YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [Update 3/16]

WORDS WORDS WORDS


Post Reply
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/3]

Post by YourFavAnon »

This is a follow up to 'Sleep Well, My Little Angel'. I recommend you read that first.

Good Morning, Sunshine


My eyes flick open at vibration from my phone, a system I've started using as an alarm in the morning. I sit myself up, my lower back and arms aching as I adjust myself against the headboard of my bed.
Six in the morning, every single morning, goes like this.

I think it's time for a break.

I smile to myself as I slide back down into my bed, flicking my phone onto the floor and reacquainting myself with the new found greatness of a warm body being by my side. I wrap my arms back around Misha, pulling her close to my chest as her stomach moves in and out in rhythm. She must be sound asleep still, which is pretty incredible considering I wake her up around this time almost every-

Dammit.

She jumps a bit as I move her, her head popping up and eyes ripping open. She looks around for a moment in confusion, her face looking slightly terrified, before regaining her sense of location and calming back into a sleepy state. She yawns and stretches her arms, before flopping back down into bed and rolling to face me, nearly jumping out of shock when she sees me still laying with her.

She puts on a somewhat angry face, looking ready to scold me. Kind of funny, because it's generally the other way around, but I'm in far too good of a mood to be bothered with that right now.

[Shicchan, why haven't you gotten up for class yet?]

I can feel my face beginning to turn red, fumbling with my glasses on my bedside table and attempting to flick the light on at the same time. Once successful, I rest my back against the headboard once again, leaning my head back and looking towards the ceiling.

Why am I honestly not going to class today?

I'm going to feel awfully stupid telling her it's because of her, and how I want to spend a day at home with her.

After all, she has her own duties to attend to as well.

Thoughts continue to rifle through my head at a lightning pace, attempting to come up with the most logical excuse. My hands pick up to sign something, but drop in an instant, my situation becoming more and more awkward as it progresses.

She catches me off guard when she wraps her arms around my waist, resting her head on my chest and visibly giggling at my conundrum.

[You want to spend the day with me?]

I bury my head in my hands. It feels unusual to be embarrassed, as I really have no reason to, but...

It actually kind of feels nice.

It feels as if I'm a human being.

I finally let my hands fall down to her, placing one on her shoulder while using the other to stroke her hair. It's her turn to be embarrassed, as she seems to have a bit of a soft spot for affection.

I guess you could call what I'm doing to her affection, right? I don't even know. I've never felt like this before around anyone, and it feels beyond foreign to me.

My heart picks up its pace again as she stares up at me, a smile spreading across her lips and her gaze meeting mine.

Seems like two battles lost in less than twenty-four hours for me.

I nod at her, conceding defeat. She squeezes her arms around me more tightly, her body shaking as her teeth show and laughter obviously explodes from her body. I force out a smile, but I find myself feeling a big mix of relief mixed with frustration here.

I need to get her back sometime soon.

I can't have her thinking that she's going to be winning against me all of the time, after all.

Misha removes herself from me and slides her legs off the side of the bed, stretching her arms once again before pushing herself up. She reaches the door and turns around looking at me and smiling.

[Stay there.]

Oh, now she's commanding me?

Two can play at this game.

I swing myself out of bed and shuffle to her location in the doorway, placing my hands on my hips and a frown on my face. I make it a point to move my face close to hers, and I'm sure I'm playing off this act pretty well.

[You don't tell me what to do!]

I make it a point to make myself look furious, although I'm honestly not. A bit peeved? Sure, simply because ceding some control to someone else may take time to get used to.

But, I think it's certainly something I'm okay with at least giving a try.

It appears my plan is backfiring on me, though. Her face has dropped to a frown, and her eyes look down out of embarrassment.

I wasn't trying to be mean!

I just wanted to have a little bit of fun with her!

[I was just going to make you some breakfast, you don't seem to be feeling well after all...]

Her signing slows as she drops her hands to the sides, and my heart drops along with them. If I would happen to have a panic button, I think now would be the time to push it.

She turns to walk out of the room, her feet dragging along the floor. I jump and wrap my arms around her from behind, holding her as tight as possible.

She puts up no resistance and turns on her heels, returning the hug. Her mood seemingly has rocketed up again, as we pull back a little bit, our faces mere inches away from each other.

Questions rebound back into my head from last night.

Why does my heart beat so fast everytime I see her?

Is it love?

Why didn't I feel like this back when she confessed to-

My thoughts are ripped from my head as I'm overcome by a blissful sensation. Our lips are touching, her soft skin meeting mine as we hold each other. After a moment of confusion, it sinks in and I close my eyes, pulling her closer to me.

