
04
The evening and the rest of the next day are completely uneventful, so I just try to get as much rest as I can. Having just finished my evening meal, I lie back and close my eyes.
It's been a day since I've called Hanako and Lilly, and I haven't heard a reply from either.
Is Lilly still in Japan, or is she flying to Scotland right now?
Dozing off a bit, I can vaguely hear a sound approaching me. I'm not sure if it's my imagination or not. A doctor wouldn't walk with such loud pronounced steps. Suddenly I feel something on my face. I open my eyes, but there's still nothing but darkness.
"Guess who, Hicchan!"
"Misha, what are you doing in my dream?"
"Wahaha~, it isn't a dream! I'm right here!"
The hands covering my face are pulled back, and my eyes fall upon a head full of pink hair and a brown shirt with 'Bush Cheney 2004' on the front hovering over me and blocking pretty much my entire view.
"Hey there, Hicchan! How are you feeling?"
"Slightly better than yesterday. Are you here on your own?"
"No. I brought company."
She moves to the side a bit, and I'm surprised to see not just Shizune entering the doorway, but Lilly as well, her hand resting on Shizune's shoulder for navigation. So it seems Akira managed to extend their stay in Japan after all. Shizune has an irritated expression on her face, Lilly's pace obviously far too slow for her liking, but she doesn't pull away. It's an interesting sight, seeing that Shizune and Lilly usually can't stand each other.
"Misha, did you walk on ahead?"
"Ahahaha. How did you know?"
I merely roll my eyes and focus on Shizune who has reached my bed as well and gives me curt nod as a greeting, the modest smile on her face indicating she's happy to see me.
"Good to see you, Hicchan. You certainly gave us a scare."
"Nice to see you too, Shizune. And thanks for dropping by."
"Not a problem. We made sure to bring you a few things you may appreciate during your stay here."
Shizune gestures to Misha who grabs the bag lying at her feet and drops it on the bed. Inside are my own pajamas, toothbrush and several books I got from the library last week.
I guess it would appear ungrateful to ask Shizune how the heck they managed to get into my room.
"Thanks guys. This'll make the rest of my time a lot easier to sit out."
I then notice a small envelope near the bottom of the bag. There's no post mark or stamp on it; only my own name written with what appeared to be shoddy or shaky handwriting. Curiously, I look at Shizune.
"What's in the envelope?"
"I don't know. We found it in the student council's mailbox. We don't know who left it there."
05
Intrigued, I open the envelope, but when I feel what's inside I feel my blood curdle, and both Misha and Lilly cringe when the beeping of my EKG monitor suddenly spikes.
"H-Hicchan, what's in there?"
I take the object from the envelope and carefully hold it in the palm of my hand.
"I-it's Hanako's hairclip. I… I gave it to her when we started dating."
That revelation is enough to kill the atmosphere in the room on the spot. For a moment, everyone merely stares at the floor, unsure of what to say. Shizune is the first one to recollect herself, and she starts signing, giving Misha a gentle shove in order to shake her out of the dazed state she was just in before repeating herself.
"R-right. Umm…Hicchan. We went to the nurse's office today to see if we could find out some more for you, and um… Do you remember that incident in science class some time ago?"
I do. Hanako, Shizune, Misha and I were working on an assignment together when Shizune and Misha started grilling me for information about my activities during the weekend and made me reveal Lilly and I were buying something for Hanako's upcoming birthday. That triggered a panic attack with Hanako, and although we were able to get her out of the class with a minimum of attention from the rest, the whole experience was very unsettling.
"How could I forget about that?"
"It seems something similar happened on Monday. It was… pretty bad, apparently. That's all the nurse would tell us, and he only told us because we said it was for your sake."
So things are even worse than I thought. My accident two days ago didn't just give Hanako a scare, it gave her a panic attack. Was that what the doctor was talking about when he said she was behaving strangely? This at least explains why she sounded the way she did when I phoned her. It was very much like the last time Lilly and I visited her shortly after that occurrence in class. I turn to Lilly, who has been standing some distance away from the bed the whole time and who has been strangely quiet during my interaction with the student council duo.
"So, Lilly, I suppose this means you weren't able to talk to Hanako after all."
Lilly doesn't immediately respond, and I notice how Shizune and Misha both give her an uncomfortable look. Lilly, in turn, turns her head in Misha and Shizune's direction and shoots them a pleading look back. After fiddling with her glasses for a second, Shizune nods and makes a flurry of gestures in Misha's direction.
"Ummm… Hicchan, I think we'll leave the two of you alone for a while. We'll be in the cafeteria downstairs. When you're done, you can give them a call and ask them to notify us."
Without waiting for a reply, Shizune and Misha get up, give me a quick nod and then walk out of my room with quick determined steps, leaving me alone in the room with Lilly. This looks rather ominous. Do they know something I don't?
"Err…you'd better sit down. There's a chair a few steps away from my bed on the right side."
"Thank you."
Lilly takes out her cane and carefully approaches while waving it in front of her until she finds the chair I mentioned. As she walks towards me, I take a moment to look her over.
"You're… not looking so good."
I'm actually being polite. She's looking far worse than I've ever seen her before, and the only reason I didn't notice it sooner was because she was standing some distance away from the bed and Shizune and Misha were hogging my attention. Her posture is different than usual. I don't think I've seen her slump her shoulders before, but she certainly does now. When I look closer, I also notice bags under her eyes as if she's completely skipped sleep last night.
"Lilly, what's going on?"
"Hisao, I… did speak with Hanako yesterday."
Her voice sounds softer than usual, almost a whisper.
"Judging by the envelope she left, I don't get the impression it was a spur-of-the-moment thing."
Lilly sadly shakes her head.
"Why don't you start at the beginning?"
"After your phone call, I went over to her room. The door was locked of course and she didn't react to my knocking at first, but I kept trying and eventually she opened the door for me."
"She told me I shouldn't have visited her. She said she wanted to see me off with a smile and she didn't want our last moments together to be like this. I told her that I asked Akira to postpone our departure, and with luck I could be here for her for a little while longer. I expected her to be happy or at least relieved, but she didn't react at all to this news."
"Go on."
"I asked if she wanted to go and visit you here together with me, just in case Akira would fail to move the departure date. I was pretty sure the doctors would have made an exception for us. But she wouldn't. She told me that she wasn't your girlfriend any longer. That she couldn't be your girlfriend any longer. I asked her why, but she wouldn't tell me. Then I asked her what happened the day before, but she wouldn't tell me that either. Instead, she asked me to leave."
Lilly sighs deeply.
"I…I should have left. But at that time I didn't. I couldn't. I kept reminding her of all the wonderful times you two had together. I kept trying to find out what caused her to act the way she did. I kept trying to convince her to go and see you. I thought… I thought if she would just go and see you, she'd change her mind. She kept telling me to leave her alone. I-I must have pressured her too much, because suddenly she… she…"
Lilly swallows, and for a moment I think she's going to break down. Then she continues, her pain evident in every word she says.
"She… lashed out at me. She screamed at me to leave her alone. She said I was only here to make myself feel better. I said I was here because I wanted to support her. Because she is my best friend. Then she snapped that I had never been interested in her as a friend. That I had only been interested in fixing her. That she was nothing but a project to me. And then she told me to go away… and to never come back. I… I was terrified of her at that moment. I turned around and fled the room. I haven't been back since. I don't think I could even if the door wasn't locked."
Unable to keep her emotions in check any longer Lilly stands up and holds her face in her hands before bursting into tears.
"I'm sorry, Hisao…I-I've messed up everything."
I can barely believe what I'm hearing. Hanako screaming at someone else, at Lilly of all people, is almost impossible for me to imagine. She's such a meek and subdued girl she usually has trouble even raising her voice. But the sight of the sobbing Lilly in front of me leaves me very little doubt that this is what has happened.
"Lilly…"
I sit upright, gently wrap my arms around her and hold her as she cries, her carefully crafted lady exterior completely shattered.
"I-I could hear her last night, Hisao. I… I could hear her cry on the other side of the wall. And I couldn't do anything to help her."
"We'll find a way, Lilly."
At least, I hope so. I'm not so sure myself. Are there any other ways to approach Hanako now that she's pushed both me and Lilly away? Is this really how our little family was meant to end? Is this how our relationship was meant to end? Was the whole thing doomed from the start? Were things never meant to last beyond my first episode?
Lilly sniffles, obviously not convinced.
"I…I disappointed you, didn't I Hisao?"
"Don't be so hard on yourself."
Truth be told, I wouldn’t have expected Lilly's attempt to talk Hanako out of her depression to backfire like this. For as long as I've known her, Lilly has always been a steady pillar of support for both Hanako and me. Whenever I was lost at what to do, Lilly would always nudge me in the right direction in that calm, confident and motherly manner of hers. But that was before this whole Scotland business reared its head. I had no doubt this thing has been on her mind constantly. Did her own worries throw off her judgment? That seems to be the case.
"I-I feel I failed both of you."
"You've always been there to support us, Lilly. And you've been doing a great job. But you're only human."
Her flood of tears slowly subsiding, Lilly lets go of me and sits down again next to my bed, taking out a fancy embroidered handkerchief to dry her tears.
"I probably shouldn't have pressured her the way I did."
"The last time Hanako locked herself away, I was the one who was dying to drag her out and you were the one who told me it was probably best to back down and let Hanako sort things out on her own. That advice might very well have prevented our relationship from failing before it even started. So I can't help but feel there's some irony in the way things played out. It seems… a little unlike you."
Lilly gives me a tired smile, obviously aware of what I just pointed out.
"I'm used to pacing my life in such a way that I can always carefully consider the situation before acting. It's how I've always done things. I'm afraid I function very badly under pressure. I admit I have acted rashly. It's just that I… At the time I didn't even know if Akira would succeed in extending our stay here. I thought that maybe I only had a few hours left here before I'd be forced to leave, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the two of you in the middle of a situation I share some responsibility for myself. I would have felt like abandoning you."
"Just because we were on our way to buy stuff for your seeing-off party doesn't mean you are responsible for what happened."
"That's not what troubled me. Hisao, what do you think triggered Hanako's panic attack this Monday?"
"The most realistic assumption I can come up with is probably the prospect of losing one more person dear to her."
"One more person? Or perhaps two more?"
I take a moment to consider Lilly's suggestion. When I had my heart attack in front of Hanako, she was already busy grappling with the fact she was about to lose Lilly. I have to admit the theory of Lilly's rapidly approaching departure playing at least a role in this sounds very plausible.
"And unlike your heart attack, me going away has been a conscious choice on my part. But I’ve never meant to hurt her, Hisao. I’ve never meant to hurt anyone."
"Hey, nobody could have predicted this."
She sadly shakes her head.
"In the end, I felt responsible for this situation and felt it as my duty to help sort it out. There may be some truth in Hanako's point about my actions merely serving to ease my own conscience."
"That may be so, but I think I would have acted exactly the same in your situation. And I'm willing to bet all my limbs on it that the same is true for Hanako."
06
We stay quiet for a long time, neither of us really knowing what more to say. Eventually, I see a doctor passing by in the hallway, looking into my room and checking his watch.
"Apparently the staff here thinks you're wearing out your welcome. Hopefully you can come back some time tomorrow."
"I will."
I take the receiver from the phone on my nightstand, call the cafeteria's number and ask them to call a girl with crazy pink drill hair and a girl with glasses using sign language and direct them to my room. As I finish, I notice Lilly has sought out the sink near one corner of the room and is busy washing the tears off her face and tidying herself up as best as she can. I cannot help but chuckle. Even under these circumstances, Lilly still won't be caught dead facing Shizune looking anything less than a hundred percent presentable. Some things will probably never change.
"Lilly, you should probably try to get a good night's rest."
"You too, Hisao. I will make an effort on my part, although I cannot guarantee anything."
"You can use my dorm room for tonight if you like. The keys are still in the pockets of my uniform."
Lilly considers it for a moment, but then adamantly shakes her head.
"Refused."
"It'd at least eliminate the temptation of listening in on Hanako."
For a moment, Lilly's depressed mood vanishes as she flashes me a playful grin.
"I appreciate the gesture Hisao, but only one girl in the world has any business sneaking into that dorm room of yours and sleeping in your bed."
She firmly taps the floor ahead of her with her cane as if to further emphasize her point.
"And that girl is Hanako."
07
01
Where am I?
My dorm? My bedroom at home?
My eyelids are unusually heavy and random thoughts zoom by like a passing train. When I manage to open my eyes for a moment, all I can see is a white blur. The only sound I hear is a regular high-pitched sound.
I try to focus my thoughts, but for some reason they keep whirling around in my head.
Did I hit my head or something? What's wrong with me?
I try to force my eyelids open again. This time I see a few silhouettes (two? three?) against the white background. I hear voices, but I can't focus enough to make out the conversation beyond a few loose words.
"…stable…narcosis…worn off yet…rest…tomorrow…"
What's going on?
Despite my best efforts, I can feel myself sinking back into a black hole, the voices dying down to an incomprehensible murmur.
--------------------------------------
When I open my eyes again, my vision is still blurry, but my mind is clearer than it was before. I rub my eyes, and as my vision starts to focus I notice I'm staring at a white ceiling, one I haven't seen before yet is still disturbingly familiar. As I try to rise, a painful sensation wells up in my chest. I bring my hand to my chest only to find something stuck to it.
"Please don't touch the bandage, Mister Nakai. It'll still take some time for the wound to heal. Let me help you sit upright."
I hear a click and the head of the bed I'm lying in slowly tilts upwards, allowing me to see more of the room I'm in. The room is clean and rather empty, almost artificially so. An EKG monitor next to me emits a steady stream of beeping sounds, and I see an IV-tube leading from a bag containing clear liquid to my arm. The owner of the voice is a middle-aged man in a white coat standing in front of me.
A hospital. Probably the hospital near Yamaku as the landscape outside the window has a familiar look. I'm in a hospital room.
"I see you're awake, Mister Nakai. How are you feeling?"
I open my mouth to reply, but my mouth is too dry to speak clearly and a feeling of nausea boils up, forcing me to close my eyes until it passes. I swallow a few times, open my eyes and make attempt number two.
"What happened to me?"
"You had another episode, Mister Nakai. You had an accident yesterday afternoon. A collision with a cyclist triggered your condition. You were brought here and taken to the operating room soon after."
"I… had another surgery?"
"We performed a keyhole surgery to get an accurate assessment of your condition, but we want to wait a bit and see if you remain stable without any drastic procedures. We're keeping you under close observation and under increased medication for the next few days. If we run into complications while you're here, we'll operate later this week. If no further irregularities take place, we can probably let you go this weekend. So let's hope your luck holds out."
Is this guy joking?
"I can't say I'm feeling particularly lucky right now. I've been working out nearly every morning to avoid something like this. I haven't forgotten my medication for a single day. And despite everything, one moment of bad luck makes me end up here again. If that isn't depressing, I don't know what is."
"I wouldn't call those efforts a waste of time, Mister Nakai. All circumstances concerned, things could have ended a lot worse. If you remain stable, you'll be able to pick up your life again before the week is over."
As the doctor speaks, I try to recollect what happened. He said the accident took place yesterday, so it's Tuesday right now, seemingly afternoon from the look of the sky outside.
It was pouring really hard.
"Of course, you'll have to take it a little easier than usual for a while after you get back."
We were running as fast as we could, keeping our head down against the rain.
"We've been keeping in close contact with Yamaku's head nurse. He'll take over when you leave here."
I was looking over my shoulder.
"Your parents were here earlier, though you were probably still too much under the influence of the anesthetics to have heard them."
Then something hit me and knocked me over.
"They said they'd visit again later this week."
I was lying on the asphalt, my chest hurting, my heartbeat out of control.
"We want you to get plenty of rest for now. You might be ready to receive visitors tomorrow if all goes well."
I must have lost consciousness at some point. The last thing I remember seeing before blacking out…
"You might experience some side-effects from the medication we're giving you."
…was Hanako's terrified face.
"Any further questions, Mister Nakai?"
Hanako?
"Ahem… Mister Nakai."
Hanako!
The sudden change in signal from the EKG monitor catches the attention from the doctor.
"Is something the matter, Mister Nakai?"
Today's Tuesday. Lilly's leaving Yamaku in a matter of hours. Hanako and I were out to buy things for her farewell party we scheduled for last night. What happened to Hanako? Is she alright? Where is she?
"This heart attack came at a very inopportune moment."
The doctor chuckles.
"I hear that more often around here."
"Doctor, can you tell me if someone was brought in together with me? A girl with long dark hair?"
"I'm afraid I don't know. I wasn't present when the ambulance brought you in."
"Has someone been here for me other than my parents?"
"No, I can say that much with certainty. I could check with the ambulance staff for you."
"Thanks…"
As the doctor walks out, my thoughts dwell on Hanako again. I'm a little taken aback by the fact that nobody has heard from her. Ever since we started dating, she's been completely devoted to me, and I would have half-expected her to be sitting at my bed when I woke up. And what about Lilly? Does she even know I'm here?
"It turns out you were correct."
The doctor returns, only a few minutes after he left.
"I'm afraid I don't know the details, but there was indeed another person who was taken here together with you. She wasn't injured in any way, though the ambulance staff noted she was acting rather oddly. Eventually someone from Yamaku arrived to pick her up."
I appreciate the fact he took the time to check, but I wish he could be more specific about Hanako. 'Oddly' is a very vague term, and to some people even Hanako's usual behavior would probably qualify as odd. It doesn't really do much to relieve my anxiety. I take a look at the chair near the bed that holds my school uniform.
"Doctor, could you please hand me my cell phone? It should be in one of the pockets of my pants."
"I'm afraid the use of cell phones is prohibited in the building. They can interfere with some of the equipment we use. You can use the phone on your nightstand if you wish to make a call."
"I'll use that one then. Thank you doctor."
It's a good thing I know Hanako's and Lilly's number by heart. Hopefully, talking to Hanako will put me at ease. And if I can't get back to Yamaku before the weekend, I'll just have to say goodbye to Lilly this way. It's hardly ideal, but at least I can get a hold of her before her plane takes off.
--------------------------------------
I hope she'll pick up if she's called by a number she doesn't recognize.
