Mirage's Myths

[Mirage_GSM]

So this is a story I've been wanting to write for a very long time now. Its title is fitting in more ways than one...

Catharsis

“Thank you for helping me with my shopping again.” Lilly smiles at me, her golden hair glowing in the late afternoon sun. That smile is one of what have to be a thousand reasons I am so in love with that girl. Brightly coloured leaves are slowly falling from the trees lining the road leading back up he hill to Yamaku.

“Don't worry, Lilly, that's what friends are for, isn't it?” Friends... That's all we are, as much as I wish it to be otherwise. “Besides Hanako is visiting her mother this weekend, and it's not as if I had any other plans for this afternoon.”

I slip into an uncomfortable silence again, wondering how to breach the subject that's been weighing on my mind these last months. If I want to tell her about my feelings, another opportunity like this won't come again soon. It's really hard to find Lilly alone. Most of the time, Hanako is hanging out with either of us, and while I really like her, I couldn't breach that subject while she is present.

That is why, when she told us she'd be going home for the weekend, I promised myself that come what may, I would tell Lilly now...

I open my mouth and close it again. I remember what happened the last time I was involved in a love confession. Will my heart be able to take the stress this time? I shake my head angrily. I don't care! I can't live in fear of my heart for my whole life. It is a risk I will have to take.

What about rejection? That is the thing I'm even more afraid of than a heart attack. Lilly has never given a hint that she sees me as more than a friend, and if I'm honest with myself, I don't think she does. Why should a girl like her fall for a guy like me? She's kind, beautiful, intelligent... perfect. I'm just a regular guy, who could fall over dead any moment.

In front of us I can see the gates of Yamaku, and still my mouth won't open. Damn, if I don't speak up soon, this moment will pass without me having said anything.

I freeze. Lilly walks on for a few steps, before noticing I am no longer besides her. She stops as well and turns back to me, a look of concern on her face. “Is everything alright, Hisao? Your heart?”

Well, in a manner of speaking my heart is the problem, but I shake my head. “No, I'm okay, Lilly. But would you like to sit down for a bit before returning to school?”

Lilly seems to detect the anxiety in my voice and nods, so I lead her to one of the benches lining the road, and we sit down. I try to bring some semblance of order to my thoughts. Lilly sits patiently by my side, content to wait until I'm ready to begin.

After what feels like an eternity, I finally begin to speak. “So... Do you remember the time we went to the Tanabata festival together?”

Lilly looks surprised by this unexpected question, but soon regains her composure. “I certainly do, Hisao.” She smiles at me. “It took us both most of the week to convince Hanako to come along.”

I stare straight ahead, afraid I won't be able to continue if I look into her eyes. “I also clearly remember that day. We had been looking forward to that festival for weeks. You were wearing a blue Yukata with flower patterns. Then half an hour after we got there, the rain started pouring down like there was no tomorrow. Neither of us had brought an umbrella, We were all soaking wet, by the time we found a shelter, but it didn't let up, so we had to walk all the way back to Yamaku in that downpour...”

I pause a moment to collect my thoughts. “All in all the day should have been a total disaster... but that night, when I was in my room, I realized that it had been the happiest day in my life... because I got to spend it with you.”

I finally gather the courage to face Lilly again. “Ever since that day, I've been in love with you, Lilly.”

There. I've said it.

Lilly averts her eyes. My heart sinks. That is not the reaction she would show, if she was about to give a positive answer.

“I had a feeling it would be something like that... I'm sorry, Hisao... I feel honoured that you would think of me that way, and you are a very valuable friend to me, but I do not love you like that.”

My shoulders sag, but I try to force a smile to my face, even if she won' be able to see it. “I know, Lilly.” As I say it I realize it is true. I know her well enough by now that I knew what her answer would be.

She turns to me, surprised. “Then why...?”

I stare away into the distance again, trying to fight back tears, trying to express my feelings with words. “I knew you don't love me, but I still hoped. And I just couldn't stop hoping. Not without hearing it from you.”

I feel Lilly's hand on my arm, trying to comfort me. For a moment we are both silent, then Lilly speaks up again. “You know, I really admire your courage.”

“My courage?”

“Yes, this can't have been easy for you.” She pauses, as if it is now her who has to collect her thoughts. “Do you know Kenta, the representative of class 3-1?”

I frown, trying to place the name. “I think I've seen him a few times. Never talked to him, though. What about him?”