For what feels like an eternity, our lips stay together.

No tongue.

Nothing fancy.

Just love.

Finally, and disappointingly, she pulls back, keeping her forehead against mine. I still don't know how to react to all of this, to be quite honest. I never found myself attracted to women, but I'm suddenly okay with kissing the one before me? What separates her from the rest?

To be honest, I don't know.

In fact, I don't even care.

She's different, and she's most certainly mine. It feels strange though, doing these kind of things when technically neither of us asked the other out yet. Should it just be assumed, or should I go ahead and make it official?

I guess I'll take the safe route.

[Misha?]

[What?]

[Are we...]

I fumble over words for a moment, mixing signs and creating words that don't exist. I take a moment to gather what I want to say, and figure to go with a direct approach to it.

[Are we dating now?]

She grins at me, obviously giggling at my embarrassment. A feeling I used to hate, but when I'm in front of her, it feels natural.

Why does she have to be so adorable?

[Do you want us to be?]

I ponder the question for a moment, but considering how I've been feeling the past couple of months...

[I think I would like that.]

I add a sincere smile to drive home the point, in which she holds me tightly for a moment. She backs off rather quickly though, seeming to remember something.

[Have I been hurting you, Shicch-]

I flick her on the forehead, hard enough to daze her for a split second. She rubs her head and puts on a pouty face.

[What was that for!]

I give her a competitive grin.

Time to regain a bit of power.

[If we're going to be serious about this, call me by my given name a bit more often. A pet name seems a bit strange in a formal relationship, at least for the time being.]

Her pained expression changes into one of embarrassment, but she's seemingly okay with the idea. If she wasn't, she'd be throwing a fit right now.

[Okay, I guess I'm alright with that Shicch- I mean, Shizune.]

She catches herself mid sentence and corrects her mistake, drawing a devious smirk from me. Before I can say anything else, she gives me an adorable look.

She does this too often, trying to cover up something evil with a-

[Well then, would you mind going back to bed and resting? I'm going to make you some breakfast, you need to really rest your body if you're going to take the day off.]

I'm slightly confused when she delivers such a kind offer.

[What about you? You have classes to attend as well, you know.]

[I'm okay with staying with you today.]

[In other words, you just want a day to sleep as well?]

She laughs hard, her chest heaving in and out as she runs short on breath. She takes a second to gather herself again, putting the act back on.

[Maybe.]

Well, at least she-

[But only if I can with you.]

Always saving face by being cute, huh Misha?

I give her a peck on the cheek and sign as I head back towards my bed.

[I think that sounds like a wonderful plan.]

Splitting power doesn't seem so bad.

At least, not yet, anyway.
Last edited by YourFavAnon on Thu Sep 06, 2012 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by griffon8 »

I like this. Good to see the beginning of their relationship, even if it starts after graduation in the Hanako path.

Couple things to correct:
before flopping back down into bead and rolling
bed
At least, not yet, anyways.
anyway—Always annoys me when I see plural adverbs. :x

Humorously, a linguistics major once tried to convince me of the validity of plural adverbs. His example sentence: He ran fastlies.

I couldn't stop laughing for a good 10 minutes.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing
User avatar
txalolrn9
Posts: 123
Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 10:47 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by txalolrn9 »

It would help if you put which story has what pairing so I can just read the HisaoxHanako ones
It only hurts when I breathe
MrDan
Posts: 31
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2012 6:55 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by MrDan »

This is adorable! I thought that this was a well done piece, and stayed within their characters well, which isn't always easy.
Sometimes the easiest decision to make is the one where you only have two-tenths of a second to decide.
A story of baseball, love, and living life.
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by YourFavAnon »

griffon8 wrote:I like this. Good to see the beginning of their relationship, even if it starts after graduation in the Hanako path.
University can be a little bit of a discovery period with some people, so that's how I'm taking it with Shizune. Keeping that competitive edge, but finally ceding victory to her gut feelings.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by YourFavAnon »

Clairvoyance


My face scrapes against the ground as I practically slide across the sidewalk, gritting my teeth in an stupid attempt to null the pain.

"Oh yeah? Well you fuckers can go eat a dick! I'll find somewhere else to drink!"

The guard waves his hand as the other laughs at me. I shoot them the finger as I turn my back and march down the street, the night illuminated by some neon lights to various bars, clubs, resturaunts...

You know, night life in the city.

