Swampie's Stories : Writings of a mad-man 3

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Skeeve
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A sad story 18/9/15

Post by Skeeve »

Yeah, I thought the ambiguity was a nice touch.

Even if our protagonist is obviously Nurse. :mrgreen:
AntonSlavik020
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A sad story 18/9/15

Post by AntonSlavik020 »

Skeeve wrote:Yeah, I thought the ambiguity was a nice touch.

Even if our protagonist is obviously Nurse. :mrgreen:
I was thinking Nomiya. :D
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A sad story 18/9/15

Post by swampie2 »

"I... I can't run anymore..." Hisao drinks in heavy breaths as he slows to a stop, his heart no doubt giving him problems.

"B-but we need-"

"Right, that's why... you need to go... we're not far." He interrupts, his breathing now slightly under control, causing my own heart to slow down slightly. "There will be a crowd... but... I know you can make it, Hanako, I've seen you run before." He chuckles after a cough and begins to take a seat on the ground.

"H-hisao!" I scold, but still turn on my heels to assess our distance. Each second that goes by is a second that I can't regain, a second that may mean the difference between catching them and losing them forever. Even if I fail, I have to try. I can't let her leave everything behind without even trying to stop her. Without, just this once, being there for her instead of the other way around.

"D-don't you... Don't you dare die on m-me, Hisao!" I shout as I take off into a run, feeling my legs start to burn again. One step after the other, I make my way towards my target, almost ignoring the crowds of people beginning to appear around me as I move. "I'll be fine! Just get to them!" He cheers from behind me as wind starts to rush past my ears again.

I take a hard left and set my eyes on the large building ahead of me as the crowd starts getting thick enough to block my path. I take a deep breath and start pushing my way through the crowd as my brain screams in response. The large sliding doors ahead of me open just in time as I slip through the gap, the air-conditioned interior shocking my lungs slightly.

I tilt my head up the sign above me, and quickly scan over the information, attempting to find the flight I'm looking for. At this point I begin scanning the crowd, something I've never done before in fear of making eye contact with somebody. As I push forward, my shoulder bashes into someone as I pass by them, and I manage to stutter a quick apology that comes out much louder than I expect as I continue surging forward.

Usually I'd hate to be noticed, but it seems that, for once, it's a good thing. The people in front of me must understand that I have a place to be five minutes ago as they each take an extra step left or right to make a small path free of bodies. Despite my every cell of my being telling me to give up and run away, I manage to keep pushing forward until I see two familiar heads of blonde hair just in front of me.

"L-Lilly! Akiiiiiraaaaaa!"

Image

---

"So you're staying?" Hisao leans forward slightly, eager to hear her answer.

"Until graduation, yes." Lilly speaks calmly, a complete opposite to how she was after I managed to catch up to her last night.

"And a-after that?" I move in on the questioning, my teacup still sat on the table, untouched.

"I'm confident that I can convince my parents to let me stay in the time I have." She grins, her smile proving infections as both Hisao and I release a content sigh. Having tea in Hisao's room is a little strange since we've always had these little tea parties in Lilly's room. I finally pick up my tea and take a tentative sip, my face beginning to heat up slightly as Hisao moves his gaze over to me.

"I'm glad you managed to make it, Hanako. Well done." He gives a small bow before picking up his tea and taking a large gulp.

"Mhmm." Lilly nods in agreement. "It was quite surprising to see you, let alone in the airport." She continues, causing my cheeks to burn hotter.

"It was sc-scary but... it was worth it." I mutter into my cup, hoping to play the small part I played down. Both Hisao and Lilly move to praise me, but decide not to fight it this time. We all fall into a calm silence as we sip at our tea, a calm silence that is cut short when the door is all but kicked open, causing me to jump behind Hisao instinctively. I guess I do trust him more than I thought.

"Hisao!" Somebody shouts from just outside before he sticks his head in, his scarf dangling from his neck. "Hisao!" He shouts a second time, clearly oblivious to the fact that there are two other people in the room. Hisao open his mouth to speak, but is interrupted.

"Good morning, Mr Setou." Lilly speaks softly, causing his head to snap to her location.