I dial Hanako's number and anxiously wait for her to pick up. As far as I know, my condition is stable right now. While we both know from personal experience that that's hardly a guarantee, it at least gives me something to tell her, assuming she doesn't already know. And who was it who picked her up? The nurse?
02
"…H-h-hello?…"
Just when I'm about to give up and speak a message into Hanako's voicemail, I hear a small voice on the other end of the line… soft, hesitant and nervous. I've heard her talk like this only once or twice and that was when she was in a very bad place emotionally. This doesn't sound good.
"Hanako, it's me."
"H-H-Hisao…"
This is odd. I expected her to be relieved, but her voice actually sounds frightened. What's going on?
"I… just woke up. I'm at the hospital and had a keyhole surgery so they could check me up, but they don't want to operate if they don't have to. I'm stable right now. With luck I'll be able to leave here soon. I'm alright. Well, maybe not right now, but I'm gonna be. Promise."
"…"
Again, no relieved answer.
"Hanako?"
"…T-that's g-good… I'm h-happy f-for you, H-Hisao…"
Huh?
"Hanako, can you tell me what happened yesterday? The whole thing's still a bit of a blur to me. I heard you came along with me in the ambulance. Were you alright? And who picked you up there?"
A lot of questions, I know. She probably had one hell of a scare yesterday. I just hope I can get her to talk about it. Get it out of her system.
"…"
Is it my imagination or is her breathing speeding up? She's not… crying, is she? Are things still too recent for her? Should I try to get her mind off things instead?
"Hanako?"
"…Yes?"
"I'm allowed to have visitors from tomorrow on if everything goes well. You know, I wouldn't mind having one of your home-made dishes. Beats the hospital food by a mile."
I hear a gasp on the other end of the line.
Hanako?
"…I…can't…"
"You can't do what?"
"…I… can't… be… your… girlfriend… anymore…"
03
"HANAKO?"
"…I'm… sorry, Hisao…"
I physically reel in shock upon hearing Hanako's announcement. When I lift the receiver to my ear again, the only thing I hear is the tone indicating the connection was broken off. I immediately press the recall button, but this time, I merely hear the beep of the voicemail. (Hanako never recorded a message) She must have turned off the phone.
This can't be real.
Did Hanako really just break up with me?
But why?
This is crazy.
Or is it?
Hanako lost both of her parents at young age. They died right in front of her. I wouldn't be surprised if she still has nightmares about that every now and then.
Yesterday, I also nearly died in front of her. I wouldn't be surprised if this thing had a greater impact on her than it had on most other people. And if yesterday taught me anything, it's that no matter how hard I try, I can't make any guarantees it won't happen again.
Can I expect Hanako to stay with someone who might rip her old wounds open again and again?
As my mind is still making somersaults in an attempt to digest this unexpected turn of events, my fingers are already pressing the buttons in order to call another number. I don't expect Lilly to be able to help, seeing that she's set to leave Yamaku in a matter of hours, but maybe she has some advice for me.
"Good afternoon. Lilly Satou speaking."
"Lilly, it's me."
"Hisao! Thank God. You and Hanako never showed up yesterday. I got worried and called the nurse's office, who said you had an accident. I've been worried sick. What has happened?"
Lilly's familiar worrying tone is strangely reassuring right now. Although it also suggests she hasn't spoken to Hanako yet.
"The short version is: we went shopping for last night, got surprised by the rainstorm and collided with someone in our rush to reach the store. That shock triggered my arrhythmia, and I had to be taken to the hospital. I only woke up an hour ago. Hopefully I'll be allowed to leave before the weekend's over. Right now, I'm stable."
"You were shopping for my farewell party…"
"Don't be like that. It was just a stupid accident that could have taken place at any time. It's nobody's fault."
"I understand."
"Could you let Shizune and Misha know about this in case they don't already know? I get that you two don't get along, but I doubt Shizune will pick a fight with you under these circumstances."
"I will. Are you already allowed to have visitors at the hospital?"
"Not yet. Hopefully tomorrow. But that won't do you much good, will it?"
"I called Akira yesterday, and she's currently trying to postpone our departure. I… I really don't feel comfortable leaving with things as they are now. I hope to hear soon if she has succeeded."
"That's good. I could really use your advice right now."
"Of course."
"Have you spoken with Hanako since yesterday afternoon?"
"I have not. It's possible I heard her bedroom door last night, but it was already very late. Her door has been locked ever since. If she's in there, she's not responding to knocks."
"So you have no idea what's wrong with her either?"
"Wrong?"
"I just got off the phone with her. She acted… shell-shocked. She… She said she couldn't be with me anymore."
"W-what? What does that mean?"
"Lilly… I think Hanako just broke up with me."
"N-no…"
Lilly's exclamation of disbelief barely reaches above the level of a whisper. I don't think I've ever heard the usually calm Lilly so thoroughly unsettled before.
"H-Hisao, why would she do that?"
"Only she would know for sure, but I suspect that me having a heart attack right in front of her hit her very hard. She already lost both of her parents. Being faced with the loss of yet another person who was important to her…"
"But… she loved you dearly. I can't believe she would just give that up. Maybe… Maybe I can get her to talk to you. "
"I doubt it's gonna be that easy."
"Maybe she merely said this in the spur of the moment. Perhaps I'll be able to get through to her. I have to try."
Neither of us feeling really up to the usual ritual of small talk, we hang up and my thoughts once again dwell on Hanako.
"I can't be your girlfriend anymore."
What does that mean?
Not: 'I don't want to', but 'I can't'.
It really feels like she feels compelled by the circumstances. It might not be a spur of the moment as Lilly suggested.
This had quite an impact on Lilly as well. She didn't sound as calm and in control as she usually does.
I can't blame her though. She's scheduled to leave Yamaku this evening. If Akira is unable to cancel the trip, Lily will be leaving Japan in the middle of a big mess. Knowing her motherly nature, that'll seriously burden her.
I feel so powerless. I should be there at Yamaku confronting Hanako. Comforting her. Instead, I'm being trapped in here for at least several more days.
I slam my fist hard onto the side of the bed. The increased frequency of beeps from my heart monitor draws my attention.
I'm getting too worked up right now. I'm stuck here, and nothing I can do will change that.
The best thing I can do is focus on my recovery right now. If I stay on edge all the time, the doctors may decide to keep me here longer. If the upcoming weekend is the earliest time I can leave here then that's what I should aim for.
I'll just ask for some sleeping pills or something to get more rest.
--------------------------------------
04
The evening and the rest of the next day are completely uneventful, so I just try to get as much rest as I can. Having just finished my evening meal, I lie back and close my eyes.
It's been a day since I've called Hanako and Lilly, and I haven't heard a reply from either.
Is Lilly still in Japan, or is she flying to Scotland right now?
Dozing off a bit, I can vaguely hear a sound approaching me. I'm not sure if it's my imagination or not. A doctor wouldn't walk with such loud pronounced steps. Suddenly I feel something on my face. I open my eyes, but there's still nothing but darkness.
"Guess who, Hicchan!"
"Misha, what are you doing in my dream?"
"Wahaha~, it isn't a dream! I'm right here!"
The hands covering my face are pulled back, and my eyes fall upon a head full of pink hair and a brown shirt with 'Bush Cheney 2004' on the front hovering over me and blocking pretty much my entire view.
"Hey there, Hicchan! How are you feeling?"
"Slightly better than yesterday. Are you here on your own?"
"No. I brought company."
She moves to the side a bit, and I'm surprised to see not just Shizune entering the doorway, but Lilly as well, her hand resting on Shizune's shoulder for navigation. So it seems Akira managed to extend their stay in Japan after all. Shizune has an irritated expression on her face, Lilly's pace obviously far too slow for her liking, but she doesn't pull away. It's an interesting sight, seeing that Shizune and Lilly usually can't stand each other.
"Misha, did you walk on ahead?"
"Ahahaha. How did you know?"
I merely roll my eyes and focus on Shizune who has reached my bed as well and gives me curt nod as a greeting, the modest smile on her face indicating she's happy to see me.
"Good to see you, Hicchan. You certainly gave us a scare."
"Nice to see you too, Shizune. And thanks for dropping by."
"Not a problem. We made sure to bring you a few things you may appreciate during your stay here."
Shizune gestures to Misha who grabs the bag lying at her feet and drops it on the bed. Inside are my own pajamas, toothbrush and several books I got from the library last week.
I guess it would appear ungrateful to ask Shizune how the heck they managed to get into my room.
"Thanks guys. This'll make the rest of my time a lot easier to sit out."
I then notice a small envelope near the bottom of the bag. There's no post mark or stamp on it; only my own name written with what appeared to be shoddy or shaky handwriting. Curiously, I look at Shizune.
"What's in the envelope?"
"I don't know. We found it in the student council's mailbox. We don't know who left it there."
05
Intrigued, I open the envelope, but when I feel what's inside I feel my blood curdle, and both Misha and Lilly cringe when the beeping of my EKG monitor suddenly spikes.
"H-Hicchan, what's in there?"
I take the object from the envelope and carefully hold it in the palm of my hand.
"I-it's Hanako's hairclip. I… I gave it to her when we started dating."
That revelation is enough to kill the atmosphere in the room on the spot. For a moment, everyone merely stares at the floor, unsure of what to say. Shizune is the first one to recollect herself, and she starts signing, giving Misha a gentle shove in order to shake her out of the dazed state she was just in before repeating herself.
"R-right. Umm…Hicchan. We went to the nurse's office today to see if we could find out some more for you, and um… Do you remember that incident in science class some time ago?"
I do. Hanako, Shizune, Misha and I were working on an assignment together when Shizune and Misha started grilling me for information about my activities during the weekend and made me reveal Lilly and I were buying something for Hanako's upcoming birthday. That triggered a panic attack with Hanako, and although we were able to get her out of the class with a minimum of attention from the rest, the whole experience was very unsettling.
"How could I forget about that?"
"It seems something similar happened on Monday. It was… pretty bad, apparently. That's all the nurse would tell us, and he only told us because we said it was for your sake."
So things are even worse than I thought. My accident two days ago didn't just give Hanako a scare, it gave her a panic attack. Was that what the doctor was talking about when he said she was behaving strangely? This at least explains why she sounded the way she did when I phoned her. It was very much like the last time Lilly and I visited her shortly after that occurrence in class. I turn to Lilly, who has been standing some distance away from the bed the whole time and who has been strangely quiet during my interaction with the student council duo.
"So, Lilly, I suppose this means you weren't able to talk to Hanako after all."
Lilly doesn't immediately respond, and I notice how Shizune and Misha both give her an uncomfortable look. Lilly, in turn, turns her head in Misha and Shizune's direction and shoots them a pleading look back. After fiddling with her glasses for a second, Shizune nods and makes a flurry of gestures in Misha's direction.
"Ummm… Hicchan, I think we'll leave the two of you alone for a while. We'll be in the cafeteria downstairs. When you're done, you can give them a call and ask them to notify us."
Without waiting for a reply, Shizune and Misha get up, give me a quick nod and then walk out of my room with quick determined steps, leaving me alone in the room with Lilly. This looks rather ominous. Do they know something I don't?
"Err…you'd better sit down. There's a chair a few steps away from my bed on the right side."
"Thank you."
Lilly takes out her cane and carefully approaches while waving it in front of her until she finds the chair I mentioned. As she walks towards me, I take a moment to look her over.
"You're… not looking so good."
I'm actually being polite. She's looking far worse than I've ever seen her before, and the only reason I didn't notice it sooner was because she was standing some distance away from the bed and Shizune and Misha were hogging my attention. Her posture is different than usual. I don't think I've seen her slump her shoulders before, but she certainly does now. When I look closer, I also notice bags under her eyes as if she's completely skipped sleep last night.
"Lilly, what's going on?"
"Hisao, I… did speak with Hanako yesterday."
Her voice sounds softer than usual, almost a whisper.
"Judging by the envelope she left, I don't get the impression it was a spur-of-the-moment thing."
Lilly sadly shakes her head.
"Why don't you start at the beginning?"
"After your phone call, I went over to her room. The door was locked of course and she didn't react to my knocking at first, but I kept trying and eventually she opened the door for me."
"She told me I shouldn't have visited her. She said she wanted to see me off with a smile and she didn't want our last moments together to be like this. I told her that I asked Akira to postpone our departure, and with luck I could be here for her for a little while longer. I expected her to be happy or at least relieved, but she didn't react at all to this news."
"Go on."
"I asked if she wanted to go and visit you here together with me, just in case Akira would fail to move the departure date. I was pretty sure the doctors would have made an exception for us. But she wouldn't. She told me that she wasn't your girlfriend any longer. That she couldn't be your girlfriend any longer. I asked her why, but she wouldn't tell me. Then I asked her what happened the day before, but she wouldn't tell me that either. Instead, she asked me to leave."
Lilly sighs deeply.
"I…I should have left. But at that time I didn't. I couldn't. I kept reminding her of all the wonderful times you two had together. I kept trying to find out what caused her to act the way she did. I kept trying to convince her to go and see you. I thought… I thought if she would just go and see you, she'd change her mind. She kept telling me to leave her alone. I-I must have pressured her too much, because suddenly she… she…"
Lilly swallows, and for a moment I think she's going to break down. Then she continues, her pain evident in every word she says.
"She… lashed out at me. She screamed at me to leave her alone. She said I was only here to make myself feel better. I said I was here because I wanted to support her. Because she is my best friend. Then she snapped that I had never been interested in her as a friend. That I had only been interested in fixing her. That she was nothing but a project to me. And then she told me to go away… and to never come back. I… I was terrified of her at that moment. I turned around and fled the room. I haven't been back since. I don't think I could even if the door wasn't locked."
Unable to keep her emotions in check any longer Lilly stands up and holds her face in her hands before bursting into tears.
"I'm sorry, Hisao…I-I've messed up everything."
I can barely believe what I'm hearing. Hanako screaming at someone else, at Lilly of all people, is almost impossible for me to imagine. She's such a meek and subdued girl she usually has trouble even raising her voice. But the sight of the sobbing Lilly in front of me leaves me very little doubt that this is what has happened.
"Lilly…"
I sit upright, gently wrap my arms around her and hold her as she cries, her carefully crafted lady exterior completely shattered.
"I-I could hear her last night, Hisao. I… I could hear her cry on the other side of the wall. And I couldn't do anything to help her."
"We'll find a way, Lilly."
At least, I hope so. I'm not so sure myself. Are there any other ways to approach Hanako now that she's pushed both me and Lilly away? Is this really how our little family was meant to end? Is this how our relationship was meant to end? Was the whole thing doomed from the start? Were things never meant to last beyond my first episode?
Lilly sniffles, obviously not convinced.
"I…I disappointed you, didn't I Hisao?"
"Don't be so hard on yourself."
Truth be told, I wouldn’t have expected Lilly's attempt to talk Hanako out of her depression to backfire like this. For as long as I've known her, Lilly has always been a steady pillar of support for both Hanako and me. Whenever I was lost at what to do, Lilly would always nudge me in the right direction in that calm, confident and motherly manner of hers. But that was before this whole Scotland business reared its head. I had no doubt this thing has been on her mind constantly. Did her own worries throw off her judgment? That seems to be the case.
"I-I feel I failed both of you."
"You've always been there to support us, Lilly. And you've been doing a great job. But you're only human."
Her flood of tears slowly subsiding, Lilly lets go of me and sits down again next to my bed, taking out a fancy embroidered handkerchief to dry her tears.
"I probably shouldn't have pressured her the way I did."
"The last time Hanako locked herself away, I was the one who was dying to drag her out and you were the one who told me it was probably best to back down and let Hanako sort things out on her own. That advice might very well have prevented our relationship from failing before it even started. So I can't help but feel there's some irony in the way things played out. It seems… a little unlike you."
Lilly gives me a tired smile, obviously aware of what I just pointed out.
"I'm used to pacing my life in such a way that I can always carefully consider the situation before acting. It's how I've always done things. I'm afraid I function very badly under pressure. I admit I have acted rashly. It's just that I… At the time I didn't even know if Akira would succeed in extending our stay here. I thought that maybe I only had a few hours left here before I'd be forced to leave, and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the two of you in the middle of a situation I share some responsibility for myself. I would have felt like abandoning you."
"Just because we were on our way to buy stuff for your seeing-off party doesn't mean you are responsible for what happened."
"That's not what troubled me. Hisao, what do you think triggered Hanako's panic attack this Monday?"
"The most realistic assumption I can come up with is probably the prospect of losing one more person dear to her."
"One more person? Or perhaps two more?"
I take a moment to consider Lilly's suggestion. When I had my heart attack in front of Hanako, she was already busy grappling with the fact she was about to lose Lilly. I have to admit the theory of Lilly's rapidly approaching departure playing at least a role in this sounds very plausible.
"And unlike your heart attack, me going away has been a conscious choice on my part. But I’ve never meant to hurt her, Hisao. I’ve never meant to hurt anyone."
"Hey, nobody could have predicted this."
She sadly shakes her head.
"In the end, I felt responsible for this situation and felt it as my duty to help sort it out. There may be some truth in Hanako's point about my actions merely serving to ease my own conscience."
"That may be so, but I think I would have acted exactly the same in your situation. And I'm willing to bet all my limbs on it that the same is true for Hanako."
06
We stay quiet for a long time, neither of us really knowing what more to say. Eventually, I see a doctor passing by in the hallway, looking into my room and checking his watch.
"Apparently the staff here thinks you're wearing out your welcome. Hopefully you can come back some time tomorrow."
"I will."
I take the receiver from the phone on my nightstand, call the cafeteria's number and ask them to call a girl with crazy pink drill hair and a girl with glasses using sign language and direct them to my room. As I finish, I notice Lilly has sought out the sink near one corner of the room and is busy washing the tears off her face and tidying herself up as best as she can. I cannot help but chuckle. Even under these circumstances, Lilly still won't be caught dead facing Shizune looking anything less than a hundred percent presentable. Some things will probably never change.
"Lilly, you should probably try to get a good night's rest."
"You too, Hisao. I will make an effort on my part, although I cannot guarantee anything."
"You can use my dorm room for tonight if you like. The keys are still in the pockets of my uniform."