My clothes smell fucking terrible. They're dirty and ridden with holes galore; probably one for each time I've been tossed out of a bar this week. I don't have anywhere else to go, or really any money. I've got maybe enough in my wallet for three more drinks at somewhere cheap, but that's it.

I haven't worked in almost four weeks, so this seems to be my punishment. Sleeping on the streets, hunting for coins and lost bills...

I mean shit, if I'm not at rock bottom, then what the hell does it take to get there?

Hopefully I won't be here for long though. I got some inside information on a hideout for some feminists, and with a few homemade bombs, those bitches will be gone and I'll be getting a big time pay day!

It's the perfect plan.

Kill them, steal their money, and get away with it.

Who would have thought some of the answers to life could be so simple to achieve?

I continue to make my way up the street, passing bar after bar, looking for the right place for a cheap drink. I scowl at people who pass by me, making sure they keep their distance. I swear, even if I'm fucking up, you can't trust anyone.

Well, at least almost everyone.

I did trust one guy. My 'best friend', I guess is what I should consider him, but shit, I cut contact with him over a month ago. I don't think I'm willing to bring him down with me; the dude bailed me out more times that I can count on both hands. There isn't any point in mooching money and food off of people if you don't even know the next time you'll have a half decent meal.

Speaking of the devil, my stomach growls loudly as I move my hands to it, rubbing it a bit to try and calm it down.

I frown.

It's been a day since I last ate. No money to even buy a loaf of bread from the convenience store anymore, as that money is going towards a couple of beers.

I need that alcohol.

It's probably the only thing that keeps me sane in an insane world.

I touch my hand to the top of my forehead, cringing at the touch. It stings like hell, and I'm sure it hurts just as bad as it looks. Stupid bouncers, kicking me out for getting rowdy. The fuck is the point in being proper in a bar? I mean, if I want to hop in front of everyone and call for another shot, what the hell am I doing wrong?

Finally, after a long and painful walk, a sign catches my eye.

'The Runner's High'.

Cheesy name if you ask me, but they've got some cheap friday night beer deal going on tonight, so what the hell. It's probably only about an hour away from closing anyways, so I might as well gather up the leftovers.

I walk forward and push through the door, revealing a place with all of the makings of a fantastic bar. Good atmosphere, not huge, decent amount of people, quirky design - that's just the way I like it.
I bowl my way through a couple of groups standing and socializing to the bar, flopping down on a stool and rubbing my temples.

My head feels beyond terrible. I don't even have the word to describe it, but it damn sure hurts worse than any other kind of pain I've felt in my life. It just continues to pound nonstop, the cuts spread across still stinging and releasing some blood.

I get a couple of odd looks from people on both sides of me. A couple of people take a peek and turn back to their party, probably making jokes at my appearance. I'll be honest, I probably would be laughing too, as a guy who hasn't even taken a shower or gotten changed in almost a fucking week.

As my thoughts begin to turn angry, as if they aren't pissed off enough, the dark-skinned, quite attractive young bartender makes her way down the line to me, offering me a fairly fake smile. I can tell it's fake, her body language completely gives it away: she's irritated over something, but I'd have to be a mind reader to find out what.

"Welcome to - " She pauses for a moment and stares at me for a moment in fascination. I return the look, and after a moment, her face becomes extremely familiar. Where the hell have I seen her face before?
Maybe the the club the other week? Nah, that was definitely someone else.

She finally gathers her thoughts together and wags a finger at me.

"You. Is your name Kenji?"

Alright, now you're creeping me out a bit, lady. I don't tell women my fucking name, at least I haven't since my days back at Yamaku.

Then, I catch a glimpse of her other arm, and the hand - I mean, stump, pressed against her hip as she leans up against the bar, eyeing me up and down.

She waves her hand in front of my face.

"Hello, anybody home?"

I shake my head for a moment, clearing away the cobwebs.

"Yeah, the name's Kenji. What's it to you?"

Fuck. What was her name! I remember her, from all those years ago. Graduation week, a couple of lunches with Hisao and myself up on the roof, saw her walking through campus from my window a couple of times...

"What? C'mon Kenji, don't tell me you don't remember an old acquaintance!"

She pushes her lower lip out into a pout, a look that really doesn't suit her too well. She seems like she'd be more of the tough kind of person, as her body seems to be in pretty damn good physical condi-

There it is.

"Miura was it? Sorry, my mind is a bit... fuzzy from way back when."

"Just call me Miki, darling."

Well, she's quite upfront. Not sure if I trust her or not, but there's a sort of aura about her that makes her different from other women in this place. I don't know how to explain it, she's just extremely... approachable? Would that be the right word to use?

