Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 5 Added 2-28-2016)

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ArazelEternal
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Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 5 Added 2-28-2016)

Post by ArazelEternal »

“Hisao…. I want to give you…. this one gift. Please accept my gift to you….” Hanako places her hands on my shoulders and leans in, giving me a kiss on the lips as we stand on the sidewalk. I stand there for a moment, a bit dazed with how forward she has become.

“H-Hanako…” I stutter in a daze as I look at her. She looks back at me, her features tinted red with her hands folded over the center of her chest looking very shy, as if she only realize just now what she did. I look around us, forgetting for the moment what we were doing here until my addled senses return to normal. My eyes catch sight of the Shanghai, the little tea house we have shared many a time at.

Ah, yes. We were going to get food. The fact that class is still going on nags at the back of my mind. However, it takes little effort to ignore it. Making sure things are okay between Hanako and I is of far greater importance to me than making it back to class. Whats missing one half-day of classes?

I take her hand and make our way to the teahouse. As expected, there are only a few people in the place aside from us, a fact which I find quite welcome. Looking at Hanako, she seems to be just as relieved with this observation as I am. I think we both need the relaxed atmosphere right now.

The Shanghai seems to be just as devoid of staff as it is patrons. Trying to get the attention of someone, I make our presence known.

“Hello…”

Suddenly, there is a crash and a quiet wail from behind the counter. Yuuko raises from under the counter, rubbing the back of her head with a pained expression. Noticing us, she quickly rights herself.

“Im sorry, Im sorry!”

She hurries to us from behind the counter.

“I was cleaning and didn’t hear you come in I should have paid more attention to customers Im sorry, Im sorry!”
She stands before us fretting and panicking while performing her trademark bows like she is trying to break bricks with her forehead. I swear she would kill someone if she managed to headbutt them on accident.

I take a step back and try to settle her down. “Whoa, Yuuko, its alright. We waited only a moment. Dont get so upset. Your nevousness is just going to make us nervous.”
She stops her rapid bows that look more like standing sit-ups and takes a couple deep breaths before settling. “Yes… yes... , okay. Uh, just take a seat wherever you would like. Is there anything you would like right off?”

“Ill take some tea.” I used to drink coffee all the time. However, since I befriended Lilly and Hanako, tea has become rather enjoyable. Maybe it isnt the tea that alone that has become something I enjoy, but the time I spent with them as well, the three of us all sharing that little room hidden away from everything else.
“And we will share a plate of sandwiches, which ever you think are best.” I smile at Yuuko, then look to Hanako.

“J-just some tea for me.. please.” She says quietly.

“Ill get that ready for you right away. But Im alone here today so it may be a while.” Yuuko says nervously.

I tell her that is fine and she makes her way back behind the counter to make the order. Turning my attention back to Hanako I notice she is tilting her head down and covering her right side of her face with her hand. Glancing around us, I notice that there are two other patrons that are staring at her. It is obvious that they have noticed the rather prevalent scarring of her face. They are making faces about it as they whisper to each other, trying hard not to be noticed. Shooting them a look, they turn around in their seats, though Im sure they are still discussing it quietly. They are probably wondering why such a normal looking guy as me – or anyone for that matter - would be with someone like her or how she got such a disfiguring injury. Paying them no further mind, I rest in my seat and close my eyes. I focus on my breathing and my heartbeat, willing myself to become as relaxed as possible without falling asleep.

The fact that Hanako is still so sensitive over her appearance irritates me. Though how can I blame her? I was the same way when I first met her even though I would really rather not admit it now. Every now and then her scarring would still interrupt my train of thought as we would talk. That has largely stopped happening by now though. For people that are new to her, it is going to be the first thing they notice because of how it stands out. I just hope that one day she can feel like she doesnt have to be hidden away anymore.