Lilly considers it for a moment, but then adamantly shakes her head.
"Refused."
"It'd at least eliminate the temptation of listening in on Hanako."
For a moment, Lilly's depressed mood vanishes as she flashes me a playful grin.
"I appreciate the gesture Hisao, but only one girl in the world has any business sneaking into that dorm room of yours and sleeping in your bed."
She firmly taps the floor ahead of her with her cane as if to further emphasize her point.
"And that girl is Hanako."
07
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 15
Chapter 15
01
Upon finishing the last page of the book I've been reading since morning, I close it with a decisive snap. I'm thankful to Shizune and Misha for bringing along my books. Time passes a lot more quickly while I'm absorbed in one of them. With luck, I'll be allowed to leave the hospital tomorrow around noon. My heart, after the initial episode four days ago, has decided to abstain from causing me further trouble, though that seems like a small comfort.
Yesterday was pretty eventful with my parents dropping by at noon and Lilly, Shizune, Misha and Akira visiting in the evening. For some time, it seemed like nothing was out of the ordinary, with Akira playfully mentioning how interesting it was to see Lilly and Shizune made peace with one another, to which Shizune replied that ‘striking a wounded adversary’ was simply against her moral code; a provocation which Lilly then used to refute Akira's suggestion. Both eventually got upset at my observation that the two of them were really too proud for their own good sometimes, a remark that amused Misha and Akira to no end. After Lilly and I were left alone again though, it quickly became clear she had simply been doing her best to keep up appearances, a trait of hers that both tends to impress and unnerve me.
It turned out that not much had changed. Lilly was still in a very depressed mood although she took my word for it when I assured her that Hanako hadn't been secretly resenting her all along as she had come to believe over the last two days. I also learned that Akira has only been able to postpone their departure to Scotland for one week, and she won’t be able to hold things off any longer.
In addition to the rift between Hanako and Lilly, I also have my own relation with Hanako to worry about.
Can our relationship still be mended? Is it fair to expect her to deal with events like last Monday after all she's been through already?
If that's not possible, can we still be friends? We've been through many highs and lows together. Would ordinary friendship even be possible? I don't want her to be just a friend to me.
Is she going to avoid me from now on? It seems an impossible task, seeing that we're in the same class, but Hanako has been keeping up a wall between herself and the rest of the class since she started attending here. She could pull it off if she wanted to.
Lilly, Shizune and Misha are probably going to visit again, but neither Lilly nor I have a clear idea on how to get through to Hanako.
As I mull over these things, I notice a familiar figure slowly walking through the hallway. She stops near the door and looks to be in deep thought for a moment.
"Lilly? Hey, Lilly!"
Having picked up my voice, Lilly turns in my direction for a moment to acknowledge my greeting and then turns around to talk to someone who was apparently standing behind her. After a few seconds, she turns back to me and carefully navigates herself to my bed.
"Are you here all on your own? Aren't Shizune and Misha with you?"
Lilly shakes her head as she retracts her cane, sits down in the chair near my bed and puts it into her bag. As she does so, I notice something else in there; the plush puppy Hanako gave her. Has she been carrying that thing around with her all week?
"Not this time. I started feeling bad to make them accompany me and then sit most of the time in the cafeteria while we talk here, so I decided to come alone this time."
"So the person you were talking to was a nurse you asked for directions?"
Lilly smiles proudly.
"Not quite. It was a staff member from Yamaku who came up to me and offered me a ride here while I was waiting for the bus. Upon getting here, we made a little bet to see if I could find your room myself without any assistance."
"Wow, you made your way here just from memory? Your sense of direction is a lot better than mine, that's for sure."
"The last hallway threw me off a bit. I might have lost if you hadn't called out to me. Thanks to you, I was able to earn us both a free drink. Apparently they sell some good tea down here."
"I don't think the doctors will be thrilled with me drinking caffeine right now."
"I feared that as well, Mister Nakai, so I bought you some fresh orange juice instead. It's the healthiest drink they had."
02
When I look up to greet Lilly's mysterious benefactor, I notice a familiar face. It's been a while since I've last seen her, but the old lady walking into the room carrying a tray with three drinks on it is wearing the same violet shawl and black skirt as she was when the nurse took me to see her on that day Lilly and Akira arrived back in Japan.
"Miss Takawa!"
"Good evening, Mister Nakai. It grieves me that we meet again under such trying circumstances, but I'm nevertheless most pleased to see you again."
Ever the polite one, she makes a bow and places the tray on my nightstand before putting one of the tea cups into Lilly's outstretched hands and making another bow. She then does the same with my cup of juice.
"Please enjoy."
Lilly, recognizing the old lady's gesture as a make-shift tea party, makes a bow of her own with an appreciative smile on her face.
"Thank you for the trouble."
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the old lady's sudden appearance. Is she here with news from Hanako?
"I suppose your visit here is not a coincidence?"
The old lady takes another careful sip before responding.
"Yes and no. It was a coincidence I saw Miss Satou on my way home sitting there at the bus stop and deciding she was looking so troubled that the least thing I could do was give her a ride. But then I decided that since I was here anyway, I might as well drop by and see how you are faring."
Lilly turns to me with a curious expression on her face.
"I take it you have met this person before?"
"Only once. Miss Takawa is Hanako's therapist."
That news certainly surprises Lilly, for her hands shake for a moment, and she nearly drops her cup. Looks like Miss Takawa doesn't have the habit of mentioning her patients in her introductions to others.
"Ah… Excuse me. I had no idea. I'm afraid Hanako never mentioned a name to me."
"That's alright. I usually tell my clients that therapy sessions are among the least interesting things to talk about with their friends."
In other words, she discourages the practice.
"I take it that you are aware of what has happened to Hanako and me this Monday?"
"That's correct. The head nurse notified me as soon as he received the news."
"Would you also happen to be the person who picked her up after the ambulance brought her here?"
"Yes, that was me. Miss Ikezawa was still in shock when she arrived here, and I decided that a hospital bed was not an ideal place for her to calm down, so I took her to my office and let her rest there until we heard the news that your condition had stabilized at which point I took her back to her dorm room."
"Have you spoken to her since then?"
"I'm afraid I haven't. I informed her that I could supply her with a sleeping pill or anti-depressant for the night if she wanted one and that I'd be available if she wanted to talk, but she hasn't made use of those offers so far."
"Didn't you place her… you know… under supervision?"
The old lady sighs.
"Yamaku is not a mental hospital, Mister Nakai. We can do very little without a client's explicit consent. I can only make exceptions if I have determined that a client is prone to suicidal tendencies."
"So at least Hanako does not have those. Thank goodness."
"Indeed, or I highly doubt any of us would have even had the opportunity to make her acquaintance in the first place."
That's a pretty morbid thing to say. Both Lilly and I shudder at the same time.
"Miss Takawa, we're not really sure what happened to Hanako. Can you tell me what a panic attack is like? Hanako had one last Monday, didn't she?"
Miss Takawa looks lost in thought for a second.
03
"Yes, the most severe one since she enrolled here. And it lasted for quite some time too. I can only assume your accident stirred some extremely ugly memories inside her. I cannot speak from personal experience regarding what it's like. The people who've had one themselves described it to me as the most frightening experience of their life. Some compared it to a heart attack of some kind. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, flashing vision and sometimes the sensation of dying. I think, Mister Nakai, you may be one of the few people in school who can somewhat relate to what Miss Ikezawa must have been going through. Try to recall your own experience, except more prolonged and without passing out."
I let out a dejected sigh.
"That bad? No wonder she broke up with me."
The old woman raises a curious eyebrow at that news, but doesn't seem overly shocked.
"Did she break up with you?"
"…I phoned her last Tuesday and she said she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Then she hung up. But she seems to be serious about it."
"I see. And how about you, Mister Nakai? Are you planning to break up with her?"
"Huh?"
"Because if you're not, you could perhaps try to change her mind."
"What am I supposed to say? Ask someone who lost her parents in such a tragic manner to put up with someone who might die on her at any moment?"
"Why not? She has known about your condition all along, hasn't she? And it hasn't stopped her from pursuing a relationship with you before. You could remind her that you're still here. Nothing permanent was lost."
"Nothing except all the progress she has made since we met. Before that heart attack ruined things, she was organizing stuff, joining a club, going on dates, trying new things… and now she seems to be back to hiding away in her room and avoiding everyone and everything. If she had been with someone who wasn't suffering from this condition, maybe she could have…"
"AHEM!"
For a moment I'm startled by the sound of Miss Takawa loudly scraping her throat and setting down her tea cup with a loud CLING. As I look upon her face, I can tell she's glaring knives at me, though I'm not sure why.
"Maybe she could have a chance to recover fully is what you were going to say, Mister Nakai?"
"Ummm… Well…"
"Did you really believe that a few months of dating you was all it would take for Miss Ikezawa's trauma to disappear just like that? Or a few months of dating anybody for that matter? Were you counting on that when you started going out with her? Do you even know why I'm treating her?"
Her voice is barely raised, yet I feel as if the sudden authoritive tone in her voice and her stern gaze are pinning me against a wall. She keeps up her gaze for a few more seconds, then softens her expression, takes another sip and reverts back to her grandmotherly tone.
"Perhaps I should explain a few things. What I'd like you to understand is that what happened last Monday had nothing to do with her self-confidence, which has indeed improved a bit lately. I've worked with war veterans who were usually strong and confident men, yet they too had breakdowns in situations where their post traumatic stress was triggered."
She pauses for a second, puts her cup on the tray and absentmindedly fiddles with her shawl for a bit.
"If you can manage to convince her to pick things up where you left off, you may find that much of the recent progress she has made has remained intact. It might take her a little while to sort things out, but she'll get back on her feet eventually. That's because I have found that Miss Ikezawa has a resilience that even many seemingly stronger people do not have."
I can attest to that. She's been through hell after the fire that scarred her, but she still managed to keep going. It's one of the things I admire about her.
"Finally, take note that emotional trauma takes a long time to recover from. It takes time, therapy and support. One cannot always judge this recovery process by short-term results as you've been doing. What's important is that progress is made in the long run. Many people who are recovering from trauma have relapses every now and again. It's not necessarily a problem as long as they eventually take more steps forward than backwards. It's important that you understand that about her, but it's equally important that Miss Ikezawa understands that about herself. I could help her with that, but it might good if you can remind her of that as well."
"Long-term thinking, huh?"
"That's right. Do not believe you have failed her and give up if something happens that causes her to temporarily regress. Some people can do well for years and then suddenly relapse unexpectedly. Just support her to the best of your ability until she can get back on her feet again. I do not wish to deny the good influence you've had on her, just don't look upon yourself as a miracle worker, or even as someone whose responsibility it is to assure her recovery."
"I haven't really been doing a great job supporting her this week."
"To the best of your ability may not be as much as you like, just like she may not always be able to support you as much as she likes. It's up to you two to decide whether you're willing to settle for the support you still CAN give each other. Does the fact she couldn't be by your side throughout this ordeal mean she cannot do anything for you anymore?"
"Of course not."
"She might feel the same. You could ask her."
"You think she didn't mean it when she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore?"
"I recall you saying she said something different."
"It comes down to the same thing, doesn't it?"
"I don't believe it does, but that's up to you to find out for sure."
My gaze wanders between Lilly and Miss Takawa who both have an expectant expression on their face. Are they expecting me to take action right here and now? I take a deep breath.
"I guess I could reach out to her like you're suggesting."
I turn to the old lady who's doing her best to give me the most encouraging look she can muster.
"I don't suppose you have any helpful tips? You're the expert here."
"I'm afraid I have to disappoint you there. Relationship therapy isn't my field. The real expert in the room would be you, Mister Nakai."
"Me?"
"Certainly. When it comes to winning Miss Ikezawa's heart, you're the world's leading expert. You are aware of the fact that you are her first boyfriend, aren't you? I think you'll do fine. Just be as sincere to her as you were to me when you told me why you liked her so much."
"You still remember that?"
"I was hoping that you'd be able to remember it as well during the times when your relationship with her is being tested."
I remember it alright. And between then and now I've found several additional reasons to be attached to Hanako.
The problem isn't the fact I wouldn't like her anymore. The issue is the fact that I hurt her and scared her off even though it wasn't something I did on purpose.
But Miss Takawa has a point as well. Hanako knew of my heart condition all along and yet she allowed herself to get close to me.
I have to talk to her.
As I reach for the phone and pick up the receiver, Miss Takawa gets up from her chair.
"Would you like Miss Satou and me to excuse ourselves?"
"It's fine. I'm not really expecting her to pick up."
I dial Hanako's number and wait, my heart racing. One look at Lilly tells me she's probably as tense as I am. After hearing the tone several times, the short beep of her voicemail sounds. Looks like Hanako has her phone turned on, but simply won't pick up. That's fine though. I think I know what I want to say.
"…Hanako? It's me. I don't think that this is a situation either of us wants. I'm not angry with you. I… just want to pick up where we left off, if possible. I'll be back at Yamaku around noon tomorrow. If you could… wait for me at the gate to… welcome me back… that'd make me really happy. I hope to see you tomorrow. Bye…"
I hang up, still feeling apprehensive. No turning back now. The rest is up to Hanako. I can only hope she'll bother to listen to her voicemail. As my attention shifts back to my two visitors, I am greeted by two smiling faces.
04
"My, my… That certainly would have won me over if I were forty years younger."
"Hisao… I'm sure she'll be there tomorrow. I know she still loves you. Please try not to worry too much about this."
Looks like Lilly's maternal instincts are resurfacing. Somehow this is the most reassuring thing I've seen all week.
"If it is alright with you, I'll be taking my leave, Mister Nakai. I'm sure you'll need all the rest you can get. After that message you really can't afford the doctors to keep you here, now can you?"
"Thanks for the advice, Miss Takawa. I'm sure you'll find out soon whether things worked out or not."
"I'd appreciate it if you could keep me informed, Mister Nakai. If you manage to reconcile with Miss Ikezawa, I may have a small gift for her that I'd like to present to you - nothing serious, just something I just thought of."
"You're making me curious."
"All the more reason to try and sort things out as soon as you can, isn't it?"
Miss Takawa takes the tray, puts our empty cups on top of it and then turns to Lilly.
"Miss Satou, I can drop you off at school if you wish. It's only a small detour for me and visiting hours are probably about to end."
Lilly gets up, makes a polite bow at the old woman and smiles.
"May I have the pleasure of treating you to a cup of tea first, Miss Takawa?"
"I humbly accept. Please lead the way, Miss Satou."
As Lilly and Miss Takawa say their goodbyes and leave the room, I can't help but think that these two would probably get along pretty well.
--------------------------------------
05
Only thirty more minutes.
I pace around the hallway restlessly. After finishing breakfast this morning, the doctor came by, performed a few minor check-ups and informed me that we'd be having a short meeting in his office at twelve o' clock and that I was free to go back to Yamaku afterwards.
At least I don't need to stay here any longer.
I wonder if Hanako has even listened to my message.
Is she going to come out of her room today?
What the hell am I supposed to tell her?
I've packed my things, brushed my teeth, took a shower and checked the bus schedule at least five times.
Isn't this talk just a formality?
Why couldn't he just tell me what he needed to this morning and let me go back?
"Nakai."
I turn around as I hear my name and rush over to the doctor as he emerges from his office.
"Come in, please."
I follow him into his office and sit down, but instead of giving me the expected ‘be careful in the future’-talk, the doctor merely stands there and checks his watch.
What is he waiting for?
"Excuse me, aren't we ready to begin yet?"
"You sound like you are in a hurry."
"I am. Very much."
"I'm afraid that you'll have to hold back for a while. If you exhaust yourself at this point, you may be in for another stay here."
"I understand."
"I was merely waiting for… Ah… Good morning."
I turn around and watch two more people enter the room.
"Mom? Dad?"
I just sit there with my mouth open. I don't recall them saying they'd be here to pick me up when they visited two days ago.
"Hello, son. We're not late, are we?"
"No, you're just in time. I've only called in your son a minute ago."
"I apologize. We live rather far away from here."
My parents sit down next to me, and the doctor starts off with the predictable talk.
That collision could have ended a lot worse than it did. I was lucky an ambulance was nearby. Of course I am warned to be more careful in the future.
It turns out this hospital has a special arrangement with Yamaku. The ambulance personnel got instant access to my medical history by scanning in my student ID. Good thing I was carrying it and I was still wearing my school uniform.
At least I get praised by the doctor for keeping up with my medication and improving my physical condition. It's probably the reason I didn't need heavier surgery.
I'll have to take it easy for a little while, but I'll be allowed to start engaging in light exercise in a few days.
I'll be put on some additional medication for a while. The nurse has been informed and will take it from here on out.
My parents visited me shortly after my surgery, but I was still recovering from the narcosis at that time and wasn't even aware of their presence. They came by again two days ago. Apparently they talked to the doctor afterwards, and he timed this meeting so they could make it here.
I wish they had let me in on this.
"Take care, Mister Nakai. And good luck with school."
"Ah? Oh, thank you."
As we leave the doctor's office, my father addresses me.
"We were expecting you to be a little bit more pleasantly surprised. We had to get up pretty early to make it here in time."
"Sorry, I really do appreciate you coming here."
"You were so tired two days ago we haven't really been able to talk much."
I was partially pretending to be more tired than I really was. That may have been rude, but I was too distracted by the matter with Hanako to be very sociable with them, and I didn't want them to worry even more about me.
"Hopefully we can catch up a bit in the upcoming days. We barely know what's going on in your life anymore."
"Huh? I don't understand."
"We were planning to take you with us and let you rest at home for a few days."
WHAT? NO!
--------------------------------------
"I'm sorry, Hisao. We had no idea one of your friends was going to move away in the upcoming days. You should have let us know."
"It's… okay, Mom."
We've arrived at the grounds of Yamaku and are now wandering along the path to the boys' dormitories.
"I was already surprised. At first you hated the idea of going here, and now you just couldn't wait to get back."
"I guess I found my place here, Dad."
"You sure did. What's in that plastic bag you're carrying with you?"
"Ah, nothing important."
As we reach the dorm entrance, we're greeted by an ear-shattering "HICCHAN! WELCOME BACK!" that could only originate from one person in Japan.