Before I can open my mouth again, she runs off down the bar to another man calling for a drink. It appears she and one other person are the only two working here tonight, which must be tough considering the fairly large crowd. Within a moment she hurries back, a glass of what appears to be rum in her hand.
Like I can really tell, I mean, I really can't see shit as it is.

She offers me a toothy smile, leaning in against her arms on the bar.

"This one's on the house. I'm not going to lie, boy, you look like shit. What's up with you?"

She's quite upfront about things, especially for a woman. People have begun filtering out, the crowd finally beginning to thin out as only about seven or so people remain in the bar. I check my watch, the casing cracked from years of abuse.

Only about ten minutes til this place closes up for the night.

It's a bit disappointing, really. Not even just that I won't be able to have a couple of drinks, but something here makes me feel at peace with my thoughts a bit.

I know as soon as I hit those streets again, it's going to be one hell of a rough night.

The final party of people force their way out of the bar, stumbling and laughing obnoxiously while obviously drunk as hell.

Miki snaps her fingers in front of my face, nearly making me piss myself.

"Didn't you hear me? You've be really quiet for about a minute now, and you've got me a bit worried."

"I'm sorry, I'm just not in a good place right now. You're closing up, right? I should probably head out of-"

"No. You can stay, all I have to do is go lock the door. Unless, that is, you have somewhere else to be."

I ponder making up an excuse for a moment. The idea of bombing the place down the street has suddenly come to sounding like a horrible idea.

I am at fucking rock bottom.

I take my glasses off and sit them on the bar as Miki steps out and heads to lock the front door, my trembling hand bringing the glass of rum to my lips.

Ah. Rum and Coke, a glorious mixture of flavors.

She returns once again, pulling a stool out on the opposite side of the bar, looking at me.

"Let me ask you again: what's up with you?"

"More shit that you've got time to listen to, woman."

She eyes me with curiosity, but also with a bit of what appears to be sadness. Why is she feeling sad for me? There is nobody on this planet that should feel bad for me, especially not a fucking gir-

Ah, there I fucking go again. Who the hell am I to say every one of these girls are evil? For fucks sake, this girl drank the night away with me after graduation, and she was one hell of a fun person to be around back then...

"I've got as much time as you need, darling. I listened to your 'women are the root of all evil' bullshit almost two years ago, I'm pretty sure you can trust me."

"Isn't it a bit weird to ask some raggy-looking, insane guy from high school what's wrong with him when we've literally only been talking for a half an hour?"

"Not really. It's only weird if you make it that way."

I sigh, slicking my hair back as my hand continues to tremble.

"Fine. You want to know what the fucks wrong with me?"

I'm getting furious, my voice cracking under pressure. How do I even have emotions after all of that tough guy shit I played off back at Yamaku? I shouldn't feel anger or sadness, but here I am, feeling like I'm about to break down in a miserable fit.

"I'll tell you what the fucks wrong with me. I've been living on the fucking streets for almost a week now, I haven't worked in almost four weeks and have absolutely no fucking money to eat, drink or even find a place to take a shower anymore. That's what the hell is wrong with me, Miki."

I'm not even upset at her.

I'm upset at myself.

Her eyes are wide as she stares with a frightened, yet apologetic look. She doesn't appear to regret asking, but she looks like it might not have been the best thing to start out on.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get that angry. It's just... not been a good while. I have no friends anymore because I did what was best for them and cut contact. I haven't even been able to score a bartending job since I lost my last one. I've wasted all of my money on alcohol and stupid, pointless shit. It's at the point where I have no fucking clue where I'm going, other than that it's certainly nowhere good."

She looks down at her feet, her face a bit red. Did I manage to upset her? Christ, I can't do anything right.

"Listen to me, Kenji. I think you're the first guy who's ever stumbled into my bar and poured his heart out to a girl he just started talking to again, and that's being said about you, the guy who hates everything about women."

I rub the back of my head, rustling my hair up a bit. I pick my eyes up and finally manage to look into her eyes, and I swear, a glow is emanating from her body. Maybe it's just lack of food playing tricks on my head, but fuck, if a pair of wings grew from her back right now, I would be convinced that she's an angel.

Someone willing to put up with my bullshit for even five minutes? I don't see how she can even manage that.

A silence settles between us for a couple of moments. It's not as awkward as I would have imagined, as I think it's more of one of those things where we're both just sitting and thinking about what to do next.
She's heard my problems, and I hope she feels no obligation to try and help me. I deserve the shit I've gotten myself into, so I should be the only one trying to fix what I've broken in my life.