"Lilly Satou..." He mutters under his breath.
Last edited by swampie2 on Tue Dec 22, 2015 11:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by swampie2 »

Sharp-O wrote:I love this idea! It'd make for a great animated sequence. :D
If only I could animate. :lol:
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Decadent Albatros
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by Decadent Albatros »

Well damn, things are about to go down, aren't they? :D
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by Skeeve »

I could see both Hanako and Hisao going to try and stop Lilly at the airport. Unless I miss my mark, this one is set post-Hanako good end, yes?
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by swampie2 »

Skeeve wrote:I could see both Hanako and Hisao going to try and stop Lilly at the airport. Unless I miss my mark, this one is set post-Hanako good end, yes?
That's right. It just seemed like both Hanko and Hisao would feel bad about it together and eventually decide to go.
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by Skeeve »

It was pretty much my headcanon anyway; I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Also, in the fourth paragraph, Hanako probably wants to assess their distance, not just ass it. No good comes from half-assing matters of the heart.
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Re: Swampie's Stories: A new story: 23/9/15

Post by swampie2 »

Skeeve wrote:It was pretty much my headcanon anyway; I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who feels that way.
I just really liked the idea of the growth for Hanako where she has to abandon her possibly dying boyfriend and wade into a crowd of people to find Lilly and Akira.
Skeeve wrote:Also, in the fourth paragraph, Hanako probably wants to assess their distance, not just ass it. No good comes from half-assing matters of the heart.
I just read that as you posted. :lol:
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Shizune in the snow: Finale

Post by swampie2 »

"My past, huh?" I mirror the question back to the rather sheepish figure stood in front of my desk. "Well... Would you like the research paper version, or the autobiography version?" I chuckle dryly. The student before me falters for a second before replying.

"Uhm... A-Autobiography?" He answers timidly, clearly not knowing how long my story really is.

"Absolutely!" I feel a grin on my face as I lean forward, ready to tell my story. "Where to start..." I idly mutter as my mind flashes through various memories.

"Ah! As you may know, I was a student here. I landed myself a spot in this very class after a heart attack." I begin, my smile faltering slightly. "Though those times were miserable, they led to much better times. I met a deaf/mute girl in this room, and ended up getting pulled into the student council against my will." I pause, as the figure sitting opposite me chuckles, causing me to tilt my head slightly.

"I'm s-sort of in a similar situation." His chuckle becomes nervous as his hand reaches for the back of his head.

"That's women for you. " I grin. "I was in the council for less than a year, but still found myself hopelessly in love with her... In love with her will to get things done, I suppose." I continue, idly deciding if this is the sort of thing I should be telling him. He did ask for the autobiography version.

"We moved to Tokyo together after we graduated, I studied science. After that I became the joint owner of... many awards due to my research into Sensori-neural deafness for my final project. Unfortunately, it wasn't all that viable due to production costs..." I lean back, taking a small sip of my water to give both myself and my listener a break for a moment.

"After my deafness research got big, the group I worked with were able to get jobs in any lab we wanted. I decided to pursue... other paths, while my colleges went on to work on more neural, brain related topics. They saw me as a fool, but I had my reasons. There was another girl I knew from my time here, a double above the knee amputee who spent all of her time running. Her drive was incredible." I murmor, my nostalgia drive now working at 100%.

"She pulled me out onto the track every morning on nurses orders, no matter how hard I protested. The only reason I've still got blood pumping through my body is because of those early morning track meets. She is the main reason I decided to work on prosthesis." I grin, those days of working in a real lab making my chest warm slightly. "But, again, the things I made were expensive, a single join costing over three hundred dollars to produce, let alone get working." I sigh.

I chuckle to myself and I pull my drawer opening and grab a can of coffee before offering it to him. "Then... right. After that, I took a break. Years of work can really tire you out, you know?" I begin to speak more informally, hoping to get the timid figure sitting across from me to relax a little more.

"However, I did spend that time off well. I married the woman I loved, the same deaf/mute from class 3-3, actually." I smile, now leaning up against the desk, recalling the various memories from the time I spent with her. "Though at that point she was no longer deaf, nor mute." I add with a chuckle.

"Have you ever noticed how quickly things change when you aren't watching them? It's a scientist's job to observe, yet I only observed the television and newspapers for... quite a while. During that time, my career flourished." I sip at my drink before shooting a look over to the boy sitting in the front seat, now more relaxed, tilting his head in confusion.

"H-how did your career f-flourish if you spent time off?" He asks quietly, his timid nature showing through once again.

"The world changed around me." I smile. If I were a book character then I'd throw my arms out wide and laugh manically. "3D Printing and open source hardware became very popular, making my designs a lot cheaper... we're talking one thirty second of the cost."

"T-that was the 'less than ten d-dollar prosthetic'... right?"

"Correct!" I smile, he knows my work. Most people do at this point, but it's still something. "I found out when I received a sizable yearly payment from the copyright service. I thought something was wrong, they had added extra zeros somehow, but they informed me that many people were using my work to mass produce prosthesis and sensory aids."

"T-that's when y-you got your title?" He steals the words from my mind.

"Mhmm. It was the right decision to remove the copyright from my work. Nobody should pay for designs that bring so much joy to so many people. And so I became 'the charitable scientist'." I grin, a title I'm honored to hold.