“I've been in love with him for more than a year now.” I turn to her so abruptly her hand gets dislodged from my arm. She smiles ruefully. “This is something I have told nobody but Akira until now – not even Hanako. We've been down to the Shanghai a few times, and he's always been the perfect gentleman, but in my heart I know he's not interested in me. I never had the courage to tell him about my feelings though, so I can't stop hoping.”

My thoughts are tumbling around in my head. A part of me wants to rage against this Kenta guy - either for hurting Lilly's feelings like that or for being too dense to realize how lucky he is. But the other part of me knows that he is not at fault. He can't help it if he is not in love with Lilly – no more than Lilly can help not being in love with me - and as much as I can wish to be in his shoes, there's nothing either of us can do about it.

Again we sit in silence for a while, then... “So, what happens next? We can still be friends, can't we?”

I look at her in shock. I never even considered that my confession might put an end to our friendship. “Of course! Please don't start avoiding me now just to protect my feelings. I can't say this won't be hard for me, but it would be even harder to lose you completely. I'll manage somehow.”

To be honest, I have no idea if I can make good on this promise, but there's no reason to make her worry more than she does already.

She smiles at me again – a very sad smile but still a smile. “So... should we head back to school now? It's starting to get chilly out here.”

She is right. At this time of year it starts to get quite cold in the evenings. I rise and take our shopping bags, then offer Lilly my hand to help her up. Together we walk he rest of the way to the dorms, talking about everything but what happened between us just now. When we reach the dorms I hand her her bag, and we say our farewells, promising to meet the next day after classes in the tea room as we always do.

I briskly walk through the corridors of my dorm until I reach my room. As soon as its door closes behind me, I collapse on my bed and start to weep uncontrollably. I cry until my pillow is soaking wet and my throat hurts, thanking whatever god might be out there that I was able to contain it until I got back here. I wonder if Lilly's abrupt goodbye was to allow me to do just this...

As I drift into an exhausted sleep, I realize that the anxiety, that has burdened me for so long now, has lifted somewhat. I love Lilly with all my heart, but maybe – just maybe – I will be able to get over her some day...

[neumanproductions]

Normally it is hard for me to write a story of rejected love but you sir have done exceptional bringing true feelings out into the open and describing the confrontation between two different emotions.
Simply, I really enjoyed it.

[Devon]

Damn good.

[kosherbacon]

I once tried doing a fan-fiction that involved(or well, opened with) a breakup. What I ended up with sucked and wasn't nearly as sentimental as this. Good job!

[Mirage_GSM]

Thanks for the feedback you three.

By the way, that other project, I've been working on recently has progressed to the point that I'd like to pre-feed it to one or two people to smooth out the kinks. Focus being on stuff like pacing, mood etc.
The story is currently twelve pages and growing. It's not going to be as sentimental as the last one
So if you're interested, please drop me a PM.

[corona borealis]

A very nice read so far. But this last chapters title got me picturing misha singing the song with the same name from the little mermaid.

[Mirage_GSM]

She'd have to sing a very deep alto voice then, but that song would set a nice mood for the scene. Not all the chapter titles do...

[DaMan65]

I'm pretty much a sucker for anything Rin centric. So needless to say I really enjoyed reading about an insight into how she thinks. I wish I had the skill to write about it myself but my own writing style isn't really fit for any type of KS fanfic. But as I was saying nice work I enjoyed reading it.

[Torco]

Dude, I don't generally like fanfiction, and I don't generally like sentimental stories, and I don't generally like unrequited love... that being said, a tip of the hat. A well written piece there

[Mirage_GSM]

Thanks. I assume you're referring to "Catharsis".
I have to admit that story practically wrote itself, since it's almost word for word something I experienced myself - hence the double meaning of the title.
I don't usually like to write gloomy stories and my other stories should be more uplifting

[emmjay]

My hat is off to you. There is no way on God's green Earth that I would attempt to get inside Rin's head the way you did. I love the parts where she's contemplating gifts for her mother. Nice job of showing how un-self-conscious she is about her disability. Reminds me of what Hisao says in the rooftop scene: "She gives off the impression of being entirely unaware that she's missing any limbs at all."

[NuclearStudent]

the initial quotation marks for "Catharsis" are actually commas

[Mirage_GSM]

Actually they ARE quotation marks - just the German kind. Probably some weird from copying the text out of word.
"Were" now, anyway, because fixed.