In front of the dorm are Shizune, Misha and Lilly. Shizune cheerfully makes a small saluting gesture, Misha excitedly jumps up and down and Lilly calmly stands next to them.
"Are these your friends, Hicchan?"
"Are these your parents, Hicchan?"
"Erm… Mom, Dad. These are indeed my friends. The person in the middle is Shizune Hakamichi, our class representative and student council president. The one on the right is Shiina Mikado, my neighbor in class. We usually just call her Misha. The girl on the left is Lilly Satou who attends the class next to ours and often shares lunch with me."
Shizune, Misha and Lilly make polite bows towards my parents, Lilly's slightly more graceful and Misha's slightly more energetic than the rest.
"I'm sorry, Hisao. I tried to get your neighbor Kenji to join us as well, but he seemed preoccupied and wouldn't come out of his room."
"That's okay, Lilly."
"Hey Hicchan. Maybe I missed something here, but… why isn't Hanako with you?"
06
The fake smile I have been wearing since we reached Yamaku is wiped off my face in an instant.
"I… haven't seen Hanako anywhere, Misha."
"WHAT???"
01
Upon finishing the last page of the book I've been reading since morning, I close it with a decisive snap. I'm thankful to Shizune and Misha for bringing along my books. Time passes a lot more quickly while I'm absorbed in one of them. With luck, I'll be allowed to leave the hospital tomorrow around noon. My heart, after the initial episode four days ago, has decided to abstain from causing me further trouble, though that seems like a small comfort.
Yesterday was pretty eventful with my parents dropping by at noon and Lilly, Shizune, Misha and Akira visiting in the evening. For some time, it seemed like nothing was out of the ordinary, with Akira playfully mentioning how interesting it was to see Lilly and Shizune made peace with one another, to which Shizune replied that ‘striking a wounded adversary’ was simply against her moral code; a provocation which Lilly then used to refute Akira's suggestion. Both eventually got upset at my observation that the two of them were really too proud for their own good sometimes, a remark that amused Misha and Akira to no end. After Lilly and I were left alone again though, it quickly became clear she had simply been doing her best to keep up appearances, a trait of hers that both tends to impress and unnerve me.
It turned out that not much had changed. Lilly was still in a very depressed mood although she took my word for it when I assured her that Hanako hadn't been secretly resenting her all along as she had come to believe over the last two days. I also learned that Akira has only been able to postpone their departure to Scotland for one week, and she won’t be able to hold things off any longer.
In addition to the rift between Hanako and Lilly, I also have my own relation with Hanako to worry about.
Can our relationship still be mended? Is it fair to expect her to deal with events like last Monday after all she's been through already?
If that's not possible, can we still be friends? We've been through many highs and lows together. Would ordinary friendship even be possible? I don't want her to be just a friend to me.
Is she going to avoid me from now on? It seems an impossible task, seeing that we're in the same class, but Hanako has been keeping up a wall between herself and the rest of the class since she started attending here. She could pull it off if she wanted to.
Lilly, Shizune and Misha are probably going to visit again, but neither Lilly nor I have a clear idea on how to get through to Hanako.
As I mull over these things, I notice a familiar figure slowly walking through the hallway. She stops near the door and looks to be in deep thought for a moment.
"Lilly? Hey, Lilly!"
Having picked up my voice, Lilly turns in my direction for a moment to acknowledge my greeting and then turns around to talk to someone who was apparently standing behind her. After a few seconds, she turns back to me and carefully navigates herself to my bed.
"Are you here all on your own? Aren't Shizune and Misha with you?"
Lilly shakes her head as she retracts her cane, sits down in the chair near my bed and puts it into her bag. As she does so, I notice something else in there; the plush puppy Hanako gave her. Has she been carrying that thing around with her all week?
"Not this time. I started feeling bad to make them accompany me and then sit most of the time in the cafeteria while we talk here, so I decided to come alone this time."
"So the person you were talking to was a nurse you asked for directions?"
Lilly smiles proudly.
"Not quite. It was a staff member from Yamaku who came up to me and offered me a ride here while I was waiting for the bus. Upon getting here, we made a little bet to see if I could find your room myself without any assistance."
"Wow, you made your way here just from memory? Your sense of direction is a lot better than mine, that's for sure."
"The last hallway threw me off a bit. I might have lost if you hadn't called out to me. Thanks to you, I was able to earn us both a free drink. Apparently they sell some good tea down here."
"I don't think the doctors will be thrilled with me drinking caffeine right now."
"I feared that as well, Mister Nakai, so I bought you some fresh orange juice instead. It's the healthiest drink they had."
02
When I look up to greet Lilly's mysterious benefactor, I notice a familiar face. It's been a while since I've last seen her, but the old lady walking into the room carrying a tray with three drinks on it is wearing the same violet shawl and black skirt as she was when the nurse took me to see her on that day Lilly and Akira arrived back in Japan.
"Miss Takawa!"
"Good evening, Mister Nakai. It grieves me that we meet again under such trying circumstances, but I'm nevertheless most pleased to see you again."
Ever the polite one, she makes a bow and places the tray on my nightstand before putting one of the tea cups into Lilly's outstretched hands and making another bow. She then does the same with my cup of juice.
"Please enjoy."
Lilly, recognizing the old lady's gesture as a make-shift tea party, makes a bow of her own with an appreciative smile on her face.
"Thank you for the trouble."
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the old lady's sudden appearance. Is she here with news from Hanako?
"I suppose your visit here is not a coincidence?"
The old lady takes another careful sip before responding.
"Yes and no. It was a coincidence I saw Miss Satou on my way home sitting there at the bus stop and deciding she was looking so troubled that the least thing I could do was give her a ride. But then I decided that since I was here anyway, I might as well drop by and see how you are faring."
Lilly turns to me with a curious expression on her face.
"I take it you have met this person before?"
"Only once. Miss Takawa is Hanako's therapist."
That news certainly surprises Lilly, for her hands shake for a moment, and she nearly drops her cup. Looks like Miss Takawa doesn't have the habit of mentioning her patients in her introductions to others.
"Ah… Excuse me. I had no idea. I'm afraid Hanako never mentioned a name to me."
"That's alright. I usually tell my clients that therapy sessions are among the least interesting things to talk about with their friends."
In other words, she discourages the practice.
"I take it that you are aware of what has happened to Hanako and me this Monday?"
"That's correct. The head nurse notified me as soon as he received the news."
"Would you also happen to be the person who picked her up after the ambulance brought her here?"
"Yes, that was me. Miss Ikezawa was still in shock when she arrived here, and I decided that a hospital bed was not an ideal place for her to calm down, so I took her to my office and let her rest there until we heard the news that your condition had stabilized at which point I took her back to her dorm room."
"Have you spoken to her since then?"
"I'm afraid I haven't. I informed her that I could supply her with a sleeping pill or anti-depressant for the night if she wanted one and that I'd be available if she wanted to talk, but she hasn't made use of those offers so far."
"Didn't you place her… you know… under supervision?"
The old lady sighs.
"Yamaku is not a mental hospital, Mister Nakai. We can do very little without a client's explicit consent. I can only make exceptions if I have determined that a client is prone to suicidal tendencies."
"So at least Hanako does not have those. Thank goodness."
"Indeed, or I highly doubt any of us would have even had the opportunity to make her acquaintance in the first place."
That's a pretty morbid thing to say. Both Lilly and I shudder at the same time.
"Miss Takawa, we're not really sure what happened to Hanako. Can you tell me what a panic attack is like? Hanako had one last Monday, didn't she?"
Miss Takawa looks lost in thought for a second.
03
"Yes, the most severe one since she enrolled here. And it lasted for quite some time too. I can only assume your accident stirred some extremely ugly memories inside her. I cannot speak from personal experience regarding what it's like. The people who've had one themselves described it to me as the most frightening experience of their life. Some compared it to a heart attack of some kind. Chest pain, difficulty breathing, flashing vision and sometimes the sensation of dying. I think, Mister Nakai, you may be one of the few people in school who can somewhat relate to what Miss Ikezawa must have been going through. Try to recall your own experience, except more prolonged and without passing out."
I let out a dejected sigh.
"That bad? No wonder she broke up with me."
The old woman raises a curious eyebrow at that news, but doesn't seem overly shocked.
"Did she break up with you?"
"…I phoned her last Tuesday and she said she couldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Then she hung up. But she seems to be serious about it."
"I see. And how about you, Mister Nakai? Are you planning to break up with her?"
"Huh?"
"Because if you're not, you could perhaps try to change her mind."
"What am I supposed to say? Ask someone who lost her parents in such a tragic manner to put up with someone who might die on her at any moment?"
"Why not? She has known about your condition all along, hasn't she? And it hasn't stopped her from pursuing a relationship with you before. You could remind her that you're still here. Nothing permanent was lost."
"Nothing except all the progress she has made since we met. Before that heart attack ruined things, she was organizing stuff, joining a club, going on dates, trying new things… and now she seems to be back to hiding away in her room and avoiding everyone and everything. If she had been with someone who wasn't suffering from this condition, maybe she could have…"
"AHEM!"
For a moment I'm startled by the sound of Miss Takawa loudly scraping her throat and setting down her tea cup with a loud CLING. As I look upon her face, I can tell she's glaring knives at me, though I'm not sure why.
"Maybe she could have a chance to recover fully is what you were going to say, Mister Nakai?"
"Ummm… Well…"
"Did you really believe that a few months of dating you was all it would take for Miss Ikezawa's trauma to disappear just like that? Or a few months of dating anybody for that matter? Were you counting on that when you started going out with her? Do you even know why I'm treating her?"
Her voice is barely raised, yet I feel as if the sudden authoritive tone in her voice and her stern gaze are pinning me against a wall. She keeps up her gaze for a few more seconds, then softens her expression, takes another sip and reverts back to her grandmotherly tone.
"Perhaps I should explain a few things. What I'd like you to understand is that what happened last Monday had nothing to do with her self-confidence, which has indeed improved a bit lately. I've worked with war veterans who were usually strong and confident men, yet they too had breakdowns in situations where their post traumatic stress was triggered."
She pauses for a second, puts her cup on the tray and absentmindedly fiddles with her shawl for a bit.
"If you can manage to convince her to pick things up where you left off, you may find that much of the recent progress she has made has remained intact. It might take her a little while to sort things out, but she'll get back on her feet eventually. That's because I have found that Miss Ikezawa has a resilience that even many seemingly stronger people do not have."
I can attest to that. She's been through hell after the fire that scarred her, but she still managed to keep going. It's one of the things I admire about her.
"Finally, take note that emotional trauma takes a long time to recover from. It takes time, therapy and support. One cannot always judge this recovery process by short-term results as you've been doing. What's important is that progress is made in the long run. Many people who are recovering from trauma have relapses every now and again. It's not necessarily a problem as long as they eventually take more steps forward than backwards. It's important that you understand that about her, but it's equally important that Miss Ikezawa understands that about herself. I could help her with that, but it might good if you can remind her of that as well."
"Long-term thinking, huh?"
"That's right. Do not believe you have failed her and give up if something happens that causes her to temporarily regress. Some people can do well for years and then suddenly relapse unexpectedly. Just support her to the best of your ability until she can get back on her feet again. I do not wish to deny the good influence you've had on her, just don't look upon yourself as a miracle worker, or even as someone whose responsibility it is to assure her recovery."
"I haven't really been doing a great job supporting her this week."
"To the best of your ability may not be as much as you like, just like she may not always be able to support you as much as she likes. It's up to you two to decide whether you're willing to settle for the support you still CAN give each other. Does the fact she couldn't be by your side throughout this ordeal mean she cannot do anything for you anymore?"
"Of course not."
"She might feel the same. You could ask her."
"You think she didn't mean it when she said she didn't want to be my girlfriend anymore?"
"I recall you saying she said something different."
"It comes down to the same thing, doesn't it?"
"I don't believe it does, but that's up to you to find out for sure."
My gaze wanders between Lilly and Miss Takawa who both have an expectant expression on their face. Are they expecting me to take action right here and now? I take a deep breath.
"I guess I could reach out to her like you're suggesting."
I turn to the old lady who's doing her best to give me the most encouraging look she can muster.
"I don't suppose you have any helpful tips? You're the expert here."
"I'm afraid I have to disappoint you there. Relationship therapy isn't my field. The real expert in the room would be you, Mister Nakai."
"Me?"
"Certainly. When it comes to winning Miss Ikezawa's heart, you're the world's leading expert. You are aware of the fact that you are her first boyfriend, aren't you? I think you'll do fine. Just be as sincere to her as you were to me when you told me why you liked her so much."
"You still remember that?"
"I was hoping that you'd be able to remember it as well during the times when your relationship with her is being tested."
I remember it alright. And between then and now I've found several additional reasons to be attached to Hanako.
The problem isn't the fact I wouldn't like her anymore. The issue is the fact that I hurt her and scared her off even though it wasn't something I did on purpose.
But Miss Takawa has a point as well. Hanako knew of my heart condition all along and yet she allowed herself to get close to me.
I have to talk to her.
As I reach for the phone and pick up the receiver, Miss Takawa gets up from her chair.
"Would you like Miss Satou and me to excuse ourselves?"
"It's fine. I'm not really expecting her to pick up."
I dial Hanako's number and wait, my heart racing. One look at Lilly tells me she's probably as tense as I am. After hearing the tone several times, the short beep of her voicemail sounds. Looks like Hanako has her phone turned on, but simply won't pick up. That's fine though. I think I know what I want to say.
"…Hanako? It's me. I don't think that this is a situation either of us wants. I'm not angry with you. I… just want to pick up where we left off, if possible. I'll be back at Yamaku around noon tomorrow. If you could… wait for me at the gate to… welcome me back… that'd make me really happy. I hope to see you tomorrow. Bye…"
I hang up, still feeling apprehensive. No turning back now. The rest is up to Hanako. I can only hope she'll bother to listen to her voicemail. As my attention shifts back to my two visitors, I am greeted by two smiling faces.
04
"My, my… That certainly would have won me over if I were forty years younger."
"Hisao… I'm sure she'll be there tomorrow. I know she still loves you. Please try not to worry too much about this."
Looks like Lilly's maternal instincts are resurfacing. Somehow this is the most reassuring thing I've seen all week.
"If it is alright with you, I'll be taking my leave, Mister Nakai. I'm sure you'll need all the rest you can get. After that message you really can't afford the doctors to keep you here, now can you?"
"Thanks for the advice, Miss Takawa. I'm sure you'll find out soon whether things worked out or not."
"I'd appreciate it if you could keep me informed, Mister Nakai. If you manage to reconcile with Miss Ikezawa, I may have a small gift for her that I'd like to present to you - nothing serious, just something I just thought of."
"You're making me curious."
"All the more reason to try and sort things out as soon as you can, isn't it?"
Miss Takawa takes the tray, puts our empty cups on top of it and then turns to Lilly.
"Miss Satou, I can drop you off at school if you wish. It's only a small detour for me and visiting hours are probably about to end."
Lilly gets up, makes a polite bow at the old woman and smiles.
"May I have the pleasure of treating you to a cup of tea first, Miss Takawa?"
"I humbly accept. Please lead the way, Miss Satou."
As Lilly and Miss Takawa say their goodbyes and leave the room, I can't help but think that these two would probably get along pretty well.
--------------------------------------
05
Only thirty more minutes.
I pace around the hallway restlessly. After finishing breakfast this morning, the doctor came by, performed a few minor check-ups and informed me that we'd be having a short meeting in his office at twelve o' clock and that I was free to go back to Yamaku afterwards.
At least I don't need to stay here any longer.
I wonder if Hanako has even listened to my message.
Is she going to come out of her room today?
What the hell am I supposed to tell her?
I've packed my things, brushed my teeth, took a shower and checked the bus schedule at least five times.
Isn't this talk just a formality?
Why couldn't he just tell me what he needed to this morning and let me go back?
"Nakai."
I turn around as I hear my name and rush over to the doctor as he emerges from his office.
"Come in, please."
I follow him into his office and sit down, but instead of giving me the expected ‘be careful in the future’-talk, the doctor merely stands there and checks his watch.
What is he waiting for?
"Excuse me, aren't we ready to begin yet?"
"You sound like you are in a hurry."
"I am. Very much."
"I'm afraid that you'll have to hold back for a while. If you exhaust yourself at this point, you may be in for another stay here."
"I understand."
"I was merely waiting for… Ah… Good morning."
I turn around and watch two more people enter the room.
"Mom? Dad?"
I just sit there with my mouth open. I don't recall them saying they'd be here to pick me up when they visited two days ago.
"Hello, son. We're not late, are we?"
"No, you're just in time. I've only called in your son a minute ago."
"I apologize. We live rather far away from here."
My parents sit down next to me, and the doctor starts off with the predictable talk.
That collision could have ended a lot worse than it did. I was lucky an ambulance was nearby. Of course I am warned to be more careful in the future.
It turns out this hospital has a special arrangement with Yamaku. The ambulance personnel got instant access to my medical history by scanning in my student ID. Good thing I was carrying it and I was still wearing my school uniform.
At least I get praised by the doctor for keeping up with my medication and improving my physical condition. It's probably the reason I didn't need heavier surgery.
I'll have to take it easy for a little while, but I'll be allowed to start engaging in light exercise in a few days.
I'll be put on some additional medication for a while. The nurse has been informed and will take it from here on out.
My parents visited me shortly after my surgery, but I was still recovering from the narcosis at that time and wasn't even aware of their presence. They came by again two days ago. Apparently they talked to the doctor afterwards, and he timed this meeting so they could make it here.
I wish they had let me in on this.
"Take care, Mister Nakai. And good luck with school."
"Ah? Oh, thank you."
As we leave the doctor's office, my father addresses me.
"We were expecting you to be a little bit more pleasantly surprised. We had to get up pretty early to make it here in time."
"Sorry, I really do appreciate you coming here."
"You were so tired two days ago we haven't really been able to talk much."
I was partially pretending to be more tired than I really was. That may have been rude, but I was too distracted by the matter with Hanako to be very sociable with them, and I didn't want them to worry even more about me.
"Hopefully we can catch up a bit in the upcoming days. We barely know what's going on in your life anymore."