"I agree, b-but how did you s-survive without any income?" He questions. He's clearly become a little more relaxed since I began telling this story, since he's interjecting more and more.

"That's where my wife came to the rescue. During my prosthesis research she became the manager of a rather large business, allowing me to take time off without having to work."

"U-uhm... sorry... if you don't w-want to answer this then... that's o-okay, but... is the deaf/mute girl the principal?" He speaks up, his timid nature now fully returned.

"You catch on quickly... Shizune Hakamichi is her full name, to you, at least. Emi Ibarazaki is the double amputee, she holds three Paralympic golds and one Olympic gold."

"I KNEW IT!" A feminine voice explodes from behind the door, making both myself and Akira jump in surprise. Akira looks as though he's about to die of embarrassment as we share some awkward eye contact.

"S-s-sorry, M-mr.Nakai." He apologizes as Natsuki rushes in and grabs his wrist before attempting to drag him from the room.

It was a ruse... they just wanted to know if Shizune was my wife...

I didn't even get to explain how Emi managed to get into the Olympics, damn it.

I give an exaggerated shrug to the pair as they exfiltrate before checking my watch. I'm late.

---

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated” I call out as my coat flutters behind me, I really do feel like a main character.

"He already beat you to it, man." Akio chuckles with a point to the mountain of a man that is Taro. He steps forward and grasps my hand in his. His handshake still crushingly painful.

"Liking the beard, it suits you." He chuckles as the other members of the group move to greet me. Akio, Molly, Suzu, Ritsu, Miki, looks like mostly everyone is here...

"Right back at you, big stuff." I retort, causing almost everyone in earshot to burst into laughter, warm laughter that puts a smile on my face. Akio places a whiskey glass in my hand and gives me a wink before nodding towards the back of the room. Just out of earshot lies a small, round table, flanked by those I call my closest friends. Hanako and Lilly sit at one side of the table, opposed by Shizune and Misha.

A smile grows on my face as I approach, only to hear them debating about who's sensory aid is better.

---

This takes place in a cheerier version of 'Shizune in the snow' / 'Monomyth' where Hisao isn't killed by a T-shirt cannon. Damn you sharp. :lol:
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Re: Swampie's Stories: Shizune in the snow : Finale : 3/10/1

Post by Sharp-O »

Apart from the instance of 'colleges' when I think you meant colleagues and the 'one thirty second of the cost' confusing me a little (did you mean thirtieth or thirty-second?), no real SPaG errors jumped out at me. Good work! Now then... The story itself...

If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now; I love you, Swamp :D

The second the student began stuttering, I had an inkling of who it was but the loud-mouth dwarf confirmed it. Akira and Natsuki cameo KITAAAAAAAAAAAA! Not only that, but you went one step further and included other elements of the Mirai chapters for your world! I whole-heartedly approve! I really appreciate that you liked some of my characterisations enough to adapt them here. It's humbling, truly.

A fantastic way to wrap up the mini-series, mate. Loved every second of it.
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Re: Swampie's Stories: Shizune in the snow : Finale : 3/10/1

Post by swampie2 »

Sharp-O wrote:'one thirty second of the cost' confusing me a little (did you mean thirtieth or thirty-second?)
I meant like 1/32 but couldn't find the right way to word it. :lol:
Sharp-O wrote:If I haven't said it before, I'll say it now; I love you, Swamp :D

The second the student began stuttering, I had an inkling of who it was but the loud-mouth dwarf confirmed it. Akira and Natsuki cameo KITAAAAAAAAAAAA! Not only that, but you went one step further and included other elements of the Mirai chapters for your world! I whole-heartedly approve! I really appreciate that you liked some of my characterisations enough to adapt them here. It's humbling, truly.

A fantastic way to wrap up the mini-series, mate. Loved every second of it.
I was originally going to focus on the bar scene, but I wanted to include the Mirai triplet, even if I couldn't fit Hikari in there. Thanks sharp!
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Re: Swampie's Stories: Shizune in the snow : Finale : 3/10/1

Post by Sharp-O »

For something like time, dates or fractions, it's better to right them naturally than as words but that's me.

I think it was better that you didn't focus on the bar scene, it's just a nice little extra. Gravy on the meat, if you will. It's a nice alternate take to what I did and I'm happy that this Hisao gets to see the fruits of his labours. Never thought about curing Lilly's blindness with a sensory aid because what would I do? Scoop out her eye-balls or give her a Geordi La Forge? Actually, I'd probably go for the latter... :lol:

I should really do something with the triplets and the future school as a whole. I have some ideas and since the fic-that-shall-not-be-named has stalled spectacularly, I could always give some thought for a mini-series.
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