Another minute passes by before she finally speaks up.

"Listen. I know this seems sudden and all, and I can tell you I feel a bit strange putting this out there, but..." She trails off for a moment, gathering her words together.

"Why don't you come back to my place and we talk a bit more? I know you're looking for a place to stay, and don't even try and bullshit your way out of that one. I'll make you something to eat, and while the apartment is a bit cramped because it's only meant for one person... I'll make sure that works. You can borrow my shower and everything, as you really look like you could use it. Come crash with me for a couple of nights, I don't mind. In fact, I'd really appreciate it if you accepted."

I raise my eyebrow at her, trying to figure out what the hell is logical and illogical in her head. She literally just invited me, some dude she knew a little bit in high school that is wearing torn up clothes to spend the night with her, and even make him dinner.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

She rubs the back of her neck with her stump.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because now that you seem to be past your stage of hating everything about women, you really seem like a nice guy. I want to get to know you a little bit more, even if this all does seem sudden."

"There's got to be some catch though, right? I mean really, I'm going to have to pay you back somehow, and I don't have any money to do that..."

"You said you were a bartender, right?"

She grins at me. This girl might just be some form of an angel, and I'm pretty sure I'm convinced of it now. I feel like I can see things in a new light now, almost as if they're more clear to me.

"Yeah, but what's that have to do with anything?"

"You can stay with me for as long as you want as long as you work for me."

Holy shit. Does she own this place?

"Wait a minute. You actually own this joint?"

She taps her stump against her chest and shoots me yet another toothy smile, as this is obviously something she's really proud of.

"My parents helped me get started and I've ran with it ever since. So, do we have the two of us a deal?"
She puts her hand out across the bar, leaving it hanging in the air for me. Without any hesitation, I grab it firmly.

"Alright. Let's get home, I'm sure you're starving."

"Yeah, no kidding."

----------

I step out of the bathroom in a pair of lounge pants and a loose fitting shirt that we picked up, along with a few other outfits, on the walk home from the bar. The smell of rice greets my nose, practically floating me into the small kitchen in the front of the apartment. I'm greeted by a plate of chicken and rice, a meal that makes my mouth water more than it should.

Sitting opposite of me is Miki.

I still can't get over how generous of a person she has been to me in less than four hours. It's a bit strange, but I have no reason to complain. She's literally offered me a place to live and a job for as long as I need them, which I'm hoping won't be an overly long time.

But then again, who knows? I could be here for a while and she could end up kicking me out.

I shake the thoughts out of my head as I dig into the plate before me, Miki watching intently as I go to town on the food. It's absolutely delicious, and that's not just because I haven't eaten in over a day now.

"You are one damn good cook, Miki."

Her cheeks redden a bit as she smiles, looking down at the table. Does she get embarrassed over compliments? That might be something I can use to my advantage.

"I put a lot of heart into that one, so it better be good."

The meal passes in a comfortable silence, all washed down with an unbelievably refreshing glass of ice water. I stand up and take the dishes over to the sink, rinsing them off and stacking them neatly in the rack. I take a peek at the clock on the stove.

3:37 in the morning.

"Shit Miki, I didn't mean to keep you up this late!"

She shrugs.

"I've taken the day off tomorrow so that I can help you settle in a bit here. We need to get you a couple more pairs of clothes so that you'll be presentable for work the next day as it is."

"How do you take the day off at a place you run?"

She grins at me, a bit of deviousness showing out as her teeth begin to come out from behind her lips.
"Easy. I just close it for the day."

"But isn't that- "

"No but's. That's final." With that, she steps forward and wraps me in a hug. It's quite awkward, but more than comfortable. Her skin is quite soft against mine, a hint of vanilla lingering as she pats me on the back before releasing me.

"I hope you don't mind sharing a bed with me for the night, by the way. It's a king, so we'll have more than enough room. I'd feel bad making you sleep on the floor without a mattress or something. Is that okay with you?"

My mind steers clear of the original direction, ending up in a nod.

"Just remember, boy, try anything funny and your ass is back on the street."

"Yes ma'am."

With that, we head back into the bedroom. She veers off into the bathroom, telling me I'm free to watch TV or whatever while she was going to take a shower.

I shuffle into the room and take my glasses off, sitting them on the nightstand by the side of the bed. She wasn't kidding when she said about there being more than enough room - the bed literally almost takes up the entire room.

My thoughts begin to wind down as I crawl underneath the covers. My head crashes down onto the pillow below me, and god damn, does it ever feel good to be sleeping in a bed rather than a bus stop.