After some time, our sandwiches and tea come to the table. Yuuko sets everything down and bows, before taking her leave. Grabbing a sandwich from the plate, I sip at my tea and look to Hanako. While I had my eyes closed while thinking to myself, she has leaned against the wall and closed her eyes as well. Slow, quiet breaths which I can only notice by watching her chest rise and fall. Apparantly she had fallen asleep.

****

On our way back from the Shanghai, I look up at the dark nighttime sky. Its nearly time for curfew. We stop just outside the dorms and turn to each other. I pull her into an embrace and simply hold her close to my body for a long while. Something seemingly so simple as an embrace can feel so much better than anything else. The feeling of her body held securely in my arms, pressed up against my own in the warmth of the moment. I feel like I could stay this way with her forever. It would be a paradise like no other. After a long moment, I break the silence.

“I stand by what I said to you in the park. I love you, Hanako. I do. More than anything else in this world.”

She speaks after a moment of silence.

“I… l-love you too, Hisao. G-goodnight…” She smiles and kisses my lips before pulling away. A shy look back at me, she turns and walks into the female dorms, noticably calmer and more relaxed than erlier.

Once in my room, I change into my pajamas and crawl into bed. My mind is still wide awake and reeling from everything that happened today. My thoughts are cast back to the park and the way Hanako looked as she cried sitting on the ground.

I feel at least partially responsible for that. Not anything has ever made me hurt the way that did. I still cant clear that sight of her, or the sound of her crying from my mind. Of the most heinous things to do is make a girl cry, even one like Hanako. Especially Hanako. However, dwelling on this won't do either of us any good so I shake my head and banish such thoughts. We had an emotional outpouring which managed to end well for both of us. We are okay now, perhaps even a bit closer than we ever were before because of it.
Last edited by ArazelEternal on Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:54 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2)

Post by ArazelEternal »

The day that Lilly returns from Scotland comes. Hanako and I meet up after class lets out for the day. Walking hand in hand, we make our way to our dorm rooms to change. I go first, her following behind into my room. I just change my shirt and put on my sweater vest, deciding to keep it simple. Not like I really have much more than this anyway. She avoids watching me change, apparently still a bit shy about doing so even though she has seen it all once before.

“I’m finished.”

She turns to me and smiles, and we join hands. Next is her turn. We soon find ourselves in her dorm room. Considering her privacy, I turn and lock the door behind me.
What do I do in this situation? Should I give her the same privacy and respect she gave me by not watching as she changes? I know she doesn’t like people staring at her. She probably would be even more put off by it in such a situation. However, I am her boyfriend. How would she take it if I acted like I didn’t want to look at her? She could take it the wrong way, and it would end up making her feel even less attractive than she already does. How would she feel if even her loved one couldn’t stand to look at her body?

I turn and look at her as she pulls the ribbon from around her neck and sets it upon her bed. Next she undoes the buttons on her shirt and slowly slips it off her shoulders, finding a place on the bed with her tie. Her hands move to her skirt and she unclips it on the left side, folding it nicely with the rest of her uniform. She stands now clad in only her white bra and panties. What a sight. Scars and all, Hanako is a beautiful woman. More so than she will likely ever realize.

“Your beautiful, Hanako. You know that?”

I tell her with a smile. I can't help but chuckle lightly as she flowers into a full blush, her shy nature showing through. It is so cute.

“T-thank you…”

I can tell she isn’t used to getting such compliments; she wasn’t really sure how to reply. She opens her dresser and pulls out her clothes she wears for going into town. Her white shirt, the blue denim long-sleeved vest, a pair of dress pants and her black hat. She dresses herself and we head out the door.

****

Hanako fidgets and paces as we wait outside the airport for the plane to land. She is watching the sky intently as every plane comes in to see if it is the one that Lilly and Akira are on. Every time it isn’t the one she gets more tense, like an impatient child waiting in line for something they want. Her features light up with excitement as she recognizes the one they are on is landing. She turns her attention to the door, waiting for their appearance as if they would appear through it at that very moment. I can’t help but chuckle. She can be so charmingly childish at times.