"Huh? I don't understand."
"We were planning to take you with us and let you rest at home for a few days."
WHAT? NO!
--------------------------------------
"I'm sorry, Hisao. We had no idea one of your friends was going to move away in the upcoming days. You should have let us know."
"It's… okay, Mom."
We've arrived at the grounds of Yamaku and are now wandering along the path to the boys' dormitories.
"I was already surprised. At first you hated the idea of going here, and now you just couldn't wait to get back."
"I guess I found my place here, Dad."
"You sure did. What's in that plastic bag you're carrying with you?"
"Ah, nothing important."
As we reach the dorm entrance, we're greeted by an ear-shattering "HICCHAN! WELCOME BACK!" that could only originate from one person in Japan.
In front of the dorm are Shizune, Misha and Lilly. Shizune cheerfully makes a small saluting gesture, Misha excitedly jumps up and down and Lilly calmly stands next to them.
"Are these your friends, Hicchan?"
"Are these your parents, Hicchan?"
"Erm… Mom, Dad. These are indeed my friends. The person in the middle is Shizune Hakamichi, our class representative and student council president. The one on the right is Shiina Mikado, my neighbor in class. We usually just call her Misha. The girl on the left is Lilly Satou who attends the class next to ours and often shares lunch with me."
Shizune, Misha and Lilly make polite bows towards my parents, Lilly's slightly more graceful and Misha's slightly more energetic than the rest.
"I'm sorry, Hisao. I tried to get your neighbor Kenji to join us as well, but he seemed preoccupied and wouldn't come out of his room."
"That's okay, Lilly."
"Hey Hicchan. Maybe I missed something here, but… why isn't Hanako with you?"
06
The fake smile I have been wearing since we reached Yamaku is wiped off my face in an instant.
"I… haven't seen Hanako anywhere, Misha."
"WHAT???"
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 10:20 am, edited 2 times in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 16
Chapter 16
01
I'm worthless.
As I sit on the ground, knees drawn up to my chin and my hat almost pushed over my eyes, that thought keeps returning to me over and over.
I'm worthless.
The period after Hisao made me his girlfriend has been the happiest time of my life. The person I was in love with loved me as well, and we started a relationship. We were both going through a difficult time and made a pledge to support each other in each other's times of need.
I'm worthless.
Due to my success in winning Hisao's heart, I started reconsidering my previously held belief that I was a useless person to others. I started believing I was only as useless to people as I allowed myself to be. I started making active efforts to become a better girlfriend to Hisao, a better best friend to Lilly and a better club member to Naomi and the others.
I'm worthless.
I started enjoying the small things in life. The girl-talk with Lilly, the brainstorming sessions over headlines and captions at the club, the tranquil days in Hokkaido and the occasional lovey-dovey exchanges with Hisao. Each of them brought a smile to my face when I recalled them before falling asleep in the evening.
I'm worthless.
My body, despite being scarred and disfigured, was still capable of making Hisao feel good. And despite part of my body being numb, he was able to return the favor as well.
I'm worthless.
I stopped trying to survive from day to day and started considering my options for the future. If only things could have stayed like this for a little while longer.
I'm worthless.
The person I considered my best friend announced she might be leaving the country and it seemed my efforts to sway her had the opposite effect. Then, last Monday, everything came crashing down. Once more, I became an emotional mess hiding away from the world.
I'm worthless.
Yesterday, a small glimmer of hope appeared. Hisao contacted me and wanted me to be there when he returned. To welcome him back. I took a sleeping pill that evening, the first one since Monday, in the hopes of getting rid of the bags under my eyes that accumulated this week. Maybe we'd be able to reconcile if we could just pretend nothing had happened for just a little while. But I messed up once more and disappointed him again, and now he was no doubt being welcomed by everyone else. Lilly, Shizune, Misha… maybe even Kenji. Everyone except me.
I wonder how long I can still stay here. There's no school right now, so the building is nearly deserted. Students are hanging out at their dorms, in the gardens or near the track. I don't think anyone will have much reason to hang out on the roof today, seeing that the sky is cloudy just like last Monday.
I wonder how long I should stay here.
Are people going to discover I'm not in my…
I tense as I hear a sound coming from the stairway. Someone is coming up to the roof.
I could hide near the far corner that's not visible from the doorway. But that's not much use if someone wants to hang out here. I wonder who it could be.
A teacher maybe?
Emi Ibarazaki? Hisao said she likes to eat on the roof sometimes. That'd be bad. She's on pretty good terms with Hisao since they started doing morning runs together. She'd probably tell him I'm here.
Emi's artist friend? The one without arms? She likes to stare at the sky here, even when it's cloudy. That'd be okay, I think.
I move back a little so a person would have to move beyond the doorway to see me.
The door slowly opens and several seconds pass…
Then someone steps forward and closes the door behind him. The moment I catch sight of his sweater vest, I freeze like a deer in the headlights.
Hisao!
It's really him. How did he know I was here? My first reflex is to look at the door. But before I can even seriously consider making a break for it, his gaze follows mine, and he looks back at me with a sad expression.
Please don't look at me like that.
"You're not going to run away from me, are you Hanako?"
I don't respond, but after a moment I slowly shake my head.
"You weren't in the library or the tea room and Lilly didn't hear you in your own room either, so I started checking the spots most suitable to avoid people."
Am I really that predictable?
He slowly walks up to me, but stops several meters away from me as if suspecting that getting any closer might trigger an involuntary fleeing response. For a minute or so, we just look at one another, unsure on what to say or do. Then he takes the plastic bag he's carrying in one hand and pulls something out of it.
"A little something I picked up at the gift shop near the hospital's cafeteria."
02
My eyes grow wide as I see what it is. It's a small bouquet of flowers.
You're so kind, Hisao.
Why are you so kind?
He doesn't approach me any further. Instead, he just holds out the bouquet the way you'd hold out a dandelion leaf to a skittish rabbit. After a moment of hesitation, I get up and slowly take a step forward. And then another one.
They look beautiful.
I don't deserve these.
And another one.
I should have been the one giving you these.
And another one.
An expectant smile appears on his face. I slowly stretch out my hand, grab the bouquet and gently take it from him when he loosens his own grip on it. I hold the flowers to my chest, smelling the really nice odor coming from them. I'm not really sure how to proceed. I'd really like to thank him, but I think I'm too uneasy right now to speak. Part of me is happy for such a sweet gesture, but another part of me reminds me how much this emphasizes my own inadequacy and makes me feel even worse. Again, we're just standing there, looking at each other. After another minute, Hisao slowly starts to speak.
"Hanako, you don't really need to say anything. But will you listen to what I have to say?"
I slowly nod my head. It's the least thing I can do for him, even if I can't do anything else. He takes a deep breath.
"This week has been very hard for both of us. I had a painful reminder this week that I'm still at this school for a reason, no matter how normal I've started feeling over the last period of time."
That's true for me as well. For a while, I was convinced I was able to climb out of that rut I've been in for years and live an ordinary life, before I was dragged back in with a vengeance. It really is depressing.
"The last time I had a heart attack, it redefined me. It changed my outlook on life, on myself and on others. And not at all for the better. I forgot about all the small things in life I used to derive happiness from. I didn't rediscover them until I met someone with whom I could share those things with."
That's… probably true for me, too.
"I have no intention of letting this event become a similar turning point in my life, Hanako. I want to pick up where I left off. I still want to graduate here and study science. I still want to improve my physical condition in order to stretch the limits my arrhythmia imposes on my life. I still want to get a few more members for my club. I still want to make more memories with the people I have here. And preferably, with the girlfriend I have here as well…"
Hisao…
"For all the misery this week has brought, we have plenty of good memories to compensate, Hanako. I know I can't force you of all people, who has lost so much already, to stay with a person who could theoretically die at any moment…"
Wait! What…?
"…I just want you to know how terribly sorry I am to have put you through all of this…"
Wait! No, Hisao, that's not what… Did you think I…?
"…I know I'm being selfish for asking you this, but…"
"You're wrong!"
I blurt out my thoughts. For a second, he seems shocked, not expecting me to interrupt his carefully rehearsed speech like this. Then he gets a puzzled expression on his face.
"Wrong about what?"
"I… I would never think that way about you."
"What way?"
I swallow.
"M-maybe there are p-people in this world who would not allow themselves to get close to you, because they're afraid to l-lose you p-prematurely. But if everybody thought that way, you'd always remain alone. That'd b-be too cruel. You d-don't deserve that. N-not you…"
"You can't deny it's quite a burden."
"I-I know. And I w-was often reminded of it. Each t-time I s-saw you come back from the running track… each t-time I saw you take… or not take… your medication… each t-time… each t-time I got into bed with you, I remembered. B-but… when you b-became my boyfriend, I m-made a choice to accept that burden. Because you accepted mine."
"Then why…?"
"B-because…"
I feel the lump in my throat returning. I struggle to get the words I need to say out of my mouth before I get too scared to say them.
"B-because I couldn't do anything for you."
"What do you mean?"
I feel my legs getting weak. I cover my face with my hand and drop to my knees, unable to keep my emotions in check any longer.
"When we started dating, we promised to support each other in times of need. But while you were l-lying there on the street, I couldn't do a thing for you. I saw you looking at m-me… but I couldn't m-move. I couldn't p-phone for an ambulance, I couldn't call for h-help… I couldn't even hold your h-hand to reassure you. I'm worthless."
Despite my best efforts to contain them, tears are flowing down my cheeks, and my shoulders shake as all the guilt and shame that have been eating me up all week long come flowing out of me.
"I t-thought, maybe it was better if I broke up with you, so you could be with someone who could make you happy and also wouldn't f-fail you like I did. What g-good are all the small things like homemade m-meals and games and caresses when I can't even be there for you *sniff* the very moment you need me most?"
I can feel his arms wrap around me and pull me close.
"Hanako, it's… It's okay."
"It's n-not okay. *sniff* W-what do you think would have h-happened *sniff* if we had been alone? You c-could have *sniff* died right in f-front of me while I just s-sat there doing n-nothing."
"Hanako, I…"
"Hisao, I-I'm so sorry."
For a long while he just holds me without saying anything as I sob against his shoulder. I wonder if he's going to try and tell me not to worry about it. Is he going to comfort me by telling me it'll all even out nicely with a couple of lunches and a night between the sheets?
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"Was that an apology?"
"W-what?"
"Were you apologizing?"
"Y-yes."
"Okay. I'll accept your apology, if you accept mine."
"Yours?"
"I couldn't help you either while you were having a panic attack, Hanako. Even though I promised myself that if what happened that day in science class would ever happen again, I'd be there to calm you down and reassure you. I wasn't able to keep that promise."
"B-but you were having a heart attack at the time. There's no way I could expect…"
"There no way I could expect you to keep your cool in the middle of a panic attack either."
"P-please stop comparing the two."
"Why? Because it's devastating to your argument? We could ask your own therapist for her opinion, but I think if you're really honest we can agree that neither of us was in a position to help the other and that expecting otherwise would have been very unreasonable."
"It's… not that easy."
"Of course not. I'd probably feel awful about it too if I had been in your place, even though it's unreasonable. But I'm not blaming you. If there's blame to be passed around, I feel it's justified that I take my part, which happens to be slightly larger than yours."
"T-that's not true."
"But it is. Your panic attack took place because I got into an accident. That accident took place because I disregarded your advice and acted rashly. If someone is to be blamed, I should be that one."
"It… wasn't really your fault. M-most people wouldn't walk slowly in the middle of a rainstorm."
"That's my point. It was a really small screw-up that happened to have big consequences, but there's no valid reason for either of us to beat ourselves up over this."
"E-even so… I didn't even visit you. I should have been by your bedside…"
"I wasn't able to help you either while you were in your room fighting off a depression."
"Please s-stop doing that!"
"Look, the point is that we both had our own problems to deal with first."
That's kind of depressing.
"So… We're not really t-that good at supporting each other in times of need, are we?"
"We both want to support each other to the best of our ability, and sometimes that's a little bit less than we'd like it to be. But it might still be enough for the other person. I couldn't be there for you while I was in the hospital, but I can be here for you now if you'll still have me."
Without thinking, I give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"You're… doing a great job. I just wish I could return the favor."
"You already have."
"How?"
"By waiting for me like I asked you yesterday."
"B-but I wasn't at the gate when you arrived. I couldn't even…"
"But you were waiting for me. Misha said she saw you waiting out there for pretty much the entire morning."
"I… w-was. B-but…"
"Something happened?"
"I saw you… in the distance. Together with… two other people. I thought those were probably your p-parents. I… was a-afraid to face them after n-neglecting you the entire w-week and I *sigh* got scared and ran off."
I hang my head in shame, but he doesn't seem bothered by it.
"They were my parents alright. But what you did was probably for the best. This talk would have been really awkward with other people present. The important thing is that you were there and waited for me."
"Hisao, why was m-me waiting there so important to you?"
"One of the disheartening things about my first stay in the hospital, Hanako, was that by the time I was finally released, everyone except my parents had already moved on. And I was already aware of that while I was still lying there. I was thinking… If there was just one other person who was out there waiting for me… anticipating my return… I could have easily made it through the whole thing, even without visitors."
I know what you mean, Hisao. I know exactly what you mean. That really would have helped me too when I was in the hospital for so long.
I think I know what to do now. I gently break his embrace and take his hands in mine.
"Hisao… then… then I will be that person for you. If you… were to get into the hospital again, even if I can't visit you, I'll be waiting for you no matter how long you have to stay there. I promise."
Despite the fact my face is all red from crying, I do my best to smile at him. Hisao doesn't say anything, but I can tell by his smile how much my words mean to him. I let go of him, gently take his face in my hands and give him a short, sweet kiss on the lips.
"Welcome back, Hisao. I've missed you."
Again, he doesn't respond, but I see a small tear from one of his eyes. He then brings one hand up to my face, softly brushes my hair lock aside and then presses his other hand to the side of my head until I hear a familiar click.
My hairclip. He's kept it with him.
He doesn't ask me to be his girlfriend again. I don't bring it up either. We don't need words for this moment. Instead, he simply presses his lips on mine, and we kiss again, longingly, passionately this time, throwing off the weights that have been on our shoulders the whole week.
--------------------------------------
03
I'm not sure how long we've been sitting here. An hour? An hour and a half? We've barely spoken a word the entire time. He's just been sitting here on the ground, leaning against the wall and I’m sitting on his lap, my head against his chest while he's stroking my hair.
"Hisao?"
"Yes?"
"Your parents, are they still here?"
"I asked Lilly, Shizune and Misha to keep them occupied while I searched for you. I think if they wanted to leave, they would have called me on my cell phone."
"They live pretty far away from here, don't they?"
"Yeah, I've seen them more often this week than I have in the last few months."
"Do you get along with them?"
"We're not extremely close since they work long days, so I was often home alone until late in the evening."
"But they still took time to visit you this week."
"Yeah, they even wanted to take me home to get some rest after picking me up from the hospital. You should have seen me freak out when they told me that."
I giggle at that mental image.
"But they meant well."
"I guess I should spend some time with them before they leave, shouldn't I?"
"Yes. I won't be going anywhere."
Hisao takes out his cell phone, and I see him call Lilly's number. He waits a few seconds, and then I vaguely hear a voice on the other side.
"Hey Lilly, it's me."
"Yeah, I found her. And we reconciled."
"Yeah, me too. Me too."
"Where are you now? Are you guys still giving my parents a tour of the school?"
"The Shanghai? Why'd you go there?"
"Shizune was bored, and she convinced them to take you there? I see."
"Actually, could you ask them to stay there? I want to spend some private time with them, and the Shanghai is more comfortable than my dorm room. I'll come down there in a minute."
"No, I'll be okay. You can probably stay for twenty more minutes or so. I could…"
"You still have some shopping to do? That's fine too. Say, Lilly, could you…Hello?"
"Well, certainly not Misha."
"Misha, could you give Lilly her phone back?"
"Sure, sure, I'll treat you guys for your trouble. No need to try and guilt trip me into it."
"No, I'm not gonna foot your entire bill."
"Okay, three things. One: that has nothing to do with the matter at hand, two: I was only six at the time and three: why the hell is she telling you about that?"
"Misha, put Lilly on the damn phone already! Hello?"
With an annoyed face, Hisao snaps the phone back shut. I chuckle at the scene that just unfolded in front of me.
"Trouble?"
"Just Shizune and Lilly extracting every embarrassing piece of information there is to know about my childhood from my mom. I'd better get down there before Shizune procures enough blackmail material to put me on the student council's volunteer list for the rest of the year."
I get off his lap, and we both walk down the stairs to the entrance of the school building.
"I'd better be off now."
"You're going to walk all the way to the Shanghai? Is that okay?"
"I've been lying in bed for nearly a week. I really need to stretch my legs a bit. I'll be fine. I'm going to take my time, the whole way's downhill, and I'll be sure to take a short rest half-way through. Promise."
"How about your way back?"
"Mom and Dad went there by car. They'll drive me back to school afterwards."
"Ummm… Can I walk along with you a bit?"
"Fine with me. Be sure to drop those flowers off in your room first."
"Y-yes. Meet at the gates?"
"See you there."
--------------------------------------
04
Hisao laughs as I walk past the school gate.
"Nice umbrella you've got there."
"T-thanks."
"Did you want to come along just in case those clouds above us decide to drop a rainstorm down on me?"
"N-not really. I mean… Not just that."
We head down the road and true to his word, Hisao adopts a pace that's barely distinguishable from Lilly's. After ten minutes, we sit down on a rock near the side of the road.
"Ummm… H-Hisao?"
"Yes, Hanako?"
"There's…probably something you should know. About… me and Lilly."
"Lilly said you two had a fight."
"…it wasn't really a fight…"
That's not a lie. It was far too one-sided to be a fight. Lilly was uncharacteristically persistent that day. Eventually I completely lost it and just tore into her. I'll never forget the hurt and frightened look on her face that moment. All I wanted was for her to leave me be. I never wanted to hurt her. I immediately regretted lashing out at her, but I couldn't find the words to stop her from leaving the room, and she couldn't see the pained expression on my face.
"Are you planning to talk to her?"
"I don't think she ever wants to talk to me again."