As Miki gets back from her shower, I can feel myself drifting to sleep, and once she enters, she joins me in bed, giving me one very awkward hug from behind. She reaches over and turns the light out on her nightstand, leaving me falling into the darkness of sleep.

Before I manage to black out, though, I whisper a few words to her.

"Hey Miki?"

"What's up?"

"Thank you. I really, really mean it."

"No need to thank me. Just helping someone who looks like they deserve it."

I don't really deserve any help, but my brain as finally stopped functioning. I'll tuck that thought away and think about it some other time. Finally, my breathing slows to an even, rhythmic pace.

I surrender my body to slumber willingly for the first time in a long, long time.
Last edited by YourFavAnon on Thu Sep 20, 2012 6:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by griffon8 »

I do enjoy all these little stories and how they fill in a whole post VN Hanako route world.
YourFavAnon wrote:The meal passives in a comfortable silence,
Pretty good when I only notice one error like this.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing
User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6212
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/19]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

I noticed one more:
I scowl at people who pass by me, making sure they keep there distance.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/5]

Post by YourFavAnon »

griffon8 wrote:I do enjoy all these little stories and how they fill in a whole post VN Hanako route world.
I wrote this story in about an hour and a half last night, so I'm pretty proud of the outcome. I have my whole world kind of set on a timeline in my head, as relationships like Shizune-Misha, Hisao-Hanako, Kenji-Miki all fall in there, so I'm trying to tackle all of their relationships in one big swing of the bat. It's definitely a fun timeline, and I'll be honest, I doubt I'll ever run out of stuff to write into it.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/19]

Post by YourFavAnon »

Curveball


A couple of groans escape from a mound of covers on the bed.

I feel really bad for leaving her like this today. Then again, I've said that to myself for the past week while Miki has been sick. Her nose has been running consistently, just as her complaints of a sore throat and coughing fits have come in abundance. I, for some reason, haven't managed to catch what she's got, even though we do share the same bed.

It's still kind of strange, considering we aren't dating or anything like that. I've kind of been building up to asking her on a date or something over the past three months or so, as I've been living with her for around six months now, but it's certainly not as easy as it first seemed.

I mean, I do have some pretty big time feelings for her, but I'm not sure how to go about telling her. She's hinted at me a few times - I mean, at least I think she has - that she has some sort of affection for me.

But, then again, who am I to know if that's honest or not?

I could just be getting mixed signals, and after all, she probably isn't interested in me in that sort of way.

I straighten up my hair a bit as well as my collar on my shirt, smoothing my pants as I turn to head out of the bedroom. While Miki has been in bed with a cold, I've been covering her ass.

Waking up every morning, opening the bar up at around noon - it's all completely new to me. So, with her out, I've had to not only manage the bar and give our other two employees their hours, I've had to be the nightly bartender as well.

It's pretty dreadful.

I don't have a single clue how she had managed to run the place and also have time to be a bartender, but it certainly isn't easy.

Yet another agonizing moan rings out, making me wince a bit.

"You going to be okay without me today?"

I don't really know why I ask her at this point. It's the same question I've asked for the past couple of days now, and the response is always the exact same thing: 'Yeah, I'll be okay, I promise!'

She lifts her face up from underneath the blankets, propping her back up against her headboard. Her brown skin looks awfully pale in compairson to normal, her eyes closed together tightly as she fights off an apparent surge of pain through her head.

When they finally work their way open, they look puffy and sore; almost as if she was crying. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she had been.

Her hoarse tone slices through my train of thought.

"Come here." She pats the large open space beside her with her hand, attempting to ward off her aches for just long enough to give me a weak smile.

My hands rub together a bit, a habit I've picked up while I feel nervous. I'm not quite sure what she wants with me, but other than hugs, we've never really had any form of close contact. A low, brittle voice draws my attention to her, her eyes pleading with me.

"Please?"

I sigh in resignation and step forward, crawling into the spot next to her. As I get comfortable, my heart beating into my throat, I can't help but feel bad.

Her condition reminds me of how she must have seen me that night at the bar.

I'm caught off guard as she wraps her arms around my waist, settling her head into my chest. She's never once done this before, but I can't say I'm complaining in the slightest.

It's just very... I don't know, sudden? Not really, but I guess it feels that way because it certainly managed to catch me off guard.

She nuzzles her head into my chest, my body feeling as if it's on fire. I know what I want to tell her, but I can't fucking do it. It's so hard, as if there's a wall of concrete separating the two of us, something that I don't know if I'll ever to be able to get around.