“Just have patience. It’ll still be another fifteen to twenty minutes at least before they come out. They have to disembark, go through security and get their bags still.”

Awww, she looks so disappointed. Sighing with discontent, she sits on the bench next to me and tries to be patient. However it is quite apparent that every extra moment is torture for her. She really loves Lilly.
Soon enough, the pair comes walking out of the front door with their luggage behind them. I stand up easily as Hanako all but tackles Lilly in an enthusiastic embrace. “Lilly, Lilly!”

Lilly stumbles a bit, but quickly regains her balance. She returns the wild but warm embrace, her expression warm and loving like a mother who had not seen her child for some time.
“Hello Hanako.” She smiles warmly, breaking the embrace off after a long moment.

I step in and embrace Lilly. “Welcome back, Lily.” I expected it to be simple and quick.

Lilly returns my embrace, pulling me in surprisingly close. “Thank you, Hisao.” Her embrace holds for a bit before allowing me to step back. I didn’t expect such a warm hug from her, and there was something in her voice as well. Affection, maybe? I pass it off as just being good friends, nothing more.

As I step back from Lilly, I turn to Akira who is standing next to her. “Welcome back, Akira.”

“Yo.” She replies simply with her trademark grin.

I hail a cab to take us back to school and we make small talk while we wait.

****

Being the gentleman I am, I help Lilly back to her dorm room with her luggage. Thankfully it has a handle and wheels so it isn’t hard to move, even though it feels fairly heavy. Must be all the books she took with her. I wheel it into her room once she opens the door and place it against one wall out of the way. “I’ve placed your suitcase against the west wall, Lilly.”

She smiles warmly and nods at me. “Thank you, Hisao.” She yawns deeply, hiding as best she can before sitting down at the table in the middle of her room. Hanako and I sit next to each other on the other side.

“Tired?”

Lily nods her head slowly. “Yeah, it’s a bit of jet lag, but I’m alright. Flying so far and crossing so many time zones, dealing with the time change, it’s hard to keep up.”

I could only imagine so. I’ve flown before, but not more than just a few hours at a time. Now to start the conversation with Lily that Hanako and I had discussed. “Lilly, Hanako and I have something to tell you.”

Lily raises a brow as my words reach her. I don’t blame her, starting out like that usually gets a person’s attention, and it isn’t always for the best of reasons. “What might that be?”

I take a deep breath to settle my nerves. I don’t know why I am so nervous. I can only imagine Lilly would approve, especially if it meant that Hanako was going to be happy. Then again with as protective as she is I could see her denying to make sure she doesn’t get hurt. I’m thinking too much right now. That isn’t good. I should just come out and say what I have to say.

“Hanako and I are dating now.”

Lilly looks taken aback for a short moment by this admission, but she gathers herself quickly. She puts on a smile that seems just a bit forced. “I’m glad. ” I breathe a sigh of relief, as does Hanako. I’m glad she approves, at least outwardly There is something about her now though that makes me think this is a shock for one reason or another.

“Did you think I wouldn’t approve?” She asks us.

“Well, there was the possibility that you wouldn’t.”

“I suppose so. However, as long as Hanako is happy, that is all that matters to me.”

She yawns again, covering her mouth with her hand, trying to hide it as best she can. “I don’t wish to be rude, but if you two could be so kind as to leave for now. I need to rest. Things are really catching up with me.”
She does seem rather run down from the traveling. Wanting to let her rest, I take Hanko's hand and stand with her.

“Okay Lilly. We will see you later then. Make sure to rest well.”

“I will.”