I told her never to come back after all. How horrible can a person be?
"Don't say that. Lilly feels horrible about what happened. She blames herself much more than she blames you."
"She does?"
"Yeah. This week's been hell for all three of us."
"…"
Hisao gets up, and we prepare to walk the rest of the way down, but after a few minutes he suddenly turns around and looks me straight in the eye.
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"You don't hate Lilly, do you? I mean, she can be a little bit overbearing at times, but she means well. I remember you telling me she was a very special person to you and that you loved her a lot."
"I-I don't h-hate her. I just… wish things were different between us."
"Different?"
"…it's complicated…"
"I see."
"D-do we have to talk about this now? I'm still feeling a bit drained."
"We can talk about it later."
--------------------------------------
Ten minutes later we stand in front of the Shanghai. Hisao dropped Lilly another quick phone call. Officially to ask her to get him some things from the store, although I'm pretty sure the real reason was to find out about her location so she and I don't accidentally run into each other.
For a few moments I think back on the day. The best I was hoping for this morning was an awkward greeting with Hisao followed up by an involuntary game of hide and seek. Instead, we managed to put this week's events behind us, and we've successfully averted the first crisis in our relationship. It was a very rough ride, but I also feel a bit proud. Maybe our relationship is more resilient than I thought at first.
One thing that stands out in my recollection of today are my words to Hisao. Now I think back about it, my promise to wait for him if he gets hospitalized again sounded a lot like a long-term commitment. And now he's about to enter the Shanghai, there's another decision for me to make. He's not saying anything, but I bet the same matter is on his mind as well.
Can I do this?
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
05
"What do you t-think of me?"
"I love you, Hanako."
"I l-love you too, Hisao."
I extend my left hand, and he takes it with a smile.
"I… I won't be staying l-long."
"That's okay, Hanako. This means a lot to me."
He gently leads me inside, and we walk towards the spot where we usually sit. Ahead, I can see a middle-aged couple; the same people who got out of the car with Hisao at noon. The man has a few facial features that look familiar to me. They wave at Hisao as we approach, and then their eyes fall on me. I can tell that they're staring, and I also know what they're staring at. My knees start shaking a bit, so I squeeze Hisao's hand a little harder and try to focus all my attention on him in an attempt to block their gaze and my growing anxiety from my mind. As we reach the table, I try to read Hisao's expression. He's a bit nervous as well, but also wears a proud smile as he opens his mouth to speak.
"Mom, Dad… There's one more person here at Yamaku I'd like you to meet."
Taking off my hat, I bow as deeply as I can and then take a deep breath.
"G-good afternoon. My n-n-name is H-Hanako Ikezawa. I'm Hisao's g-g-girlfriend."
06
01
I'm worthless.
As I sit on the ground, knees drawn up to my chin and my hat almost pushed over my eyes, that thought keeps returning to me over and over.
I'm worthless.
The period after Hisao made me his girlfriend has been the happiest time of my life. The person I was in love with loved me as well, and we started a relationship. We were both going through a difficult time and made a pledge to support each other in each other's times of need.
I'm worthless.
Due to my success in winning Hisao's heart, I started reconsidering my previously held belief that I was a useless person to others. I started believing I was only as useless to people as I allowed myself to be. I started making active efforts to become a better girlfriend to Hisao, a better best friend to Lilly and a better club member to Naomi and the others.
I'm worthless.
I started enjoying the small things in life. The girl-talk with Lilly, the brainstorming sessions over headlines and captions at the club, the tranquil days in Hokkaido and the occasional lovey-dovey exchanges with Hisao. Each of them brought a smile to my face when I recalled them before falling asleep in the evening.
I'm worthless.
My body, despite being scarred and disfigured, was still capable of making Hisao feel good. And despite part of my body being numb, he was able to return the favor as well.
I'm worthless.
I stopped trying to survive from day to day and started considering my options for the future. If only things could have stayed like this for a little while longer.
I'm worthless.
The person I considered my best friend announced she might be leaving the country and it seemed my efforts to sway her had the opposite effect. Then, last Monday, everything came crashing down. Once more, I became an emotional mess hiding away from the world.
I'm worthless.
Yesterday, a small glimmer of hope appeared. Hisao contacted me and wanted me to be there when he returned. To welcome him back. I took a sleeping pill that evening, the first one since Monday, in the hopes of getting rid of the bags under my eyes that accumulated this week. Maybe we'd be able to reconcile if we could just pretend nothing had happened for just a little while. But I messed up once more and disappointed him again, and now he was no doubt being welcomed by everyone else. Lilly, Shizune, Misha… maybe even Kenji. Everyone except me.
I wonder how long I can still stay here. There's no school right now, so the building is nearly deserted. Students are hanging out at their dorms, in the gardens or near the track. I don't think anyone will have much reason to hang out on the roof today, seeing that the sky is cloudy just like last Monday.
I wonder how long I should stay here.
Are people going to discover I'm not in my…
I tense as I hear a sound coming from the stairway. Someone is coming up to the roof.
I could hide near the far corner that's not visible from the doorway. But that's not much use if someone wants to hang out here. I wonder who it could be.
A teacher maybe?
Emi Ibarazaki? Hisao said she likes to eat on the roof sometimes. That'd be bad. She's on pretty good terms with Hisao since they started doing morning runs together. She'd probably tell him I'm here.
Emi's artist friend? The one without arms? She likes to stare at the sky here, even when it's cloudy. That'd be okay, I think.
I move back a little so a person would have to move beyond the doorway to see me.
The door slowly opens and several seconds pass…
Then someone steps forward and closes the door behind him. The moment I catch sight of his sweater vest, I freeze like a deer in the headlights.
Hisao!
It's really him. How did he know I was here? My first reflex is to look at the door. But before I can even seriously consider making a break for it, his gaze follows mine, and he looks back at me with a sad expression.
Please don't look at me like that.
"You're not going to run away from me, are you Hanako?"
I don't respond, but after a moment I slowly shake my head.
"You weren't in the library or the tea room and Lilly didn't hear you in your own room either, so I started checking the spots most suitable to avoid people."
Am I really that predictable?
He slowly walks up to me, but stops several meters away from me as if suspecting that getting any closer might trigger an involuntary fleeing response. For a minute or so, we just look at one another, unsure on what to say or do. Then he takes the plastic bag he's carrying in one hand and pulls something out of it.
"A little something I picked up at the gift shop near the hospital's cafeteria."
02
My eyes grow wide as I see what it is. It's a small bouquet of flowers.
You're so kind, Hisao.
Why are you so kind?
He doesn't approach me any further. Instead, he just holds out the bouquet the way you'd hold out a dandelion leaf to a skittish rabbit. After a moment of hesitation, I get up and slowly take a step forward. And then another one.
They look beautiful.
I don't deserve these.
And another one.
I should have been the one giving you these.
And another one.
An expectant smile appears on his face. I slowly stretch out my hand, grab the bouquet and gently take it from him when he loosens his own grip on it. I hold the flowers to my chest, smelling the really nice odor coming from them. I'm not really sure how to proceed. I'd really like to thank him, but I think I'm too uneasy right now to speak. Part of me is happy for such a sweet gesture, but another part of me reminds me how much this emphasizes my own inadequacy and makes me feel even worse. Again, we're just standing there, looking at each other. After another minute, Hisao slowly starts to speak.
"Hanako, you don't really need to say anything. But will you listen to what I have to say?"
I slowly nod my head. It's the least thing I can do for him, even if I can't do anything else. He takes a deep breath.
"This week has been very hard for both of us. I had a painful reminder this week that I'm still at this school for a reason, no matter how normal I've started feeling over the last period of time."
That's true for me as well. For a while, I was convinced I was able to climb out of that rut I've been in for years and live an ordinary life, before I was dragged back in with a vengeance. It really is depressing.
"The last time I had a heart attack, it redefined me. It changed my outlook on life, on myself and on others. And not at all for the better. I forgot about all the small things in life I used to derive happiness from. I didn't rediscover them until I met someone with whom I could share those things with."
That's… probably true for me, too.
"I have no intention of letting this event become a similar turning point in my life, Hanako. I want to pick up where I left off. I still want to graduate here and study science. I still want to improve my physical condition in order to stretch the limits my arrhythmia imposes on my life. I still want to get a few more members for my club. I still want to make more memories with the people I have here. And preferably, with the girlfriend I have here as well…"
Hisao…
"For all the misery this week has brought, we have plenty of good memories to compensate, Hanako. I know I can't force you of all people, who has lost so much already, to stay with a person who could theoretically die at any moment…"
Wait! What…?
"…I just want you to know how terribly sorry I am to have put you through all of this…"
Wait! No, Hisao, that's not what… Did you think I…?
"…I know I'm being selfish for asking you this, but…"
"You're wrong!"
I blurt out my thoughts. For a second, he seems shocked, not expecting me to interrupt his carefully rehearsed speech like this. Then he gets a puzzled expression on his face.
"Wrong about what?"
"I… I would never think that way about you."
"What way?"
I swallow.
"M-maybe there are p-people in this world who would not allow themselves to get close to you, because they're afraid to l-lose you p-prematurely. But if everybody thought that way, you'd always remain alone. That'd b-be too cruel. You d-don't deserve that. N-not you…"
"You can't deny it's quite a burden."
"I-I know. And I w-was often reminded of it. Each t-time I s-saw you come back from the running track… each t-time I saw you take… or not take… your medication… each t-time… each t-time I got into bed with you, I remembered. B-but… when you b-became my boyfriend, I m-made a choice to accept that burden. Because you accepted mine."
"Then why…?"
"B-because…"
I feel the lump in my throat returning. I struggle to get the words I need to say out of my mouth before I get too scared to say them.
"B-because I couldn't do anything for you."
"What do you mean?"
I feel my legs getting weak. I cover my face with my hand and drop to my knees, unable to keep my emotions in check any longer.
"When we started dating, we promised to support each other in times of need. But while you were l-lying there on the street, I couldn't do a thing for you. I saw you looking at m-me… but I couldn't m-move. I couldn't p-phone for an ambulance, I couldn't call for h-help… I couldn't even hold your h-hand to reassure you. I'm worthless."
Despite my best efforts to contain them, tears are flowing down my cheeks, and my shoulders shake as all the guilt and shame that have been eating me up all week long come flowing out of me.
"I t-thought, maybe it was better if I broke up with you, so you could be with someone who could make you happy and also wouldn't f-fail you like I did. What g-good are all the small things like homemade m-meals and games and caresses when I can't even be there for you *sniff* the very moment you need me most?"
I can feel his arms wrap around me and pull me close.
"Hanako, it's… It's okay."
"It's n-not okay. *sniff* W-what do you think would have h-happened *sniff* if we had been alone? You c-could have *sniff* died right in f-front of me while I just s-sat there doing n-nothing."
"Hanako, I…"
"Hisao, I-I'm so sorry."
For a long while he just holds me without saying anything as I sob against his shoulder. I wonder if he's going to try and tell me not to worry about it. Is he going to comfort me by telling me it'll all even out nicely with a couple of lunches and a night between the sheets?
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"Was that an apology?"
"W-what?"
"Were you apologizing?"
"Y-yes."
"Okay. I'll accept your apology, if you accept mine."
"Yours?"
"I couldn't help you either while you were having a panic attack, Hanako. Even though I promised myself that if what happened that day in science class would ever happen again, I'd be there to calm you down and reassure you. I wasn't able to keep that promise."
"B-but you were having a heart attack at the time. There's no way I could expect…"
"There no way I could expect you to keep your cool in the middle of a panic attack either."
"P-please stop comparing the two."
"Why? Because it's devastating to your argument? We could ask your own therapist for her opinion, but I think if you're really honest we can agree that neither of us was in a position to help the other and that expecting otherwise would have been very unreasonable."
"It's… not that easy."
"Of course not. I'd probably feel awful about it too if I had been in your place, even though it's unreasonable. But I'm not blaming you. If there's blame to be passed around, I feel it's justified that I take my part, which happens to be slightly larger than yours."
"T-that's not true."
"But it is. Your panic attack took place because I got into an accident. That accident took place because I disregarded your advice and acted rashly. If someone is to be blamed, I should be that one."
"It… wasn't really your fault. M-most people wouldn't walk slowly in the middle of a rainstorm."
"That's my point. It was a really small screw-up that happened to have big consequences, but there's no valid reason for either of us to beat ourselves up over this."
"E-even so… I didn't even visit you. I should have been by your bedside…"
"I wasn't able to help you either while you were in your room fighting off a depression."
"Please s-stop doing that!"
"Look, the point is that we both had our own problems to deal with first."
That's kind of depressing.
"So… We're not really t-that good at supporting each other in times of need, are we?"
"We both want to support each other to the best of our ability, and sometimes that's a little bit less than we'd like it to be. But it might still be enough for the other person. I couldn't be there for you while I was in the hospital, but I can be here for you now if you'll still have me."
Without thinking, I give him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"You're… doing a great job. I just wish I could return the favor."
"You already have."
"How?"
"By waiting for me like I asked you yesterday."
"B-but I wasn't at the gate when you arrived. I couldn't even…"
"But you were waiting for me. Misha said she saw you waiting out there for pretty much the entire morning."
"I… w-was. B-but…"
"Something happened?"
"I saw you… in the distance. Together with… two other people. I thought those were probably your p-parents. I… was a-afraid to face them after n-neglecting you the entire w-week and I *sigh* got scared and ran off."
I hang my head in shame, but he doesn't seem bothered by it.
"They were my parents alright. But what you did was probably for the best. This talk would have been really awkward with other people present. The important thing is that you were there and waited for me."
"Hisao, why was m-me waiting there so important to you?"
"One of the disheartening things about my first stay in the hospital, Hanako, was that by the time I was finally released, everyone except my parents had already moved on. And I was already aware of that while I was still lying there. I was thinking… If there was just one other person who was out there waiting for me… anticipating my return… I could have easily made it through the whole thing, even without visitors."
I know what you mean, Hisao. I know exactly what you mean. That really would have helped me too when I was in the hospital for so long.
I think I know what to do now. I gently break his embrace and take his hands in mine.
"Hisao… then… then I will be that person for you. If you… were to get into the hospital again, even if I can't visit you, I'll be waiting for you no matter how long you have to stay there. I promise."
Despite the fact my face is all red from crying, I do my best to smile at him. Hisao doesn't say anything, but I can tell by his smile how much my words mean to him. I let go of him, gently take his face in my hands and give him a short, sweet kiss on the lips.
"Welcome back, Hisao. I've missed you."
Again, he doesn't respond, but I see a small tear from one of his eyes. He then brings one hand up to my face, softly brushes my hair lock aside and then presses his other hand to the side of my head until I hear a familiar click.
My hairclip. He's kept it with him.
He doesn't ask me to be his girlfriend again. I don't bring it up either. We don't need words for this moment. Instead, he simply presses his lips on mine, and we kiss again, longingly, passionately this time, throwing off the weights that have been on our shoulders the whole week.
--------------------------------------
03
I'm not sure how long we've been sitting here. An hour? An hour and a half? We've barely spoken a word the entire time. He's just been sitting here on the ground, leaning against the wall and I’m sitting on his lap, my head against his chest while he's stroking my hair.
"Hisao?"
"Yes?"
"Your parents, are they still here?"
"I asked Lilly, Shizune and Misha to keep them occupied while I searched for you. I think if they wanted to leave, they would have called me on my cell phone."
"They live pretty far away from here, don't they?"
"Yeah, I've seen them more often this week than I have in the last few months."
"Do you get along with them?"
"We're not extremely close since they work long days, so I was often home alone until late in the evening."
"But they still took time to visit you this week."
"Yeah, they even wanted to take me home to get some rest after picking me up from the hospital. You should have seen me freak out when they told me that."
I giggle at that mental image.
"But they meant well."
"I guess I should spend some time with them before they leave, shouldn't I?"
"Yes. I won't be going anywhere."
Hisao takes out his cell phone, and I see him call Lilly's number. He waits a few seconds, and then I vaguely hear a voice on the other side.
"Hey Lilly, it's me."
"Yeah, I found her. And we reconciled."
"Yeah, me too. Me too."
"Where are you now? Are you guys still giving my parents a tour of the school?"
"The Shanghai? Why'd you go there?"
"Shizune was bored, and she convinced them to take you there? I see."
"Actually, could you ask them to stay there? I want to spend some private time with them, and the Shanghai is more comfortable than my dorm room. I'll come down there in a minute."
"No, I'll be okay. You can probably stay for twenty more minutes or so. I could…"
"You still have some shopping to do? That's fine too. Say, Lilly, could you…Hello?"
"Well, certainly not Misha."
"Misha, could you give Lilly her phone back?"
"Sure, sure, I'll treat you guys for your trouble. No need to try and guilt trip me into it."
"No, I'm not gonna foot your entire bill."
"Okay, three things. One: that has nothing to do with the matter at hand, two: I was only six at the time and three: why the hell is she telling you about that?"
"Misha, put Lilly on the damn phone already! Hello?"
With an annoyed face, Hisao snaps the phone back shut. I chuckle at the scene that just unfolded in front of me.
"Trouble?"
"Just Shizune and Lilly extracting every embarrassing piece of information there is to know about my childhood from my mom. I'd better get down there before Shizune procures enough blackmail material to put me on the student council's volunteer list for the rest of the year."
I get off his lap, and we both walk down the stairs to the entrance of the school building.
"I'd better be off now."
"You're going to walk all the way to the Shanghai? Is that okay?"
"I've been lying in bed for nearly a week. I really need to stretch my legs a bit. I'll be fine. I'm going to take my time, the whole way's downhill, and I'll be sure to take a short rest half-way through. Promise."
"How about your way back?"
"Mom and Dad went there by car. They'll drive me back to school afterwards."
"Ummm… Can I walk along with you a bit?"
"Fine with me. Be sure to drop those flowers off in your room first."
"Y-yes. Meet at the gates?"
"See you there."
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04
Hisao laughs as I walk past the school gate.
"Nice umbrella you've got there."
"T-thanks."
"Did you want to come along just in case those clouds above us decide to drop a rainstorm down on me?"
"N-not really. I mean… Not just that."