I want this girl bad, but I can't begin to figure out why I can't get over the hump.

"You make a really nice pillow." That brings a smile to my face. It's the first time all week that she has really sounded any bit happy.

"I'm glad I can be useful for something, but listen, I've really got to get-"

"You're not going anywhere, Kenji."

What?

Is she basically commanding me to stay home with her?

"But Miki, who's going to-"

"Kenji, this is like the billionth time I've told you this: Nobody is going to run the bar. It can stay closed up for the day."

She looks up at me with sad eyes, her lip pushing out into a pout.

"Please, just stay home with me?" I can't help but wonder what the difference today is with the rest of the week. Why didn't she want me to stay home the rest of the week if she wants me to stay so terribly now?

"Why do you want me to?" She closes her eyes and enters a state of thought, seemingly trying to come up with the least embarrassing answer to my question. Her cheeks are flushed red as the silence passes.

What the hell is she going to say?

"I don't think I can tell you that. I would have asked for the other days, but we can't be closed for that long..."

God dammit. Always the same bullshit answer when I ask her something along the lines of why I matter to her so much. She's hiding something, and it's starting to really get to me.

I struggle away from her, leaving her with a look of pure sadness as I get up from the bed. She literally looks as if she could cry, which is heartbreaking, but I'm glad she hasn't seen through my little trick yet.

I have no intention of leaving.

I'm going to drag what the hell is going on with her out of her thick skull if it's the last thing I ever do.

"Give me one reason to stay. You've got one minute before I head out to the bar."

She pouts.

"Why do you have to be so mean to me? I'm the one sick and in bed here, you know!"

I grin at her. I've apparently sold my little scheme well, so all I have to do is keep the act rolling.

"Oh, I know that well enough. You have been hiding something from me, giving me that stupid 'I don't think I can tell you that' bullshit. Speak up or forever hold your peace."

Silence settles in between the two of us. She looks like she's set herself into panic mode, her eyes wide as she looks away from me, pondering what to do. All I have to do is sit back and-

"For fucks sake Kenji, have you not figured it out yet? I've tried to fucking put it on a golden pedestal for you!"

She sounds angry, setting me into a bit of a panic.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Also, what the hell is she talking about? Trying to put 'it' on a 'golden pedestal' for me? What in the world is that even supposed to mean?

Yeah, I think I need to pull back on this one.

"Miki, I'm just kidding! Don't get angry, I promise I wasn't actually-"

"I love you."

What.

My mind is sent into a jumbled mess.

Are you fucking serious right now?

What in the hell have I been thinking about? She...

She loves me?

That dude who bummed a place to stay and a job off of her for all of these months, and she 'loves me'?

I stand by the side of the bed, completely stunned. So, after all of this time, as I was afraid to admit my feelings to her, my assumptions were right: she feels exactly the same about me as I do about her.

Although, 'loving' me may be a bit over the top in reality, but it damn well conveyed her message.

"Happy now, Kenji? That's what I've been hiding from you.' She sinks down into the bed a little bit, drawing her knees up to her chin. She looks as if she isn't expecting me to return the feelings, like she just let out her deepest, darkest secret to the entire world.

Her eyes close and her cheeks continue to burn red, the only evident sound being a couple of sniffles here and there.

I couldn't tell you if it's from crying or from her being sick. Maybe it's a combination of both.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I start to laugh a bit, her head lifting up and eyes looking a bit confused.

"What do you mean?" I start laughing at the top of my lungs. This is all just one gigantic mess, eh? She was afraid to tell me until I put her in a tough spot, even if it wasn't intended to be that way. I was so afraid to tell her that she must not have caught onto any cues or hints I gave her, even though there were quite a few put out there.

I crawl up into bed once again, wrapping my arm around her and drawing her into a hug. She releases a gentle sigh into my ear as we embrace, staying strangely close to me when I finally pull away.

"It appears you're more the man here than I."

Her eyes light up in realization, a weak smile forming on her lips.

An awkward silence falls between us for a few moments, before it's finally broken by a couple of painful sounding giggles emanating from her body. I shoot her a curious glance, to which she responds by pushing her forehead against mine.

My heart is pounding. I've never been in a situation like this before, and it's definitely bringing out some nervousness.

She cuts through my anxiety with a hushed tone.

"Are you going to kiss me or what, gaylord?" Her voice is soft and pleading, her hand finding its way to my face and gently running its way along my cheek.

