Katawa Shoujo Forums

The caterpillar lived in the cherry tree. There, alone she lived, just she. She had no friends, no family. The others called her many a name, Hairy worm, fat worm, bringer of shame, Forever alone, scarred by flame. Caterpillar was lonely, fraught with fear, Never to find someone to hold dear, To bri...

@Nemz: What was the question?

@Elcore: Thanks for the honest criticism, I'm just tossing things on the wall and seeing if they stick; this obviously bounced... quite possibly off of Nemz head, it seems.

With the humblest of apologies to James Croce. ------ Well the south side of Yamaku, Is the baddest place to play, And if you go down there you just better beware Of a gal called Shizune. Now Shizune likes to rumble, Though she stands 'bout five foot four, All the boys in school call her 'Silent Thu...

As a reader, (Since I am a very amateur author), I can say that 'neutral' emotions and romance just don't play well together. Business first, then pleasure, as they say.

Your form is precise, But lacking in tenderness. Finesse is your friend. Burlesque? Say not so! I request soft sighs, loves kiss. Knights in white satin. Brute force wins nothing, The solution is simple. Thesaurus! To arms! Blind love, you pierce me, Light tresses, azure gaze, lo! No more do I searc...

Hm, only critique I have is that it's kind of difficult to tell Misha's mood after she reads the email from Hisao. She's obviously moving forward with the romance, but her lack of emotion makes it feel odd, as if she's only going through the motions.

Overall, though, I liked it, and request more.

Legs, carbon fiber,
Heart of steel, will of iron,
I'll not know defeat.

Light and fluffy. Humorous. Um... that's all I can say, really.

But oddly her fingers had been broken to silence her which implies it was Shizune? There were multiple auditory details that stated her ability to hear as well So lost in thought was the woman that she almost missed the sound of a bolt being drawn Yep. You caught me with my shorts down. Gotta do a ...

I do admit that I made at least one fatal mistake in the narrative.

The rest I chalk up to inexperience with the narrative style.

A note to the originators of the English language: Gender neutral pronouns would have been really nice. Edit: I removed all the usage of present tense I could find, as I meant for this to be in past tense, 3rd person. Also fixed my idiot blunders with auditory cues, though some still remain since th...

[sarcasm]I will admit that though I try my dadgummest to get things right, sometimes reality is occasionally bent for the sake of the story. I do apologize for doing this, since it is probably the single worse thing a writer can do.[/sarcasm] Fixed that for you. :lol: But... I was serious... Crap, ...

Would it be wrong of me to drive to your house, duct tape you to your keyboard, and force you to write until your fingers are worn down to useless nubs?

*Blubber*

I wanted a happy ending.

Where is my happy ending?

Well written though, my hat's off to you.

A slumbering girl, Jade green eyes, closed now in peace, I shall guard her dreams. A demon draws near, Haughty, mad with her power Dares my love to wake. Her minion cries out, Laughter, it beguiles the truth, Cries out like the cock. My love slumbers on, She'll not be aroused by fools, This I must a...