Search found 5637 matches
- Tue Feb 20, 2024 12:18 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
- Replies: 37
- Views: 6753
Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
You seem to have put a lot of effort into researching epilepsy and its treatments and side-effects. I learned a few bits I hadn't been aware of before. Two small fixes: “A bit more traditional, but still a little exotic compared to what you’re used to.” So it's both more traditional AND more exotic ...
- Tue Feb 20, 2024 10:54 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)
- Replies: 88
- Views: 319285
Re: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)
Congratulations on completing the story! It was quite the ride. I don't think I've ever seen anyone post such a long story in such a short timeframe - and this high quality at that. A story with Junichiro as the protagonist might be... depressing... Also here my final two annotations :-) She just sa...
- Mon Feb 05, 2024 7:41 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
- Replies: 37
- Views: 6753
Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
Now you made me crave Japanese curry... I never heard of that chain before, and I've never seen any, but I'll have to look out for them the next time I am in Japan. Looking at their menu, "7" is quite a lot, though: The menu says that levels six and above are limited to those who have alre...
- Sat Feb 03, 2024 8:57 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Yamaku: The Next Generation (COMPLETE!)
- Replies: 88
- Views: 319285
Re: Yamaku: The Next Generation (Updated: 2/2/2024)
Not sure if this was intentional on your part, but Chikara is a name for males... As are most names containing this kanji or those with a similar meaning... Also "energy" is not quite correct. 力 means "Power" or "Strength" most of the time. "Energy" would be k...
- Thu Feb 01, 2024 7:50 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
- Replies: 37
- Views: 6753
Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
So, I've caught up now. Main problem is still tenses; everything else is fine. If you want you can send me a google doc link, and I will go over future chapters for proofreading. A few more comments: I see that the sun is only just peaking peeking up over the horizon. As we all make our way back to ...
- Thu Jan 25, 2024 12:43 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Switching Dynamics - A Ritsu Pseudo-Route (Properly)
- Replies: 47
- Views: 43255
Re: Switching Dynamics - A Ritsu Pseudo-Route (Properly)
Something wrong with the sequence of this dialogue (shortened for clarity): [Ritsu]“Yeah… me too. So, uh, how are you?” ... This is the first time I hear her saying anything that might lead to a conversation of her own initiative, ... I'm also scrambling for things to say. [Hisao?]“I’m fine, yeah. Y...
- Tue Jan 23, 2024 12:10 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
- Replies: 37
- Views: 6753
Re: A New Home - Original Characters, Original Route
I'm not completely done with reading, but I like what I've seen so far. You have made some interesting characters, but you haven't rushed to info-dump all their histories on us from the start. You're kkeping up a nice pacing, and interesting stuff keeps happening - maybe almost a bit too much for ju...
- Mon Jan 01, 2024 12:09 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Running Away To You (A Post Lilly-Neutral Story) (Updated 1/1/24)
- Replies: 52
- Views: 65599
Re: Running Away To You (A Post Lilly-Neutral Story) (Updated 15/3/23)
Thank you for continuing this story. I'm glad to see it's still going.
One minor point:
It's a bit strange that Hisao - who is the narrator of this story - would refer to his friend, who he is on a first-name basis with, as "Mr. Tatsunagi" in his internal narration...
- Mon Jan 01, 2024 11:20 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Sharp-O's One-Shots! "A Matter of Memory" 05/01/24
- Replies: 376
- Views: 250577
Re: Sharp-O's One-Shots! "Ecstasy in Motion" 29/12/23
I see Akio and I kissing... I see Akio and I eating "Akio and me" in both cases. Miki carrying around vodka bottle is awfully in character for her, lol. Though probably a bit unnecessary, considering Taro has a whole nightclub in his appartment :-) I also would not necessarily call this s...
- Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:53 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 31st, 2023: Happy With Yourself)
- Replies: 150
- Views: 173580
Re: Crafty's One-Shots (Dec 31st, 2023: Happy With Yourself)
Ah, that was sweet...
And nice to see the story have a happy end after it took a dark turn in the middle.
- Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:34 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Feurox's Den of Sadness Updated 5th of January, 2024
- Replies: 107
- Views: 102920
Re: Feurox's Den of Sadness Updated 30th of December, 2023
I'm going to assume they died in a car crash, since neither of them had particularly lethal problems :-) (unless Suzu was driving of course.) I also think it' strange that nobody ever bothered to tell Hisao about what happened to Misaki. I'd expect one of the first things to explain to someone who w...
- Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:01 am
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Shutter Steps (SS23 for StealthyWolf)
- Replies: 6
- Views: 15421
Re: Shutter Steps (SS23 for StealthyWolf)
“H-he was a second y-year. Wh-when we were second ye-years,” I explain. My first thought was that he had been held back... And there I was wondering that the story was hardly bleak at all up to this point... How naive of me! :oops: That said, it was as always a brilliant story. Not much more I can ...
- Fri Dec 29, 2023 12:13 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Dress Shop Sisters
- Replies: 10
- Views: 25822
Re: Dress Shop Sisters
I guess if a Japanese couple goes for a "western" wedding they pick and choose from any western tradition they like - and I would not be surprised at all if they mix up the terms... For example here in Germany the concept of "Maid of Honour" does not exist. Both parties bring a &...
- Mon Dec 25, 2023 12:25 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)
- Replies: 60
- Views: 64167
Re: Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Oneshot thread)
Well, I didn't make any detailed plans or anything, but my first thought was that for some people - especially Hanako - such a box might be quite traumatic...
- Sun Dec 24, 2023 7:10 pm
- Forum: Fan Fiction
- Topic: Secret Santa 2023 - Story collection
- Replies: 29
- Views: 76221
Re: Secret Santa 2023 - Story collection
I do know what Charlie Brown is, but to be honest it would not have helped me much in this context. All I know are a few comic strips of kids being philosophical with each other. ^ ° Hisao is a bit of a saint in this one. I have been in a similar situation before - my GF breaking up with me after fo...