We head down the road and true to his word, Hisao adopts a pace that's barely distinguishable from Lilly's. After ten minutes, we sit down on a rock near the side of the road.
"Ummm… H-Hisao?"
"Yes, Hanako?"
"There's…probably something you should know. About… me and Lilly."
"Lilly said you two had a fight."
"…it wasn't really a fight…"
That's not a lie. It was far too one-sided to be a fight. Lilly was uncharacteristically persistent that day. Eventually I completely lost it and just tore into her. I'll never forget the hurt and frightened look on her face that moment. All I wanted was for her to leave me be. I never wanted to hurt her. I immediately regretted lashing out at her, but I couldn't find the words to stop her from leaving the room, and she couldn't see the pained expression on my face.
"Are you planning to talk to her?"
"I don't think she ever wants to talk to me again."
I told her never to come back after all. How horrible can a person be?
"Don't say that. Lilly feels horrible about what happened. She blames herself much more than she blames you."
"She does?"
"Yeah. This week's been hell for all three of us."
"…"
Hisao gets up, and we prepare to walk the rest of the way down, but after a few minutes he suddenly turns around and looks me straight in the eye.
"Hanako?"
"Y-yes?"
"You don't hate Lilly, do you? I mean, she can be a little bit overbearing at times, but she means well. I remember you telling me she was a very special person to you and that you loved her a lot."
"I-I don't h-hate her. I just… wish things were different between us."
"Different?"
"…it's complicated…"
"I see."
"D-do we have to talk about this now? I'm still feeling a bit drained."
"We can talk about it later."
--------------------------------------
Ten minutes later we stand in front of the Shanghai. Hisao dropped Lilly another quick phone call. Officially to ask her to get him some things from the store, although I'm pretty sure the real reason was to find out about her location so she and I don't accidentally run into each other.
For a few moments I think back on the day. The best I was hoping for this morning was an awkward greeting with Hisao followed up by an involuntary game of hide and seek. Instead, we managed to put this week's events behind us, and we've successfully averted the first crisis in our relationship. It was a very rough ride, but I also feel a bit proud. Maybe our relationship is more resilient than I thought at first.
One thing that stands out in my recollection of today are my words to Hisao. Now I think back about it, my promise to wait for him if he gets hospitalized again sounded a lot like a long-term commitment. And now he's about to enter the Shanghai, there's another decision for me to make. He's not saying anything, but I bet the same matter is on his mind as well.
Can I do this?
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
05
"What do you t-think of me?"
"I love you, Hanako."
"I l-love you too, Hisao."
I extend my left hand, and he takes it with a smile.
"I… I won't be staying l-long."
"That's okay, Hanako. This means a lot to me."
He gently leads me inside, and we walk towards the spot where we usually sit. Ahead, I can see a middle-aged couple; the same people who got out of the car with Hisao at noon. The man has a few facial features that look familiar to me. They wave at Hisao as we approach, and then their eyes fall on me. I can tell that they're staring, and I also know what they're staring at. My knees start shaking a bit, so I squeeze Hisao's hand a little harder and try to focus all my attention on him in an attempt to block their gaze and my growing anxiety from my mind. As we reach the table, I try to read Hisao's expression. He's a bit nervous as well, but also wears a proud smile as he opens his mouth to speak.
"Mom, Dad… There's one more person here at Yamaku I'd like you to meet."
Taking off my hat, I bow as deeply as I can and then take a deep breath.
"G-good afternoon. My n-n-name is H-Hanako Ikezawa. I'm Hisao's g-g-girlfriend."
06
Last edited by Guest Poster on Sat Sep 20, 2014 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.
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Chapter 17
Chapter 17
01
One more day.
As I operate the Brailler in the student council room, my thoughts occasionally drift to last week's events. Hisao was released from the hospital last Saturday and was dropped off at Yamaku by his parents. Hanako had been waiting for him at the gates all morning, but she was afraid to approach him with his parents being present and ran off. Hisao asked Shizune, Misha and me to give his mother and father a tour of the school while he went to do something important. The message was clear; 'keep them occupied for as long as necessary while I search for Hanako.'
I was heartened and relieved when I received a phone call from Hisao that he hadn't merely succeeded in finding Hanako, but he also managed to reconcile with her. According to Hisao, Hanako was still in the process of recovering from the stress of last week, but he had no doubts that they were going to pick up where they left off. It appears that their relationship is very much like Hanako herself - easy to crack, but impossible to break.
Unfortunately, my own relation with Hanako seems a different matter altogether. We're still avoiding each other, and tomorrow evening Akira will arrive here to pick me up. Hisao has assured me that he's been trying to bring the matter up with Hanako, but time seems to be against us. I'd be lying if I denied that the whole situation has left me more than a little bit on edge. When I informed Hanako and Hisao about the fact I'd be leaving, I believed Hanako and I could remain in contact with each other. There's no doubt in my mind, however, that if things don't improve between us before I take my plane, there won't be any more contact. We'll simply go our own way, and that'll be the end of it. I'm not afraid to admit that the idea of Hanako's angry cry to go away and never come back remaining the last words I'll ever hear from her frightens me more than anything else.
"Class rep, or perhaps I should say former class rep; you're working really slowly. It wouldn't be fair of me to hold the delay of last week against you, considering the circumstances, but if you don't want to be remembered as the black sheep among the class representatives, you'd better make sure to have everything wrapped up before you leave. That's not going to happen at the rate you're working now."
I let out a frustrated sigh before I can stop myself. Last week has been strange for Shizune and me. During our student council days, I always had the impression that Shizune only concerned herself with other people when it benefitted her own goals in some way or another, but that impression had come under fire when I witnessed Shizune's actions last week. Both Shizune and Misha probably realized that the matter between Hisao and Hanako wasn't their business to get involved in, so they went out of their way to help Hisao in whatever small ways they could, and Shizune didn't seem to have any problems with the fact that a temporary truce between us was part of that. While leading Hisao's parents around, both of us took turns explaining different things to them and talking about various aspects of life at Yamaku, and I was surprised that for once, we worked together well. However, when she learned that Hisao and Hanako reconciled, she immediately closed off that particular chapter, and when I showed up at the student council room this afternoon, she wasted no time in complaining about me not showing up sooner as if nothing had happened.
"I can assure you I will have all paperwork done before the deadline of tomorrow. That should be all that matters. Or are you now concerned with other things besides cold, hard results all of a sudden?"
And here I am taking the bait again. I'm not sure why I can't take Shizune's provocations with a grain of salt like Hisao seems able to do without any significant effort. Perhaps the fact that we're family makes it more difficult to back down.
"If you have a secret plan to speed up the process, I'll be more than happy to witness it, though I won't hold out hope that you're going to surprise me."
"People can still surprise each other on occasion, Shizune. I must admit I was somewhat surprised by the efforts you made to help Hisao and Hanako through last week. Your actions were most certainly appreciated."
"I'm offended by the fact you were surprised. Hisao and Hanako are still members of my class. Just because I run my class in a different way than you do, doesn't mean I can't do my part to help my classmates when emergencies take place. I may be a dictator in your eyes, but I like to think of myself as a responsible one."
Despite Shizune's retort being very much an accusation, I smile a little bit. I have to admit she did act responsibly. It seems Hisao wasn't exaggerating when he said he considered Shizune and Misha friends despite their occasional pushiness.
"I realize you don't value my opinion very much, but I don't think it would hurt if your classmates were to witness that responsible streak a little more often. It might make them more willing to voluntarily lend you a hand on occasion without having to be pressured into it."
"The approach you suggest is overrated. People will always get to tasks more quickly if you direct them properly. My goal isn't to win a popularity contest, but to keep my class functioning smoothly."
Without saying another word, I open my bag and take several large envelopes out of them. Taking a moment to pile them up neatly, I hold out my hand and let go of them when I feel Misha taking them from me.
"Hey, what's in the envelopes, Lilly?"
"The envelopes contain all the remaining paperwork that still had to be done before the start of summer break. It turned out that while I was occupied with Hisao and Hanako last week, several of my classmates took it upon themselves to fill out all the remaining forms for me on their own in an attempt to make things easier for me and presumably also as a gesture of support and appreciation. They did this without me even having to ask them. All that remained for me to do was to type up a small summary. Do you not agree with me that no class is running more smoothly than a class where the representative can afford to take an unexpected leave of absence, and things still get done on a timely basis?"
There's a moment of silence in the room, beyond the sound of a shocked gasp. I allow myself to send a sweet, but triumphant smile in Shizune's general direction. A few seconds later, the room shakes with Misha's thunderous laughter.
"WAHAHAHA~ HAHAHAHAHA~, looks like she's got you there, Shicchan!"
I put away the Brailler as Misha's laughter slowly dies down. Of course, my classmates' action was a surprise to me as well rather than anything planned, but I must admit getting a small victory over Shizune feels surprisingly good to me. Maybe we really are more alike than either of us cares to admit.
"Looks like you did manage to surprise me today, class rep. I admit defeat this time. But that doesn't mean I will ever agree with your methods."
I let out a tired smile.
"I had hoped that after last week, we'd be able to get along slightly better. But perhaps our differences really are too great."
"Last week was a different matter. There's no reason we cannot both help out a mutual friend without antipathy, but that doesn't mean we will ever be able to work together on something productively."
"I understand. I accept the fact that there are things that neither of us will budge on. I may not think highly of your methods as a student council president, but I think I can still appreciate you as a cousin, Shizune. I hope that will allow us to shake hands and part without any hard feelings tomorrow."
"I suppose the fact that you're a bad class rep doesn't really take away from the fact we've also had a few good memories in the past. We could probably learn to appreciate each other as family and not follow too far in our fathers' footsteps. Though I object to the handshake. I'm afraid nothing but a hug will do."
"Oh my…"
I find myself flustered for a second, then break out into an amused grin.
"Misha, please translate properly."
"WAHAHAHAHAHA~! Awww, you noticed?"
"What did she really say?"
"I only added the last part. She's okay with the handshake."
I stick out my hand and moments later another hand grasps mine. The handshake is short and formal, but also polite and sincere.
With the paperwork finished prematurely, I accept Misha's offer to have some juice as we take a moment to sit back, and I realize it's been a long time since I was able to feel at ease in this room.
"So, I suppose with student council duties, you haven't been able to give your plans for that charity festival much thought."
"That one is only on temporary hold. I'm taking full advantage of the fact I can use the festivals here as a learning experience and become familiar with all the organizational aspects. When I get around to organizing my own festival, no beginner's mistakes will be accepted. And those orphanage plans are not off the table either, though I suspect that'll take a little longer."
I grin playfully.
"How about taking over the world one city council at a time?"
"WAHAHAHAHAHA~! Really, Shicchan?"
"You'll be safe in Inverness for the time being. But not forever."
--------------------------------------
02
"Am I interrupting?"
"Hicchan! Hey there."
"I'd like to talk to Lilly."
"I'll be right with you, Hisao."
I make a short bow, grab my belongings and follow Hisao out of the room.
"I noticed a distinct lack of passive aggressiveness in there."
I smile awkwardly. I noticed the habit of occasionally teasing me about my feud with Shizune has rubbed off from Akira onto Hisao.
"We may be able to part amicably when I take my leave tomorrow. It may be difficult to imagine now, but we also have several positive memories of each other."
"That's a hopeful sign. If you can get your difficulties with Shizune sorted out, reconciling with Hanako should be a piece of cake in comparison."
I'm not so sure myself. While I may have had trouble getting along with Shizune, I've never had difficulty understanding her thought process. Hanako's thought process, however, has never been something I felt was very tangible to me.
"I don't think the two are comparable."
"Are you up for it?"
"Does she want to talk to me?"
"I managed to convince her to hear you out. She doesn't really want things to end on such a sordid note either."
"Thank you, Hisao."
He remains silent for a second and then places his hand on my shoulder.
"Lilly, I'm not really sure how this is going to play out. I have tried to avoid taking sides here, and I refrained from prying, so I don't know what she's thinking. We had a talk like this one ourselves while you were in Scotland. Eventually we came out of it as a couple, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't one of the most difficult and painful experiences I've ever been through."
"I don't think I have much to lose, Hisao."
"That may be the problem. Back then, the mutual fear of losing the other was a strong motivator in getting us both to open up. That motivator won't be present here. All I can suggest is to be as open and honest with her as you can. Hanako's a lot more perceptive than she usually lets on, but her self-esteem tends to color the conclusions she draws and usually not for the better."
"Where is she now?"
"In my dorm room. We thought it was best to use neutral territory so both of you can walk away whenever you like."
"And where will you be then?"
"I'm going to see Miss Takawa. She said she had something for me if I managed to make up with Hanako. She got me curious, that's for sure. I think I'm also going to hang out with Kenji. That way, he won't find out about you guys using my room."
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
I feel my hand up to his shoulder and then place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"W-what was that for?"
I smile at him.
"Everything."
Decisively, I take out my cane and make my way to the boys' dormitory.
--------------------------------------
03
I feel a faint sense of apprehension as I slowly open the door of Hisao's room and step inside. There's no greeting, but I can hear someone's breathing nearby.
"Hanako?"
"Y-you can sit on the bed. It's right in front of you."
The position of Hanako's voice suggests she's sitting, presumably in the desk chair, on the other side of the room. It feels strange for me to sit on Hisao's bed. Why doesn't Hanako sit down here? Does she want to avoid the possibility of me sitting down next to her? I uneasily take a seat and fold up my cane. What should we do now? I suppose I'd better make the first move.
"Hanako, I'd like to apologize for my actions last Tuesday. I once argued the importance of giving someone space, but when push came to shove I forgot about that myself."
"I-I'm s-sorry too f-for saying those horrible things to you. I… felt really bad about it afterwards."
"But you were correct. I felt partially responsible for what happened to you that Monday, and I felt like simply leaving Yamaku and boarding the plane as if nothing happened would be like abandoning you and Hisao in a time of need. I was so focused on finding a way to help you that I didn't stop to think of whether it really was the right time to help. Hanako, I truly regret what I did. I wasn't thinking clearly."
"It's… okay. You were probably w-worried about me."
"I was. More worried than I probably should have been. In the end, you and Hisao got back together just fine without anyone else's help."
"Lilly… I want to see you off without hard feelings. So if you're… not angry with me then I won't be a-angry with you."
"Thank you, Hanako. I'm not angry with you. I wasn't even angry to begin with. Just sad. I was afraid you hated me."
"I don't hate you."
"I'm very relieved to hear that."
"Would you like to go to your room and have s-something to drink, Lilly?"
I'm starting to get a little suspicious. Now that I told her I'm not angry with her, Hanako seems really eager to get it over with. Is she sincere in her answers? She said she wants to see me off without hard feelings. But hard feelings on her part or mine? Is she simply saying what she thinks I want to hear? I think if I let her walk away, we will indeed part on friendly terms, but it might be merely an act.
"Hanako, could you tell me one more thing?"
"What is it?"
"What did you mean when you said I was only interested in fixing you?"
"I-I w-wasn't thinking s-straight when I s-said that."
That doesn't sound convincing. Hanako can hide some things fairly well, but her anxiety isn't one of them.
"I think you were. You were spot-on about me imposing on you to soothe my own anxiety. I believe there was also a reason behind your other words. I… I really want to know what it is."
"W-why don't you believe me?"
"Because you would never want to hurt me. And maybe the reason you said what you said is something that would hurt."
"B-but…"
"But Hanako, I would never want to hurt you either. If I did something to hurt you in one way or another, I want to know what it is, so I can take responsibility for it. Please, Hanako… I promise you I will not think badly of you, no matter what you say. But please don't deny me the chance to take responsibility for my actions."
"But w-what if it's all just in my imagination?"
"Then I will do my best to reassure you, and we'll both walk out of this room feeling better."
Hanako falls silent, obviously weighing my words. Her reaction alone was enough of an indication that her accusation wasn't merely thrown out at random. I can only hope she trusts me enough to tell me what was really bothering her.
"You w-won't hate me if I'm w-wrong?"
"I could never hate you, Hanako."
I'm not sure if she's completely convinced, but she seems willing to give me the benefit of the doubt as she takes a deep breath.
"I've always been… really thankful… that you became my friend. You became… a very important p-person in my life. But sometimes, I w-worried… whether we were really f-friends or not."
"Why?"
"Because you were always there for m-me when I n-needed support. You were always doing things for m-me. But I could never do things for you. Or f-for myself. All you did was g-give and give. And all I did w-was take and take. It was like… I was just someone you needed to t-take c-care of. Like you w-were a m-mother taking care of a n-needy child. But that's not what I w-wanted us to b-be. That's never what I w-wanted us to be."
I knew our relationship appeared like this. Akira has even joked about it in the past, about Hanako being 'my Hanako'. What I hadn't realized was how unhappy Hanako herself was with the dynamic of our relationship. How many times have I made her feel worse about herself by showering her with affection and comfort? I’m afraid to ask.
"Hanako, I apologize. I admit I have the tendency to mother the people dearest to me. Akira has often scolded me when I mothered her, despite her being seven years older. It is… my way of showing affection. I never… realized I could hurt others that way."
Hanako doesn't respond though and continues her story.
"But when Hisao became my b-boyfriend, I started to s-see things differently. I realized… I was only useless if I allowed myself to be. I realized… I could become stronger and change if I w-worked hard at it. I could become a better girlfriend for Hisao. And I could become a better friend to you. I w-wanted to become r-real friends with you. B-but then, you announced you were maybe leaving the c-country."
And by doing so, I’m taking that opportunity to develop our friendship away from her, am I not?
"We didn't really know w-why you hadn't made up your mind yet. Seeing that your parents and s-sister would all be there. Hisao suggested that maybe I w-was one of the reasons you were still doubting."
That's actually true. Hanako was on my mind a lot whenever I was weighing my options.
"I didn't w-want to ask you to stay for m-my sake. I wanted you to do what made you h-happiest. When I started s-spending more time with you, I started thinking. M-maybe if I could b-become a better friend to you… If I could s-show you how m-much our friendship still h-had to offer… maybe you would be more tempted to stay."