Following Hanako into her room, we sit together on her bed. I put an arm around her and pull her close as we both sit silently for a while and just enjoy the quiet after such a busy day. I turn my head and place a kiss on her cheek. Her face colors a bit, then she returns my peck in kind. Gazing into her eyes, I lock my lips with hers and wrap my arms around her, running my hands up and down her back. The kisses get a bit heated, lust apparently guiding us both. Her denim vest comes off easily and soon to follow is her white shirt. Those went…. somewhere. Slipping my left arm around her shoulders, I place my right hand on her breast, gently fondling her over her white bra. Her eyes go half-mast as she feels pleasure begin to flow through her upper body.

My left hand remains focused on her breast while my right hand slips down to her lower half, caressing and stroking her cleavage and down her stomach till it reaches the waist of her pants. I snake my hand under and cup her warm and moist womanhood within my hand. Her breath catches in her throat when I begin to caress her most special place with my palm, causing her to shudder all over as she is assaulted by pleasure. The tips of my fingers tease at her girl lips before slipping my middle finger into her wet chasm.

Her breath by now is ragged and gasping as her legs tighten and loosen around my hand, almost going wild by this point. “Hi--- Hisao…. I t-think Im g-going to…” Her words cut off as she suddenly tensed all at once before going slack almost as quick. Her chest rose and fell quickly as the waves of pleasure generated by orgasm still flooded her body. She was visibly shaken by what she just experienced, lending all the more to the orgasm being real and wonderful.

Standing from the bed, I move in front of her. While her body is still limp, I unbutton her pants and slip them off, the garments find a spot with the others. Again I get to see this lovely sight in front of me made all the more alluring by her shy nature. Her cheeks are tinged a crimson as her body tenses under my gaze.

“Please don’t stare so m-much...”

I snap my head up hearing her speak, an uneasy expression looking back at me.

“Sorry. It’s hard to not to look at something so wonderful.” I lean over the bed and lock lips with her once again. Our first time the other day was rather hurried and it didn’t feel the best, and was likely painful for her. I don't want that this time. I’m making sure we take our time, and are both ready to go the whole way. It seems we are both more than ready this time.

I step back and shuck my pants, lowering my shorts to the floor. Released from any restriction, my member stands at rigid attention. Moving in, she spreads her legs for me and draws them up. She opened herself up for me and gave me more than plenty of room. That must have been one hell of an orgasm. The crotch of her panties is soaked, almost more like she had peed rather than came. Moving the crotch of her panties aside, I take my member in my hand and place the tip of it against her entrance. Steeling myself, I slide myself into her all in one smooth motion.

Damn it. Just entering her has introduced enough pleasure to make my knees go weak as Hanako does her best to keep her moans subdued. It takes some time before I find enough strength in my legs again to begin my movements.

Slowly, almost painfully so, I begin for both her and my sake. Lets not forget that I have a heart condition here. That wouldn't end well if I went too wild. Even with the slow movements I can hear our fluids make rather obscene sounds between our bodies. Hanako moans almost silently with every one of my strokes within her. The walls of her vagina pulse around my male member, seeming as if they are trying to keep me from extracting myself from her sheath.

“Hisao… feels so good. I love you Hisao… oh, I’m getting close again…” She gripped the sheets under her and her arms visibly tensed along with her face. She was doing her best to hold it back and try to wait for me.

Almost too soon, I find myself at that point as well. Strong sensations build in the base of my groin. I can’t hold it back any more. My hips accelerate their rhythm to an almost wild pace just before I ram my hips into hers with an audible and painful smack just as my member erupts inside her, filling her chasm with my blazing-hot essence. “H… h-.. Hanako!” Was all I could manage to get out as my body shook violently, spurting wildly within her.