Without speaking a word, I move my lips to hers, sensation exploding from every inch of my body. My head feels hot as she wraps her arms around my neck, keeping me reeled into the act, which I don't have any reservations against. My hands find their way to her hips on their own, my body feeling as if it's floating towards the sky.

Disappointingly, she pulls away, though still keeping her forehead connected to mine.

"Sorry to disappoint, darling. Don't want to get you sick or anything."

I fall back and lean against the headboard, my head spinning from the amount of emotion that has been flying through it. Miki leans her head against my chest again, almost the exact same situation as we were in just a few minutes ago.

Oh shit.

"Fuck, I forgot to call and tell Kimiko that we were going to be closed today..." Miki giggles at my frustration, making me a bit disappointed in myself.

"Don't worry, she'll figure it out sooner or later. Besides, you, on the other hand, are still going to be working today." I raise my eyebrow at her as she shoots me a toothy grin, one that has been non-existant for days.

"What do you mean?"

She punches me in the shoulder, leaving me rubbing it and practically unable to move it.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Idiot, you're going to be keeping your sick girlfriend company all day! Truly sounds like you're going to have your work cut out for you, huh?"

I blush at that word.

That... that 'girlfriend' word.

She wrinkles her nose up a bit, giving me an unusually shy smile.

"I-I mean, we are... you know..." Her voice trails off, avoiding repetition of the word. I think it's time for a little teasing.

"What do I know?"

"Urgh, Kenji, stop being a dick! We're boyfriend and girlfriend now... right?"

I shoot her a huge, shit-eating grin.

"I guess so."
Last edited by YourFavAnon on Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:37 am, edited 10 times in total.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
Dippeggs
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2012 8:45 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/21]

Post by Dippeggs »

What I think of your work.

Image
User avatar
Scissorlips
Posts: 308
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:21 am

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/21]

Post by Scissorlips »

A sweet story, and I like that it fits into your general post-KS setting from your other stories, that's a neat touch. There are a few errors here and there, they always slip through but it's definitely worth it to give things an extra pass or two before releasing them.
Of my two major issues. the first would be that you need to work on reducing the amount of repetition in your prose. Sometimes that can be a stylistic thing, but usually that's not that case. Just try to go through and look for repeated uses of the same words, phrases, or sounds when they stick out from the flow of the reading.
The second would be that your dialogue still comes off as stilted and unnatural at times. Things like "You realize how long I've been hiding how I've felt about you? It appears your more the man here than me, as I couldn't man up and tell you how I was really feeling" especially stand out. Even somewhat cliche situations and conversations don't have to sound like something from an anime, just try to imagine how a normal, real person would think and respond.

[Pastebin] [Familiarity]
Your troubles shall cease, and you will know peace.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6212
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/21]

Post by Mirage_GSM »

almost the exact same situation as we were in just over twenty minutes ago.
Those few lines of conversation took an awful lot of time...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
User avatar
YourFavAnon
Posts: 240
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:58 pm

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/21]

Post by YourFavAnon »

Mirage_GSM wrote:
almost the exact same situation as we were in just over twenty minutes ago.
Those few lines of conversation took an awful lot of time...
Heh, I'm kind of glad someone caught that. I had no idea how long I wanted the time range to be here. I guess I'll just lessen it because, yeah, that does seem pretty long for a short conversation.
I write things occasionally.

Dumps of my 35+ fics can be found here and here (including some non-KS stuff).
User avatar
JTemby
Posts: 84
Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2012 11:35 pm
Location: Australia.

Re: YourFavAnon's Various Fictions [New Story 9/21]

Post by JTemby »

So, I'll admit, it's been a while since I've read your work, or any one-shot for that matter. I tried to avoid reading one-shots simply because I believed they couldn't tell a story in such a way pseudo-routes do.

Oh boy, was my opinion wrong.

Reading Clairvoyance and Curveball side by side reminded me not only that it was stupid to ever stop reading your work, but that one-shots, when done right, can also tell a fantastic story.
You've always had a talent to make Kenji such a loveable character, in fact I'd go as far as to say my favourite one-shots to come out of the renai are easily your Kenji ones, eg, Counterattack, Brothers in Arms, The best best man.

As for general critique?
There really isn't much to critique, Miki's reactions are a little strange, not that that's anything new for the character and Kenji kinda feels a little Hisao-y, which could be explained by his tight friendship, also the whole piece kept reminding me of Mehk's Hanako epilogue.
Honestly, I'd love to see this become a full blown thing, we don't have enough serious Kenji epilogues that don't have copious amounts of Hisao thrown into them.

Kudos, Yiffa. Keep them words flowing.
Post Reply