Except I ultimately ended up deciding to leave Japan despite Hanako's best efforts… No, not despite…
"Lilly, that n-night before you told us you were going to Scotland, I t-told you about my p-plans for the future and m-more than ever I felt like we were on equal footing… but you seemed s-sad when you noted how much I had changed. Did you… make the d-decision to go when you felt I was no longer r-reliant on you?"
How did she…?
It appears Hanako has been watching my face closely, because my reaction to her question causes her to gasp and her tone becomes strained with a very subtle hint of anger.
"I… I k-knew it. My efforts only served to make you more d-determined to go."
"Hanako…"
"If had remained as f-fragile as I w-was, you w-would have decided to s-stay in a heartbeat. But now…"
So that's how she sees things. And my pep-talk about her independence and my decision to stay for a little while after her breakdown only reinforced her views.
"Hanako, please listen…"
"All I w-wanted was your f-friendship!"
"But you are…
"Is t-taking c-care of me r-really that much more f-fun than going out as f-friends?!"
"NO, IT'S NOT!"
I get up forcefully as I say these words, and I hear the chair Hanako's sitting on scrape across the floor as if my sudden reaction made her flinch. It's not my habit to raise my voice. I was always taught that it's not something a proper lady is ever supposed to do, and I hate the idea of intimidating my meek friend, but I know that if Hanako is given the chance to get up and run out of the room now, I'll never be able to catch her, and she'll spend the rest of the next two days avoiding me. I have to keep control of the conversation if I don't want this to end badly.
"Hanako, please listen to me. You really are my friend. Nothing less. I don't think of you as a child."
"…"
"You are my friend, Hanako. My best friend. You are a very special person to me."
"I am?"
"You are. Please believe me."
"I believe you, Lilly."
She doesn't. I can tell by her voice that she doesn't. She's back to telling me what she thinks I want to hear. She's made up her mind about me, and now she's just looking to end the conversation.
01
One more day.
As I operate the Brailler in the student council room, my thoughts occasionally drift to last week's events. Hisao was released from the hospital last Saturday and was dropped off at Yamaku by his parents. Hanako had been waiting for him at the gates all morning, but she was afraid to approach him with his parents being present and ran off. Hisao asked Shizune, Misha and me to give his mother and father a tour of the school while he went to do something important. The message was clear; 'keep them occupied for as long as necessary while I search for Hanako.'
I was heartened and relieved when I received a phone call from Hisao that he hadn't merely succeeded in finding Hanako, but he also managed to reconcile with her. According to Hisao, Hanako was still in the process of recovering from the stress of last week, but he had no doubts that they were going to pick up where they left off. It appears that their relationship is very much like Hanako herself - easy to crack, but impossible to break.
Unfortunately, my own relation with Hanako seems a different matter altogether. We're still avoiding each other, and tomorrow evening Akira will arrive here to pick me up. Hisao has assured me that he's been trying to bring the matter up with Hanako, but time seems to be against us. I'd be lying if I denied that the whole situation has left me more than a little bit on edge. When I informed Hanako and Hisao about the fact I'd be leaving, I believed Hanako and I could remain in contact with each other. There's no doubt in my mind, however, that if things don't improve between us before I take my plane, there won't be any more contact. We'll simply go our own way, and that'll be the end of it. I'm not afraid to admit that the idea of Hanako's angry cry to go away and never come back remaining the last words I'll ever hear from her frightens me more than anything else.
"Class rep, or perhaps I should say former class rep; you're working really slowly. It wouldn't be fair of me to hold the delay of last week against you, considering the circumstances, but if you don't want to be remembered as the black sheep among the class representatives, you'd better make sure to have everything wrapped up before you leave. That's not going to happen at the rate you're working now."
I let out a frustrated sigh before I can stop myself. Last week has been strange for Shizune and me. During our student council days, I always had the impression that Shizune only concerned herself with other people when it benefitted her own goals in some way or another, but that impression had come under fire when I witnessed Shizune's actions last week. Both Shizune and Misha probably realized that the matter between Hisao and Hanako wasn't their business to get involved in, so they went out of their way to help Hisao in whatever small ways they could, and Shizune didn't seem to have any problems with the fact that a temporary truce between us was part of that. While leading Hisao's parents around, both of us took turns explaining different things to them and talking about various aspects of life at Yamaku, and I was surprised that for once, we worked together well. However, when she learned that Hisao and Hanako reconciled, she immediately closed off that particular chapter, and when I showed up at the student council room this afternoon, she wasted no time in complaining about me not showing up sooner as if nothing had happened.
"I can assure you I will have all paperwork done before the deadline of tomorrow. That should be all that matters. Or are you now concerned with other things besides cold, hard results all of a sudden?"
And here I am taking the bait again. I'm not sure why I can't take Shizune's provocations with a grain of salt like Hisao seems able to do without any significant effort. Perhaps the fact that we're family makes it more difficult to back down.
"If you have a secret plan to speed up the process, I'll be more than happy to witness it, though I won't hold out hope that you're going to surprise me."
"People can still surprise each other on occasion, Shizune. I must admit I was somewhat surprised by the efforts you made to help Hisao and Hanako through last week. Your actions were most certainly appreciated."
"I'm offended by the fact you were surprised. Hisao and Hanako are still members of my class. Just because I run my class in a different way than you do, doesn't mean I can't do my part to help my classmates when emergencies take place. I may be a dictator in your eyes, but I like to think of myself as a responsible one."
Despite Shizune's retort being very much an accusation, I smile a little bit. I have to admit she did act responsibly. It seems Hisao wasn't exaggerating when he said he considered Shizune and Misha friends despite their occasional pushiness.
"I realize you don't value my opinion very much, but I don't think it would hurt if your classmates were to witness that responsible streak a little more often. It might make them more willing to voluntarily lend you a hand on occasion without having to be pressured into it."
"The approach you suggest is overrated. People will always get to tasks more quickly if you direct them properly. My goal isn't to win a popularity contest, but to keep my class functioning smoothly."
Without saying another word, I open my bag and take several large envelopes out of them. Taking a moment to pile them up neatly, I hold out my hand and let go of them when I feel Misha taking them from me.
"Hey, what's in the envelopes, Lilly?"
"The envelopes contain all the remaining paperwork that still had to be done before the start of summer break. It turned out that while I was occupied with Hisao and Hanako last week, several of my classmates took it upon themselves to fill out all the remaining forms for me on their own in an attempt to make things easier for me and presumably also as a gesture of support and appreciation. They did this without me even having to ask them. All that remained for me to do was to type up a small summary. Do you not agree with me that no class is running more smoothly than a class where the representative can afford to take an unexpected leave of absence, and things still get done on a timely basis?"
There's a moment of silence in the room, beyond the sound of a shocked gasp. I allow myself to send a sweet, but triumphant smile in Shizune's general direction. A few seconds later, the room shakes with Misha's thunderous laughter.
"WAHAHAHA~ HAHAHAHAHA~, looks like she's got you there, Shicchan!"
I put away the Brailler as Misha's laughter slowly dies down. Of course, my classmates' action was a surprise to me as well rather than anything planned, but I must admit getting a small victory over Shizune feels surprisingly good to me. Maybe we really are more alike than either of us cares to admit.
"Looks like you did manage to surprise me today, class rep. I admit defeat this time. But that doesn't mean I will ever agree with your methods."
I let out a tired smile.
"I had hoped that after last week, we'd be able to get along slightly better. But perhaps our differences really are too great."
"Last week was a different matter. There's no reason we cannot both help out a mutual friend without antipathy, but that doesn't mean we will ever be able to work together on something productively."
"I understand. I accept the fact that there are things that neither of us will budge on. I may not think highly of your methods as a student council president, but I think I can still appreciate you as a cousin, Shizune. I hope that will allow us to shake hands and part without any hard feelings tomorrow."
"I suppose the fact that you're a bad class rep doesn't really take away from the fact we've also had a few good memories in the past. We could probably learn to appreciate each other as family and not follow too far in our fathers' footsteps. Though I object to the handshake. I'm afraid nothing but a hug will do."
"Oh my…"
I find myself flustered for a second, then break out into an amused grin.
"Misha, please translate properly."
"WAHAHAHAHAHA~! Awww, you noticed?"
"What did she really say?"
"I only added the last part. She's okay with the handshake."
I stick out my hand and moments later another hand grasps mine. The handshake is short and formal, but also polite and sincere.
With the paperwork finished prematurely, I accept Misha's offer to have some juice as we take a moment to sit back, and I realize it's been a long time since I was able to feel at ease in this room.
"So, I suppose with student council duties, you haven't been able to give your plans for that charity festival much thought."
"That one is only on temporary hold. I'm taking full advantage of the fact I can use the festivals here as a learning experience and become familiar with all the organizational aspects. When I get around to organizing my own festival, no beginner's mistakes will be accepted. And those orphanage plans are not off the table either, though I suspect that'll take a little longer."
I grin playfully.
"How about taking over the world one city council at a time?"
"WAHAHAHAHAHA~! Really, Shicchan?"
"You'll be safe in Inverness for the time being. But not forever."
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02
"Am I interrupting?"
"Hicchan! Hey there."
"I'd like to talk to Lilly."
"I'll be right with you, Hisao."
I make a short bow, grab my belongings and follow Hisao out of the room.
"I noticed a distinct lack of passive aggressiveness in there."
I smile awkwardly. I noticed the habit of occasionally teasing me about my feud with Shizune has rubbed off from Akira onto Hisao.
"We may be able to part amicably when I take my leave tomorrow. It may be difficult to imagine now, but we also have several positive memories of each other."
"That's a hopeful sign. If you can get your difficulties with Shizune sorted out, reconciling with Hanako should be a piece of cake in comparison."
I'm not so sure myself. While I may have had trouble getting along with Shizune, I've never had difficulty understanding her thought process. Hanako's thought process, however, has never been something I felt was very tangible to me.
"I don't think the two are comparable."
"Are you up for it?"
"Does she want to talk to me?"
"I managed to convince her to hear you out. She doesn't really want things to end on such a sordid note either."
"Thank you, Hisao."
He remains silent for a second and then places his hand on my shoulder.
"Lilly, I'm not really sure how this is going to play out. I have tried to avoid taking sides here, and I refrained from prying, so I don't know what she's thinking. We had a talk like this one ourselves while you were in Scotland. Eventually we came out of it as a couple, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't one of the most difficult and painful experiences I've ever been through."
"I don't think I have much to lose, Hisao."
"That may be the problem. Back then, the mutual fear of losing the other was a strong motivator in getting us both to open up. That motivator won't be present here. All I can suggest is to be as open and honest with her as you can. Hanako's a lot more perceptive than she usually lets on, but her self-esteem tends to color the conclusions she draws and usually not for the better."
"Where is she now?"
"In my dorm room. We thought it was best to use neutral territory so both of you can walk away whenever you like."
"And where will you be then?"
"I'm going to see Miss Takawa. She said she had something for me if I managed to make up with Hanako. She got me curious, that's for sure. I think I'm also going to hang out with Kenji. That way, he won't find out about you guys using my room."
"Hisao?"
"Yeah?"
I feel my hand up to his shoulder and then place a soft kiss on his cheek.
"W-what was that for?"
I smile at him.
"Everything."
Decisively, I take out my cane and make my way to the boys' dormitory.
--------------------------------------
03
I feel a faint sense of apprehension as I slowly open the door of Hisao's room and step inside. There's no greeting, but I can hear someone's breathing nearby.
"Hanako?"
"Y-you can sit on the bed. It's right in front of you."
The position of Hanako's voice suggests she's sitting, presumably in the desk chair, on the other side of the room. It feels strange for me to sit on Hisao's bed. Why doesn't Hanako sit down here? Does she want to avoid the possibility of me sitting down next to her? I uneasily take a seat and fold up my cane. What should we do now? I suppose I'd better make the first move.
"Hanako, I'd like to apologize for my actions last Tuesday. I once argued the importance of giving someone space, but when push came to shove I forgot about that myself."
"I-I'm s-sorry too f-for saying those horrible things to you. I… felt really bad about it afterwards."
"But you were correct. I felt partially responsible for what happened to you that Monday, and I felt like simply leaving Yamaku and boarding the plane as if nothing happened would be like abandoning you and Hisao in a time of need. I was so focused on finding a way to help you that I didn't stop to think of whether it really was the right time to help. Hanako, I truly regret what I did. I wasn't thinking clearly."
"It's… okay. You were probably w-worried about me."
"I was. More worried than I probably should have been. In the end, you and Hisao got back together just fine without anyone else's help."
"Lilly… I want to see you off without hard feelings. So if you're… not angry with me then I won't be a-angry with you."
"Thank you, Hanako. I'm not angry with you. I wasn't even angry to begin with. Just sad. I was afraid you hated me."
"I don't hate you."
"I'm very relieved to hear that."
"Would you like to go to your room and have s-something to drink, Lilly?"
I'm starting to get a little suspicious. Now that I told her I'm not angry with her, Hanako seems really eager to get it over with. Is she sincere in her answers? She said she wants to see me off without hard feelings. But hard feelings on her part or mine? Is she simply saying what she thinks I want to hear? I think if I let her walk away, we will indeed part on friendly terms, but it might be merely an act.
"Hanako, could you tell me one more thing?"
"What is it?"
"What did you mean when you said I was only interested in fixing you?"
"I-I w-wasn't thinking s-straight when I s-said that."
That doesn't sound convincing. Hanako can hide some things fairly well, but her anxiety isn't one of them.
"I think you were. You were spot-on about me imposing on you to soothe my own anxiety. I believe there was also a reason behind your other words. I… I really want to know what it is."
"W-why don't you believe me?"
"Because you would never want to hurt me. And maybe the reason you said what you said is something that would hurt."
"B-but…"
"But Hanako, I would never want to hurt you either. If I did something to hurt you in one way or another, I want to know what it is, so I can take responsibility for it. Please, Hanako… I promise you I will not think badly of you, no matter what you say. But please don't deny me the chance to take responsibility for my actions."
"But w-what if it's all just in my imagination?"
"Then I will do my best to reassure you, and we'll both walk out of this room feeling better."
Hanako falls silent, obviously weighing my words. Her reaction alone was enough of an indication that her accusation wasn't merely thrown out at random. I can only hope she trusts me enough to tell me what was really bothering her.
"You w-won't hate me if I'm w-wrong?"
"I could never hate you, Hanako."
I'm not sure if she's completely convinced, but she seems willing to give me the benefit of the doubt as she takes a deep breath.
"I've always been… really thankful… that you became my friend. You became… a very important p-person in my life. But sometimes, I w-worried… whether we were really f-friends or not."
"Why?"
"Because you were always there for m-me when I n-needed support. You were always doing things for m-me. But I could never do things for you. Or f-for myself. All you did was g-give and give. And all I did w-was take and take. It was like… I was just someone you needed to t-take c-care of. Like you w-were a m-mother taking care of a n-needy child. But that's not what I w-wanted us to b-be. That's never what I w-wanted us to be."
I knew our relationship appeared like this. Akira has even joked about it in the past, about Hanako being 'my Hanako'. What I hadn't realized was how unhappy Hanako herself was with the dynamic of our relationship. How many times have I made her feel worse about herself by showering her with affection and comfort? I’m afraid to ask.
"Hanako, I apologize. I admit I have the tendency to mother the people dearest to me. Akira has often scolded me when I mothered her, despite her being seven years older. It is… my way of showing affection. I never… realized I could hurt others that way."
Hanako doesn't respond though and continues her story.
"But when Hisao became my b-boyfriend, I started to s-see things differently. I realized… I was only useless if I allowed myself to be. I realized… I could become stronger and change if I w-worked hard at it. I could become a better girlfriend for Hisao. And I could become a better friend to you. I w-wanted to become r-real friends with you. B-but then, you announced you were maybe leaving the c-country."
And by doing so, I’m taking that opportunity to develop our friendship away from her, am I not?
"We didn't really know w-why you hadn't made up your mind yet. Seeing that your parents and s-sister would all be there. Hisao suggested that maybe I w-was one of the reasons you were still doubting."
That's actually true. Hanako was on my mind a lot whenever I was weighing my options.
"I didn't w-want to ask you to stay for m-my sake. I wanted you to do what made you h-happiest. When I started s-spending more time with you, I started thinking. M-maybe if I could b-become a better friend to you… If I could s-show you how m-much our friendship still h-had to offer… maybe you would be more tempted to stay."
Except I ultimately ended up deciding to leave Japan despite Hanako's best efforts… No, not despite…
"Lilly, that n-night before you told us you were going to Scotland, I t-told you about my p-plans for the future and m-more than ever I felt like we were on equal footing… but you seemed s-sad when you noted how much I had changed. Did you… make the d-decision to go when you felt I was no longer r-reliant on you?"
How did she…?
It appears Hanako has been watching my face closely, because my reaction to her question causes her to gasp and her tone becomes strained with a very subtle hint of anger.
"I… I k-knew it. My efforts only served to make you more d-determined to go."
"Hanako…"
"If had remained as f-fragile as I w-was, you w-would have decided to s-stay in a heartbeat. But now…"
So that's how she sees things. And my pep-talk about her independence and my decision to stay for a little while after her breakdown only reinforced her views.
"Hanako, please listen…"
"All I w-wanted was your f-friendship!"
"But you are…
"Is t-taking c-care of me r-really that much more f-fun than going out as f-friends?!"
"NO, IT'S NOT!"
I get up forcefully as I say these words, and I hear the chair Hanako's sitting on scrape across the floor as if my sudden reaction made her flinch. It's not my habit to raise my voice. I was always taught that it's not something a proper lady is ever supposed to do, and I hate the idea of intimidating my meek friend, but I know that if Hanako is given the chance to get up and run out of the room now, I'll never be able to catch her, and she'll spend the rest of the next two days avoiding me. I have to keep control of the conversation if I don't want this to end badly.
"Hanako, please listen to me. You really are my friend. Nothing less. I don't think of you as a child."
"…"
"You are my friend, Hanako. My best friend. You are a very special person to me."
"I am?"
"You are. Please believe me."
"I believe you, Lilly."
She doesn't. I can tell by her voice that she doesn't. She's back to telling me what she thinks I want to hear. She's made up her mind about me, and now she's just looking to end the conversation.
Sisterhood: True Edition. Hanako epilogue I wrote. Now expanded with additional chapters.