I collapse on top of her, but before putting my arms out to catch myself, keeping my body from landing harshly on top of her. Our breathing matches is its intensity, our chests rising and falling together rapidly. As I have practiced, I closed my eyes and focused on my heart and breathing to make sure I hadn't pushed myself too far. Monitoring it for a few beats, I am glad to note that its rhythm, while fast, is consistent and normal.
After a while my heart and lungs regain their normal resting rate. I step back and slip my shorts back on while Hanako moves up to lay out on the bed. I lay down next to her, reach over and take her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together. She is still in her underwear, and shows no signs of wanting to finish dressing back up. What time is it? I turn and look at the clock on her night stand. “It’s already 11:00 PM so curfew is in full effect. I’ll have to stay here tonight.” Turning back over, I look at Hanako. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is easy and deep. “Hanako...” No response. She's already asleep. I just smile and kiss her forehead before closing my eyes, sleep finding me not long after.

Lilly = Hanako, Emi, Rin, Shizune
I fell in love with Lilly and Hanako

You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage. Be your Emiest.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Well, thinking about protection the first time won't do them much good, if they already forget about it the second time...
Also... A H-scene already? Really?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by brythain »

Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, thinking about protection the first time won't do them much good, if they already forget about it the second time...
Also... A H-scene already? Really?
Mirage, please, please do your usual editing job. It's painful to read. :)
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by Mirage_GSM »

A bit, but most of that is style rather than spelling or grammar, and I don't usually cover that, since it goes a bit beyond "editing" into "rewriting" territory.
As for spelling I think there were a few missing apostrophes in the beginning and one or two "I"-"me" mixups. I'm a bit short on time today, so I didn't copy any quotes.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by ArazelEternal »

brythain wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, thinking about protection the first time won't do them much good, if they already forget about it the second time...
Also... A H-scene already? Really?
Mirage, please, please do your usual editing job. It's painful to read. :)
I thought I might get some comments like this, lol. Oh well. Im not writing it for other peoples pleasure, Im writing it because I want to write it. There wouldnt be much point to writing it if I didnt post it anywhere.

Lilly = Hanako, Emi, Rin, Shizune
I fell in love with Lilly and Hanako

You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage. Be your Emiest.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by brythain »

ArazelEternal wrote:
brythain wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Well, thinking about protection the first time won't do them much good, if they already forget about it the second time...
Also... A H-scene already? Really?
Mirage, please, please do your usual editing job. It's painful to read. :)
I thought I might get some comments like this, lol. Oh well. Im not writing it for other peoples pleasure, Im writing it because I want to write it. There wouldnt be much point to writing it if I didnt post it anywhere.
I meant that the story is fine although somewhat jumpy, but the problems with spacing, punctuation, grammar etc are making it painful because sometimes I just can't make sense of it without having to sidetrack and mentally correct it.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by ArazelEternal »

I would appreciate some pointers then. I thought it was fine (my story o surprise. I know how its supposed to go.) Ive always had trouble getting things out in a way that really makes sense to other people. The first chapter i wrote then reviewed myself. The second I wrote, reviewed, then had one of my good friends review it as well so it may be a little better than the first.

If you or other people can provide constructive criticism and tips without coming across as condescending (your not, at least not yet) I would appreciate it.

Lilly = Hanako, Emi, Rin, Shizune
I fell in love with Lilly and Hanako

You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage. Be your Emiest.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by brythain »

ArazelEternal wrote:If you or other people can provide constructive criticism and tips without coming across as condescending (your not, at least not yet) I would appreciate it.
I truly do not intend to condescend. I think I have a few problems with reading your material. Here are the two main ones:

1) You don't use contractions with apostrophes properly (e.g. in the above quote, it should be "you're not" and not "your not". You also use "Ive" and "Im" instead of "I've" and "I'm", as another couple of examples.

2) You tend to have sentences that aren't linked properly with commas, and sentences with not enough punctuation. The thing is that it's not so much that I'm being a grammar Nazi or something, but it's genuinely hard to figure out the meaning of some of your lines because of this. You'll go for whole paragraphs without any problems, during which I'm enjoying myself, and then I get a sentence I can't quite understand. Here's a random sample: "Then again with as protective as she is I could see her denying to make sure she doesn’t get hurt." I think I get it, but as I read it, I find myself a little lost; perhaps "Then again, as protective as she is, I could see her denying it to make sure she doesn't get hurt" would be better?
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by ArazelEternal »

brythain wrote:
ArazelEternal wrote:If you or other people can provide constructive criticism and tips without coming across as condescending (your not, at least not yet) I would appreciate it.
I truly do not intend to condescend. I think I have a few problems with reading your material. Here are the two main ones:

1) You don't use contractions with apostrophes properly (e.g. in the above quote, it should be "you're not" and not "your not". You also use "Ive" and "Im" instead of "I've" and "I'm", as another couple of examples.

2) You tend to have sentences that aren't linked properly with commas, and sentences with not enough punctuation. The thing is that it's not so much that I'm being a grammar Nazi or something, but it's genuinely hard to figure out the meaning of some of your lines because of this. You'll go for whole paragraphs without any problems, during which I'm enjoying myself, and then I get a sentence I can't quite understand. Here's a random sample: "Then again with as protective as she is I could see her denying to make sure she doesn’t get hurt." I think I get it, but as I read it, I find myself a little lost; perhaps "Then again, as protective as she is, I could see her denying it to make sure she doesn't get hurt" would be better?
I think commas are probably the most misused punctuation of all. I didnt think it needed any as it was coming out of my head, but I guess it does. Ill go and review it again when I have more time. On lunch break at work right now. Thank you for your input.

Lilly = Hanako, Emi, Rin, Shizune
I fell in love with Lilly and Hanako

You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage. Be your Emiest.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by Mirage_GSM »

I don't normally correct "regular" forum posts, but since this is pertinent to the current discussion and since brythain didn't mention it:
ArazelEternal wrote:
brythain wrote:I truly do not intend to condescend. I think I have a few problems with reading your material. Here are the two main ones:

1) You don't use contractions with apostrophes properly (e.g. in the above quote, it should be "you're not" and not "your not". You also use "Ive" and "Im" instead of "I've" and "I'm", as another couple of examples.
...
I think commas are probably the most misused punctuation of all. I didnt think it needed any as it was coming out of my head, but I guess it does. Ill go and review it again when I have more time. On lunch break at work right now. Thank you for your input.
"Ill" also takes an apostrophy.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by Silentcook »

brythain wrote:The thing is that it's not so much that I'm being a grammar Nazi or something,
You rang? :twisted:

Possibly relevant, and the whole thread too.
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by dewelar »

Mirage_GSM wrote:I don't normally correct "regular" forum posts, but since this is pertinent to the current discussion and since brythain didn't mention it:
ArazelEternal wrote:
brythain wrote:I truly do not intend to condescend. I think I have a few problems with reading your material. Here are the two main ones:

1) You don't use contractions with apostrophes properly (e.g. in the above quote, it should be "you're not" and not "your not". You also use "Ive" and "Im" instead of "I've" and "I'm", as another couple of examples.
...
I think commas are probably the most misused punctuation of all. I didnt think it needed any as it was coming out of my head, but I guess it does. Ill go and review it again when I have more time. On lunch break at work right now. Thank you for your input.
"Ill" also takes an apostrophy.
...as does "didn't".

...and it's "apostrophe". :D
Rin is orthogonal to everything.
Stuff I've written: Developments, a continuation of Lilly's (bad? neutral?) ending - COMPLETE!
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Duh, I'll go stand in a corner, okay? :oops:

I have no idea what I was thinking when I typed that... Probably nothing at all...
Last edited by Mirage_GSM on Thu Feb 11, 2016 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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ArazelEternal
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Re: Hanako's Love and Hisao's Regret (Chapter 2 Added 2-9-20

Post by ArazelEternal »

Hey, hey now. Play nice.

Lilly = Hanako, Emi, Rin, Shizune
I fell in love with Lilly and Hanako

You are not alone, and you are not strange. You are you, and everyone has damage. Be your Emiest.
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